Life for one!

“Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone.” ~Paul Tillich~

Being alone can be intimidating. It can be a scary situation. It can be intense, and daunting. It is painful at times, and it hurts when we see almost everything in life geared for couples. Geared for more than one person. Life was not meant to be lived alone. But on the other hand, I think that we can prepare it and relish it, enjoy it and express the glory of it. You are probably asking the question to yourself, the same as I do every day, “What do I do with all this time on my hands?, Why do I have to be the fifth wheel at parties?, Why does no one understand!?”

I found myself alone at the age of 52. Basically for the first time in my life, don’t get me wrong, I have been a single mother for years, and I have been in and out of relationships in the past, divorced, and all the labels that should have went with a lady who lived alone with her children. And two of them still live with me, grown but yet still live with me, but now I am alone. My husband passed away a few months ago, and now I am coming to the realization I am alone, and how do I get past that. How do I go from the pains of being alone to the glory of solitude?

I had to leave the big house him and I lived in and move back to the smaller one I had previously. The one I had before we moved in together. And I decided this time I was going to make this house all mine! I was going to gear it to being alone, with the knowledge that one day the grown kids were going to move out, and I would be all alone. But I was going to make it mine, all mine, with thoughts of being alone, and trying to savor that, learn to live it, and maybe even one day like it!

So this time I painted the bedroom the color I wanted! And I was going to put one nightstand up, only one. This time no matching nightstands, nor matching lamps. I could choose the nightstand of my choice, and the lamp, the perfect setting, scooting the bed almost to the wall, with just enough for me to get on the other side when I made it, but not enough room for a nightstand. Put a TV in your bedroom, you can watch your favorite programs in bed, bringing in your favorite snacks, and you can even eat potato chips, or crackers in bed! No one to complain about crumbs now! Put a DVD player, and you can watch whatever kind of movies you prefer. You don’t have to ask anyone’s opinion because now you get to pick!

Put all your favorite books next to your nightstand and pile them up high. Make sure you place a lamp on your nightstand to read by, and now read to your hearts desire. Make it your personal space, with you in mind! No one else, but yourself!

Indulge! There are wonderful products out there geared for one person. When you go to the grocery store, you can find many single-person items. As you go down the isles look at all the specials that are geared for a single person. Individuals gourmet dinners in the freezer section, in the bakery section, you can find rolls, muffins, doughnuts; I buy the fresh baked rolls that come two to a bag. You can buy half a carton of eggs; buy a pint of milk instead of an entire gallon.

When you are preparing your meals, spoil yourself. Set your table with your best china, your sparkling crystal, your beautiful silver, and your pretty linens. Do you not skimp on yourself you are worth it! Light the candles! Those wonderful gourmet dinners, those frozen dinners, cook them in your microwave, and put them on your best china, and you can convince yourself that you are eating some of the best fare in the world!

"To dare to live alone is the rarest courage; since there are many who had rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet." ~Charles Caleb Colton, Lacon, 1825~

 

Spoil yourself! When someone asks what would you like for a gift for the Holidays, birthdays, whatever, tell him or her you want something special for yourself. Something that you wouldn’t buy for yourself, and something that you can do by yourself. Ask for a gift certificate to have a massage, a pedicure, a manicure, a facial, something to spoil yourself, gift card to your favorite bookstore, a video store, and restaurant of your choice.

The list can be endless of all the things you like to do. They even make these cute teapots for one now. You can brew your favored tea, a cup of hot chocolate in these. They make wonderful gifts. Crock-pots come in a smaller size to accommodate single people. Ask for a gift basket of all your special bath items.

And enjoy!

When venturing out into that great big world on your own, try new things. Buy yourself something that you would not normally wear. Be adventurous! Go into a thrift store and find something that makes you feel daring, bold! You don’t have to spend much money to try new things. Do your hair a different way! Saunter into a restaurant and order dinner for one! Take a book while you eat, and pretend as if the world is your kingdom! Go out and have tea for one, and order fattening sweets! Learn a new hobby, something you have always wanted to try! Take a class at your local college!

