How to Fake Your Pregnancy
Ok, so your roommate, sister, best friend / worst enemy beat you to the punch and got knocked up before you. Worse yet, she's younger which only reminds you your days are numbered. Now, feeling envious and losing self control, you believe your parents are preparing to disown you, as well as everyone else you know. What you don't know is that it doesn't have to go down like this. There's always a last resort. Make your momma proud, it's time to fake a pregnancy!
* Inflatable belly suit
* Baby center account (free)
Make an account on babycenter.com with your imaginary baby's due date. This free service will allow you to check up on the proposed status of your baby week by week so you can appropriately pretend to suffer from all the right symptoms at the right time, such as morning sickness, heart burn, and feet swelling.
Search for baby ultrasound pictures on google images and print them out on glossy paper like they would do at the doctor's office. Depending on the picture you decide to go with, modify your story of how long you've been pregnant as well as your due date. Think about all the questions you will be asked and practice your bogus answers. *Remember, the average pregnancy is 9 months, adjust accordingly.
Arrange a get-together with some of your closest friends to announce the news and reveal the ultrasound pictures. If you rehearsed the previous night this part should go fairly well. Gossip will spread and you will officially be pregnant!
As time goes on and you continue to add new symptoms to your daily routine, you will eventually need to do something about your belly. Socks and groceries bags are now a thing of the past. It's time for an inflatable pregnancy suit! This suit, can adjust the size and shape of your belly and breast areas to look increasingly close to your due date as the time approaches. Unfortunately your friends will want to see it, touch it, and listen to your baby's heart beat. Don't worry, just tell them you have stretch marks and are very embarrassed, plus touching it any further will only make the stretches worse! Works like a charm... ;)
Since baby adoption is time consuming, you will not likely be able to end this with an actual baby. Your optional courses of action are to claim miscarriage, which is of course a very common way out of such an ordeal. Better yet, consider becoming a part time nanny of a child that is the approximate age of your own fictitious one. Coordinate with this temp child's parents to allow "field-trips" such as going to the grocery story and shopping malls. Surely your friends will encounter you at some point.
Inevitably, all must eventually come to an end. Slowly talk less and less about your new born until finally all of your friends and family have forgotten. When the occasional comment arises regarding where your kid has been, simply respond with something along the lines of, "...summer camp!"
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