I’ve Been Sprayed!

 

I don’t know that you’ve ever experienced these devices but because I worked for a restaurant company that had several US locations, I know about them oh too well. They are air fresheners for public restrooms that have censors on them. I’m not really sure if they go off at certain timed intervals or if they actually sense you’re there and then go off but today at the office building where I work I went into the public restroom and as I was washing my hands I was attacked! I’ve been sprayed! – Don’t Get Me Started!

There is no aromatherapy to these supposed air fresheners, they usually smell like either a pina colada that someone threw up or a pine tree that was rotten and is going through a “chipper.” They have an industrial “clean” smell that someone along the line thought was a good idea but I sure would like to meet the people who create these scents. No doubt they’re sitting around after a fast food lunch, someone farts and they’re like “Eureka! We’ll call it Mexican Fiesta Scent! Quick to the laboratory!”

Look, I get it that public restrooms are not the greatest smelling places in the world but I have to say that after my unfortunate incident with being sprayed I’m not sure the sensor activated air freshener is the best idea, especially with the shall we call them, fragrance choices? Who makes these things up anyway? I mean from Yankee Candle to the people who make the pine tree that hangs from your rear view mirror, are people actually paid as much as I think they are to create this stuff? I once put a “leather” air freshener in my car that almost killed me.

Truth be told, more than anything, I’m more than a little disappointed that I haven’t become a super hero or something. I mean, isn’t that how it works in the comic books, you get sprayed by some unknown chemical and suddenly your abs get flat and defined,  biceps begin bulging and you get a cape that can magically appear?” WHERE’S MY CAPE???? I’d even settle for just the great abs and biceps if truth be told. But alas, just like some girls are disappointed that there really is no Prince Charming, I too find myself bitter that when the time came and I was sprayed by chemicals that life was not the stuff the comic books promised. Drat! Thwap!

More importantly will I get cancer due to this spraying? Am I now sterile? (Perhaps that’s what’s been wrong with me after twenty years of trying with the same man and still never getting pregnant. Perhaps it’s the chemicals and not the lack of a uterus, who knew?) Is there someone I can sue so that I can manage to keep my Jew stereotype along with all of my other stereotypes flying through the air with Cirque du Soleil juggling precision?

Right now you’re probably wondering why you’re still reading this rant. You’re wondering with the economy and health crises around the world why oh why is he going on like this about that? Well, I’m going to tell you that you just don’t understand. You couldn’t unless you were in a small bathroom when suddenly from behind you a cloud comes in like you imagine floating over the Bermuda Triangle before it claims another victim and you find yourself choking, sputtering and cursing at the top of your lungs which are now filled with enough chemicals from the “crop dusting” to stave off any major boll weevil attack in the fields that are your nervous system, only to open the door to find that there were some elderly women listening to it all and seeing the cloud of smoke following you out of the bathroom like that green bad breath they used to show in the Listerine commercials except it’s seemingly coming out of your ass! Embarrassing? Not for me, I loved every minute of it because I knew that it was all going to make a great blog entry. As Yul Brynner said in “The Ten Commandments” “So let it be written so let it be done.” Just to someone else next time. I’ve been sprayed! – Don’t Get Me Started!

Read More Scott @ www.somelikeitscott.com

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Comments 1 comment

Frieda Babbley 7 years ago

ROFLMAO! I'd be worried about the cancer thing too.

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