Love to be Bipolar! From Isolation to Success.
What to know first?
When You're Not Ashamed Anymore
Just so you know....I really love to be Bipolar because it gave me the opportunity to find out all about myself. Since there is so much information about Bipolar Disorder and its symptoms, nothing would be more boring than telling you the same.
I tried to kill myself in 1999. A long time ago when I was at the top of one of my maniacal stages. I suffered from psychoses, I hallucinated strongly and I hadn't been sleeping for weeks. I travelled around Holland for a few months, living like a millionaire and risking my life numerous times, by having unsafe sex with several men.
I'm not proud of what I did. In fact, it took me almost eight years to recover from all the guilt and shame, I carried along with me. Thanks to intensive therapy, good medication and a drastic change in life patterns, I find myself stronger and more stable than ever.
I love to be Bipolar because of all the maniacal stages I have experienced. They were very addictive at the time because of the immense power it fills you with. You feel so overwhelmed by new talents, creative thoughts and ideas and the intense feeling of being in total control of anything.
At least that's what you think! I lost complete control over my life and I could have easily grown old in a mental hospital with the rest of my fellow companions. After being hospitalized for the third time against my will, one very smart psychiatrist gave me an important message. It changed my life.
Basically he told me that I'm the kind of person to always know better. That I didn't have to change anything if I wanted to die soon. How stubborn Bipolar people suffer more, because they think they can do without medication, and what a waste it would be, to spend your life in and out of mental hospitals.
I was shocked by his upfront way of telling me all this, and at the same time I knew he was absolutely right. I am stubborn and I did hate my medication. Now I call them my candies. I take Carbamazepine and Seroquel. After the hell I've been through with Lithium and Risperdal, I can honestly say that I haven't felt this good and SANE in years.
In 1999 I ended up in isolation for a week. I lost everything in there. My self esteem was shattered, my character had been erased and I went through a long and horrible depression for years. I had to learn everything all over again. How to do some groceries, how to behave at a party, how to buy a train ticket and how to take care of myself.
- Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll Mania. Bipolar Women and Hypersexuality.
Symptoms, consequences and treatment for Manic Hypersexuality. Next to Depression and the lack of sexual feelings.
I'm proud to say that I'm Bipolar and I'm far away from that unhappy person I once was. I challenged myself in every kind of a way and decided to move to another country in 2009. Bipolar people can do great things when they're stable!
I moved from Holland to Spain, started my life all over again and tried to conquer my biggest fear. The fear of being on my own. Step by step I learned how to enjoy my freedom, travelled around the world and gained new strength. This time my strength came from inside. Not from some dangerous, uncontrollable state of mind.
I'm right now. I was diagnosed at the age of 23. My Bipolar Career started early on but I found my way back, through all the prejudices and harsh opinions of others. Life is a challenge and thanks to my Bipolar Disorder, I learned to live, life to the fullest. Every new day is a gift and thanks to the worst period in my life, I managed to be a better person.
I appreciate life more than ever and wish for anyone with Bipolar Disorder to find the same joy in life, as I have found. It hasn't been easy to get here, but I believe anyone is capable of living a satisfying life with Bipolar Disorder.
Remember this: Life's a gift....
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