Ways to Grieve

If you recently lost someone you love, it is likely that you feel a sense of abandonment or unmanageable grief. Some people find that it is better to hide your feelings or shake them away, but the truth is, you need time to grieve and that is healthy.

If you suppress your feelings, your grief is likely to catch up with you later on in life.

This article will help you as you recover from the death of a loved one while also moving on with your life. Do not let losing someone damage your future.

Take charge of your life while also giving yourself time to mourn.

How to Grieve

Some people try bottle up their emotions about the loss, while others may be so overcome with grief that they forget that they are still alive. You want to find a balance between these two extremes when mourning over a loved one. Here are some simple things you can do to assure you are grieving healthily:

Write in a journal to help you express emotions.
Write in a journal to help you express emotions. | Source
Find peace by going somewhere tranquil.
Find peace by going somewhere tranquil. | Source
  1. Cry: Crying is a healthy way to express your emotions. Don't hold back the tears if you are feeling significant pain.
  2. Show Others You Care: If you are grieving, you may feel like there is nothing you care about more than the person in your life that has passed. A great way to grieve is to spend time with others you love and show that you care about them too. Fellowship is one of the greatest healers--don't forget that!
  3. Keep a Journal: Even if you aren't much of a writer, keeping a journal is very helpful when attempting to express your emotions. When I'm angry, I start to write. It doesn't matter what the finished product is, or whether you ever look back on what you wrote. Writing helps you to get all of your thoughts out of your mind and on the paper.
  4. Make Art: When I began my undergraduate studies, I wanted to pursue something called "Art Therapy." This type of therapy is used for young children or grieving people that need to express their emotions, but would rather not communicate with words. You can choose to make a scrapbook with photos of your loved one, or do an activity called "This is how I feel," where you create a piece of art that illustrates your inner thoughts and feelings. These activities are helpful to those who do not want to participate in traditional therapy.
  5. See a Therapist: If you feel like the death was unexpected or troubling, you may want to speak with someone about your feelings. Do not see this as weak. Sometimes just talking to someone is the best medicine for a sad soul.
  6. Write a Letter: If you feel like things between you and the loved one didn't end well, write them a letter. You may go as far as to stick it in a mailbox if you want. This is an effective way to rid yourself of any hard feelings.
  7. Keep Yourself Happy: Don't let this death stop you in your tracks! Eat healthy food, exercise and do things that you love. You don't want to lock yourself in your room for days, missing out on the life you are lucky to still have.
  8. Rearrange Your Room: Some people say that major life changes are not a solution to recovering after a loved one's death, but I find that rearranging the furniture in your home can help you start a new chapter in your life and leave the past behind you.
  9. Create a Routine: You may be feeling lost without your loved one, but making rituals around their death can help you to grieve. Say a prayer for them every morning or simply create things for yourself each day like exercising to keep you active.
  10. Do Things in Their Name: When a friend of mine passed away, we would always do things in his name. "This is for JJ," we'd say. By grieving, I don't mean forgetting your loved one. Make sure to do things in their name--things they'd like to do. I would often dedicate waves to lost ones while surfing.

Do you prefer seeing a therapist or doing alternative therapy like art therapy?

  • I would try both
  • I prefer traditional therapy
  • I prefer alternative forms of therapy
  • Neither. Therapy never helps me.
See results without voting

Now that you have ten steps on how to move on after a loved one, you can make a difference in your life. Don't give up and put your future in danger. The goal is not to forget, but to move on in a healthy and positive way. Good luck and I'm sorry for your loss.

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Comments 23 comments

kat11 profile image

kat11 5 years ago from Illinois

I really enjoyed reading your hub. It really has some excellent ideas unfortunately when it comes to our society they have taught men that all of those ideas make you a sissy. Voted up


brittanytodd profile image

brittanytodd 5 years ago from Kailua-Kona, Hawaii Author

That's true, Kat. Hopefully this list will come in handy to those in need.


mary615 profile image

mary615 5 years ago from Florida

I think everyone has to grieve in their own way. This is a good Hub with good advice, though.


brittanytodd profile image

brittanytodd 5 years ago from Kailua-Kona, Hawaii Author

I agree, Mary. Thank you for reading.


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 4 years ago from San Francisco

I wish that this weren't the case, but unless one dies quite early, such experiences as losing a loved one are quite inevitable. I love the mixture of healing activities you've outlined- it's nice and balanced, and quite varied, which is great because I've seen that people rect quite differently to death!


brittanytodd profile image

brittanytodd 4 years ago from Kailua-Kona, Hawaii Author

Thank you, Simone. I wish this wasn't a part of life also, but unfortunately, it's something that we all have to cope with sometimes. Yes, everyone reacts differently to death. These tips are suggestions for the person who is having trouble grieving or moving on. Thanks for reading/commenting!


JT Walters profile image

JT Walters 4 years ago from Florida

Brittany,

What a wonderful article you have written. May I ask you a question? I have been writing since my Mother's death but I have been unable to regain my focus to return to oil painting.

Seriously, I am unable to oil paint anymore. It is like that skill died with my Mother. Do you have any suggestions?

Thannk you,

JT

PS

I probably should stop writing for a month or two and then try to go back to painting right?


brittanytodd profile image

brittanytodd 4 years ago from Kailua-Kona, Hawaii Author

JT, thank you so much for reading. I did some research outside of my own experiences for this hub and read about people who were so deeply affected by the death of a loved one, that they lost some of their skills, like you said. It is because you may feel like a big part of you was lost when she passed. Know that this is not the case.

