Life's Journey: Healing is Possible ~~Find Your Way Back

Wrap Yourself in the Joy of Loved Ones

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Whenever a gentle wind blows, it reminds me of my Momma...her gentle, kind way kissed our souls each time we were in her midst just as the gentle wind does.

This hub that I recently published is an expression of how music has helped me in my personal life journeys. Perhaps it can offer you some solace as well.

http://pstraubie48.hubpages.com/hub/Make-Mine-M-U-S-I-C

Hoping this will help you if you are facing a holiday, birthday, or anniversary without someone you love. Even when death comes when we knew it was certain, it still sometimes takes time to find our way back from the loss.

One thing we know for sure is that our precious friend or family member would not want us to be consumed with grief.

They would want us to think of them fondly and embrace each new day.

Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels.... Love is infectious and the greatest healing energy.

— Sai Baba

The new day offers a promise that it will be better this day...

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Making sense out of it all...


Just a few short months ago, death crept in and stole a wondrous life from our family, my sister's only son.

And as we know life does come to an end for all of us at some time. It is just when it comes suddenly that we find it difficult to accept.

And we were saddened and asked many questions when he died.

While we could have remained in despair and sadness at the untimely death of someone we loved so much, our alternatives to that have brought us full circle.

We have celebrated his life and openly shared our sadness and our joy.

And in doing so we have left behind the grief and sadness and found each other again.

Overcoming grief

Overcoming grief, I realize, will be accomplished in the manner that brings you through the pain.

This is the path our family has chosen to help us make this journey.


The very first important step that was taken was for a memorial video to be made that was a tribute to his memory.

Photographs highlighting moments of his life gave us another look at his precious face.

Musical selections that captured the essence of his life surrounded us and brought us calm in a way that only music can do.

The songs that were included in the video were especially poignant and meaningful. The memorial video continues to be a source of comfort to us these many months later and I know will remain so in the future.

A little bench in the Memorial Garden for our loved one...

Baby doll boy thinks this is a grand place to play; he likes to climb up and sit on the bench...
Baby doll boy thinks this is a grand place to play; he likes to climb up and sit on the bench... | Source

Steps to recovery

On Facebook, a page was dedicated to him. It is a ‘by invitation only’ page where friends and family can post thoughts whenever they wish. It has been a very comforting page and has given us a way to let go of our sadness and find joy in the new days that always follow sorrow.


  • Many of us Skype, message, and text each other that did not do so before his death.

Looking for a way to make sense of his death, we have found that we treasure each other more.

And those silly things that may have been a reason why we did not reach out to a family member seem so trivial.

One really lovely part of this is that I have found some family members that I knew were family members but I did not know them. Now we correspond often.

Special pillowcases, one for my sister, one for me

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Healing pillowcases

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Do something...

Another way to recover for some of us has been to immerse ourselves in some activity.

Something to do that provides an escape from the questions and the sadness that wants to, still, come in and steal a part of a day. And we all know that the moments are too precious to be lost that way.


My sister, the Mother of the child who left the party too soon, was overcome with sadness at his death as she had just moved to Florida to live with him because he wanted her nearby.

But because she is who she is, she refused to get lost in the sadness. O, she allowed herself to grieve and still does, but she does not wallow in the sorrow and the pain.


What she has done to recover in part besides her human contacts is to sew. I call her a little sew ‘n sew…She has been sewing pillowcases for everyone in the family for Christmas gifts this year.

She told me a few days ago that I can look at the pillow cases she sent me and find the flaws in the earlier ones that she made because she was crying when she was making those. The later ones are not so covered with tears.

Photographs of a few of them have been shared.

Music Serves as a Bridge to Calm.

Make Time to Get Lost in Nature

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Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.

— Joy N. Harris

Take time to grieve

What I have done to grieve is to write about my feelings and thoughts.It has allowed me to express my deepest feelings.

By sharing my feelings my intent has been to give hope to those who are going through the grief process.


