How To Say Goodbye Without Ever Saying Hello-Final Part
The test strip was almost purple. I was still pregnant!!!
I went back to the hospital and checked in because they needed to find out where the baby was located. After several exams and testing, it was determined that I had an ectopic(outside of the uterus where it is supposed to be) pregnancy and needed immediate surgery.
So now, I am losing my child a second time.
I had the surgery, successfully but have been left with a hole in my soul that will never be replaced.
No one can explain the loss that comes from losing a child, no matter if it is only 8 weeks old or if you child dies before you. It is a secret, private society that is known, unfortunately, by many.
Postscript-My endometriosis continued to become more and more painful until I finally decided at 40 to have a total abdominal hysterectomy, forever ending my hope of having a natural child. When my doctor talked to me after the hysterectomy, he held my hand, and looked into my eyes and told me" My dear-I have done a total wrong to you. Once I opened you up, almost all of your organs were covered with endometrial tissue. There is no wonder you were consumed with pain. When ever any of my ladies come in complaining with pain, I will be more than willing to give them the pain medicine that are requesting. I am just so sorry that you suffered all those years."
So I now have two "sons" that I got through marriage to my new husband that I am thoroughly enjoying.
But every September, I say a prayer to my child and know that I will be introduced to her one day in Heaven.