To regain your skills, I would suggest practicing painting again and maybe even returning to old works you have done and try to recreate them. This way, you will be able to mimic the motions you used to paint back when you felt you could.

Another thing I read online was that painting rocks was very soothing. I don't know how true this is and didn't include it in my hub, but this could be a way for you to re-learn how to hold the paintbrush and possibly get the motions down.

As much as I will miss reading your amazing articles, I think it is important for you to find your oil paintings skills again and keep your future in mind as you carry on in life. I hope I've helped (even a little). Again, I am so sorry for your loss and wish you the best!

Brittany


homesteadbound profile image

homesteadbound 4 years ago from Texas

As I was reading your hub, I thought of JT and I see that she has beat me here.

This was a great hub that I hope I won't need for a long long time. Death is so painful.


brittanytodd profile image

brittanytodd 4 years ago from Kailua-Kona, Hawaii Author

It is, HSB. I hope that it helps some people through some hard times.


JT Walters profile image

JT Walters 4 years ago from Florida

Thanks Brittany,

I will give it a try. I can't recreat my old paintings as my family usually claimed them as holiday prizes when they would come for Christmas but I can start again.

I guess I am just not completely healed. I will give it a try after the holidays. I want to focus on my son for this season

Thanks for the great advice and the great article. I have done 3 years of work on hubpages if I take six months off to retrain my brain to paint again. I will just come back a stronger person.

Thank you so much for your research.

It is so appreciated. Painting is the only skill I have seem to have lost but it was only 4 years old to begin with. Trauma and it's effects on learned behavior sounds like a really great dissertation.

All My Best,

JT


brittanytodd profile image

brittanytodd 4 years ago from Kailua-Kona, Hawaii Author

You're welcome, JT, and I wish I could find more sources on that topic. It would make a very interesting dissertation, I agree. I also think it would be so beneficial to those like you who have had a similar experience. Maybe I will take that on as my next research project.

I know that after your break, you will come back stronger than ever before! You are an amazing writer and I have shared some of your work with my friends. They all send their condolences and wish you the best in the future.

Thank you so much for commenting. I will let you know if I pursue any research related to trauma and skill loss.

Take care,

Brittany


JT Walters profile image

JT Walters 4 years ago from Florida

Thank you.

As a researcher I admire your abilities researching. No one could handle this topice better then you.

Thank you for sharing my work and for the compliment. I admire your work as well.

Please leep me posted on any research you conduct.

Happy Holidays!!!

JT


brittanytodd profile image

brittanytodd 4 years ago from Kailua-Kona, Hawaii Author

Oh, thank you so much, JT. I will keep you posted. Happy holidays and new year!


K9keystrokes profile image

K9keystrokes 4 years ago from Northern, California

Grief is a formidable emotion and can, in some cases, make or break a person forever. People must learn to grieve, as it is a process and a difficult one at that. You have done a good thing here Brittany, your step by step method for grieving may well help a broken heart to heal a little faster. Well done!

HubHugs~

K9


brittanytodd profile image

brittanytodd 4 years ago from Kailua-Kona, Hawaii Author

Thank you, K9! These steps are just some suggestions to help a person through that sensitive time. Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

Cheers!

Brittany


epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

...excellent caring and thoughtful hub subject by obviously a world class journalist - you handled a sensitive topic with class, dignity and intelligence.

lake erie time 3:04am


brittanytodd profile image

brittanytodd 4 years ago from Kailua-Kona, Hawaii Author

Thank you so much, Epi, for reading and for leaving me such a flattering comment! -Brittany


Derdriu 4 years ago

Brittany, What a helpful, practical, useful summary of how not to fall apart after the death of another! It actually is an effective recipe for dealing with the loss of anyone or anything cherished, be it ended relationships, major disappointments or the finality of death. In particular, I like art therapy because it helps the therapist tailor the therapy. For example, the children who survived the bombing of Gernika in Euzkadi during WWII were able to receive more effective care once they were given the opportunity to draw out their trauma, which they did in exceedingly accurate, detailed and poignant ways. Historians in fact can identify the exact aircraft type from those drawings.

Thank you for sharing, etc.,

Derdriu


brittanytodd profile image

brittanytodd 4 years ago from Kailua-Kona, Hawaii Author

Thank you, Derdriu. I didn't know about the children from Gernika. That is so interesting. I think that art therapy is very helpful to those that do not want to become reliant on medications or any other sort of "band-aid" tactic to therapy. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts.


Teresa Coppens profile image

Teresa Coppens 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Lovely and effective hub Brittany. My husband's father passes five days before Christmas and the funeral was two days before Christmas. Our three boys participated in his wake and funeral which helped with closure for them. It was hard to see my husband cry but I know it will help him cope and I'm glad he can grieve in this way. The funeral home gave each family group of Opa's a candle to light on Christmas Day to have him with us. I found myself talking to Opa through the candle. Great article and well researched.


brittanytodd profile image

brittanytodd 4 years ago from Kailua-Kona, Hawaii Author

Teresa, I am so sorry for your family's loss. It must have been difficult during the holiday season. I wish all of the best for you and your family as I know it must have been so difficult. Remember to make time to reflect without regret. Thank you so much for reading and commenting and I hope 2012 brings you joy and new opportunities.


baygirl33 profile image

baygirl33 4 years ago from Hamilton On.

Thanks for writing and sharing.I have lost my love this last summer and my heart does not want to heal. I have done all those things you have advised. I'm so sorry for your loss! I have tried all those things you said. I guess we'll just have to keep trying.

i know

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