It Can't Be A Hot Flash, I Must Be Dying!

“What’s the matter with you?” I said, ”I’m dying!” There was short silence, followed by long laughter from my co-worker. I didn't understand how anyone could laugh, and hysterically at that, at someone who was dying.

I was on the phone with a client when suddenly, I was engulfed by the hottest heat that I ever felt. I was a raging inferno! I tried desperately to figure out what was wrong with me. The heat seemed to radiate from my pinkie toe, and with lightning speed it engulfed my entire body, and burst through my head...and I just did my hair the night before! I thought of Fred Sanford saying, ”This is the BIG ONE...Elizabeth, I'm coming to join you honey!”

Source

My speech was slurred, my heart was racing, my skin felt prickly. I tried desperately to maintain the phone conversation with my client. Somehow I managed to think that I should probably cancel my lunch order. I’m sweating profusely! “What tha’…?!” I asked myself. Sweat poured from my brow; my head and armpits were soaked. I wanted to take my clothes off. Although I was dying, I was able to rationalize that stripping may likely get me fired or locked up!

I finished the call with my client. I thought I should have someone let her know that I was dying. I dragged myself to the kitchen/rest area, where my co-worker asked me to describe my symptoms. I managed to tell her. It was difficult, after all, I was dying. She laughed and told me that I wasn't dying; I was having a hot-flash. I said, “A what?! It can’t be a hot flash, I must be dying!” Of course I didn't know what it felt like just before you die, in my mind THIS must be it! I thought of Fred Sanford again.

Source

I called my doctor, and explained my symptoms. He told me to come into the office. I said, "I need a moment to pull myself together…I don’t think it’s a good idea to drive while you’re dying." I finally arrived at his office, and he asked that I again explain my symptoms. I tell him. I asked how long do I have to live. He said, “I regret to inform you Ms. Childs, that you have 50-60 more years!” ’”Hunh! You mean I’m not dying?!” “Not today!" he told me. "You’re as healthy as a horse!" He laughed and said, "But you did have a hot flash though!"

HOT FLASH, that can’t be, I must be dying!!!” He said, “Have you ever heard of perimenopause? Well, that’s what you experienced.” I asked him why my speech was slurred. He said that it’s likely that it wasn't; that I was just frightened by what I experienced. I asked him for the medical term for hot flash, so I can use that term, so no one can figure it out. He told me that the medical term is…Hot Flash!

The intent of this article is to lend support to any woman, who has or may suffer the same, and like me think that they have reached the end. There does stand a chance that your experience is a hot-flash…you are not dying!

More by this Author


Comments 42 comments

marellen 5 years ago

Welcome to the club. Its just the worst thing to experience but there is help out there. I hope the doc gave you something to help. Hang in there.


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

Actually he didn't, or not that I can recall. I told my Mother, Aunt and Grandmother (she was alive at the time). They all laughed to tears. They told me that the women in my family have that one big one, and the rest are fairly mild. So far, that has been true for me. But oh maraellen...chile'...that one was a doozy!


MercyGrace profile image

MercyGrace 5 years ago from USA

That was funny. Sorry, I know not to you. First, child birth and now this. I think we're getting a bad deal. What's next? I guess I shouldn't say that, my daughter might move back home.


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

MercyGrace, an old friend once told me that a woman gets only one good week out of the month due to pre-menstrual, menstrual, and post menstrual...she said nothing about the FLASH...now even that one good week is gone!


justateacher profile image

justateacher 5 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

I had a hysterectomy two years ago and have had horrible hot flashes ever since..I was taking something for them, but it didn't really work and I was concerned about all of the side effects...so now I just deal with them...but, boy, they can get bad!


kimh039 profile image

kimh039 5 years ago

HA!!!!!LOL!!!!!!ROFL!!!!!

Sorry. I couldn't help myself. This is hilarious. Not the hot flashes but the way you told the story. It just was very well done, and I can't explain how or why. Thanks imatellmuva:)


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

@justateacher, my Mother, Gramdmother, and Aunt never told me what to expect. They simply told me that I would have to travel down that road. Up to that day, I hadn't read anything about it, for I thought it would likely happen many years later. BOY WAS I WRONG! Luckily though my FLASHES since then have been somehwat tolerable! I truly empathize with any woman who's FLASHES continue to affect them as my BIG ONE!

