The Sweet Betrayal of Life

Every time I look at her picture, tears would suddenly fall from my eyes. It's like seeing my life in front of me, frozen in time.

Let me say my goodbye...

Letting go is hard. But if we want to move on, you have to take the pre-requisite first, the 'letting go'. It's been 8 years but it seems like it just happened yesterday. I still have a very clear image of where I am on that day - and I really regret that I chose the wrong side of the road. One wrong choice and it could haunt you all the years.

Tears always rush to help me ease the pain. When I’m alone, memories will flood again into my mind and the scar will bleed once more. The painful thing is, I never really got a chance to say goodbye. I always think that we’ll be together for a couple more years.

It’s too late when you realized that people can’t stay in your life and for each second you have to cherish the time you have for them. So maybe I'm not ready yet to let go and i feel deep inside that I will never let go, that I will never say goodbye. In my heart, the love I have for her will forever stay.

This is for you gran. Hoping to see you soon. Take care. I will always love you.


She sits on her rocking chair
Waiting for the sunset to come in
She sleeps on her rocking chair
Waiting for the dawn to break in.


In the morning I see her staring outside
She can't even peep on the sunlight
Catch the raindrops from the sky
Or even watch a falling star at night.


Coz you see, my grandma's sick
I saw the pain in hiding on her sleepy eyes
The lips that was once alive with laughter
Have not spoken a word in a little while.


Once when I was young
I love to listen to her stories
But now, everything has changed
She is now full of pain.


I loved her very much
But I haven't let her feel it
The time has passed by
And here I am, full of regret.


I used to watch her in her rocking chair
Alone, in sorrows and in tears
I hate myself because I have nothing to do
To ease the pains she bears.


She has the kindest heart
And the most beautiful face I knew
God is so good he gave her to me
But I never thought someday she would go.


I looked on her face and she starts to cry
"I will be leaving you soon",
She said with a sigh
I might have well say goodbye.


"No grandma!" I shout
Tears swelled down on my eyes
My heart's been crushed with her words
As I hug her tight.


We stayed that way for a moment
Never wanting to let go of each other
I never thought this would be the last
Before she went with forever.


Here I am, standing beside her
So quietly she rests in peace
"Why did you leave me?"
I silently muttered on my breath.


She has the perfect beauty
Except that something's wrong
The lips won't smile, the eyes won't open
As if she'd been lonely for so long.


Although we won't see each other again
In my heart and soul she will be there
As long as I breathe, I will never forget her
Until we meet somewhere.

© 2012 Mycee. All Rights Reserved.

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Comments 18 comments

Rosalinem profile image

Rosalinem 4 years ago from Nairobi, Kenya

I believe that when someone leave this earth they are able to see what goes on in the lives of their loved once's so your nana knows that you love her and she could not have waited to say an official goodbye. Her time had come but you will see her someday.voted it up and beautiful


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

I wished I had the chance to say i love her before she went away. Its been a long time, 13 yrs ago but I always cry as if it happened just yesterday. I would give her half my life If i could... Thank you for reading, I appreciate this much.


Esther Earl profile image

Esther Earl 4 years ago

you made me cry reading... you're so wonderful to expess what i felt too...


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

it's so sad though that life is just too short and we just take for granted the times we have with our loved ones.


Sparklea profile image

Sparklea 4 years ago from Upstate New York

unknown spy: Death is so final and just a gigantic loss. My grandmother lived in NY City. I kept saying, "I must write her a letter"...kept putting it off, and off and off...until one day she was napping and God took her into eternity. She never got a letter from me and I never got to say good-bye. It haunts me to this day. But I do believe you will see your grandmother again, and so will I. I still miss my father, who died when I was a child. We can both learn from this: to savor our aliveness and be there for the ones we love NOW while we can. I believe there is an important lesson with everything, including death. Blessings, Sparklea voted up, useful and beautiful


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Oh Sparklea, I know you felt terrible that time. But yes, we can learn from this experience and hopefully to apply it on our day to day life, like doing things for our loved one while we can. I, too always say that I will visit her on my aunt's house and bring her chocolates or food, but that planned day was postponed because I accompany a friend on window shopping. When I came home...they said, she's gone. I just stood there, tears flowing my eyes..If I just went to her house, maybe..hopefully maybe... that's why it's so painful..


Sparklea profile image

Sparklea 4 years ago from Upstate New York

Unknown Spy: I've read somewhere that procrastination is the thief of time. Very true. I've wasted so much time, but the Bible says God will restore the years the locust has eaten and I so believe it's true from experience. Blessings, Sparklea, and I hope you are havint a great day. :)


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Hello Sparklea..yes, i also believed that God will restore the years.. In life, there's no U-turn, only straight ahead. You're a very strong woman Sparklea and Im so happy that I've known you here in HP. Blessings!


Krowie profile image

Krowie 4 years ago from Phils.

This is so sad :( I cried myself reading your hub.


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Thank you for reading Krowie.. Let time heal all the heartaches.


jeyaramd profile image

jeyaramd 4 years ago from Mississauga, Ontario

Thanks for sharing this heart touching tribute to your grandmother. It was very beuatiful. Grandmothers and loved ones will never be forgotten. And its never the perfect time for loved ones to leave. And no matter how far in advance we know of an illness; it really does not make it any easier. Its still a burning void that will not subside.

That is the power of true love and affection. You are very fortunate and blessed to have such a grandmother. Your grandmother will definitely guide you through your thoughts, actions and many mysterious ways. Smile. She is watching over you.

Thanks for sharing. Awesome hub. You definitely made my day. Voted up.


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Hi dear Jeya.. You made me smile in your nice and very kind words. I always believe that she is always here, not physically, but her memories will always stay in my heart. For the past ten years, I've been haunted by my strange dreams, as if telling me that i havent move on from the past yet. I dont know why i just love her this much.


oceansider 4 years ago

Dear unknown spy, how beautiful, this tribute to your grandma, the love you had for her was so special I can see!

Thank you for sharing what you've gone through.

I lost my mom two and a half years ago...and it was also very painful for me because I was close to her, and I saw her go from such a vibrant, laughing and active person, to someone I hardly recognized...and even now, sometimes I feel I should have done more, been there more, hugged her more. But, I have the hope that I will see her again when Jesus calls me home to heaven, and then I can give her even more hugs....You will be able to do that with your grandma too....and while you're here on earth, you can carry her in your heart.

God bless you,

Helen


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Dear Helen..

Thank you for reading..for letting me share my pains. It was just like yesterday, im still searching and searching for her, i wanted to see her.

I'm sorry to hear about your mom Helen. It must be very painful until now. And the pain grows everytime we think "i wished i could have done more". Yes, I do too, I always hope I can see her again..someday.


rcrumple profile image

rcrumple 4 years ago from Kentucky

Myz -

Lovely tribute to a woman you obviously loved deeply. We each have our time on this Earth. It's never enough, and we fill it with so many nonessential things there's not always time for what's important. Unfortunately, it happens to all of us. May God shower you with blessings.


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

thank you Richard.. she's my life..now that she's gone, i feel a part of me died too...


shruti sheshadri profile image

shruti sheshadri 4 years ago from Bangalore, India

I soo understand this unknown spy! letting go of a loved one is indeed difficult, but we just have to brace ourselves and move on !

Glad to read it :)


unknown spy profile image

unknown spy 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up. Author

Hi Shruti..wow thank you for reading my hubs...i think everyone who love and loss a love one may find it very difficult to let of go at first..but we just need to..

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