How to Survive When Your Heart and Spirit are Broken and Shattered

Photograph by Cecilia Cerri
Photograph by Cecilia Cerri

If you have ever have been truly broken and shattered you will know it. You will never be the same but there is hope.

This article is NOT about being disappointed your team lost the Super Bowl or that you spilled coffee on your shirt.

The first few years post devastation are especially important to your survival. Don't kill yourself as it will devastate others who love you and they will never be the same. You don't want to shatter others do you? There are people who care and/or love you.

Has Your Heart or Spirit Ever Been Broken Into a Million Pieces?

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Being broken into a million pieces can happen in a variety of ways. The person you thought was your soul mate can hurt you to the extreme and shatter your dreams and happiness. This can leave you cold and lonely walking the world like a an empty shell.

You can lose a child, a family member can die tragically in front of your eyes, you can find yourself in prison, your country and all you have ever known can disappear due to war and conflict, and on and on. There is no limit to the ways a person can be traumatized for life.

Try not to isolate yourself. There is a tendency to want to curl up and die or to alienate yourself from others. You will need a supportive family member or a few friends. If you truly have nobody a pet can be very helpful.

You will need medication and counseling. You will need to see a counselor or psychologist and will need to get a prescription medication from a doctor. No matter how tough you are or how you were raised to "pull yourself up by your boot straps"----it isn't going to work. Mental health and emotional issues no longer have the stigma surrounding them as they once did. Treatment will keep you alive and the sooner you get involved the better; it is not just for whimps or the weak as you may think. The so called whimps will survive because of it and Mr. or Ms. Tough will needlessly suffer without it.

Go to a church or a place of spiritual devotion. You are going to need it. The wisdom and beauty of the Bible or hearing something at church can be meaningful and comforting. It does not matter if you have mocked religion in the past or thought you were too smart or sophisticated. Go to a place of worship or read something like the Bible---it will help. You don't have to go to a Christian church of course but try to go somewhere where you can get some spiritual nourishment or comfort.

You will need time and lots of it. You will gradually, over a period of years, piece most of yourself back together but you will never be the same. Whoever said time heals all wounds was wrong. I'm sorry to depress you but I'm telling you the truth. A piece or two of you will always be missing.

Life is still worth living however and in the future you will once again smile and laugh. You will again enjoy music, a movie, or sports. You will again marvel at the beauty of green grass, a blue sky, a full moon, the ocean, etc. You will once again feel warm and fuzzy from seeing an adorable baby or cute puppy dog. You will once again enjoy sounds like the chirping of a bird or of frogs at night.

Photograph by Sar Castillo
Photograph by Sar Castillo

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Comments 13 comments

Missing Link profile image

Missing Link 18 months ago from Oregon Author

Thanks Alan for your comments! I'm sorry you have had to suffer. I hope your suffering in the future stays at a minimum.

Alan Roy 18 months ago

Mostly for fgdn... this is vitally important. A broken spirit, the real thing, is like the broken mainspring of a watch, it is very real, perhaps physically as well. You are NOT bipolar or schizo (necessarily), and I strongly oppose psychiatric medicines or therapy. This happened to me in 1980 due to many years of severe mistreatment and overwork. Jesus people jumped in and told me God could heal me if I repented, but there seemed to be no God there and way to avoid bad people. So, I got very adamant with God, asking him to come and help as he was promised to do. I struggled for a year that way, hardly able to rise off the floor, in unbelievable misery, resigned to die soon. My coworkers and family became even more mean spirited and dishonest because by going to church I had now become twice the fool and hated twice as much. Then it happened. God came to me literally, first as the holy spirit who then took me to Jesus, and Jesus let me into Heaven for a brief tour down the River of Life. I was born again, spiritually but literally, and fused forever with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Then why after 34 years do I still have a broken spirit? I don't know, probably to keep me from forgetting that I need to keep pursuing God, but I get by, have a beautiful and loving family and community, and know that some day I will go back to that place that is indescribably wonderful and where the life and love of God saturates all existence for all time.