To know that others do know how you feel, to know that others understand what you are going through gives you permission to feel and experience and endure.

There is also the knowledge that even though time really does not heal all pain it does allow us to distance ourselves from the most acute pain somewhat.

And if we are very fortunate we are able to remember only the beauty of the life that left us too soon and tuck away the sadness in a place where it can stay until we need to unleash it.

Because there will be times when a song, a photograph, a place, a memory, a scent...something will trigger those feelings that cause tears to flow....and that is okay.

The point is to allow yourself to grieve when there is a death.

Allow yourself time to grieve.

Allow the tears to flow …and they will.

Forgive yourself if it takes a while.

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.

— Washington Irving

Coming to terms with it...


And understand that some will want you "to get over it and move on".

But remember this is about YOUR recovery. It is about your grief and you have to do what works for YOU.

We come onto this planet with no directions on how to live our lives.

We muddle through living our lives the best we can.

Surround yourself with those who will lift you up and carry you over the difficult parts of your journey.

But know that you will need to come to terms with the loss. You will need to find a way to live with it in your life because it will be in your life from the time it happens.

However the death of a loved one does not need to define you. It can become a defining moment for your life though.

It can be that moment in time when you realize that life is indeed fragile and ever-so-transitory and should be relished on a daily basis which includes loving and showing love and affection for those who walk this walk with us.

Hopefully it will happen for you long before the death of someone precious to you though….

A Place to Meditate...

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Someone Who Is Comfortable in Silence with You

Sometimes just having another person beside you or with you in the same space is as comforting as having someone with whom to chat.

Find someone with whom you can share long moments of silence. It can be very cleansing and healing.

Finding someone as you grieve...


My sister and I have been in daily contact since the death of her son, my nephew, who I adored since his birth.

She and I have always been close but we are even closer now.

We have cried together, questioned together, celebrated together and we are healing together.

How you grieve is personal but if you have someone who truly feels your pain to walk with you through the most difficult time, healing will be much less frightening.

It is frightening because feeling the overwhelming sense of loss especially when the death is sudden shakes you to your core. Wondering how you will carry on may leave you breathless and filled with angst.

Sharing fear and pain and anger with someone else who truly knows how you feel is the gateway to healing.


Why now??

Why would anyone write about healing from the death of a loved one at Thanksgiving and Christmas time for goodness sake?

No one wants to think about that during these celebratory times.

If you have will have an extra place at your table this year that is missing someone you love, you know why I wrote this and am publishing.

Because as you enter this time you will surely miss that special person. And knowing that others have been through the hell you are experiencing and have come out on the other side...changed, renewed, ready to face new challenges with new courage and conviction is empowering.

What does it mean 'to heal'?


One of my sisters died in January just after we had celebrated Christmas in 1952. Even though I was tiny then I still remember that Christmas. My Momma and Daddy handled her death in such a way as to keep the fear of it from me. But no one told me that I would miss her forever. And truthfully I am glad they did not.


Healing does not mean forgetting.

It means that the memory of that precious soul is now in your heart, is now a part of you, offering you solace on those days when you need it most.


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Comments 32 comments

pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 23 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Good morning Rebecca You know, in truth, writing about how I feel has helped tremendously. It is a way of letting go of some of the pain and sorrow and filling my mind and soul with the lovely memories we shared prior to my loved ones leaving this earth.

Angels are on the way to you and wishes for a very Merry Christmas.

ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 23 months ago from sunny Florida Author

I get that, Countrysunshine I honestly do not think it will ever go away completely and I think for me that is a good thing because I think if it did, I might have forgotten that loved one who I am missing so much.

Angels are on the way to you ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 23 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Mary I love that...the butterfly image....thanks to you I went back and mentioned something that I always say about Momma....it is this: whenever a gentle wind blows I can feel her presence.

Thank you for visiting. My Daddy's birthday is today and he left the planet in 1987 at age 93. How can the years tumble away so quickly/

Angels are on the way to you , my friend ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 23 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Hi Ronelfran I do so understand. Often memories can help us to work through the grief and remain with us for many years.

