Healing Touch Part 3: Overcoming Fear
Overcoming fear is part of the journey in the use of the gift of your healing touch. Why? How?
The initial discovery of knowing that one has a meaning and purpose in life somehow transforms us on the inside. It seems as if the missing pieces of the puzzle have all come together and they fit perfectly. A sudden surge of adrenalin runs through your veins and the world has become an exciting place to be in.
Until fear came into the picture.
Dayzeebee encouraged me to use the gift as often as possible. When she knew someone was not feeling well, she would volunteer me to do some healing work. Once, she was asked to give a talk to a youth group and she brought me along with her so I could pray for them. The following day, I discovered a huge crack in the windshield of my car in an “S” shaped form that looked like it was stretched. There was no point of impact and the crack seemed to be inside the glass. I stared at it in disbelief. How in the world did this happen?
Fear that the devil will run after me
When I shared this with someone, she warned me. “Watch out! Now that you are using your gift, the devil is not pleased.” I was told of all the scary things that I had to be careful of. One that had me shuddering was the fact that I will be choked while sleeping.
Fear that it's all a lie
After that, I also got a phone call. This woman questioned me, “Who are you to say that you are a healer? Do you know that the church is the only one who can declare such things?” There were still a lot of things that she said and I can’t recall them all now. I just knew I was stunned and bewildered. When the call ended, I broke down and wept.
Those words were like a slap in the face. I began to question myself, “what if she’s right? And my gift is all a lie.” And the excitement that was once there began to waver. “What will I do if the devil will choke me? What if he makes my family suffer?” Many horrifying images came to my mind after that.
Fear of failure and more
One horrifying thought led to another. Soon other fears came. Fear of not being good enough. Fear that the gift will not work and I am just a miserable failure. Fear of being laughed at, mocked, scorned. Fear of being odd and different. Fear of unacceptance. Fear of getting sick. I was also told that healers often get sick while helping other people.
The fear grew bigger and bigger. It got so big that it seemed like a huge giant was standing in front of me, ready to pounce and tear me into tiny pieces. I was still very new at all this. And all the warnings I had received scared me to death. I was in turmoil and I grew very weak. I could feel it in my body.
I called Daisy and begged her to come to my house to pray for me. “You have to come.” I whispered urgently. She came. She made me lie down as she saw how weak I was.
“You are resisting so much.” She told me. “There’s a part of you that doesn’t want to accept the gift.”
“Yes, I know.” I told her weakly. “The first time I heard about the devil running after me? I wanted to return the gift immediately, if that were possible. Can I give you back my wonder woman suit too?” She grinned at my lame attempt to joke around.
And so she prayed...and I prayed. And I cried and sobbed so hard as I surrendered all my fears to God, my Father. I could feel Him listening quietly as He hugged me close.
Conversation with God
“Father God, I’m so scared. Are you mad at me for being scared?”
“No, of course not.” I could feel Him answer in my heart. “I have never been mad at you for being scared. Do you ever remember a time I got mad at you?”
“No.” I sobbed recalling how He has been so gentle with me all these years.
“Haven’t I always protected you?”
“And how we talked and became friends?”
“So it’s okay. You are safe with me. There’s nothing to fear.” I sobbed some more as I felt His love embracing and soothing me.
“Father God, you are not mad at me that I am not able to accept my gift yet?”
“No. I will wait until you are ready.”
“Okay.” I sighed. “Thank you. And I love you.” I wiped the tears and my runny nose with the back of my hand. Daisy was holding me close as I sobbed and uttered unintelligible words that only God could understand.
“And I love you too. Now I want to see your smile. C’mon, I like seeing you smile once more.” I could feel Him wanting to tickle me. Then He tried making funny faces. And a giggle escaped my lips.
I finally found myself relaxing into a smile. My energy was back as I felt God’s love engulfing me in a loving embrace. The darkness had passed. “Are you okay,” Daisy asked me with concern. I nodded. “What happened? What did God tell you?”
So I told her and she said, “It was so strange but I could feel myself watching the whole scene like my spirit went out of my body or something like that. Do you know it’s my turn to be exhausted.” I laughed and instructed her to lie down while I put my hands over her head, deeply thankful that she came to pray for me.
I knew I had to write this all down as part of my journey. Many times we face many fears in our lives and I am no different from anyone. Overcoming my fear and facing my giants was a huge thing for me. But what got me through the darkness was knowing that God is with me in my journey. And I am not alone. We can remove whatever mask we have before Him. His love makes all the difference in the world.
by: Michelle Simtoco
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