Buy yourself flowers!

Be happy!

You can do it! If I can do it, you can do it too!

Join forums, join social networks, and have fun! Find new friends online, and bring them into your world. There are many lonely people out there, and many are looking for someone to talk to, and the best part of online, is it is worldwide, and there is always someone to talk to! And when done, you can shut off your computer! You can chat in your pajamas, you can chat in your bedroom! And you can meet some awesome, wonderful people.

And when others, friends, family, well meaning people try to set you up in a social situation, you know what I mean, where you are the fifth wheel, engage! Have fun! Never show them that you are that fifth wheel, never let them see your nerves are twitching and you wonder whatever shall you talk about! Flirt a little! Laugh! Don’t spend your time worrying about being the single one, the lonely heart. Be yourself, and just simply enjoy. Even if you have to put in the back of your mind that it won’t last forever. Don’t show it! And if someone sets you up on a date, which just might happen, make it for something light, coffee, or a drink. Don’t set yourself up to spend an entire evening with a seven-course meal plus dessert!

Keep it simple!

We can learn to do this I know we can!

Live life as one! Love life as one! Dance as no one is watching!

”When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.” ~Francois de Rochefoucauld~

 

 

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Comments 25 comments

Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 6 years ago from On the edge

LaurieDawn, you are so right. After failed marriages and relationships I spent some time alone and I did truly get to the point that I learned to enjoy my own company. That is not as easy as some might imagine it. My sis, who only two months ago started seeing someone, chose to live by herself for some twenty years. She took so many different classes, her yard was featured in a House Beautiful type of magazine for all of the wonderful plants and flowers she had planted, she had a glorious little pond with Koi fish in it and she is an artist so many sketches and paintings came from that time period and she repainted the interior of her home ... I can't tell you how many times. If my husband dies before I do, I can tell you with 99.8% certainty that I will not to live with anyone again. At my age I can not imagine having to do things another person's way. I am stubborn and can be a terrible procrastinator and God love him, my husband puts up with me, but I very seriously doubt I would want to share my life to that extent with anyone else again. Bravo to you! Spoil yourself silly and know you always have friends here!


prairieprincess profile image

prairieprincess 6 years ago from Canada

LaurieDawn, this is a beautiful hub, and greatly encouraging ... I was alone for several years and think your plan to celebrate this time is fantastic and healthy.

You write very well: it is engaging and enticing, and the whole hub fits together very well. Great job ... two thumbs up, so to speak! :)


Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah Demander 6 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

This hub is a beautiful reflection on your life that has been, and your life to come. I am sharing this with my newly widowed friend. She will like it.

Namaste.


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 6 years ago

I loved how so organized you made this hub. It's like the 101 on single life. Single for Dummies:0)) But it's all good and your so right. I have been off an on single for sometime and when single I've managed very well.

However somewhere out there somebody has put together some statistic that a MAN living alone dies earlier than if he was living with a woman?? Hmmmmmm. In my opinion someone had to much time on their hands dreaming that statistic up:0)..Being single can be truly a blessing in many ways. Thanks for the share. Peace and hugs


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

Darlin' Darlene!

You always bring a smile to my face Dear Friend! I find myself walking around talking to myself too! And the freedom of having what you want for dinner, even if it is a bowl of cereal in your jammies, ahhhh wonderful at times!

Blessings and love!

Laurie


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

Pooh! I know what you mean! My late husband was one of the few who did put up with me and my madness! *laughs* I was very lucky to have him in my life, even if the time was too short, not many put up with my ramblings about like a mad woman! So now the trick is learning to do this on my own, and have fun! Thank you Dear Lady for your compliments. I cherish all my friends in this life!

Blessings and hugs!

Laurie


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

PrairiePrincess!

Thank you Sweet Lady! I think living alone must be an art, and we just have to keep brushing away! we are given a blank canvas, and sometimes it comes out all wrong, and the best part of it is, we can add whatever we like to our own artwork!

Living alone is not always easy, but then we reach out to those that care, and learn to enjoy life once again. To the best of our ability.