Thank you for stopping by.

Angels are on the way to you this morning. ps


RonElFran profile image

RonElFran 23 months ago from Mechanicsburg, PA

I remember my aunt driving me back to my mom's house after my last visit with her in the hospital. I was weeping. I'm so glad my aunt was with me. It helped then and even now, years later.


Country-Sunshine profile image

Country-Sunshine 23 months ago from Texas

There will be two empty places at our holiday meal: my husband and my mother. Grief is a funny thing. You think it's been dealt with, and the next thing you know, it swallows you whole.

I'm sorry that you have had to deal with loss of your nephew. It is so hard to lose someone you love. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I hope you find some peace through your writings. I know it has helped me.


mary615 profile image

mary615 23 months ago from Florida

I understand so well what it means to lose a loved one. My beloved husband died in 1988 and the wound is still fresh. My daughters and I would cry together until I didn't think there would be any left.

I wrote a poem for my daughters about how they should remember me after I die. The last line is: "If you feel the touch of a Butterfly, that will be my touch".

Thank you for sharing this piece, especially now at the Christmas season when our thoughts return to happier, but sad times.

Voted UP, etc. and shared.


rebeccamealey profile image

rebeccamealey 23 months ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

This is very touching, pstraubie. I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are obviously very strong. You should have been a grief counselor. I shall remember these things when the time comes for me to grieve again over the loss of a loved one. Thank you.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you W1totalk We are making the journey....thank you for stopping by Angels are on the way to you this evening ps


W1totalk profile image

W1totalk 3 years ago

This is that step between the passing and understanding what it means to grieve and how necessary a process it is. Great piece.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida Author

hi drbj

You are so right....it does not.

But learning to live with it is how we have been able to find our joy again.

So nice to see you...I hope all is well in your world...ps

Know that many Angels are winging their way to you ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida Author

hi drbj

You are so right....it does not.

But learning to live with it is how we have been able to find our joy again.

So nice to see you...I hope all is well in your world...ps

Know that many Angels are winging their way to you ps


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida

This is well-written and thoughtful, Patricia, thank you for sharing your most private thoughts on the subject of grief. The grief and the emptiness I can tell you first-hand never does go away - it simply becomes a little easier to bear.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida Author

hi Randi

thank you for stopping by...

Actually I wrote this for as a gift to my sister although it was also very healing for me as well.

I hope others find some words that will help them as they read this too.

Know that Angels are on the way and I hope you and psyour family had a lovely Thanksgiving.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida Author

hi Randi

thank you for stopping by...

Actually I wrote this for as a gift to my sister although it was also very healing for me as well.

I hope others find some words that will help them as they read this too.

Know that Angels are on the way and I hope you and psyour family had a lovely Thanksgiving.


btrbell profile image

btrbell 3 years ago from Mesa, AZ

What better time than now to share such healing and comforting words. This is a great hub written with warmth, love and practicality. Up+ and sharing! Happy Thanksgiving!


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida Author

Vickiw I hope so to. Thank you for sending good wishes our way..it is very helpful.

Many Angels are on the way to you ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida Author

Hi annart

Thank you for visiting and more importantly, for your kind words.

It is very helpful to me to be able to share my thoughts...it is a way to come to terms with the loss, to recognize it, and to try to live with it in my life, if that makes sense.

Angels are on the way to you this evening. ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida Author

The Stages of ME Thank you for stopping by...it was just something I felt I needed to share. I hope that it gives some peace to others.

Angels are on the way to you this evening. ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida Author

O wow Connie I am so humbled by your words. It has been a journey...and truthfully continues to be but we are MUCH better. Being able to write and to have others respond like YOU, dear Lady, makes this walk out of the sadness much less painful

Know that Angels are surrounding you as you read this.... ps thank you again


grandmapearl profile image

grandmapearl 3 years ago from Southern Tier New York State

pstraubie, your wisdom and strength are awesome to me. I find inspiration in the way you handle grief and pain. My Mom, my best friend, died suddenly on a horrible day in 2004. I have moved on, but I can tell you it did shake me to my core! You know exactly how I felt, and how I feel today as I remember her.

