Love to be Bipolar! From Isolation to Success.

What to know first?

From very ill to world traveler
From very ill to world traveler | Source

When You're Not Ashamed Anymore

Just so you know....I really love to be Bipolar because it gave me the opportunity to find out all about myself. Since there is so much information about Bipolar Disorder and its symptoms, nothing would be more boring than telling you the same.

I tried to kill myself in 1999. A long time ago when I was at the top of one of my maniacal stages. I suffered from psychoses, I hallucinated strongly and I hadn't been sleeping for weeks. I travelled around Holland for a few months, living like a millionaire and risking my life numerous times, by having unsafe sex with several men.

I'm not proud of what I did. In fact, it took me almost eight years to recover from all the guilt and shame, I carried along with me. Thanks to intensive therapy, good medication and a drastic change in life patterns, I find myself stronger and more stable than ever.

I love to be Bipolar because of all the maniacal stages I have experienced. They were very addictive at the time because of the immense power it fills you with. You feel so overwhelmed by new talents, creative thoughts and ideas and the intense feeling of being in total control of anything.

At least that's what you think! I lost complete control over my life and I could have easily grown old in a mental hospital with the rest of my fellow companions. After being hospitalized for the third time against my will, one very smart psychiatrist gave me an important message. It changed my life.

Basically he told me that I'm the kind of person to always know better. That I didn't have to change anything if I wanted to die soon. How stubborn Bipolar people suffer more, because they think they can do without medication, and what a waste it would be, to spend your life in and out of mental hospitals.

I was shocked by his upfront way of telling me all this, and at the same time I knew he was absolutely right. I am stubborn and I did hate my medication. Now I call them my candies. I take Carbamazepine and Seroquel. After the hell I've been through with Lithium and Risperdal, I can honestly say that I haven't felt this good and SANE in years.

In 1999 I ended up in isolation for a week. I lost everything in there. My self esteem was shattered, my character had been erased and I went through a long and horrible depression for years. I had to learn everything all over again. How to do some groceries, how to behave at a party, how to buy a train ticket and how to take care of myself.

I'm proud to say that I'm Bipolar and I'm far away from that unhappy person I once was. I challenged myself in every kind of a way and decided to move to another country in 2009. Bipolar people can do great things when they're stable!

I moved from Holland to Spain, started my life all over again and tried to conquer my biggest fear. The fear of being on my own. Step by step I learned how to enjoy my freedom, travelled around the world and gained new strength. This time my strength came from inside. Not from some dangerous, uncontrollable state of mind.

I'm right now. I was diagnosed at the age of 23. My Bipolar Career started early on but I found my way back, through all the prejudices and harsh opinions of others. Life is a challenge and thanks to my Bipolar Disorder, I learned to live, life to the fullest. Every new day is a gift and thanks to the worst period in my life, I managed to be a better person.

I appreciate life more than ever and wish for anyone with Bipolar Disorder to find the same joy in life, as I have found. It hasn't been easy to get here, but I believe anyone is capable of living a satisfying life with Bipolar Disorder.

Remember this: Life's a gift....

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Comments 33 comments

Made profile image

Made 5 years ago from Finland

I like your hub. Thanks for sharing this personal information about yourself. I'm glad you're having a good life now. :)


Escobana profile image

Escobana 5 years ago from Valencia Author

Thnanks so much Made! I hope to smimulate anyone with Bipolar Disorder to speak about it openly. It can make life much lighter.


DocNan profile image

DocNan 5 years ago

Well, Escobana, I feel you are terrifically honest and courageous in that you accept this "disorder" simply as another amazing part of your AMAZING self!

Brava! Keep the words to help others coming, as these words, in turn, will help you, too, as I know you know!

;>) Nan


Escobana profile image

Escobana 5 years ago from Valencia Author

I love your comment! It really helps me to believe in myself. I'll keep on writing as good as I can, always using that same honesty. XXX Escobana!


Justsilvie 5 years ago

Thanks for sharing your story Escobana. It has a happy ending and that is always a pleasure to read.

You are a very strong woman and I look forward to reading more from you and about you.

I hope my Daughter-in-law finds the stability you did and will someday there will also be a happy ending for her.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 5 years ago from Valencia Author

I'm happy to be able to share my story here! I honestly hope for any person diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, to find the strenght one day to accept their disorder.

My life changed after really accepting it, although it took me at least 6 years to do so. Only after that moment, therapy and medication had its effect on me.

