Living with someone who is going through the menopause: how to cope

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Introduction

The menopause occurs in woman form the ages of 40 onwards. Mostly woman in their 50's will first experience the onset symptoms of the menopause.

When the body decides it is time for a woman to have the menopause, they will experience:

  • Mood Swings
  • Hot Flashes
  • Night Sweats
  • Weight Gain.

Many women might decide to try to combat these symptoms and relies on HRT treatment to help them through it. There are other alternative treatments also available to women who do not want to go down the route of medications to help them overcome their symptoms.

A doctor can give a diagnosis to a woman if she experiences those symptoms if she is unsure if she is experiencing the Menopause.

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When a woman is experiencing the menopause it is not only her who is living through the symptoms but her family too. While she is experiencing the physical and mental symptoms, her family is also experiencing the mental symtoms of her living with her behaviour.

How do the family of a woman coping with the menopause live with this live with her when she is going through it? The woman will be the ones living through the symptoms, but the people in her family will also have to live with her and the change that will occur in her behaviour.

Many times the woman will take her frustrations out of her family members like her husband and children.

Behaviour of woman going through the menopause

What to expect of your wife or mother when she is going through the menopause. Many symptoms will vary depending on type of woman and whether when is taking something for her symptoms or not.

  1. Yelling will become a frequent occurrence. Every time she has a bad day, she will take it out on the person nearest her.
  2. Everything will now annoy her. Nothing you say to defend yourself will be accepted.
  3. For no reason at all you will either be ignored or nagged for no reason whatsoever.
  4. If you are asked to do something and you do not do it straight away, she will start arguing with you about it.
  5. If you confront her when she has calmed down about her behaviour she will plead ignorance and deny that she has done anything to hurt your feeling.
  6. Some woman will deny many years later that they had no symptoms of the menopause, even though their children will tell you differently.

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How the family can cope with someone living through the menopause

If you live with someone who is going through the menopause there are some tips you need to learn how to cope and live in some form of harmony. They might work sometimes but be aware that you must keep them to yourself.

  1. If you share a car with your wife/ mother, ensure that you keep the tank of the car filled with fuel.
  2. Stay calm and learn to start ignoring things. This is hard and also the toughest thing to do. When someone starts arguing with you, your first thing is to start arguing too. But it is vital that you start becoming ignorant. You cannot reason with someone who is unreasonable. They will not listen to you. Either leaves the room or the house if you need to if they follow after you.
  3. If you do not live at home with your mother, then only visit on the weekends. Not only are you reducing the amount of hostility you will have to experience. If you can organise to meet in public, this further reduces the likelihood of you getting into arguments.
  4. If you can reason with her, try to get her to seek treatment either from the doctor or some form alternative treatment.
  5. Try to remember the good times. Eventually your wife/ mother will get over these symptoms. It might take a year, but they will gradually stop occurring.
  6. If you can stay positive and remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel, you will be able to get through it.

Note

This hub was not written to offend anyone. Living through the menopause is tough and not something that is easy for any woman. I am trying to tell the story of the people who have to live with the behaviour of the person who is having the menopause.

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Comments 17 comments

sangre profile image

sangre 2 years ago from Ireland Author

Hi Lisa. It sounds like you have really been suffering. Two years is a long time for this to be going on. You must be at your wits end. You poor son, not something he should be witnessing at his age.

HRT tablets are what are usually prescribed for woman, but if they are not helping her with the symptoms, then she should look at another method to help her cope.

It's the shouting and change of behaviour from happy to mad in an instance that I found extremely stressful to cope with when my mother was going through it. She was extremely agitated over nothing. Believe me there were days when I swore that the end would never come. But eventually it did.

Try to talk to her when she is not in an agitated mood and see if you can get her to talk to her doctor. Also look at some other things she could take that might help offset the moods swings.


lisa 2 years ago

Please please please. Just. This has being going on for 2 years now and sge has jus5 for the last week blew out at me every day for no reason, like ive done nothing wrong and when I try to fight my corner she just goes even more crazy at me, she used to be in hrt tablets, what can I do to just take some pressure of me because I love being around my family but the constant arguing is making me want to stay away, my boy of only 2 had the brunt of her the other day and im just lost in a world.


sangre profile image

sangre 2 years ago from Ireland Author

Hi Stressed, I've had the joy of also experiencing the memory loss episode. :)

It's amazing how after a fight which you will be blamed for starting even if you didn't, all things will be forgotten the next day.

It's ironic when she says that you will end up cutting yourself off from everyone, when she doesn't realise, the reason that would happen is because of her behaviour. Seriously mothers can be exhausting work.

I think at least bringing up a reason for her behaviour might be the wake up call she needed. Maybe she wasn't aware that there was something wrong with her. If they could only see years later a video of their behaviour, I wonder what they would say.

To this day, my mom who's now over the menopause, denies that she ever behaved badly. I kid you not, there were times when I just left the house to avoid an argument over something stupid. It does get better, so do stay strong. :)


Stressed 2 years ago

I just hope that now that I've brought up the word Menopause she'd think about it and go see her doc.


Stressed 2 years ago

Its absolutely rediculous.

I decided to tell mum that My hubby and I were rather upset about her comments as there is no basis behind them and I asked her to discuss it with hubby to maybe get some resolve but her response was that she never said he actually hits me and that he and I had a twisted memory. This went on in a 30min screaming match as usual with it somehow ending up about me not appreciating anything she has done for us in the past and how I have cause so much trouble in our family and I wont be happy until I've cut everyone off. Its just deny, deny, deny. Then the following day I message her about something unrealated and she calls me back and talks to me like none of it ever happened.... WTF.

