I Had a Mid-life Crisis

And It Was a Doozy...


Mid-life? What does that mean? Since we don’t usually know how long we are going to live, how do we determine when we are in mid-life? So for argument’s sake, I’m just going to say the forties were my mid-life. Hey, my grandmother lived to be ninety, her mom lived to be ninety-three and my mom just turned seventy-five and is still going strong.

So the big four-oh birthday arrived. It wasn’t terribly traumatic. Our only child, a daughter, was just eight years old. I had a lot of mom friends because of my child’s young age that were younger than me and I was still keeping up. Besides my aunt and uncle made a special trip to my house to bring me a book, Forty Reasons Why Life is More Fun After Forty. I read it and was encouraged…mostly. I wasn’t too fond of having to pluck the stray eyebrows that kept appearing on my chin.

Forty Reasons Why Life Is More Fun After The Big 40

Our Lives Were Full

I had married at the age of nineteen. My husband still thought I was sexy and made sure that I knew I continued to be the object of his desire. (I think I know why our eyesight dims as the years go by and to be on the safe side I would make sure he had taken his Coke-bottle thick eyeglasses off before I undressed for any reason.) I knew I was very blessed to have him and his undying devotion after twenty-one years of marriage. I still found him quite attractive and besides he was and is my best friend.

The only real difficulty we had had in our marriage was our inability to conceive. Our lives were full though, and after more than a decade of trying to get pregnant we figured it just wasn’t meant to be and had settled into our work and community and were living quite satisfying lives.

We Had No Idea What We Had Been Missing

Now I have always heard that when you give up trying to have a baby, then you will have a baby. It worked. Much to our surprise I found myself expecting our first child at the ripe old age of thirty-two. Our small town was ecstatic and pretty much the whole community knew before we left our small town hospital, where I had had the pregnancy test done, that we were finally going to be parents! As we walked down the halls on our way out, nurses, aids, technicians and office personnel kept popping out to congratulate us. You can tell this was before HIPAA.

When people asked my hubby why we had waited so long to have children, he would tell them it was because he didn’t want anyone to think we HAD to get married. There was still a stigma attached to premarital sex in small town America when we married back in the dark ages of the 1970s. Now, with thirteen years of marriage behind us, we were safe in assuming that no one could suspect us of, well, you know.

So now we were parents and thrilled. We had no idea what we had been missing. Sleepless nights, terrifying bouts with baby's high fevers and my husband’s most favorite, not really, waking up in a bed saturated with breast milk.

Black Days

We thought we now had the hang of the baby-making process and were soon expecting again. Baby number two was due soon after baby number one would have been two years old. It seemed to be a nice spacing to us. The pregnancy went well until the fourth month when during a routine prenatal visit it was found that the baby had died. We had some very black days after this heart-breaking loss but we eventually recovered from the shock and came to terms, as well as one can, with our grief.

My doctor said to give it six months and we could try again to add to our family. And we tried, and in a few years I turned forty and I knew, it was over. We would be a family of three and our first child would be an only. Okay, no big deal, worse things could happen and we were happy.

A Roller Coaster Life

During the years from age thirty-three to forty-one, my life became a roller coaster. An affair almost destroyed a close family member’s marriage. My youngest brother was murdered. My mother-in-law passed away after a short illness. A good friend passed away suddenly and without warning and I was her executor. I spent almost three years settling her estate which meant that I had to travel to her home a four hour drive away. In the midst of all of this, our daughter was doing poorly in first grade at public school and we decided to start homeschooling. That was a HUGE adjustment. Then my maternal grandmother, had her first and last stroke and was gone in just two days. My best friend was so supportive through all of these tragedies, but then her breast cancer showed up again. I was crushed.

In January of 1999, my friend lost her fight. I was devastated. Mid-life it seemed was determined to break my spirit.

A New Century, A New Beginning

Then I began to feel really bad while on a camping trip in the north Georgia mountains with my family and some dear friends. We had to be close friends for their family of four to stay in our 27 foot motor home with our family of three! And they were understanding when I spent most of my time on that trip in bed.

We returned home on a Sunday afternoon and I made a quick trip to the drugstore. Just as I had suspected, the pregnancy test came up positive. Oh my, what was my husband going to say to this?

He was out in our back yard and I approached him a bit apprehensively and said, “Guess what?”

He took one look at me and said, “You’re pregnant.”

We had been down this road two times before and since my body reacts strongly to the habitation of a new life he had recognized the symptoms, I now realized, even before I had admitted the condition to myself.

So here we were on the cusp of a new century welcoming another daughter into the world. We were thrilled.

And we named our mid-life crisis, Rachel.