It took me another 8 years to really feel like that very strong and determined woman I am now. Being impatient and stubborn as I am always, I can never be more greatful for everything I've learned over the years.

I wish for your Daughter-in-law to find the same stability and piece within her. Life is so much nicer then.


Erin LeFey profile image

Erin LeFey 5 years ago from Maryland

Escobana, thank you for being another bipolar success story that proves that adversity and challenge can make you stronger. Along with that - there is always something inside that helps us accept ourselves and make the best of any situation in order to find the fullness of life. I admire your courage and your stubborness - not giving up the fight to live. I know first hand how dibilitating this disorder is - voted you up - both beautiful and awesome! Would love to hear more of your stories. Brightest Blessings my friend.


DocNan profile image

DocNan 5 years ago

Hear! Hear, Erin. I want to hear more from Escobana. She has much to teach all of us through her bravery and tenacity for a healthy, fun life in the face of hardships.

Nan


DocNan profile image

DocNan 5 years ago

P.S. to Erin ~

You look JUST like my daughter!

Nan


Escobana profile image

Escobana 5 years ago from Valencia Author

Dear Erin!

So nice to have met you here and I love the emails! Thanks for voting me up. Hubpages really opened up another world to me. Blessings to you too:-)


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 5 years ago from Arkansas, USA

This is great that you can be so open about being bipolar. And LOVING to be bipolar. You could truly help a lot of people who suffer with the illness. I hope more and more people will read what you have to share. Voted up, useful, and beautiful!


Escobana profile image

Escobana 5 years ago from Valencia Author

I truly hope I will help people out there because it would mean a lot to me. I've always been open about it. It's in my nature. Even though it meant, losing friends over it. You will meet people who understand and respect you for whatever problem you have.

It's a matter of believe. Thanks so much for your comment Victoria! XXX


WriteAngled profile image

WriteAngled 5 years ago from Treorci, Cymru

Wonderful attitude and strength. I have heard so many people use being bipolar as an excuse not to bother to do anything with their lives, it is lovely to read how you managed to turn yourself around.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 5 years ago from Valencia Author

Hi WriteAngled,

It has been very 'easy' for me for a long time to hide behind my Bipolar Disorder. It made me inactive and scared for any decision I had to make in life.

Lovely to know you read about someone different here:-) It's exactly what I'm trying to be. Different and in control of my BD instead of living in constant fear of when it might show up again.

Thanks for reading!


ExoticHippieQueen 5 years ago

Escobana, thank you for this article! My daughter is bipolar and refuses medication and therapy, therefore, her life is an unstable mess, and my baby granddaughter is along for the ride. See "Taking Remote Control". I am always looking for something to help her. It was good to read of your many struggles and ultimate peace. God bless!


Escobana profile image

Escobana 5 years ago from Valencia Author

Hi ExoticHippieQueen!

(Love the nickname:-) You're very welcome! My other Hubs explain more about the struggle of becoming a motner or not.

Not taking meds or following therapy had lots to do with accepting my Bipolar. It took me six years of endless episodes and I can only wish for your daughter to see the benefit of meds and therapy.

Everyone is different in terms of time to accept and time to find the right meds but I believe strongly that your daughter can be as much in piece as I am. I hope with all my heart she will, just like her daughter.

God bless you too and thanks for following me! Appreciate your comment a lot:-)


crazybeanrider profile image

crazybeanrider 5 years ago from Washington MI

What an amazing adventure you have had with bipolar. I am so happy it changed your life in such a positive way. It can be done and I see that. You are inspiring to all that suffer. I hope I can find that combination of meds and move forward from these vicious cycles I have right now. You are such a positive influence. Great hub!


Escobana profile image

Escobana 5 years ago from Valencia Author

Thanks so much for your lovely comment! I'm glad I inspire you by reading my Hub because I do think more people with Bipolar who still suffer from it, need to know that there is a way to get out of that vicious circle.

I'll be writing Hubs about simple ways, how to get out of that circle, because inspiration is one thing. Getting to where I got is more important:-)


lbramos profile image

lbramos 5 years ago from Porto, Portugal

Great hub, it was nice to read a so direct testimonial on this "state of mind"! I have a bipolar friend and I'm going to forward him you're hubs, hope it helps him too!

