To Thine Own Self Be True
You can use the Johari Window to increase self awareness and self esteem, and to decrease anxiety. You can use it to build trust, improve communication and achieve higher levels of intimacy in relationships. Use it at work to work more effectively and to get along better with co-workers. Once you understand how the Johari Window works, you will see how important it is to share about yourself with others and to listen to others for feedback that will help you grow and get more of what you want.
If you think of a window as representing yourself, and divide the window into four panes that represent four parts of yourself; some parts that are visible to you, parts that are visible to others, parts visible to you and others, and parts visible to neither yourself nor others. In the diagram below, the parts that are visible to you are the two top panes. The parts that can be seen by others are the two panes on the left. Each pane in the diagram is labeled to further explain the contents of that pane.
The upper right quadrant is the secret pane. These are things you know about yourself, but aren’t comfortable sharing with others. You may even fear that others will learn about your secrets, and put a great deal of effort into hiding these secrets.
Items in this pane can range from things you prefer not to disclose to a particular person at a particular time, to things you would absolutely under no circumstances share with anyone ever. A problem with substance abuse or an affair that you are hiding from your spouse would be included in the secret pane.
You might not want to share your address on the internet or share about your finances with your children. You might be comfortable sharing about your family of origin with a friend, but not with an acquaintance or co-worker. You might only be comfortable discussing a trauma issue in therapy, or perhaps not even in therapy at this time. Many people keep feelings of rejection, pain, sadness, and fear in the secret pane.
The upper left quadrant is the open pane. In it are the things that you share easily with others about yourself. Most people are comfortable sharing their name, age, address and phone number with others and sharing about their hobbies, interests, preferences, occupation or vacation plans. The feelings you are comfortable sharing with others would be in this pane. Some people are only comfortable sharing angry and happy feelings with others, and may hide more vulnerable feelings in their secret pane.
There are a number of reasons why a person is more comfortable sharing some things than others, or with some people but not others. Some of the reasons are true for nearly everyone, while some reasons might be specific to you based on your current circumstances, past experiences, personal preference, and socialization. For example, it is generally considered inappropriate or ill mannered to announce bad news when someone else is celebrating an accomplishment. It may be a matter of preference or socialization that inhibits one person from discussing politics, finances or religion, while another may do so passionately whenever possible.
The lower right quadrant is the unknown pane; unknown to you or to others. You might have a strong negative or positive reaction to a particular physical attribute of another that you are not aware of; and neither is any one else. You might easily become skilled at sail boating but you don’t know that about yourself, because you have never been boating. Naturally, no one else would know that about you either.
The lower left quadrant is the blind pane. These are things others can readily see about you that you are not aware of about yourself. You might use your hands a lot when you speak or say “um” a lot, but are not aware that you do that until someone points it out to you. Your friend might notice that every one you date has a similar trait or feature that you are not aware of.
SHARING SELF WITH OTHERS
In the above diagram, the panes are all roughly the same size. In reality, most people beginning to use the Johari Window have a lot more items in their secret pane than they have in the open pane. They typically have been putting a lot of energy into hiding their secrets, and have a great deal of anxiety related to keeping their secrets hidden. As the person begins sharing about items or events in the secret pane, the items are moved to the open pane; making the open pane larger and the secret pane smaller.
Part of the sharing includes examining the thoughts, feelings and beliefs that contributed to the secrecy. A common example is the belief that a man who shares vulnerable feelings is not a “real man,” leading him to hide his vulnerable feelings related to a loss, use substances to help him hide the feelings, and then hide the substance use. As a result of beginning to share these aspects of himself, his anxiety and shame lessens, and his self esteem improves. His awareness of himself is increased, and he can consequently begin to make better choices for himself. This demonstrates the value of self disclosure or sharing about self to others.
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GIVING AND RECEIVING FEEDBACK
The other aspect of the Johari Window is being able to use feedback from others to solve problems, improve effectiveness, resolve personal issues, or have more effective relationships. If I believe I am in a relationship that is mutually satisfying, but am not listening to my partner’s complaints or my partner is not expressing legitimate complaints, I might find myself surprised when divorce papers are served. Had I listened to feedback, I might have adjusted some behaviors in order to preserve the relationship. If there are problems in the department I manage, and I choose to ignore consistent complaints from employees that I repeatedly ignore their suggestions, I will not be able to make some changes that will help the department reach its goals.
Receiving feedback involves being able to look at parts of myself that are hidden from me in the blind pane, my blind spots, when others point these out to me. When I am receptive to feedback, items move from the blind pane to the open pane, making the blind pane smaller and the open pane larger. In addition to being receptive to feedback, I can actively seek feedback from others in the form of questions about how they see me.
As a result, I am now aware that I am at times overly critical of others. Now that I am aware, I can examine the consequences of this behavior and make a decision about whether or not to change this behavior.
I learn from feedback that others see me as overly critical
DEFENSIVENESS, ISOLATION AND SAFETY
If I isolate myself from others or am overly defensive, I am blocking access to feedback and hindering my own growth. A person may isolate because they are overly sensitive to criticism, have trouble coping with criticism, have been traumatized by criticism, or because they are ashamed, embarrassed, depressed or in pain. When a person is defensive, he or she typically, but not always, has a strong negative reaction to feedback. The feedback is perceived as painful or threatening. Or, more likely, receiving the feedback would result in a change that would be difficult or undesirable. For example, if I listen to your feedback that my alcohol use is a problem, I may need to consider changing my drinking behavior; a change that would be undesirable or even threatening.
Be mindful that others may not value giving feedback as an important relationship behavior or skill. They may have beliefs about being “nice” that prevent them from being honest in a relationship. They may be fearful of an angry or violent response, fearful of strong emotions, or fearful of losing the relationship. They may prefer to avoid conflict. These same fears might hinder you from providing feedback to others as well.
If physical, psychological or verbal abuse has been a problem in the current or past relationships, individual or relationship counseling is indicated. Personal safety is of utmost importance. The purpose of the Johari Window is to promote personal and psychological growth. These cannot occur in the absence of physical and psychological safety. A person who has been emotionally abused may experience healthy feedback as abusive, or may not recognize when the “feedback” is really more abuse.
A SPIRITUAL COMPONENT
To add a spiritual component to the Johari Window, it can be helpful to use the book, “God I have Issues” as a guide to contemplative prayer about problematic themes or feelings that have been identified in working on the Johari Window.
If struggling with an addiction, it can be helpful to consider how this physical affliction can be a spiritual blessing. If afraid to deal with an issue, fear can be located in the table of contents or index. I can read the entry on that emotion, related scriptures, prayer pointers, and the section called, “words to take with me.”
The take home message of the book is that a loving God wants to be with us in our feelings and emotional life. The book is a guide that can be used to help you express and work through difficult feelings in a constructive way. “The Armchair Mystic” can be used with it to better understand contemplative prayer, but "Issues" has a brief explanation that will suffice.
GOD, I HAVE ISSUES and ARMCHAIR MYSTIC
Psychology of Emotion, Recovery, Mental Wellness and Health
A Related Link about Johari Window: with some good information about feedback.
- Johari Window Ppt Presentation
Johari Window - A PowerPoint presentation
The Necessity of Madness
© 2010 Kim Harris
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