In Her Voice~~a poem

My Girl and Her Love

Christmas Day 2014
Christmas Day 2014 | Source

Each of our lives is filled with uncertainty and challenges often beyond our comprehension.

And I truly believe that how we process what comes and what we do to LIVE with what may come will allow whatever comes to overtake our lives and destroy us. Or, it will give us new vision, new strength, new capacity to understand.

And we learn to live our lives as they should be lived.

This poem is written by me now as I watch my beautiful daughter fight her greatest battle to date. I feel her pain and uncertainty, but know of her faith and hope and belief that each day is so very precious. I dedicate this to her....To Stephanie, my precious girl child.


Daddy and the Boys with Stephanie

Source

Sharing Happy Moments with Her Cousin (who is on the left)

Source

I am afraid now

When my eyes close

I am uncertain if they will open again.

It has invaded every part of me now

And it is trying to choke the very life from me

Some of the pleasures that once brought me joy

No longer do.



A lovely meal, prepared with love my family or

Even one I have prepared

No longer nourishes my now ravaged body.

Those amazing desserts that once made me giddy

As I sat down to enjoy them

Bring no pleasure.


The lemon pie, tiny lemon cookies dusted with the finest powdery sugar

That tantalizing aroma of lemon fills my nostrils still

But the flavors no longer beckon me to take a taste.

O, and, lemonade...made with freshly squeezed Meyer lemons and

Way too much crystalline sugar

Once trickled down to my tummy

Making my taste buds smile along the way

No longer a delight.


No--- no longer does food bring me the comfort it once did.

When I can eat, it is no longer pleasant and

The tiny bit I do manage to get down

Stays within only a short time.

Delectable foods, once the focal point of gatherings,

Not so now.

Time with my loved ones brings me the most joy...and I am thankful for that.

Every moment is a treasure.


Isn't it funny that I should even think

Of such mundane things now??


Those who know me often say

"O You look so good. You must be better."

They want me to be well .. (And O how I wish I were....

I only smile at their words, not letting them know the truth.)

Do not let the appearance of another trick you

Cancer is deceitful....

It has no particular look...

Observe those in your midst...unless they are undergoing chemo or radiation,

Chances are

you cannot pick out the ones who have it.



Please do not be mislead

Even though

I am fearful now

Saying that out loud

Is somehow freeing

Recognizing

What haunts me

Causes me to face off with it

And move on.



Even though I am fearful

I KNOW I am blessed

My fight is not over.

My family is here


My precious son, born 20 years ago

Who is the best brother to his four year old brother

That anyone could ever hope for

This firstborn son brings joy to my life

Every minute of every day.

He steps up to the plate on a daily basis

And sometimes, in the night, when I have had an especially bad night

He awakens when his little brother awakens

Taking little brother to his room

He places him in his bed

And my eldest sleeps in his recliner beside him.


Whatever I need during the day, while Daddy is at work

My son steps in and gets it done.

Baby doll boy (who no longer wants the label ‘baby’)

Makes my heart sing ....

Watching him learn and grow and play and experience

Makes my heart know that no matter what

For this moment, all is right in the world.


To see him with his big brother

Playing a game, nestled up beside me

Gives me more pleasure than it is possible to describe.


My Love came to me

And he walks this walk with me.

He has made this gut-wrenching journey with me

UP one mountain, and Down another

Over and Over, time and again.

Here to love and support me

to be father to the boys

To help me find happiness when it would elude me.

Did I say blessed??

My Love is an amazing blessing to my life.



I am afraid now though.

My days are slipping by too quickly.

Too many of them are spent away

While medical science looks for a way ...


As the whispers come in the night

The fears, the uncertainty

Sleep eludes me.

And then the new day arrives.


And I say,

Thank you, God, for one more day.


Prayers Angels Positive Energy pour

Into me each day

From many that I know

And from many that I have never met and

Will never meet on this plane.


Miracles? Did I mention those?

Yes, miracles for my now 20 year old son who was told

He would never reach many of the early milestone

Years

And he has, he lives....thank you, God.


And miracles for me have come. Over and over.

So many times in the early years of this 12 year struggle

I was told:

You really should not be here, you know. It is nothing short of a miracle. There is no way to explain it except as a miracle.

And that endeared those precious doctors to me even more.

And to become a Mom. Again.

It will not happen.

If it does, you will not live through it and neither will the unborn child.


Another miracle. He lives --the miracle who brings new joy to us each day....

As we relearn how to live through his new eyes.



I am afraid now.

Time slips away now.

But make no mistake about it.

I do not live in that dark place.


Each day when I awaken

And the new days begins

I have these precious moments to revel in

NO matter what comes

I have these minutes to focus on LIVING.