Missing Link profile image

Missing Link 3 years ago from Oregon Author


You can do it by doing what is suggested in this hub. At first and for awhile you cannot do it. It takes time.

This may not come across the right way but also watch or listen to some on youtube or in some other way. A laugh or two is great medicine---I may add something about this to the hub.

I hope you have some type of social connection---like a friend or family member you can hang out with. That will help. Taking a walk or some light exercise will help.

I'm so sorry about your losses and problems in life---especially the loss of a child--I can't imagine that.

Best wishes and thanks for visiting this hub and for your comment/question?

Gryphon 3 years ago

I have experienced divorce , loss of a child , bankruptcy, redundancy , a partner who has serious cancer and bailiffs at the door daily and mental illness can one survive this and come out smiling ?

Missing Link profile image

Missing Link 3 years ago from Oregon Author

To fdgn,

Thank you for visiting the hub and for your comments!

I too felt lost, cold, alive but dead, etc.

You are so young and you have had a stroke??

Yes in my mind also I felt so old, at the end of my life, etc.

Oh My God was I lonely!!! For five years I walked around like a ghost -- in such a state of despair and loneliness.

Right---your connection to a higher, good power, is great for you---this is mentioned in the hub as essential and will help you survive. In the absence of a good, higher power there is no hope.

You said: "I long for that day, the day when love and happiness find me. :(

It will happen but it may take awhile. Follow the advice in this hub and in time, it will happen.

An interesting side note, when I was so damaged and alone, it seemed there were no women in the world. I was young and good looking and had numerous positivie attributes but women were not interested in me. Not only that, there didn't seem to be any women.

Now that my life is so much better and I have a beautiful wife----now it seems like there are women everywhere, sometimes checking me out, flirting etc. I'm like HELLO!---where the hell were all of you back in my days of broken-ness when I was lonely to the extreme! A strange thing this is!

fdgn 3 years ago

death of my very spirit as I lost everything after years of physical and sexual abuse leaving me traumatized and lost . God helped me survive through a stroke and mental breakdown, now things are good financially but life is a haze and I am so damaged and have PTSD and sometimes it feels like I'm not even in the world, I am just lost in my mind, alone, an orphan.

All this and I'm still only in my 20s. But in my mind I feel like I am 80, at the end of my life, my mind wearing out and dying, because I have been through so much hell and trauma.

If I wasn't so physically attractive I'm sure I wouldn't have any friends either. So that's a blessing of course. And my intellect.

My spirit is broken though, and the Bible says, "who can live with a broken spirit?" - but what about when you do have a broken spirit, how do you survive then? I knew I need to lean on God; without God I couldn't have made it half as far as I have.

I'm so lonely and broken and damaged. I hope one day God will heal me but until that day comes, it's just one day to the next, lonely and hazily drifting through life, waiting for my mind to heal and become clear again. Maybe one day. I long for that day, the day when love and happiness find me. :(

Teresa Quinn profile image

Teresa Quinn 4 years ago

I witnessed my baby boy 11months, 9days young suddenly unexpected drop dead in front of me after going into cardiac arrest. My son passed away from viral myocarditis and respiratory infection. My son was misdiagnosed with a "common cold."

Missing Link profile image

Missing Link 4 years ago from Oregon Author


I can't imagine the loss of a child; I hear that is the worst of all. I'm so very sorry!

Teresa Quinn profile image

Teresa Quinn 4 years ago

Death of my parents to terminal illness and disease and sudden death of my child that I witnessed all in a 10 year period and all before I turned 30 years old. Just for starters.

Missing Link profile image

Missing Link 4 years ago from Oregon Author


I'm sorry! I don't know exactly what you are dealing with so cannot reply with anything specific. In time, the intensity of your suffering will decrease. Again, I'm sorry!

Teresa Quinn profile image

Teresa Quinn 4 years ago

This is me.It is killing me slowly knowing that this is as good as it will get for me.

Missing Link profile image

Missing Link 5 years ago from Oregon Author

Thanks schoolgirlforreal!

I really appreciate your visit and kind words!

schoolgirlforreal profile image

schoolgirlforreal 5 years ago from USA

Very nice hub!

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