How to make a difference in my behaviour?
How to make a difference in my behavior?
We can see behavior problems in almost every person. Everyone in the world are affected in one area or the other, irrespective of person place or sex. Some people are good in one area but very bad at another. You may be looking at your spouse and find many behavioural problems. At the same time you look at the spouse of your friend and say that s/he is very good and his/her behavior is perfect. But if you ask your friend, he would say many set backs and pitfalls he/she found in his/her spouse.
None of us are perfect. But we look for a perfect spouse, child or a friend. The best thing we can do is correct our behavioral problems than trying to correct other's behavioural problem.
I was very good at staling eatables from my mother's cupboard. She used to keep us away from sweetened food. But I love to eat it. I used to find out the place of sweet cookies and eat them even though she used to change the place where she kept the cookies. I was doing well in detecting the place. I was a skilled stealer. I know how to seal without the knowledge of her. She used to keep the cookie box in such a way she could understand if someone touches them. Then I was cautious about the place and position of the cookie box. Number of tuns of the lid etc. I become a skilled thief.
I felt the thrill of a detective
whenever I search for cookies. Sugar tin is my other target. I used to
eat a lot of sugar. I had to steal as my mom doesn't allow me to eat
as much as I want. Over the years, it has
become a bad habit for me. Wherever I found some eatable, I used to
pick up and eat. Many times I fell into serious troubles too due to
this bad habit.
Finally it became a behavioural problem for me. When I started to work, I found my colleagues used to bring cookies. They keep it at the kitchen. I used to go to the kitchen and steal it. Many times I caught red-handedly. I wanted to get out of such behavior. But whenever I see cookies, I couldn't resist to pick it and eat. I badly needed a Change. After eating the cookies, I used to feel guilty about it.
How I changed my stealing habit
One day I decided to change myself. I take a decision and told myself
that I will not steal from today onwards. Sometimes I did very well. But some days
I fall back on by old habit of stealing cookies. After that I felt
guilty of it. Then again I took a decision that I would not do it
again. It was very hard for me to follow. But slowly, I changed my
behaviour over a period of time. I stop going to kitchen, which kept
me away from temptations.
Even though I saw the cookie boxes, I used to warn myself that it is not for me. I got the behavioural change by the determination to do so. I was badly in need of that change. I tried my level best. And lastly it happened. Now even if I see the cookie boxes at the kitchen, I would never take a single thing from it. I read that If I continue to do one thing over a 30 days, it will become my habit. And told that if you miss on the 15th Day, you have to start it again and continue to the 30th day. I don't know how true it is.
Even though I have changed my habit, many of my colleagues suspect me for missing cookies. I have to bear the guilt as other people take advantage of my earlier life. That is another story.
Another behavioural problem I was having that I used to think about
opposite sex. In my dreams and thoughts I hold women to whom I see in
my daily life and on the way to office/school. It was started my early
adulthood. I used to make pictures of opposite sex and their naked
body. I had to pay a lot for that bad habit. Whenever I sit for my
studies, I used to do that, There was no age barrier. Fellow students,
teachers, old ladies used to live in my dreams. In my class room, in
the church, in the
bus, in the train, I was holding that kind of bad thoughts. I thought
it would end after marriage. But it
continued even after my marriage.
I found many fellow students who used to talk about sex but can control their thoughts. But I was not bale do so, controlling my thoughts. I was struggling with that sin. I badly wanted to come out of it. If you are having such behavioural problem, you know it better than anyone else. It stopped me from continuing my studies. I failed again and again. I was a addict to such thoughts. Whenever I sit for my studies, one or other come into my thoughts. Even though I am reading my book, in my brain I am seeing pictures. Often I felt guilty of such thoughts and tried to mend my ways, but without much success. It affected my behaviour. I loved to sit alone and dream about opposite sex. I was afraid of speaking to people of opposite sex. I loved loneliness and dreaming different things which are not worthy to mention here.
I wanted a change, but the more I tried, the more I fell in that sin. As I tried to resist such thought, but the more I resist, the more they attacked me. With much more force and desire. Then I went to church and often prayed earnestly for a deliverance. I found that such thoughts mostly come when I am free and doing nothing. While traveling to office by bus, and sitting alone are some of the times such thoughts attacked me.
After I bought a bike to travel to office, I used to pray and remember God. In office, whenever I get free time I used to write articles for hubpages. It consumed a lot of my free time which give me deliverance from my bad thoughts which I hate now. Now I remember that many hours and days I spend on such unhealthy and bad thoughts. You are concentrated on one thing i.e. sex in such times. You won't be able to do anything else. Sometime your thoughts come out by your behaviour. But most of the time I do it privately due to shame.
I found that it is better to do creative thing than resisting such thoughts. If you are busy, it would not attack you. I resumed my studies part-time. In the beginning, I used to fall back to my bad thoughts. Whenever I fell to such thoughts I use the technic which I read in a website.(I don't remember the website) It is that stop your thoughts and shut your eyes and concentrate on your breath for a few seconds. Concentrating your breath will bring you back to yourself. You have to do it for a 10-15 seconds. Then open your eyes and study your book. (It is a good advise for struggling students)
Addiction to bad thoughts in your brain is a sickness which is not visible. It is a silent killer. No one can understand it. No one would notice it. No doctor would be able to find it out, unless you open up. It is very difficult to find out, so very difficult to cure. You need self determination and engaging in other fruitful activities which you love can cure such sickness to some extent. Reading bible and having Godly thoughts are another way to keep away from bad thoughts.
Divert your thoughts to money, good and other creative things are a good solution for such bad thoughts. Feeling angry withing is another bad behavior. I will talk about in a different hub.
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