That has been the pledge my Momma and I took

When I first found out how sick I was

We pledged to live each day...Not to miss

One single moment of any day

No matter what comes.

My Momma...she knows how much I love her...

She does know.


So now the end may be near

(Do we ever really know when that

time may come??)

And I do not want to miss all of the

‘firsts’ my boys will have


I am blessed.

I have them to love now

And that makes it worth rising each day

To begin anew.


Some days are more difficult than others

Put one foot in front of the other

Stay focused on living and loving

And what may come will come.


Did I say ‘blessed’?


Without a doubt.

Blessed and bubbling over with love beyond compare.

Little Man ....

Source

My Bigboyman Grandson ...."Okay, Padi, Really???"

He calls me "Padi" or "Nanan"  ....and I am fine with that...
He calls me "Padi" or "Nanan" ....and I am fine with that... | Source

A Mother's Prayer

Thank you, for my child, Dear Lord

I am so blessed. You gave her to me almost 43 years ago.

She brings so much joy to my life...through her life

And through the precious baby boys who make my life overflow with the essence of love and living each day my life is so enriched..

We are so blessed.

And now she walks into the most difficult part of her journey.

Guide and inspire and direct her medical care givers, Dear Lord, and

Keep pain and fear from her heart.

Thank you Thank you for all of the lovely people who reach out to you on her behalf. Thank you thank you thank you for your love and strength and grace each day. Thank you for all of the miracles you have given us....and another would be welcome any time.

We are so blessed. We ask all of these blessings in thy name.

Amen.

So Difficult to Choose

A vast array of music awaits us

Contemporary Christian music to our old favorite hymns...each one can be our song of praise to Him. This one is one of my favorites for this particular article it best describes how humbled and loved we feel in the presence of our Lord.

Indescribable.....

Bubbies Playing....

Source

More Miracles on the Way

Each day that we awaken and find a new day waiting is another chance to wrap ourselves up in the joy of living.

No guarantees come that the new day will be given to us.

When it does, we embrace it and get on with the living.

Are more miracles on the way for my girl ? We just will wait and see but in the meanwhile our lives will be filled with all of the wonders that this new day offers.

© 2015 Patricia Scott

More by this Author


Comments 55 comments

pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 19 months ago from sunny Florida Author

thank you for visiting Suzanne. We continue the journey and are so thankful for each new day. She is blessed..WE are blessed to have her in our family, in our lives. Angels are on the way to you this afternoon ps


Suzanne Day profile image

Suzanne Day 19 months ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

A beautiful poem that is a gift to both of you - may you treasure each day together. Voted up and beautiful!


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 20 months ago from sunny Florida Author

What a gift you are, Faith. Have a lovely rest of the evening ps


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 20 months ago from southern USA

I will be sure to look for your hub, sweet lady.

Hugs and much love and Angels to you and yours always


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 20 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Hi Faith I would be honored if you do. It is a journey and one we would not have chosen...but it has made us value what is most important. In a few days I am posting a follow up to that hub so you will know more..it is a work in progress right now.

I hope all is good with you and yours Angels are on the way to you this evening, sweet Friend ps


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 20 months ago from southern USA

Hi Dear PS,

I think this one is the one I would love to share on my celebrating women hub, if you do not mind?

God bless you. Hugs and Angels on the way as always


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 21 months ago from sunny Florida Author

We just continue to believe that each new day is a gift that we treasure.

It has been quite a journey that has taught us to value what is really important and we are so thankful.

thank you for visiting...Angels are on the way to you this evening Marilyn ps


MDavisatTIERS profile image

MDavisatTIERS 21 months ago from Georgia

Good morning, Patricia; what a poignant reminder of what is important, what is unknown, and what constitutes miracles. Thank you for sharing these private thoughts and feelings with us. You've captured many that I am feeling as I watch a friend struggle. Thoughts and light. ~Marilyn


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 21 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you Deborah Dian. It sounds so clicheish when I say it...but we are blessed beyond belief with each new day. We wrap ourselves in the joy of it and say thank you.

So glad to see you this morning Angels are on the way to sunny CA to you, my Friend. And thanks so much for the prayers ps


Deborah-Diane profile image

Deborah-Diane 21 months ago from Orange County, California

What a beautiful poem and loving tribute to the strength of you daughter. I pray for her continued strength throughout this ordeal.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 21 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you Frank.

We are so blessed to have so many who care and offer support.

It has made our walk so much easier.

Angels are once again on the way to you ps


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 21 months ago from Shelton

God Bless you please and always... Angels are standing tall behind you for strength


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 21 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you Nadine...and know that my daughter and I feel the love and caring....

