Living With My Wife in Menopause, a Mans Story!

Have you seen my sweet little wife?

I suppose I could have titled this, Living with my wife during menopause. But this being my second wife ( who let me say now I love very much) and with us only being together just over five years now, four of which have been during menopause. And well I've seen more of the men-no than that sweet woman I married though I know shes still in there.

 

I love you!
I love you!
I love/hate you!
I love/hate you!
I hate your freakin guts! Aghhh!!!
I hate your freakin guts! Aghhh!!!

The Drama!

I kind of look at our time together sort of like the first Exorcist movie as per the pictures here. You know kinda like how we got the short glimpse of that sweet little Linda Blair, and then well pretty much all hell broke loose!

One minute she was sad, the next she was mad then crying, then depressed. I will say she did refrain from relieving herself as she was standing in the middle of the room, while we had company as in the movie. But I'm sure if I asked she only just barely avoided it a few times. Though somewhat like the movie it all started with little signs here and there a hot flash here a cold spell there.

And then it gradually became the full on bedroom scene, name calling, hate spewing, head spinning and other such drama. I mean honestly I have been nothing but sweet, loving and very much appreciative of her. Especially coming from a first marriage that well lets just say we we're two different people on two totally different paths. While my wife and I now are more like old souls, from the very moment we met it was as if we just knew each other. And besides me being all the above I will add my mother has never been anything but nice to her as well as she was the first one to tell me not to marry my first wife.

More of the drama carried into the bedroom as well. We started off our first year or so as most couples very passionate in the bedroom and though the passion was still there, the dryness and sheer pain she began to have kind of put a kink in the plan. I think though the hardest thing for me to deal with was the mood swings I felt like I was walking on eggshells most of the time. I consider myself a somewhat calm easy going kind of man and for the most part I would simply diffuse the arguments. But there were also plenty of days when I would just become frustrated and try to curse the devil out of her. Though I will admit I was no match for the evil (menopause) that had overcome her!

 

Rounding the final turn.

So now it seems we are nearing the end with what seems to be her final menstruation period. Her moisture has returned and with it the pain ( during intercourse) has eased. I am writing this though coming off what seems one last gasp of evil as the demon is departing her body though. The night sweats were there and added to that she had a coughing spell and last night was a horrible reminder of what we've been through.

You see I tried to go to bed with her and give the usual nightly cuddle time. Which normally ends with her asleep wrapped in my arms and then as I begin dosing I give one last kiss and turn over. But then the coughing began and what was worse is she had turned facing me and just laid there coughing in my face. No turning her head (yet) no covering her mouth and every time I would begin dosing off cough, cough. So then there I lay wide awake and seeing she was not letting up I said forget it and got up.

This was a big mistake as I did not recognise the evil was back and thus I was quickly followed by her arising. Then the head began slowly twisting, her neck crackling, the red began overtaking her eye's, the skin on her forehead wrinkling up, her mouth formed into an evil grin as she spouted these words. "If your not gonna sleep with me and want to stay up all night you can go find somewhere else to live"! Aghhhhhhhh!

Well this is when I quickly made it aware to her that I had went to sleep two or three times in fact but, ( it is a well known fact that the possessed often have no memory of the evil they have committed) that she was the one keeping me awake. I will admit that I quickly took a defensive posture as I finished saying this. But then ( insert light breaking from the heavens as an Angel Choir begins singing "Hallelujah" here) silence, no reply at all she got her drink of water and simply went back to bed. And I quickly followed returning to the cuddling and off to sleep we went. It wasn't an easy road but it seems we have reached our destination in tact and still very much in love!

My advice to any men going through this or living with a woman on menopause would consist of being patient, taking a few walks and for those who like to have the weekend beer and sports package just put it on hold. It will be there later but trust me the last thing you need if you want to keep your relationship is a bottle of bravado, a glass of I don't give a crap or a can of whip her arse! First of all because you can't afford the alcohol it will take to outlast her. Second because you really will give a crap, when you wake up. And third have you ever watched a drinker try to fight? Yeah your probably not gonna whip her but more importantly you don't really want to either.

So just hang in there the woman you love is still there she just has a battle with her hormones going on inside her. Be supportive, be calm, be patient, above all pray a lot, understand she still loves you and remember this to will pass.

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Comments 16 comments

RevLady profile image

RevLady 6 years ago from Lantana, Florida

Interesting hub. I have heard from and about women who experience difficult menopauses which, makes it difficult for the man too. My mother went right through it without any symptoms and it seems I inherited the same; no symptoms.

Good to know life for you seems to be soon returning to normal.

Blessings,

Forever His,


bayoulady profile image

bayoulady 6 years ago from Northern Louisiana,USA

Great hub for husbands! hopefully they will keep her heart.They will get their wife back, and she will never believe she was as bad as they say she was, so the husbands need to know..don't bring up"when you had the crazies".!!!!LOL!I know she appreciates deep in her heart your efforts to keep peace!

You do know, don't you that there is a male menopause? perhaps you should check it out...lol1


Robertbloggert profile image

Robertbloggert 6 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Thank you RevLady, and yeah I dont think most women have it so bad. I don't remember my mother acting this way much. But then I didn't mention in the hub my wife never had children. So maybe that has something to do with it.

But it does seem to be getting better every day. God is good all the time though and he has helped us through it.

Grace and Mercy to you Revlady and always remember, He chose us!


Robertbloggert profile image

Robertbloggert 6 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Bayoulady thanks, your comment gave me quite a giggle!

