How to deal with PMS - Tips for men to survive wife's PMS
PMS is not fun, not for me, not for you, and certainly not for my husband. PMS is the onset of my Hulk transformation. I stop being myself, and I turn into my husband's worst nightmare and communication becomes futile.
Much like the Hulk, I'm not really in control of myself when PMS arrives. My hormonal impulses take over my sweet nature (okay, so I may not be the sweetest person in the world, but I'm way nicer when PMS is not ruling my world). This is how I look when I'm afflicted by PMS:
However, unlike the Hulk in the Avengers, I haven't learned to control my impulses yet. So, while I figure out how to help myself, I created a list of things to help my suffering husband deal with my PMS . I'm sharing this list with you because I don't want to feel like we are the only couple that needs this crazy list.
So, here are my best tips to help you, poor men, know how to deal with PMS.
Don't offer any solutions, unless...
Please don't ever, ever tell us to take a pill. And whatever you do, don't ever say "take a chill pill" as this may result in the end of your days.
You don't have to tell us to take medication. We know a pill makes things better most of the time. If we seem like we need a pill, chances are we already took one and it just isn't working. Unlike children, we don't need to be reminded to take our medicine. Au contraire! We desperately want it! So when you imply that we are too stupid to remember to take a pill, we feel deeply insulted, which will undoubtedly make us feel angrier toward you.
However, if your solutions include a massage, a hot cup of tea, baking a hot chocolate cake or any other goody, then by all means, offer as many solutions as you want. It's not that we don't like solutions. We like them, as long as they make us feel like a precious gem and not like a stupid child.
Keep your distance, but don't go too far
So what exactly is a good distance to keep? During these horrible days, we girls want to have enough space to ourselves to tear anything we want to tear down. We want to have enough space to rip all the pillows we want to rip, and to cry wherever we want to cry. Keep away from this space. However, don't go too far. We want you to stay close enough so you can come rescue us in case the need for a scoop of ice cream may arise.
Sound selfish? A little, but keep in mind that we are super sweet during any other time of the month.
Girls, let's not be jerks.
PMS is a very real thing, but it should, in no way, be used as an excuse to hurt others, or to treat others like chewed gum stuck to your shoe.
Some women may use this horrible time of the month to take advantage of their significant other, or to do anything else that they could get away with.
Please notice that I am, in no way, advocating for this kind of behavior. I'm simply stating what could happen and how hormones can mess with a woman's head.
But, girls, let's try to be as nice as we possibly can, okay? Okay!
Don't expect too much
PMS can be so severe that sometimes all we can do is lie in bed all day. Cramps can be so sharp that just walking proves to be a real challenge. So don't expect a clean house, a warm meal or pretty much anything else. Not gonna happen.
Here's what you can do: clean, cook, feed the children, take them to park, etc.. you get the point.
Understand what's going on
I don't believe men will ever fully understand the complexity (and pain) of PMS. In an effort to win your sympathy, I will attempt to explain what goes on.
During PMS, our brains don't fully belong to us. They become controlled by tiny, evil creatures called hormones. We know we shouldn't act the way we do, but the fight against these evil creatures is close to impossible. So it's like we are seeing ourselves do things we don't want to do and feel completely overpowered. Keep in mind that all this is happening while blood is coming out of our lady parts and our uterus is cramping like Parkinson's on caffeine.
It is as if we were fighting two fights: one with our brains and one with our uterus. NOT FUN!
PMS doesn't necessarily mean we will always be in a crappy mood. No, what will be the fun of that? For added extra fun, PMS decides to give us women mood swings that are just "delightful" both for you and us. So one minute we may be super happy, and the next we are ready to eat your head.
Keep a calendar, but don't let us know you're keeping track
Keeping a calendar of our period is a wonderful way to know when and how to deal with PMS. It may help you understand a sudden fit of anger. But, please, whatever you do, don't let us know you're keeping track. This will only make us feel like some kind of time bomb or monster that can't be controlled. We don't like to feel like some kind of creep right out of a sci-fi movie.
Plus, if you keep a calendar and we don't know, we will just see you as a super sweet guy that really knows how to understand his woman, and that will earn you a ton of brownie points.
In the end...
Yes, this may seem like a lot of work for all you poor carriers of a Y chromosome. But, following these instructions will help you keep a happy wife (girlfriend, whatever) and thus, also result in a happier you. We are willing to shower you with hugs and kisses if you understand this complex process we have to endure every month.
Remember: learning how to deal with PMS is no easy task, but practice makes perfect!
Jim Carrey and Pms
Funny Pms Survival Guide
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