I AM AN ADDICT
I am a drug addict. I have been for the past twenty years and I am only thirty. I started smoking weed when I was ten. I was smoking cigarettes at eight. I grew up with an older sister(1 yr. difference) who was my closest friend. When we hit our preteens, we were hanging out with all the kid's on our block which we had grown up with. I think, wait, I know that there were nine of us and we all smoked weed and drank daily. As soon as school would let out, we would go to one of our houses and play cards and party. That was the life, until I turned thirteen. I was hanging out with my aunt all the time and one night I went with her boyfriend to the ghetto. We were there making a crack cocaine purchase. On the freeway going to my home the next morning, my aunt's boyfriend asked me if I wanted to hit crack. I said yes, and took a big hit out of the stem. My mouth started talking, but I did not even know what was coming out. I did not do anything, but drink and smoke weed for the longest time after that.
I was working as a asst. manager at a 7-11 when I turned twenty one. I had a 2 yr. old son, a roommate, and lived in a nice trailor. One night while I was at work, I met a guy. His name was Travis. I fell for him right away and he started showing up at the store every day until he finally asked me out. I agreed and thought this was great. That night he came by my home with one of his friends. They were leaving the gym and he was taking his friend home; he just wanted to stop before going to say hi. Before they left however, Travis gave me a pill because I am the type of person who does anything. Come to find out that I had taken ecstacy; I totally loved the ride! The next night we tried GHB, the date rape drug. I immediately passed out and did not know a thing. Unfortunately, that one time was all it took to hook me. Travis introduced me into the world of steroids, bodybuilders and every illegal drug you can think of. Soon after the first date, I lost everything including my job, home, and eventually my son, my freedom, and now my health. I had become this monster who used every drug out there because I am a more addict! I was living in Ohio for about a week with an addict friend. The first night I was there, I went with the neighbor to get crack and we were smoking it in the car and in the bar! I did not even know where my home was, but I could tell you where to find the crack man! Heroin took me through a few loops. I started dating a few girls who were also users and they would feed H to me. Travis introduced me to swinging. I am not talking from a rope either! He would have his friends' have sex with me while he watched or joined in. I did it even though it is against everything I stand for. The drugs and the high were so darn wonderful, I gave my soul.
Hospitals became a frequent place for me to be. I would overdose or slip out and next thing I knew was that I was in the E.R.. I would drive and be passed out behind the wheel. I think God gave me an angel to look after me because I have woken up in the oncoming traffic lane and so many more dangerous positions. I was arrested and went to jail on three different occasions, not to mention the times I was picked up and held in the city jail. In 2004 my high road came crashing down. One night I went out to get high with some friends and Travis had passed out so I left him home. I returned home at around 4 in the morning. I checked and Travis was sleeping so I went ahead and started cleaning. Once I was done, I went and layed on the floor next to Travis. He was cold and he had a blaket on. I looked at his bare chest and something was wrong; his usually hard and fast beating heart was not making the movements like before. I got my roommate and cousin from the other room and told them I was going to call the ambulance. I was so used to calling them by now, it had become a regular routine. I went to the gas station to call his mom and also the ambulance. I got back just after the ambulance had arrived. I went in and asked the officer if they were taking him to the local hospital like usual. That is when the paramedic told me that Travis had been dead for at least a couple of hours. I went into a frantic shock. I also went to jail two hours later on some warrants. I missed the funeral and when I came home they threw me back on probation. I continued to smoke weed and I even failed a drug screen. I then did and completed 90 in 90 program with the twelve steps.
Currently I do smoke, but nothing else. I feel that it does a calming effect on my nerves and it helps. My drug cravings are there still, but I continue to put my children in my mind and remember that they need me here. I also found out that I have Hepatitis C now. Doing drugs and partying I thought was awesome until I lost my friends', family, jobs, homes, custody of my son, and now I have a disease that is a step away from AIDS.
I cannot go back and change history, but I am in control of my future. There will not be more drugs and wild sex parties. The thought of not doing that degrading stuff anymore, makes me feel blessed and happy and warm. I am a great person with a heart of gold and now people see that. Before the resin was to caked on and people thought of me as, how my mom put it,"a gutter rat". Today, I am respected in the community as well as supported by my family and friends. I am included in the fun instead of being left out for fear I would be high and embarassing. Today I hold my head high and I know that I will always be a recovering addict. The addictive personality will always be there so we just have to be aware.
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