We climb each mountain and say we are thankful and when the next one comes, we climb that one too!!!

Angels and hugs and blessings are on the way back to you ps


Nadine May profile image

Nadine May 21 months ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

Patricia my thoughts are with you and your family during these difficult times. I know that your sharing was an healing exercise. We all your hub friends were very moved by it and wish you all the best, total remission and for you to see your little boy grow up like his older brother. Love & Light


travmaj profile image

travmaj 21 months ago from australia

Sending some thoughts of hope and love this morning. How harsh life can be and yet your words are positive and beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. All best wishes to your daughter and the future...


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 21 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you DDE We are indeed blessed and we embrace each day with joy.

Angels are on the way to you today ps


DDE profile image

DDE 21 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Beautiful thoughts and so greatly written


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 21 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you so much for taking the time to stop and read. And for your kind words.

Last night a friend of my daughter wrote on Facebook that she is an inspiration to so many and they are in awe of her.and that they did not understand how she can be so uplifting and happy.

And she replied..O my goodness...it is because I have so many who are lifting me up!!! And that is true Sunshine. So much positive energy and prayers and Angels make this journey possible.

Angels are on the way to you ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 21 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Yes they do Stella. We have had miracle after miracle. And for that we are so thankful God is good.

We are so blessed.

Angels are on the way to you ps


ladyguitarpicker profile image

ladyguitarpicker 21 months ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

Keeping you in my prayers that's what can be done. I have heard many negatives about my daughter today she is cancer free, great big miracles do happen from God. Stella


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 21 months ago from Orlando, FL

As I walk a similar path with my husband, I can understand the emotional roller coaster cancer takes us on. Knowing that we are never alone in this journey is important. Your daughter is blessed with a loving family who wrap their arms around her. You are blessed with a beautiful family. Positive thoughts heading your way...


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 21 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you for stopping to read and comment. All of the good thoughts we are getting lift us up. Angels are on the way to you this evening. ps


ocfireflies profile image

ocfireflies 21 months ago from North Carolina

Patricia,

So beautifully expressed and a piece so many of us can relate to--prayers for you and yours--blessings always

Kim


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 21 months ago from sunny Florida Author

thank you, Jackie

And right back to you.

We are blessed and enjoying a quiet love day.

Angels are on the way to you this afternoon. ps


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 21 months ago from The Beautiful South

Happy Valentine's Day to you and your family ps!


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 21 months ago from sunny Florida Author

O Peggy. You are such a dear and so thoughtful.

My girl and her Love have gone out for a lovely day together.. I am having my Love Day with my precious little boys.

Angels are on the way to you bringing blessings and love.

Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours ps


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 21 months ago from Houston, Texas

Sending angels your way today Patricia and also Valentine Day greetings. Hugs and love! xoxo


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 21 months ago from sunny Florida Author

O, Peggy, you are such a dear. As I have said so many times, we find such comfort from the care and concern we feel as others reach out to us.

This journey would be next to impossible if we did not have our earthly Angels to comfort and lift us up.

Angels are on the way to you today ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 21 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you Eric

we draw great strength from those who read and care so much.

We feel so blessed ...it is a great comfort to us.

Angels are on the way to you today ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 21 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you Tobusiness We crash and burn for a bit and then because we do not wish to miss any moments, forge ahead, wrapping ourselves in each new day Angels are on the way to you today ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thanks for stopping by...as it turned out she wrote about how she was feeling during the day not having seen what I wrote. The two pieces were very similar.

Angels are on the way to you this afternoon. ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Shyron

just that you care enough to stop and visit is enough. NO words are necessary.

We are considering each day as a new chance to live life to the fullest.

Angels are on the way to you today ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you for stopping by.

We are so blessed. Every single moment of each day is a new chance to love each other.

Angels are on the way to you ps


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 22 months ago from Houston, Texas

This made me tear up Patricia. Your rocky journey was so well described but it also shed light on your amazing faith and good spirit as you and your family have dealt with what cancer has done to your family members.

Faith strengthens us but it still does not ease the sadness of losing those of whom we love in this life. Continue to cherish each and every day that you have together and know that many others are praying for you and keeping you in our thoughts. Hugs and blessings to you and your family.

Peggy


cam8510 profile image

cam8510 22 months ago from Columbus, Georgia until the end of November 2016.

Patricia, I walked this path, imperfectly, once. I wish you all the continued joy in life that you seem to already be experiencing. Thanks for opening up and sharing from your heart.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

We are so blessed my sweet sister. Our days are filled with so much joy...we embrace the here and now....and are thankful for the love that surrounds us. I love you, hunnie bunnie.


