Men-Your Body Is A Vehicle
Gentlemen, it is time we had a little discussion. It has come to my attention that not all men are created evil, I mean equal. (Sorry for the slip-up.) What I mean is that the little bitty chromosome that makes you male does not carry a gene that allows you to know when you look like a fool. Many of you are very good at knowing when to change the oil in your car, the blades on your mower, and when to perform routine maintenance on your house. However, you do not seem to know when to go to the doctor, call a professional, or trim your toe-nails. This is for you, the non-metro, rough and rugged man who could use a woman’s touch.
Think of your body as a high-performance car. It requires routine maintenance in order for it run at peak performance. You know that preventative maintenance is imperative in preventing any major problems from arising. The same goes for you. When you change your car’s oil, check to see if you have any errant hairs that would be better off not seen. This includes eyebrows, ears, nose, knuckles, toes, and, of course, head. Many women do mind a man with long hair as long as it is not a frizzy, knotted mess. Do not be afraid, it is not required that you wax, but please do use a quality set of tweezers.
While on the subject of keeping hair in optimum condition, the quality of shampoo and conditioner you use does make a difference. Think of the difference between a cheap-off brand car wash compared to Meguiar’s products. It is okay if you opt for middle of the road such as Turtle Wax, they are a good, solid company as well with quality products at reasonable prices. In that respect, the cheaper shampoo and conditioners like White Rain are okay in a pinch, Pantene Pro V products are a better choice, and brands like Paul Mitchell are top of the line. How good you treat your hair shows. Using a frizz reducing product such as those found in John Frieda’s line is the equivalent to a good coat of wax, it will protect your hair from the elements and keep your hair looking shiny. Hint: Girls like that.
They also like a man who will not cut them when they are cuddling. In other words, keep your facial hair in check and trim those nails! It is perfectly fine for you to have facial hair, just keep it trimmed and tended. If there are parts of your face that are not covered in hair, remember that you do not like rubbing a woman’s legs when she is stubbly and she does not like touching your face, or having hers rubbed off, by your stubble. It would be like trying to wax the car before cleaning it, the dirt and grime would get in the way, it does not feel right, and the overall effect is damaging. There is no reason why your beard cannot be smooth and knot free. This is a daily chore, like checking your gas gauges every time you get in your vehicle. Checking your nail length should ideally be weekly, just like it is a good idea to check your vehicle’s other fluids frequently.
When the occasion arises that you are not sure about what to wear, think about how a car would look if you combined that color combination on it. If the combination would not work on a car, do not wear it on your body. You would not mix racing stripes with an all-over flame job, it just doesn’t look quite right. While we are on the subject of things not looking right, wearing socks with your flip-flops is the equivalent of putting snow tires on in the summer, it does not work.
Let us see now, we have covered the hair, nails, and outer appearance, so let us move on to your physical health. Your vehicle will not run smoothly if the proper fluid levels are not maintained. The same applies to you. Your body needs water to function efficiently. Yes, there are vehicles that run on alcohol. They are extremely high performance vehicles designed for the sole purpose of going really fast for short distances. Your body is not like that. Even a professional athlete’s body is more like a supped-up muscle car than a straight track funny car. The average male body is better thought of as a luxury sedan at it’s best and a clunker at it’s worst. You do not want to be that Pinto sputtering down the road choking on your exhaust with your rusted out paint job. You want to be a smooth, ultra-efficient, uber-powerful classic cruising down the boulevard with your sparkling new paint. Even if you would rather be considered a truck or a motorcycle, you don’t want to be riding the laughing stock of the garage, you want something impressive, something respectable. Be that workhorse! Be that chopper! But be the best you can be.
That means that when your temperature gauge rises, do what it takes to get that temp down! In your car, you know that the radiator will blow if you do not. In your body, prolonged periods of fever can do major damage to your internal organs as well as your brain. Your mother should have told you that a fever means your body is fighting off infection. She is right. Just because your body is fighting it, that does not mean that it will win the fight on it’s own. Your car’s temp will fall after you shut the engine off but the cause of the problem is still there. Ditto goes for you, Mack. Get to your doctor. You may be able to perform all the necessary basic repairs on your vehicle yourself, but there are times when you need help. It is okay to ask for help. You know when it is time to concede you need to get that car to the shop, do the same for your body.
What good is 1960 Chevrolet Chevelle SS with an Edlebrock enhanced 350 under the hood rumbling through a Glasspak muffler going to a dual exhaust, a custom Chip Foose paint job sitting on brand new tires if the battery is dead? Take good care of your car, take good care of your body.
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