How to stop FEELING fat...

Question: I am 25 years old and I am a 100 pounds and I walk four miles a day to and from work but I always feel fat what should I do?

Answer:Your self-perception is a very difficult thing to alter, but it is possible, and it is also possible to 'quiet' it down some so that it doesn't 'speak' so loudly to you. Feeling fat is simply a state of mind, and honestly, the best place to start is by creating a 'meta' for yourself. A 'meta' is hard to define, but it is where you have a second degree of separation from the original thing. Like... a song about a song, is a 'meta' song. Or, having a 'want' about another 'want' is a 'meta' want. So when you feel fat, you can say to yourself 'I do not want to feel like I am fat'. This is a 'meta' feeling. It is a feeling about another feeling. These are very powerful ways of programming ourselves. Concentrate on that and you can take away the power of the feeling so that it doesn't haunt you.

Another thing you can look at is that body image issues are usually a projection from another area of our lives where we feel that we are 'not good enough'. Look at what other areas of your life you are dissatisfied with and put your effort into improving those areas. If you make those other parts of yourself more in alignment with how you feel you *should* be, then the negative feeling won't eek out into other areas of your life any longer . Sometimes body issues come from feeling like we are not in control, and so we desire to control our physical representation to the world... however no matter how much we control it, we still feel dissatisfied and so still feel like we haven't reached our goal. Again it is a transference from the 'control' issue. Find what parts of your life really are making you feel that you need more control, and work on those instead.


There is another part of this that can be gnawing at you... any place in our lives where we are in conflict with ourselves, it makes us feel 'not good enough'. These things can be very small, and seem inconsequential, but they build up and erode our foundation. Do you know someone who is always late, but cannot stand for anyone else to be late? Do you know of someone who has no tolerance for lies, or omissions, but they always speak in vague terms? Or someone who get really mad when people do not answer their phone calls, but then often ignores their own phone? These are the kinds of things that if you are living a double standard in ANY way, that it will make you feel worthless over time. And it does not have to be you getting away with something, and holding everyone else to a higher standard... it can be that you hold yourself to a high standard, but you let everyone else slide 'to be nice'. This will also erode you.

If you have control issues, or if you have any type of internal conflict such as this, then these are things that will make you externalize that onto your body. Please look carefully for these kinds of self-projection. It will lead you down a dark road because it will forever be wasting your time on something that isn't the real issue.

I would have to say that you are not fat, in fact you are probably too skinny, but either way, you need to face that none of us are physically perfect, and that is actually a GOOD THING! When you find someone that is your soulmate, they will love you in spite of any imperfections! And this is actually a way for you to know that it is true love:) So try to come to terms with the things about your physical body that scare you, or make you feel that you are not perfect. None of us are, and being imperfect allows us to know who TRULY loves us.

One a side note... the age around 25 years old is a tough age... that is the time when the 'what we want someday' becomes evident that we actually have to *do something* to get to that 'someday'... I would challenge you to look at what your hopes for the future have been so far in your life... and then look at what you need to do to actually start on the path to get to those wants. The path is long, but it is worth the trip. You need to make sure the current path you are on will lead you to the future that you desire. You have to be able to connect those dots. Also, you might feel that you are not 'good enough' to deserve these things in the future... but you are, and you need to face those feelings to work through them.

There are some other things to consider too... Have you always felt fat? Or did it start around puberty? Were you ever actually fat before? Have you had people tell you that you are or were fat? Lots of males and females alike begin to feel fat around the age of puberty, even if they are not actually fat. This is often partially due to a resistance of the development of our sexual side. So if your feelings of being fat started back then, then perhaps you need to look at any sexual repression you might have. If you were actually fat previously, but have lost it and still feel fat, then you can take picture of yourself at different weights, and of other differently sized people, and photo copy them, and then cut all the heads off of the pictures... line them all up from fattest to skinniest by comparing the bodies to each other, and then afterwards pay attention to where your different pictures ended up in the lineup. We are often not as fat as we think we are. Also, if you have people that are telling you that you are fat, even though you are only 100 pounds, then you need to look at the types of people you surround yourself with. You need a good and positive support network, and people telling you that you are fat is neither good, supportive, not helpful. Create the support network you need to make these changes in your life. Do this through friends, family, and therapy. An amazing therapist can make all the difference. It did for me! (Thank you MH)

I have given you quite a bit to think about. I hope you will inquire again if you want more insights. I hope this has been helpful, and I hope it encourages you to find the support structure you need. You have made the first step which is to realize that there is something that is tripping you up. You can work through this, so please ask for help time and time again when you need it:) You deserve to be happy, healthy and supported:)

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4 comments

jgw899 profile image

jgw899 6 years ago from Santa Cruz

I love this article and think all women should read this. It makes me sick how my 98 pound friend won't ever eat...gonna forward this article to her.


Sohelpful 6 years ago

Thx :) I needed to hear all of this


Sohelpful  6 years ago

Im 5 foot tall 25 yrs old just lost 40 lbs. now down to about (give er'take) 120 lbs. and I feel huge still I've started to slack a bit and I think I may just be terrified to go back to what I was but I still feel huge and im in a size 1 I know I shouldnt feel like this but the reality of it is I do :( any other positive helpfull comments would be great

Thx again


Isabelle Hakala profile image

Isabelle Hakala 2 months ago from Los Angeles, CA Author

Sometimes the hardest thing to learn about ourselves is that how we feel does NOT make it real. As women we often feel 'not good enough' in ways that most people around us say is simply not true. We have to work on finding these demons within us, and arguing with them instead of taking their word on faith. The part of you that is saying bad things, is NOT your ally. Please resist, and argue with that part of yourself. You are far more beautiful than you think. *hug*

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