Listlessness of Death

Her mind went into a spinning frenzy,

a flash of light, shining,

blinding,

someone yelling...flat-lining,

it was bad timing,

her heart rate climbing,

her soul frightened,

her chest muscle tightened,

the heart convulsed,

blood pressure increased,

tendons contracted and released,

the air around her was growing thin,

but suddenly her heart just kicked in,

forcing blood to vital arteries,

the mood would dip,

emotions would flip,

as they set up a dopamine drip,

her tiny body shivered,

her eyelids quivered,

then opened,

her ears intercepted muffled sounds,

her heart pounds,

then she cries,

tears flooded her eyes,

fogging her field of vision,

only seeing a dull light,

suddenly, the face of the man

who molested her came

rocketing into sight,

more pain would shoot,

with it came the memory of his perverted pursuit,

the uninvited images filled her head

with a stirring feeling of horror and dread,

in her mind he stood there,

Very clear, very near,

her fright quickly exploded into a massive fear,

she clutched her chest,

propelling her into a full blown cardiac arrest,

death coursed through her veins,

and the doctors did their best,

in shame,

spirits look down at her inert frame,

a young body with no breath,

hopes of a future, briefly,

only to return to the listlessness of death.

© 2011 Frank Atanacio

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Comments 36 comments

Marlin 55 profile image

Marlin 55 5 years ago from USA

Frank this is great. You certainly know how to stir emotions with your words. And that is essential in great writing.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 5 years ago from Shelton Author

thanks so much for your comment M-55...:) Frank


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 5 years ago

Hey Fellow friend,

Great and sad at the same time..the darkest moments measured up in words. Feeling a load behind my neck. Its effect was caused by this great piece and that means superb! ..is my guess!. votep up Frankie!


Marlin 55 profile image

Marlin 55 5 years ago from USA

You are welcome Frank. It is always a pleasure to visit your hubs and read your work.


Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 5 years ago from Nepal

I have contemplated on death for a long time, during my meditation routine and my writings. I have even started a novel about death mysticism.

I can feel that unknown fear in your composition.


Cyndi10 profile image

Cyndi10 5 years ago from Georgia

Hello Frank, The flow was absolutely wonderful. You were able to give hope and then just as articulately, take it away. A very good interpretation of how death might come to some. It's always too soon for the innocents, in my opinion. Voted up.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 5 years ago from Shelton Author

Thank you Lord, VG and Cyndi20! you guys are great


writer20 profile image

writer20 5 years ago from Southern Nevada

Great and sad poem, you wrote so well. Voted up and awesome.


blackink1 profile image

blackink1 5 years ago from Australia

To read this made my heart race, as though I could feel her very fear. Excellent work.


Sky9106 profile image

Sky9106 5 years ago from A beautiful place on earth.

Once again there goes that spirit, and that contagious energy, which captured and commanded my attention before and again flowing in a similar direction , bringing that much needed warmth where the cold started to boldly moving in. All along you had the solution, handy.

Great flow, followed by the ever present gripping story.

Good work

Bless.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 5 years ago from Shelton Author

Thanks so much Writer, blackink and my good friend Sky too kind in comments :)


Sky9106 profile image

Sky9106 5 years ago from A beautiful place on earth.

You are welcome all across the board ! Usually Cardisa and Always Exploring are my angels and there it shows again because I believe that's the correct answer she gave.

I had 1690 views at one time turned around after a little time it went down to 1650 am like hello. so I ask ,because it was very late I did not ask my ace in the hole.

Frank you can look on , hop on somewhere in my writing you will hear me say that sharing is the mother of all giving.

Great Poem.

Bless.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 5 years ago from Shelton Author

thanks sky now I know what you're talking about.. how many times viewed thanks for the help :)


Scott Solt profile image

Scott Solt 5 years ago from California

Its great frank . I will want to ask one question how you will express that heart touching lines and how easily u give the message through poetry. By

God u won my heart. So when ever u will post a new heart Touching poetry for us


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you scot and bless you


Vincent Moore 4 years ago

Wow I just picked up on this one. One hell of a fright for this poor victim. I am always amazed at how life explodes before our very eyes, never knowing when our heart will fail and our soul taken to the other side. You gripped me with this brilliant piece. I felt the presence, I felt her fear. I saw her terror and final exhaling breath. Well done, Bravo and voted way up.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you Vincent Moore for picking up on my listlessness of death.. :) Frank


Jlava73 profile image

Jlava73 4 years ago from Cyberspace and My Own World

The listlessness of Death has cornered the Market on Fear and Final Moments.


ALUR profile image

ALUR 4 years ago from USA

wow, an interesting way to put death into a lyric that is smooth & yet ominous....Good work.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you Jlava for always visiting and thanks for stopping by Alur bless you both :) Frank


D.Juris Stetser profile image

D.Juris Stetser 4 years ago from South Dakota

Frank, this is frighteningly beautiful...an amazing piece of work my friend and the flow...first dire, then momentary hope and the emotions you attribute to her, her panic, and fear bringing on the end. It wasn't simply 'a poem', but more and attack on our senses like punch in the solar plexus. Amazing. Voting up, awesome, beautiful, and sharing!


justateacher profile image

justateacher 4 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

I had so much hope for this little girl and a maniacal madman took it all away...your writing grips...


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 4 years ago from California

Your writing does grip!!


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton Author

thanks so much djuris for that wonderful comment and good to see you justateacher and my good friend Audrey bless you all


tobusiness profile image

tobusiness 4 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

Frank, you surely know how to grab our attention, and just when we begin to breathe again you take our breath away. You are so mean!!.... :). simply brilliant my friend.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

thank you tobusiness...:) LOL


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

Good visual imagery. You engage the readers five senses. I think this is one of your best ones. voting up!


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

Thank you so much lovedoctor926 :) it means alot to me coming from someone with your writing ability :) bless you


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

You're very welcomed:) keep up the good work..


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

lovedoctor I read you fantasy piece on Authospot.. but couldn't comment there.. you do have a way with words..LOL I couldn't play the music video must be that sight... or is it playable? anyhow we should put our heads together and put up a fantasy short fiction together with your way with words we can have a good piece...yeah?


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

Lol. I think it would be a fantastic idea. The novel would definitely be a hit. I like the fantasy genre because of the fact that I'm a visual writer with a vivid imagination. The name of the song is do you believe in magic? lol. I will continue writing, editing & publishing on Triond and then we can exchange ideas and work on it together if you like. The problem with Triond now as far as leaving comments is that you need to create an account with Disqus. I'm still trying to figure out how to do that. well, let's get started. my creative juices are flowing. Here is the link. hopefully it works. http://authspot.com/poetry/from-fantasy-to-real-li...


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton Author

I meant a short story LOL :) ill keep checking this out though :)


lovedoctor926 3 years ago

that's fine. short is good too. Lol. added you on triond & did another version.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton Author

thanks Marlene :)


lisavanvorst profile image

lisavanvorst 2 years ago from New Jersey

Another Great Hub!


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 16 months ago from Shelton Author

thank you Lisa

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