Life is so confusing

confused
confused

     I decided to take a small break from my poetry and write something to see if anyone feels the same way I do.

I have a huge problem with myself. I sometimes feel like I was born as the wrong person or I am just a lost cause....A mistake. No It is not my parents fault I feel this way I know I was planned and wanted from them. I just feel like I don't know who I am sometimes. I feel so lost. It hurts so bad sometimes. It literally feels like I am driving myself insane. I can not think of any qualities about myself that I like or appreciate. No matter how many people tell me I am beautiful I just do not believe it. I feel like I have failed at life because I do not know what I want out of this! I do not know what to do with myself. Should I go to college? For what? What do I even enjoy anymore? Should I just settle for a go no where job? I graduated high school I guess that is at least something to be proud of especially when the state I graduated from tends to have a high drop out rate. In high school I wanted to do music but I just told myself that dream would never happen because I am so afraid to expose myself like that in fear of rejection. I use to want to act, become a photographer, makeup artist you name it I had high dreams and I thought they would take me somewhere. Yet here I am present day not feeling good enough. Should I have gave up ? I am not sure because I can not even answer if I want it anymore. Maybe I am a nobody destined to do nothing great. I will die and only a handful of people will know my name. When they die its like I never existed. I know I am young and I have my life ahead of me but is it possible I failed myself? I mean why do I put myself down so much? Why do I have these feelings? most importantly.....does anyone feel the same?

This was not meant to bring anyone down I just wanted to see if anyone was feeling the same. If so then at least I am not alone.



Comments 13 comments

Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 5 years ago from USA or America

Hey Chrissie, I've been there before and stayed in that frame of mind for quite a while. It isn't healthy to continue to feed yourself negative thoughts. As you said, it cannot be blamed on your parents, however, that is specifically who I am now going to blame it on, because when I'm finished explaining, it should help you to see a little bit more clearly.

Many people, even our parents, did not or do not know that a purpose for living life is to be established. This is your continued motivation and adds meaning to your life. This is obviously something you were never told. You should be more worried about how to improve upon yourself than worrying about things you don't like. If you were more into improving yourself, then the things you don't like will disappear, because you'll either not bother with them or become more comfortable with yourself.

When you give your life purpose, don't be selfish in doing it. If you're looking to give yourself more pleasure from your life, then work for the benefit of others. The smile on the faces of the people who you help will bring warmth to your heart. Seeing yourself giving to others, no matter how small of the effort, will give you self confidence and self esteem.

Your parents should have taught this to you, as a part of what I call "Life Teachings", which also includes character and love. The fact that they haven't taught you "Life Teachings" is a direct results for your state of being presently. Seeking out things you love to do, try to help people while doing it and grow beyond your dreams. :) I hope I helped. :)


chrissie123 profile image

chrissie123 5 years ago Author

thank you so much for that comment! :D


Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 5 years ago from USA or America

You're quite welcome Chrissie. If I can help or you need to talk. Feel free to contact me. I've written many hubs on Life topics, specifically for people in your situation, because I know how difficult it can be to find out "who am I" or "what am I suppose to do with my life". I've been down that road and my parents didn't protect me by teaching everything I needed to know. I did get the gist, of character and love, but many other things I had to find by searching for answers myself. My parents were ill-equipped to answer the questions I had. :) Please be safe and take care of yourself. :)


Pandoras Box profile image

Pandoras Box 5 years ago from A Seemingly Chaotic World

I felt the same way in my twenties. Lost, didn't know where I was going, always felt like someone else was driving the car and choosing all the destinations and bathroom breaks.

I agree with Cagsil that the best cure for this will be doing. You may not pick the right road at first, but by traveling down it a bit you'll catch glimpses of many byroads and intersections, which may lead you to change direction later on. That's okay, you'll be better prepared by the experience gained on the first trip for that next trip.

The getting you down just indicates that you're hungry for more. Feed it. Pursue things. Go to college if that's an option. If nothing in particular is calling you, go anyway and learn a career solely so that you can have the life you want, once you do figure out what that is.

