How to Get Rid of Toxic People
Show them the Door
What is a Toxic Person?
There are many different types of toxic people who may enter your life at one point or another. Toxic people generate toxic relationships. The one commonality of all of your toxic relationships is that you are always putting a lot more into the relationships than you are getting out of the relationship.
Here are some characteristics of toxic people and toxic relationships:
- make you feel bad after spending time together; they are just simply emotionally draining
- hurt your feelings
- are never there for you
- always ask you to drop everything to do something for them
- criticize and berate you
- put you down to make themselves look good
- take advantage of others
- abuse you mentally and even physically
- nothing you do is good enough to please them
- blame you for negative situations
- don't accept responsibility for their own actions.
There are many other examples of toxic behavioral patterns and relationships. This list provides just a sample of some of these characteristics.
The task to rid toxic people from your life can be quite a challenge. Once the relationship dynamic has been established between you and a toxic person, the toxic person is not going to want to break this relationship pattern. The toxic person receives all the benefits from the relationship ~ your attention, concern, aid and affection without offering very much in return. As a result, he or she will want to continue this relationship at all costs.
Though the toxic people in your life will lie, make promises to change, cry, beg, pled and otherwise talk you into continuing this relationship, you must stand firm. There is very little chance that the toxic people in your life will really understand that they are toxic or want or have the will to change their behavior just because you make the request. You can't change another person. They have to want to change, and they have to start this change within themselves and on their own. It is not your responsibility, so you need to let go of this burden.
While you may not be able to rid yourself of all toxic people as some of them may be relatives that you can't avoid running into from time to time or co-workers who you must converse with about joint projects or just to keep the office environment pleasant, you can limit their space and importance in your life.
Tips for Reducing Contact with Toxic People:
- Establish Emotional Boundaries: Keep your distance. Don't tell them about your feelings or anything of particular importance to your life. Make your conversation with them as superficial and fluffy as possible. No bonding or creation of an emotional life or providing ammunition to be used for manipulation at a later date.
- Become Unavailable: Get busy. All of a sudden be too busy at work or with your obligations to spend time with toxic people. Set up appointments, errands, projects and hobbies that prevent you from spending time with the toxics. They just might have to move on to focus on people who are more available to meet their needs ~ and that is good thing.
- Ask instead of Give: Ask the toxic people in your life for favors. Nothing gets rid of the users and abusers in your life faster than becoming needy. These toxic people like to be the ones doing all the asking. Suddenly, if you are always asking them for a ride, to help move furniture or help on a difficult task, they will be coming around a whole lot less.
- Don't Give. Whatever it is that the toxic people in your life need, be sure not to give it to them. You have run out of money, have no food at your house, your car is broke down or your AC needs repair. Deprivation = toxic people abandon ship.
- Get to Know Some Non-Toxics: Hangout with non-toxics. Develop some non-toxic relationships so that you don't feel lonely and revert back to the familiarity and comfort of your toxic relationships.
Most of these ideas involve indirectly cutting the toxic people from your life. The reason for these strategies is that it stops the toxic people from arguing and manipulating you when you directly tell them you are cutting them out of your life. There is no reason to engage in a pointless conversation. You can make the change to have healthier relationships for yourself and if others want to follow they will.
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