@kimh039, had you seen me, you woulda' thought I was ready for the funny farm! My doctor already thinks I'm crazy! Now I think when I visit his office again, and for any reason, he'll have the phone number for the funny farm on speed dial!


Kalifah 5 years ago

So help me, Lord, if you are not THEEE nuttiest woman that I know and love so dearly. :-D I have them all the time. It's really quite refreshing when the heat stops rushing to your face, and you lose the desire to rid yourself of every single stitch of clothing. LOL! Mine started at age 27. The first one caught me off guard because I was in the middle of an intimate moment. I thought it was guy; I asked him to do it again. He did, and I soon asked him to leave (once I learned it was NOT him giving me the sweats).

Be brave, my darling. Life begins at 40, and the flashes stop at death. As long as you're still having them, consider yourself blessed. I see it as a milestone, and a very valid excuse to be next-to-nude in some pretty peculiar places.

=^_^=

?


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

"K", i think someone either dropped me as a child, or switched me at birth...my real Muva is the lady from "Throw Momma From The Train". I was in my 30's when this happened, it wasn't recent. Their wasn't a need to age the story for experience will always remain the same.

I imagine for you it was quite disappointing that uhm...your guy wasn't the inferno!

It lasts til death for real?! I got some more read'n to do!!!


UrsulaRose 5 years ago

I have yet to experience a 'hot flush' (getting closer though) but when I do I so hope that it is as eventful as yours. :-)

I so love reading your hubs and the fabulous way you have of sharing your stories.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

I feel your pain! I am in my mid-30s and my hormones have never been quite right. So now I am entering the same fun stage, and it is unpleasant. The mood swings are the worst. Sometimes I want to rip someone's head off for no reason. It is terrible!


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

@UrsulaRose, if you hope that your hot flash is as eventful as mine, then put on your seatbelt...it's going to be a bumpy ride! I've never been laughed at more in my entire life!

@Jeannieinabottle, it's crazy isn't it. When my nieces come over the new rule is, If Aunt Sharon isn't hot, then IT ISN'T HOT, and if Aunt Sharon isn't cold, then IT ISN'T COLD! Gotta' teach em' early!!


carcro profile image

carcro 5 years ago from Winnipeg

My poor wife has definitely had her share of these, She will be glad to hear she's not alone! I think at our age, everytime we get a cold we think "This is the big one", Thanks for sharing...Goood writing!


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

carco, I am delighted to have a comment from a dude!!! YAAAY!!! Yes, please assure your wife that she is not alone, and let her know that the FLASH while it can be discomforting, it is shall I say...a new introduction to womanhood!!


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

carcro, I just realized I spelled your name wrong in my reply to your comment...please forgive me!


AuntDarlene 5 years ago

So sorry, to all my friends and sista's and now my niece who have had had to endure "personal summers" (that's the medical term)I have never had one and do not anticipate any at this late date, I never had cramps either, just a friend who would stay a week every month, so maybe when she left the last time she took all her stuff with her, but she did leave the equipment. Anyway,only the muva could describe the agony in such a way as to make the suffering humorous!


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

Aunt Darlene, thank you for informing me of the medical term...I think I should have my doctor contact YOU!

You are a diamond in the rough! No personal summers...whuuut?! I wish I could say the same. Since my near death experience, I've managed with mild summer weather...although the temperature is more mild, I still hate summer!


Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 5 years ago from East Coast, United States

Well, I bet a lot of people, over time, thought you were hot. Haha. Hot flashes are for the birds. After my hysterectomy, I had one huge monster of a flash, several small ones before. Now, without all those hormones, I finally feel like a normal person. No more hormonaly (however that would be spelled) ups and downs. Menopause is great! (Except for the not looking so hot part).


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

I like the pun "D'! I am a rollercoaster now, mentally and physically. Hot Flashes are like gifts that you wish you could return to the store...but can't.


MercyGrace profile image

MercyGrace 5 years ago from USA

Now, every time I have a hot flash, I think of you and your hub. Made me laugh a lot, after it was over though.


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

The crazy thing MercyGrace is that it happened EXACTLY as I described...I was laughed at so much, that now I too have to laugh at myself...silly me!


MercyGrace profile image

MercyGrace 5 years ago from USA

Just think though, how many more are we going to have to live through? Don't panic when the night sweats start. They are even worse.

