Malarkey

ma·lar·ky

 n. Slang.

Exaggerated or foolish talk, usually intended to deceive: "snookered by a lot of malarkey" (New Republic).

Or, also known as, my grandmother's favorite word. Which was her way of saying "Bulls&%t!"

Finding Malarky

You have to admit that there is nothing better than hearing/ or reading the malarky that passes through sometimes. Talk about good comic relief. Professional writers couldn't make up some of the fertilizer being broadcast by a chosen few. I've heard some pretty good ones, and I'm sure, I have had many malarkey moments.

Somehow we just keep our mouths shut, and allow the person to keep on speaking with all the ferver of a hybrid cross of a used car salesman, lawyer, and auctioneer. Many of these wonderful bits of malarkey are greater than any tall-tale spun in American folklore. Yet, many are as memorable and  as humorous as the Archie Bunker toilet (or 'turlet', as Archie used to say) flush.  

Some of my favorite pieces of  malarkey were found in jail... I'm not talking about the usual stuff you hear in there, but the really interesting bits of malarkey. Granted I am giving all of you the "Reader's Digest versions," but I think you'll get the gist. 

"Shakey"

First, a guy simply known as "Shakey."

"Shakey" was this little guy, probably around 55 year of age, called Shakey for reasons made obvious, because he shook like a mexican hairless in a cold Montana night. Anyway "Shakey" was allegedly charged with "loitering and stalking."

Now, how is the hell do you loiter and stalk at the same time? Aren't both completely opposite of each other?

Jerry "the Rocket-Man"

Next is my all time favorite...the saga of Jerry "the Rocket-Man."

*Reminder* this is his story and not no one could really confrim it.

Here is a guy who has a commerical signal flare gun inside his jacket, while in a drunken moment in a bar, he pulls an airhorn out of his coat pocket and blasts it twice. Then asks, "Hey, has anyone ever seen a rocket laucher before?" Then proceeds to pull this "rocket launcher" from inside his jacket and show it to the bar.

Folks are parting through the exits, like the Red Sea parting for Moses.

Of course, the cops come and "jailarity happens."

They're not alone...

Also, when I was being held in jail for 3 months, after having my bond revoked last year for those 2 DUIs in 16 days. My offical charges I was being held on was "contempt of court, refused to testify."

Absolutely glorious malarkey.

BRUCE COCKBURN - "If I Had A Rocket Launcher"

"Some stupid with a flare gun...."

More by this Author

  • 1920's Entertainment Flagpole-Sitting
    39

    Once upon a time, back in the glorious days of when marathon dancers kept the hop going, six-day bicycle riders rode to where ever they were headed, and college goldfish swallowers ruled, some of the goofy things that...

  • Quotes from Bill W.
    3

    "Most of us feel we need look no further for Utopia. We have it with us right here and now. Each day my friend's simple talk in our kitchen multiplies itself in a widening circle of peace on earth and good will to...

  • 100 Song's Best Lines
    36

    1 All lies and jest, still, a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest. - Simon and Garfunkel, The Boxer 2 All of us get lost in the darkness, dreamers learn to steer by the stars. - Rush, The Pass 3...


Comments 4 comments

Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Ah, St. James, I'm thinking you must be Irish. Tis a grand thing, tis! Enjoyed your stories. Glad you got something positive out of your jail experience, too! MM


William F. Torpey profile image

William F. Torpey 7 years ago from South Valley Stream, N.Y.

With both my grandfathers having been Irish, the word "malarky" was in very common usage when I was a young boy growing up in Yonkers, N.Y. I've always considered it a synonym of "baloney." I was never in jail, but we had a few types like "Shakey" and "the Rocket Man" in our neighborhood, and I can guarantee you they were sure full of malarkey. Enjoyed your story, St. James.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York

Enjoyed reading. Today I got familiarized with a new term 'Malarky'. I learnt something.


tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 7 years ago from South Africa

Thanks for an interesting Hub.

Love and peace,

Tony (not Irish, but certainly Celtic!)

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working