Ericdierker profile image

Ericdierker 22 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

A wonderful story even in it's tragic truth. Of course our prayers are with your whole family.


tobusiness profile image

tobusiness 22 months ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

I can't begin to imagine where you and your family find the awesome strength you all so obviously have, but Bill said it just right. Hope and love is the golden thread that runs though this sad but beautiful piece of writing. Hugs and blessing to you all at this challenging time.


Venkatachari M profile image

Venkatachari M 22 months ago from Hyderabad, India

It is very painful to know. Your account describes how things are going there with you. So sorry for all this. Hope God may do some miracles and mend things. My all best wishes to you and your family.


dghbrh profile image

dghbrh 22 months ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

Dearest Patricia,

Reading this is like being with your daughter all throughout. Like I am almost feeling her and her many emotions. You have expressed very nicely fro both mother and daughter point of views here. Its more like your heart than a poem here. But what a blessed heart and soul to stand so strong beside your lovely daughter when she is battling the most touch battle of her life. Her husband, really a man of substance who is supporting her with all his love and will power. I wish all the very best to all of your dear ones. We all live here to die, but to live with cancer and live so boldly to face life to enjoy every moment is what called actually LIVING a Life for me at least. My prayers to God for all Gods blessings for your lovely family from across the oceans.

I wish, your daughter and grandchildren enjoy many many more beautiful days wrapped with warm love ahead.

Take care and many hugs your way.


Shyron E Shenko profile image

Shyron E Shenko 22 months ago

Patricia, I don’t know what to say, my heart aches for you and your beautiful family and yet I feel the love of God through you wonder faith. You are courage and hope and love all rolled into one beautiful soul, I am so honored to call friend.

Blessings and Hugs


lawrence01 profile image

lawrence01 22 months ago from Hamilton, New Zealand

Awesome and inspiring


Terry Gruber 22 months ago

Precious Sister,I offer my heart to you and reach my hand out to help you along the road ahead!I thank God for every day you have with your precious girl!


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

thank you so much, Rachel.

We just keep reminding ourselves that every single moment of every day is a gift. And not one to be squandered at all.

your kind words are so greatly appreciated

Angels are on the way to you today ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you for sharing your kind words with us.

We are so blessed, each of us, not just my family but our global family. There are always those to whom we can offer solace and from whom we can gain strength ...thank you for caring enough to respond

Angels are on the way to you today ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

You are so right dear sweet Nellieanna Sharing it even if only with the page and myself helps me recognize the feelings and address them and process all that is going on ....We are so blessed...our miracles have come time and time again and for that we are ever grateful..

Angels are on the way to you today ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Your kind words mean more than you know. We are blessed and we know it and we embrace each day fully.

Hope and faith remain in tact ...alive and well

Angels are winging their way to you today ps


Rachel L Alba profile image

Rachel L Alba 22 months ago from Every Day Cooking and Baking

They say "there is no cross greater then the grace". That's what your beautiful daughter has, the grace of God. What a beautiful spirit she also has and so do you. You did raise her and you taught her well. It's a heart wrenching situation, but my prayers are with your daughter and her family and you. God bless.


manatita44 profile image

manatita44 22 months ago from london

My heart is with the family, Patricia. God's you already know and so does your daughter. Children of Grace, it seems, and a very loving, sincere and humble account of fear and uncertainty in the face of hope and gratitude. A poignant yet loving Hub. I continue to wish you God's blessings, and endless Love.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 22 months ago from TEXAS

Dear lady. This is inexpressibly sad, except that it is so filled with love, praise, gratitude - all the things that make living worthwhile. I know it will not ever be easy but I also know you will get through it, and sharing it with others will definitely help. In fact, as yo say - writing helps, and it's not even dependent on if it's shared with others. Communicating with yourself first of all, to stay in touch with all your feelings and allow them to breathe and find their own serenity, and, then - writing for your dear loved ones, it is all so vital. My thoughts and prayers are with you.


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 22 months ago from Phoenix, Arizona

May God be with you and your loved ones, Patricia.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you so much. We are so blessed...those are not just words...they really express how we feel.

Thank you for the Reike and good wishes.

Angels are on the way to you today and thanks again ps


MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 22 months ago

Wow, it really is Indescribable. I will send Reike to you and your family in hope that it eases some of your pain. Love and light, and God's blessings be upon you.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you, Bill

Just trying to work through it myself. Writing helps.

You are a gem....I am so blessed to count you among my friends.

Angels are winging their way to you this morning ps


billybuc profile image

billybuc 22 months ago from Olympia, WA

I have tears this morning, PS. I have nothing else to give you except love. This was painfully beautiful. Thank you for sharing these thoughts with us. Somehow you have managed to make hope and love the two important message from this sad account.

hugs, blessings and love heading your way

bill

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