And you, keep enjoying life as you have, take all the good things this has brought to you and just... HAVE FUN! :)


Escobana profile image

Escobana 5 years ago from Valencia Author

Hi Ibramos:-)

You've got yourself a new follower and I sure hope your friend will benefit from my Hubs. The last one especially explains how I managed to get my life back on track.

I will definitely go on having fun as you said, writing about my life, to inspire other 'friends of mine'.

Will be following you too! Great to read your other Hubs about totally different topics:-)


GlstngRosePetals profile image

GlstngRosePetals 5 years ago from Wouldn't You Like To Know

Escobana: Great Hub and thankyou for sharing this with all of us. I think your very brave and I'm glad to see your taking control of your bipolar instead of it taking control of you. Welcome to hub pages you'll love it here everyone is awesome. You have me as a follower and a friend as well. Your off to a great start.


brakel2 profile image

brakel2 5 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Hi- Welcome to HubPages. Your story is both sad and joyful. The joyful part is now, so that is good. You are an excellent writer and tell your story well. It is well organized and filled with good emotion. I wish you success, as you travel on a good path. I can't wait to read your other hubs.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 5 years ago from Valencia Author

Hi there GistngRosePetals,

Thanks so much for welcoming me:-) I'm very happy to feel in control of my Bipolar! You'll have me as your follower and friend as well:-) Very nice to meet you here!


Escobana profile image

Escobana 5 years ago from Valencia Author

Hola Brakel2,

It's true that there is a lot of joy to my story. Something I will always try to keep in my Hubs since Bipolar Disorder is heavy enough on it's own.

Thanks so much for following me. I'm very curious about the path I'll be following here on Hubpages:-) The compliments I receive on my writing are the most surprising element to me here. Me an excellent writer?

Never thought I'd be hearing that one day from a community of intelligent writers such as yourself!

I'm feeling quite good here!


klarawieck 5 years ago

Very brave of you to accept yourself with all your perfection and flaws. Most of us have a thing or two to learn from you. Thanks for writing this hub.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 5 years ago from Valencia Author

Dear Klarawieck:-)

I've come a long way! Accepting myself with my everlasting flaws has been hard, but I do hope for anyone to experience the same. Anyone deserves real happiness!

Thanks for commenting and putting some time in reading my Hub!


Erica 5 years ago

That's all very interesting but some of us don't have the capacity to earn money and travel.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 5 years ago from Valencia Author

I certainly didn't have the capacity before, I don't earn money but receive a small pension, I learned how to put money aside and I'm very good at looking for the best discounts on holidays.

I'm very sorry to hear you don't feel you have the capacity to earn money or travel but I sense, you're in a fase of your life, being stuck.

I've been stuck for years in a row, found my way back though, lucky to have my pension for sure and I absolutely believe, others can achieve this kind of happiness as well.

Best wishes Erica...


DocNan profile image

DocNan 5 years ago

Hi, Escobana!

I just heard last night that my bi-polar friend who was going to travel to Spain with her bi-polar male friend will not be coming. And surprisingly, it's not because SHE doesn't have the capacity or the funds (though she also lives on a disability pension), but it is her friend who had to be hospitalized the other day because he became very unstable.

Sigh...I really hate this BP. It rears its ugly head when least expected, but I must say that he probably had a setback because of so much stress in their personal life and the stress all are feeling in the US right now.

Namaste! ;>)

Nan


schoolgirlforreal profile image

schoolgirlforreal 4 years ago from USA

Hi there,

I think one of my biggest challenges during certain periods of my life was to accept the diagnosis. I really have never felt like a "sick person" as I'm so high functioning in so many ways. But you make a great point and you know I think the better one feels, those feelings of stigma disappear.

I've written many hubs on the subject of bipolar. Glad to hear you're doing well.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia Author

Marc-Carilett and Schoolgirlforreal,

Thanks to you both for leaving a comment here. Stigma´s and feeling sick, aren´t easy to avoid when being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder but it is possible!

I´m glad you both found my Hub useful:-)


carolinemd21 profile image

carolinemd21 3 months ago from Close to Heaven

Hi Escobana,

I just read your article and think you are amazing for telling the whole world your story. You are so passionate and fun. If I were in Europe I would love to look you up and to have drinks sometime! lol. Great work. You are very inspiring!


Escobana profile image

Escobana 2 months ago from Valencia Author

Hi Carolinemd12,

You're very welcome to join me for a drink. I'm sure we'll have a blast! Happy to hear I'm inspiring to you.

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