And just for the record I'm smarter than I may look, I know better than to even bring up how bad she was. Lol I just leave well enough alone and pray it keeps getting better cause we really our deeply in love as well as best friends.

Oh and the male menopause is that where men start dying their hair, trade in the sedan for a convertible coupe, empty out the savings account and start cruising for girls as young as their daughters? If so I've heard of that and I guess it is the same, pretty much losing ones mind.

In fact I know I've heard women say that, "Have you done gone and lost your mind?" Ha ha

Blessings Bayoulady and thanks again for the comment. May the peace that passes all understanding be with you!


Dave Mathews profile image

Dave Mathews 6 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

Robertbloggert: I know exactly what you are going through, as I have lived it for the past 7-1/2 years. Mood changes, Hot or Cold flashes,aches and pains,withdrawl of affection and lovemaking,forgetfulness,wrinkles, you name it.

As men, husbands,We no sooner have a very short breath of relief, because PMS.,walking on egg shells most of every month, because her emotions, are a torturing roller-coaster ride is over and done with, and we're back in the mental torture chamber with the next Female Curse, Menopause. See what happens when someone like EVE screws up. We as men get to suffer the rest of our lives.

Dave.


Robertbloggert profile image

Robertbloggert 6 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Hey thanks brother Dave for the comment, good to know I'm not alone here.

I guess we should really start praying for one another. Just remember deep breaths also I've found this to be a good time to use the "what would Jesus do" idea.

Hang in there though DM I hear they get better than ever when it's all over.

Grace and peace be with you!


bayoulady profile image

bayoulady 6 years ago from Northern Louisiana,USA

Hey there. I'm back to add to the discussion with a woman's perspective. Remember I am 61 and knoooooooow a few things about this topic.(Ha!) I've been reading the comments and wanted to add my 2 cents again.Most importatantly men need to remember that everytime a woman gets upset does not mean it's hormones. If there is one thing a woman absolutely hates, it is to have her emotions and hurts invalidated by a man saying..." I'll be glad when this hormone roller coaster is over!" OR he may say,"It's not that bad ,honey, it's just your hormones making it feel like a big deal." (Forgetting that since all of her married years she may have been a bit on the emotional side and was understood. Now HE thinks it is all the meno thing and says so....not good,not good!)

Yes,the male menopause is hormonal also, and though he may not feel weepy....his agitation over itty bitty things is quite evident.(in spite of his denial that he is grumpier and more morose than he used to be.) Some older men do try to chase their youth, but I think that the car and toupe thing is stereotypical guffawing mostly.

Super hub!


bayoulady profile image

bayoulady 6 years ago from Northern Louisiana,USA

uuuuhhhh..didn't realize I was so chatty above..ooopsie!


Robertbloggert profile image

Robertbloggert 6 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Well thank you Bayoulady for adding, and yes your very right most of us men are very bad about understanding the emotion side.

But then we pretty much tend to have a hard time figuring out a lot of things about women in some cases. And I admit I have my moments, although I have always been the kind of person who always feels for others as well. By this I mean I tend to stop and think how would that make me feel in regards to how I treat someone. And I will say it's an attribute that I think has truly helped me in my relationship.

Also as to the Eve statement I have to say I don't so much agree in anything being solely the womans fault. I think we pretty much are equally to blame.

And Jackie sweety you can be as chatty as you wish to be on any of my hubs. Although if you don't be careful I may just start calling you Mom! And that is a compliment Ha ha,

God bless you Jackie!


tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA

After reading this interesting hub, I am soooo not looking forward to that day. I am going to feel sorry for my poor hubby and warn him now.


Robertbloggert profile image

Robertbloggert 5 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Well tipoague I'll pray you have an easy transition and for your Hubbies sobriety as well. I am so thankful to the Lord for mine. And He as always delivered right on time, because I don't know if we would have made it. If I was still having my daily dose of courage in a can.

It's about to be 6 years this December and I praise God everyday for what is truly a blessed life!

And hang in there sweety God hears your prayers and he has captured every tear you've shed. And he will be right on time!


Ryan 5 years ago

Well I'm glad you didn't listen to your mom.


Robertbloggert profile image

Robertbloggert 5 years ago from Oklahoma Author

Well thank you Ryan, and there are three wonderful reasons(wait that has grown to five) why I'm glad I didn't either. Even though the overall outcome isn't what I would have wanted it to be.

I only wish I could enjoy them more! But then who can afford to live in Ohio and I'm not sure if they even want to see me anyway. It's ashame though they could all be house owners by now here in Oklahoma.

I just hope they know that I love them very much!


Deadmeat 5 years ago

My wife has just found out she is menopausal and the heads spinning already. Poor thing isn’t even 40 yet. Maybe I might hibernate for 5-6 years. As an experienced egg shell walker I have learned to just hang in there for the happy moments and do what I can(usually wrong)for her. Ironically I always fancied Linda Blair


Smith 3 years ago

My wife is in a medically menopausal state. I'm 35 and completely beside myself. A medical mistake caused this and I have no idea how to cope with it. It's so amplified at a younger age. I'll let you know how things turn out.


hollowman 23 months ago

Interesting perspective. From the sounds of your little glib blog post you got off easy. See the pictures you posted of Linda Blair in the Exorcist do not do justice to the Hell encountered by a large proportion of men who have a loving wife and marriage. Prior to this destroyer of lives called menopause entering into many lives. Unfortunately this problem of menopause in a natural or surgically induced state is also the root cause of many once loving spouses and marriages ending up in divorce in North America. HRT is like trying to take a splinter out with a Hammer. So I'm sorry patience and Prayer doesn't do Squat. Its about survival for all involved.

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