Thanks for the reminder that this is about OUR healing and doing what works for us to get through it all.

You are one of the sweetest and kindest ladies I have ever 'met', and I mean that sincerely. To be able to share and commiserate with us using the written word is a true gift you possess, my friend. I know for sure that you are backed by an Army of Angels ; ) Pearl


Vickiw 3 years ago

This will be meaningful to so many, I am sure. I am truly sorry for your losses, and will keep your dear daughter in my prayers and very best thoughts.

http://www.griefcanheal.com/


annart profile image

annart 3 years ago from SW England

This is good to read for any of us who have lost loved ones (that's probably all of us!). It's good to be reminded that we celebrate their lives, that they live on in us and that they have contributed so much to our own lives and those of many others.

You have a lovely way with words; I think you have a deep soul and a compassionate heart. Despite loss and grief you are determined to get through, to share with others and to see the good in life. You offer sound advice. Wonderful!

It takes a lot to share these personal things with others you don't even know but it's a lovely thing to do. I wish you and your sister a happier future with all your family and friends. Ann


The Stages Of ME profile image

The Stages Of ME 3 years ago

Pstraubie48

Beautiful piece and so very important to many this time of year. Thanks you for sharing your heart and advice here. Well done and God Bless you and yours this Holiday Season :)


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida Author

Good morning Ericdierker I do so appreciate your kind words.

It is all about the journey...

I hope you and your family have a lovely day today....Angels are on the way to you and each one in your family....ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida Author

Good morning Ericdierker I do so appreciate your kind words.

It is all about the journey...

I hope you and your family have a lovely day today....Angels are on the way to you and each one in your family....ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida Author

Dear Sweet Faith

Yes, it does...it is unique to each of us and making sense of it is personal ....I am so blessed that I have had you all to share my grief. I can honestly say that most of the pain has moved out so that I can enjoy celebrating the wondrous person whom we loved so much.

Have an amazing day with your family...

Happy happy Thanksgiving..

Angels are on the way to you and yours Love and hugs and blessings ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida Author

hi bill

I just had to share this at this time....we are so much better now than we were just a few months ago...this was one death that affected our family in such a huge way.

He was a part of our lives every day...we Skyped and texted and talked on the phone so often. Thank you for visiting and have a lovely day.

Angels are on the way and I too am thankful for your friendship ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida Author

hi bill

I just had to share this at this time....we are so much better now than we were just a few months ago...this was one death that affected our family in such a huge way.

He was a part of our lives every day...we Skyped and texted and talked on the phone so often. Thank you for visiting and have a lovely day.

Angels are on the way and I too am thankful for your friendship ps


billybuc profile image

billybuc 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

Wise and beautiful words PS. I have been there, more times than I care to think about, but I have been there and I understand. Grieving takes time; that time changes with each person, and the process may be different with each person. It is a natural process and your suggestions are sound and necessary if healing is to occur.

Sending you blessings and hugs this holiday season. Thank you for the friendship.

bill


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

So true dearest friend, PS. Healing takes time, and it takes as long as it takes. A lot of people are afraid to move on and actually heal, because they think that means they have forgotten their loved one, which is so very far from the truth, as you have written here. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and that lovely video.

You are beautiful for your heart if full of love ... and it shows!

Hugs and much love to you and yours. I give thanks for you on this Thanksgiving Eve!

Hugs, love and Angels all coming your way, each day!

Faith Reaper


Ericdierker profile image

Ericdierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

Just a very well done piece. I just had to think that somewhere someday someone will be at the end of enduring the grief. They will read this and begin anew rather than end it. I think this is powerful.

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