Experience life. Live, learn, think, and do. Then change your entire mind, and try again. Eventually it all falls into place.

The most important things I'd tell you is don't waste your time on negative thoughts, don't compromise what's important to you for anyone, unless they truly are what's more important to you, and if you don't take charge of your own life, life itself will come along and run you over.

One more, the answers don't ever all come at once. Live a little, learn a little.


Shendawg profile image

Shendawg 5 years ago

Chrissie,

I agree completely with the advice you have received thus far and no you are not alone. I think most people go through this period of not knowing what to make out of life. I believe the saddest part is that people continue to live with not knowing or seeking answers. You have already made that breakthrough of acknowledging that there should be more and now what do you do. As Pandora's Box states, I agree that if it is possible to go to college, do so to the extent that is possible. Education is the only way we all continue to grow and develop. This includes formal education and the education we get learning from others and through trial and error. Just continue to seek the positive opportunities that life presents and keep asking questions.


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 5 years ago from Guildford

Oh dear Chrissie I came here to read one of your beautiful poems but instead read of your unhappiness. The comments that you have received so far give sound advice. All I can say is that we have all been there and experienced similar feelings. Our lives are so precious and we have been given this opportunity to experience all aspects of life. You will get through this low patch, try to focus on all the good things. Look at every living thing and see beauty in it. You are a beautiful human being and have a powerful, awesome light inside you and around you - protecting you. You will look back on this experience later on and wonder why you were depressed. You will come out of it a much stronger person. Focus on your beautiful poems once more for you have immense talent. Take care and smile - the world is always a better place when you simply smile! Love Acaetnna x


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 5 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

There is prob no compliment i can give you that could make you feel better. As you said, you feel as though you are so young, yet have already failed yourself. Im just wondering how long you have felt this way. Now if you have felt this way your whole life, maybe talking about it would help. But, if this is recent, like since high school, then its kind of normal. There are plently of people out there who want to shoot for the stars, and yet dont have the courage to do so. If i were you, i would get into an area of what i wanted to do. Like, if you want to act, try out local theatre, or go on craigslist and see if anyone in your area needs extras or anything. Thats what my brother did, and he ended up being in a movie thats being sent to film festivals. You never know where a small step will take you. So, just take a small step. Maybe if you take little steps you might have a little less fear about taking another small step towards those things that you want. All i know is, whatever you do, make sure you always have enough money to hold yourself up. I know that doesnt exactly go with what your saying, but its the best advice i can give you being that i dont have alot of huge goals myself. Im like...wanting to be a mom and a writer, and so i cant really say i feel what your feeling. I have the opposite. Sometimes i feel like im cheating myself because i dont really have any goals. We get one shot at all of this, so i say do a little of everything until you decide what you really want to go for, and do the shit out of that one thing.


chrissie123 profile image

chrissie123 5 years ago Author

I just want to say thanks to everyone!!! You all left me some great stuff to think on! and to the pink umbrella im so cheered up to know someone shared my work on their facebook! omg that just totally shocked me :D


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 5 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

lol, it was cagsil.


blondey profile image

blondey 5 years ago

Believing there is a God and he has a special plan helps me.

I'm so glad you're writing here! Just sharing makes a big difference. You have a long way to go and I'm sure you'll find your way with advice from cagsil and others here!! People care !! Read my hubs on depression if you want. Take care!! you 're so pretty btw!! Keeping a gratitude journal helps..I'm getting one soon.


chrissie123 profile image

chrissie123 5 years ago Author

thank you blondey


HattieMattieMae profile image

HattieMattieMae 5 years ago from Limburg, Netherlands

Yeah, I've been there too, it is about finding your self worth, believing in yourself, understanding your very beautiful just the way you are.


HattieMattieMae profile image

HattieMattieMae 5 years ago from Limburg, Netherlands

Yeah, I've been there too, it is about finding your self worth, believing in yourself, understanding your very beautiful just the way you are.

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