It is funnier when it's someone else. I can easily picture you thinking that but I would have loved to see your doctor's face.


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

MercyGrace, I can't even count that high, and if I could, I know that I'll wish that I COULDN'T!

It's ironic that you mentioned about night sweats, I started reading about them only a few days ago.

I think my doctor gets a kick out of my antics, which is reason let's me come to the office whenever I call. I'm always the laugh for the day.


MercyGrace profile image

MercyGrace 5 years ago from USA

Oh, I can see that. Your doctor must really get a kick out of you.

Take comfort in the fact that hot flashes can decrease after, like 8 years or so. M


Drjacki profile image

Drjacki 5 years ago from North Carolina

Been there, done that...got that damp teeshirt!


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

MercyGrace...I REALLY have more reading to do! Perimenopause and menopause SUCKS EGGS!!

Drjacki...it is a small comfort knowing that other women endure the same. By no means am I suggesting that I'd rather be alone. Admittedly, it helps me to appreciate those in the medical profession even more...when someone likes me visits the doctor's office!!!


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 5 years ago from Central Oklahoma

This was HILARIOUS! Not the fact that you were "dying", but the way you described "dying"! In which case, you'll probably want to cancel me as your newest follower after I tell you - there ARE some of us out there - that I went through the change without a single hot flash. My mother didn't have them either, so it must be genetic. But one friend who has them all the time pretty much "hates your kind" right now. But then, she never had morning sickness and only had four contractions when she had her one and only baby, so I say we're even. ;D


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

Well JamaGenee, I had that one big one, and the rest have been relatively mild, just as my Grandmother, Mother and Aunt told me...after they FINALLY finished laughing at me.


ktrapp profile image

ktrapp 5 years ago from Illinois

This was so funny - your story-telling I mean, not your "near death" experience. There was a time when I was having hot-flashes but they were related to too much thyroid medication. Thanks for sharing.


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

Admit it ktrapp...my near death experience was funny too! I'll never forget that day, for it was the HOTTEST day of the year!!!


ktrapp profile image

ktrapp 5 years ago from Illinois

OK, I admit it. Maybe I was trying to be a little too polite. At least mine were in the middle of the night without any wide awake witnesses :)


Sunnyglitter profile image

Sunnyglitter 5 years ago from Cyberspace

LOL you crack me up. I have had some terrible hot flashes thanks to my pregnancies, and I was in the bathroom, dumping cold water on my face, running outside in the snow.


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

ktrapp...two thumbs up and a pinkie toe for your politeness! Thanks Guurl!!

Sunnyglitter...that day I truly needed snow, a snowball, a snowcone....crap, I woulda' even appreciated an avalanche!


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 5 years ago from South Carolina, USA

Blame that doggone Eve and that apple! Love it, Ima!


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 5 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

@DIY...I know right!! I hate apples, but I love apple pie! Thanks!


milderd 4 years ago

will someone please tell me something that will help me


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 4 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

Mildred,

This article was not created as a resource to advice or suggest ways to reduce if not eliminate menopausal symptoms.

However, the column to the right (shaded in blue) references "Related HUbs". It is in this section where you can find articles by authors on this same site, who write about relief from menopausal symptoms.


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 4 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

Mildred,

You can also click on the words "hot flash" that are shaded in blue throughout this article. These are clickable links (hyperlinks) to even more related articles.


Angie Jardine profile image

Angie Jardine 4 years ago from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ...

We call them hot flushes over here in the UK and they are vile. Actually, wait until you get the night sweats ... they can be gross!

I'm just coming out the other side of the change ... and now the aches and pains have set in. It's not fair, is it?

Good luck with it all ...


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 4 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

Angie, since publication of this hub I have experienced the night sweats, and they come far too often for a good nights rest.

I am stripping my clothes off; I can do that in my home, turning on the ceiling fan, opening the window. All the while my dog is looking at me as if to say, "I'm tired of this crap!"


Lyntillus 4 years ago

This story and all of your replies just crack me up....nuff said. Stay true to your flo' while I repair my sides...Love always, your 1st cousin.


imatellmuva profile image

imatellmuva 4 years ago from Somewhere in Baltimore Author

Thanks cuz...you're #1 in my book!!! ...and uhm...the heat is on!!!

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working