Rachel and Her Big Sister Kali

© 2010 U Neek

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Comments 19 comments

lxxy profile image

lxxy 6 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

"...and we named our mid-life crisis Rachel."

Wow, I've heard of negligent parents (which you are not, of course) telling their brood they were a mistake..but a mid-life crisis is a new one on me!

Such trials and tribulations to get from here to there in our lives, but I am glad you've found yourself happy and healthy on HubPages.

Until our next intersection in space-time,

lxxy


U Neek profile image

U Neek 6 years ago from Georgia, USA Author

Well, she was a crisis, of a different sort, didn't mean for the title to emit totally negative connotations! She was a surprise and probably kept us from some of the more destructive mid-life crises that often destroy relationsips.

We were and are blessed by our Rachel though she does still arrange a crisis or two for us on a regular basis!

Thank you, Ixxy, for reading me and please forgive my mispelling of your name in a previous comment.


lxxy profile image

lxxy 6 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

Hey,

I can totally understand your point of view about the title. Don't change it! A crisis can be a number of things, you are absolutely right.

Oh, and don't worry about the misspelling. Happens all the time. Good thing it's not written in my original language, which I must admit looks strangely like the font "dingbats." ;)


christryon profile image

christryon 6 years ago

Midlife crisis? Then I had mine at nearly 30. I accuse him of destroying everything that was left of my brain cells.

It sounds like you have led a very full and challenging life and have been blessed immensely for it.

Congratulations on having 2 healthy daughters.


Aya Katz profile image

Aya Katz 6 years ago from The Ozarks

UNeek, what a wonderful mid-life surprise!


v_kahleranderson profile image

v_kahleranderson 6 years ago from San Jose, California

Hello UNeek! I happened to be passing by and noticed your hub, and it was a wonderful read. Thank you!

I am 53-years old now, and I think my worst birthday was facing my turning 30. After that, well, the years have just slipped by unnoticed. I think that had to do with us having spent the last 15 years losing jobs (due to the economy), moving constantly, and just being afraid of what new surprises tomorrow would bring us.

So here I, too, would like to say "congratulations on having 2 healthy daughters!"


CASE1WORKER profile image

CASE1WORKER 6 years ago from UNITED KINGDOM

Hi- i have my 50th next week and i am not looking forward to it- i wish i had another little one- but i think i will have to wait until i am a grandma


U Neek profile image

U Neek 6 years ago from Georgia, USA Author

Hi Case1worker,

Happy birthday! Congrats on making your first half-century. Sounds like you are very energetic and from what I have heard, grandchildren are even more fun than children. Thanks for reading me.


elayne001 profile image

elayne001 6 years ago from Rocky Mountains

I enjoyed reading about your mid-life crisis - I had all my children by the time I was 29 and then had a hysterectomy so that was kind of a crisis for me. We had hoped for more children, but are grateful for the ones we have. Now we have 12 grandchildren and the oldest is 11. Fast and furious. I love being a grandmother. Aloha!


U Neek profile image

U Neek 6 years ago from Georgia, USA Author

Oh, elayne001, I know that feeling of finality that comes with a hysteerctomy. Even though I was in my mid-forties by the time I had mine, with my late start in motherhood, I knew that the surgery meant for sure there would be no more babies for me. Thank you for reading. I look forward to grandbabies, just not right now! You come back now, ya hear.


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 6 years ago from Chicago

I love this awesome Hub! You are a fine writer and storyteller. I especially liked the last line. Great close! Thank you for this treasure. There is a lot of sadness in there. That is the way life is. But it's the only life we've got—on this side.


U Neek 6 years ago

James, thank you for your kind praises. Life on this side certainly contains much tragedy, but without the valleys, we wouldn't have the mountains. Thanks for reading me!


Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah Demander 6 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

I absolutely love the last line of this story. Beautiful.

Namaste.


U Neek profile image

U Neek 6 years ago from Georgia, USA Author

Me, too, Deborah. Thank you. We continue to enjoy our "crisis" who is now ten years old!


david 6 years ago

I'm having such a ruff time expressing thoughts on paper. I hope that you and others can help bring me along. As you can tell my fear has stopping abruptly and I look kinda primitive on paper.I am off topic so I can draw more attention to my need for logical sequences and composition.


U Neek profile image

U Neek 6 years ago from Georgia, USA Author

Looks like you have a grasp of what you need to do, David. I find it helps to write and then wait a day or two and read what I've written while making improvements and then rewriting sometimes for the third, fourth and even fifth time! Keep reading some of the higher rated Hubbers and keep trying.


Avari 22 months ago

That kind of thkiinng shows you're on top of your game


Jennabel 21 months ago

I rellay needed to find this info, thank God!


Meadow 21 months ago

This arilcte went ahead and made my day.

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