Thank you for your kind words.

Blessings,

Laurie


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

Greetings Deborah!

Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it, and please pass it along. It is not easy to adapt to being married, to being a widow! But we can all do it, if we just have the right motivation. *keeping my fingers crossed*

I am very lucky I have so many friends and wonderful family that are so supportive.

Blessings,

Laurie


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

Saddlerider! Thank you! *laughs* Maybe I should write a book Single For Dummies! Egads, I am certainly getting enough life experiences through this! But I found that if one makes an adventure out of it, it can be done, and even fun at times! I always liked an adventure! I remember even as a young girl, I would dream BIG! And found many adventures in life.

Thank you for your kind words!

Blessings, and hugs,

Laurie


Secretmission profile image

Secretmission 6 years ago from Sandwich

Living alone is what I do best. It wasn't through choice but one gets through. Super hub, great read, thank you.


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

Thank you Secretmission! I know that feeling well, mine wasn't either, but we all have to do what we must! Thank you for stopping by and the compliments.

Blessings,

Laurie


PookieB profile image

PookieB 6 years ago

You know we never see you as an "extra"..you are always just family to us, and we love you for you, with or without an "other!"


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

Thanks Pookie! Without my family I have no idea where I would be, without all of you and your love, I would truly be alone, and I am thankful that I have each and every one of you in my life!

Love you!

Laur


ralwus 6 years ago

I'm too old now for that lifestyle. But I wish you all the best and you make good points and have great advice. Charlie


epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

......well I live alone in this world with absolutely no family anywhere - except for my two cats Little Miss Tiffy and Mister Gabriel - so I think I have a pretty good idea what you are talking about - and yes single people - especially of our age - can definitely be eccentric and stuck in their own ways - for better or for worse - but at the same time- man/woman is really not meant to be alone - we're a social creature - sometimes it's based on survival and adaptation ....... although you have really put your heart and soul into this hub - as you do with everything you do and write - so listen from your adoring Canadian - you're special !!!!


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

Thank you Charlie! It is always a true adventure living alone! Thanks for stopping by!

Blessings,

Laurie


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

Epi Darling Man! Thank you for your sweetness, and your kind words! It is so nice to hear from you! It is certainly something to learn to live alone and appreciate it. Or should I say to try to!

It has been a different way of life for sure! And you are so right, that people were never meant to live alone, we are creatures of needing one another! But then as you say, the older we get the more set in our ways we become. So there is a fine balance!

I am so happy that you dropped by, it makes me feel warm!

Blessings and hugs,

Laurie


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 6 years ago from North America

Rated Up and awesome!


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago Author

Thank you Patty! Thank you for stopping by too!

Blessings,

Laurie


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 5 years ago

LaurieDawn , the more power to you ! Not enough people know how to be happy in the "alone" world. But too know one self, truely , is better than most ever recieve out of life. You will help many with this , I imagine.


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Thank you Ahorseback, it is an art form living alone after being with someone, I believe. Learning how to behave as a single person, and yet feeling comfortable in that life as one. So I thank you as I go on about this journey as living life as one.

Blessings,

Laurie


Justsilvie 5 years ago

Great Article and perfectly timed for the holidays. Will pass it on.


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Thank you so much Justilvie! And may you and yours have a most Happy Holiday Season!

Blessings,

Laurie


Mr.Moonlight profile image

Mr.Moonlight 5 years ago from Tampa (SoHo)

Nicely done! I'm not handling my "aloneness" as well are you are. My family -- children, siblings, close friends -- are a thousand miles away, and I have yet to make any friends in this new city. Alone and isolated is no fun. I ache for the company of others, and feel incomplete. I hope that will change soon...


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 5 years ago Author

Ahhh Mr. Moonlight, I can assure you that I do not do well a lot of the time either! But I am thankful that two of my children live with me, and that I have some family close at hand. And alone and isolated is no fun, hopefully there are things that you can do in your area that might take some of that away. And here is to you that it will change soon!

Blessings and a hug as not to feel so alone!

Laurie

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