If it's menopause Hubby and I will try to put it all aside no questions asked and I'll do my best to have her back regardless. I have asked her if she is going through menopause, but she doesn't think it is purely because she hasn't had any hot flushes.


sangre profile image

sangre 2 years ago from Ireland Author

Wow, while I sympathise with your mother, I think it's unfair she is behaving that way towards your hubby, especially when he has done nothing to warrant that type of attitude from her.

Since this is your first child, you should both be experiencing the excitement together and it's unfair that you mother is unintentionally, I hope, trying to cause trouble.

Maybe see if you can get her some leaflets or brochures on either something to take or someone to talk to. Maybe seeing how serious you feel about this, might prompt her to do something.


Stressed 2 years ago

I'm having a similar experience to Love. It's not nice at all.

I'm currently 19weeks pregnant with my first child and I'm pretty sure my mother is going through menopause. It is the most difficult thing to deal with at the moment almost every other part of my life is going great but she is just tearing me to pieces and I've told her but she can only see me as being horrible to her.

Backstory ; my mother lives with her husband who occasionally hits her. Might not happen for years but then something with trigger it and he'll snap. Not a good a good situation. Their relationship outside of these occurrences is fantastic. :/

Now all of a suddend she has doubts about my husband because "you can never tell" my husband has never done anything of the sort and is quite offended of her comments "wonder if he'll do this to you" my mother and I have had massive blow ups about it with no resolve. I am tired and stressed and I can't keep arguing about this. My hubby doesn't want to attend any family functions nor does he want her to be around for ultrasound appointments. I'm shattered either way. this is something I thought I'd share with both of them in different ways but I'm feeling like I will only have my hubby in the end. I can't take much more. I wish she'd just fess up to being menopausal and maybe we can try to just accept the situation and just move on. At least then I have a reason for her behavior but without a reason I don't think I can forgive her anytime sure without an apology.


sangre profile image

sangre 2 years ago from Ireland Author

Hi Love, that sounds terrible. Really no one should have to put up with someone behaving like that towards them. I feel so sorry for the stress you have to cope with, even if there is a valid reason behind it.

I feel sorry for your poor child too, having to see this behaviour. It will be hard for their impression of this person to be changed later on in life if they continue on behaving like this towards you as children always seem to remember bad situations more than good one.


Love 2 years ago

If you're a mother looking through this and want to know how the people around you are affected by this. Read me. One day, we were best friends, we never got along when I was a teenager because I did the wrong things but I grew up and I changed and became the person you were trying to make out of me. And then I got pregnant. And you got jealous. And you made my entire pregnancy horrible for me. I had to go to the hospital for a panic attack caused by one of your mood swings. Before I had this baby I prayed for you all the time, now I have to force myself to because I really don't like you anymore and you have no idea how much you make want to kill myself when you start yelling. I hate exposing my child to you but I have to remember that you're going through something and I don't want you to miss out on your grandchild.


sangre profile image

sangre 3 years ago from Ireland Author

@mandy18, believe me we've all been there. These are products you can get in any good health stores which can be taken along with other medicines precribe by the doctor . But always check with the staff member in the stores to be sure. These are ones that my mom took to help people cope with the menopause.

Herbs/Tablets

1. Vitabiotics Menopace Original During & After Menopause

2. Hormone Support (blend of herbs) Different companies make these.

3. Pukka Shatavari for Women

4. Evening Primrose & Starflower Oil Capsules

Teas

1. Green Tea at room temperature

Fingres crosssed things get better for you. :)


mandy18 3 years ago

I am 18 about to be 19 and i feel like my mom is going through menopause and it is so frustrating because she is rude, mean and nasty and i can't put up with it anymore!! is there any herbal treatments like tea or something that will calm her down? I would love to make some for her asap


sangre profile image

sangre 4 years ago from Ireland Author

@ jpcmc, it's like they totally chance from the person you knew. But time is a virtue and evidently she will turn back into the mother she was. Those were the days. :-) Will keep the faith.


sangre profile image

sangre 4 years ago from Ireland Author

@kerlynb, it's like memory loss at a later date. As christin53 mentioned try to imagine being in her shoes. But sometimes it can be hard to be around someone who is mad and not lose your patients. :-)


sangre profile image

sangre 4 years ago from Ireland Author

@christin53, thanks for your advice. I hear exactly what you're saying. I suppose really trying to understand what the other person is going through is important. I'll try my best to be patient. Will check out your hub. Thanks for advice. :-)


jpcmc profile image

jpcmc 4 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

I remember my mom going through this stage. it was not a pretty sight. but thanks to everyone's pateince and understanding we managed to keep our sanity. Remembering the good times...that can be a source of comfort. :)


kerlynb profile image

kerlynb 4 years ago from Philippines, Southeast Asia, Earth ^_^

I like tips #2 and #6. I have a mom who's already on menopause. Actually, her attitude now is a lot similar in the past although clearly she has gotten a bit worse. Your tip #2 reminds me not to pay attention to things that are not worth my while. Your tip #6 also reminds me that the often nasty things my mom says may not be as important as what I think about myself. Voting your hub up, useful, and interesting!


christin53 profile image

christin53 4 years ago from UK

The best way to help someone going through the menopause is try to imagine how it feels to have hormones all over the place. This is probably easier for women who suffer from pmt to understand. Help out more it's very tiring not being able to sleep for hot flushes which would explain the short temper. Make her feel good about herself by treating her to something she likes. Once she realises you're on her side she will probably be easier to live with. Hope this helps. I have a hub about the menopause which explains exactly what it feels like.

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