The Journey - How has your relationship with your adult children changed?

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A Look at Aging

This is chapter 10 of a 16 chapter series, written by 16 hub authors. A new chapter will be published each weekday by another participating author through chapter 16. It will be linked to the other chapters at the bottom of each hub.

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As we raised our children, my husband usually followed my lead. He did this primarily because, as a soldier, he was often gone from home for considerable periods of time. I was there every day. But there was one piece of advice he gave our children that I thought was particularly wise. "Don't make all the mistakes possible. I've already made most of them. Learn from me and save yourself a lot of trouble."

As good as that sounds, unfortunately, children don't grow into adults without making their own mistakes. It is very hard for parents to watch. But life is an education. Mistakes are how we all learn.

My question: As our children grow into adulthood, they face choices that once confronted us. As they become less dependent on us, our relationships somewhat change. What works best for you in helping them, and how has it affected your present relationships with your grown children?


Where my journey has taken me:

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www.curiad.hubpages.com

His answer:

Even as they are mature and are no longer dependent on us for their lives, they will still be learning as we are and will look to us and others that are older for advice and guidance. The relationship between patents and their children change, but the roots are there, and if those are good roots then the “Children” will always look to you for your input even though they are adults and making their own lives. Sometimes, they will go off and initially not want your input, but as they learn more, they also learn that there is more to learn.

www.vincentmoore.hubpages.com

His answer:

For me unfortunately I have 4 children yet only one who I spend time with. The other 3 are estranged from me and I have no contact with or say in their choices they are making, I am saddened by that. Yet I know if I had an opportunity to help them with some of their choices, it would be a blessing for us both. For myself growing up in a dis-functional family was more of a curse than a blessing. Most of my choices and decision on what direction I was taking in my teen and early adult life were made by myself. It was only when an angel stepped into my life at 15 years old that my life took a complete change for the better and my direction in life took on a much more promising course. It was a fork in my road that saved me.

I truly believe that a functional, loving and caring supportive family goes a long way in determining the quality choices their children will make and I am truly thankful for many of my friends who came from good families. It certainly helped mold their character and help them immensely with their career paths and of course beliefs and values. A solid relationship with your children is paramount to understanding each other’s strengths. From this all can build and seek to harmonize their lives.

www.jayewisdom.hubpages.com

Her answer:

Life would be much simpler if we, as parents, could distill all the insight derived from our life experiences and give it to our children like a preventive, and they, in turn, would accept it gratefully. Alas, life is not simple, and we can’t inoculate our progeny against making mistakes.

As small children, they think we’re invincible and look to us for guidance. Along come the teenage years, and they view us from a different, unflattering, perspective. If we’re lucky, they may perceive us as imbued with some intelligence by their mid-twenties. Life’s obstacles (of which we cautioned) may override their youthful chutzpah, rendering our counsel valuable.

Offering unsolicited advice to adult children is usually a waste of energy, but that doesn’t stop us from doing it! Setting a good example is the best way to guide our maturing offspring, just as it was when they were children. Once we reach that wonderful status of both parent and friend, they may become receptive to our suggestions. Then, again…maybe not.

Perhaps the best we can provide is positive encouragement.


www.tillsontitan.hubpages.com

Her answer:

I have always found honesty works best with my children. Even when they were young I tried to be honest about everything I was teaching them or sharing with them. As adults this honesty has repaid me well. My children value my opinion -- they may not always do what I think they should - but they value what I think.

They still come to me for advice and respect what they have been taught. We are all friends and have a wonderful time whenever we get together. During social gatherings I am like one of their friends and treated as an equal with joking and fun. When push comes to shove I am still their mother and they respect me and treat me that way.

It is always necessary to teach your children respect, how to treat others, and for me a love of God, but I believe the best thing you can do for your children, when they are young and when they are grown is be honest with them.

www.xstatic.hubpages.com

His answer:

It is always gratifying when my twenty-three year old daughter calls me and asks for advice, usually about whether she should look for another apartment or renew her lease, or some minor financial matter. She is very independent, works a lot, and I am proud of her. She does some travels that make me shake my head, but that is caused by a long distance relationship. I'm sure the airlines love her.

Our relationship is still very close, I still worry, as I suppose every parent does, but I am ever so glad to be her dad.

www.tomcornett.hubpages.com

His answer:

We have three children and they are all from different planets. We have always tried to teach them to find their own way and to be as honest about life as possible....to others and themselves. I've had numerous long conversations with my sons as my wife has had with our daughter. Her being always, "Daddy’s little girl" makes it futile for me to delve into matters about females that I know little to nothing about.

She is a woman with three beautiful children of her own now. She picked a fine young man to marry and I am so proud that she is a good mother. We were always financially strapped when the kids were younger but we always found ways to enjoy being a family. A simple walk together along a beach or gathering in the living room to watch a movie left us all with precious memories.

We definitely advised our children and our advice was and still is that annoying little, "See...we were right" voice in their minds as they stumble through life. Our oldest son hates to admit we were right but in his many, many hindsight lessons....admits it occasionally. At 25 years old, he told me one day, "Dad....I think I understand women now." He didn't understand my uncontrollable laughter!

Our youngest son has just earned his associates degree and plans furthering his education to pursue a career in politics. It wouldn't surprise me at all if he becomes a senator or governor. I think we gave each child enough room to grow and tried always to use conversation instead of punishment. We tried to never let them go to bed with anger on their minds or worry in their hearts.

As our children became adults, in a way....we grew with them. You could say that we grew up together as a family. We, as parents had as many or even more lessons to learn as the little ones did. I loved them dearly when they were our cute little children. I love them beyond words now...because they have grown into wonderful human beings.

www.jackwms.hubpages.com

His answer:

As a father of four sons, I certainly relate to this. I am now 76 years of age. If you have children, and I'm sure you wouldn't ask the question otherwise, you know your own experiences may vary from those of your children. In my case, my mother was a fairly strict disciplinarian and freely used corporal punishment including a strap. But, she and my dad were also very loving. I feel I was given considerable freedom to visit friends, come and go as I pleased, and to be involved in various activities. Yes, I faced many choices and didn't always choose the best ones. For example, I smoked cigarettes at a young age and snuck an alcoholic drink on occasion. Marijuana was not much of a factor in the 1940’s. Later in the early 50's, I drove cars and was quite reckless at times. I made some good choices as well.


Regardless of how much I willed differently, my sons also made some choices that were not the best. But, all four sons grew to be responsible and successful adults. Their desire to try their own wings made it very difficult for my wife and I to control, especially beyond the age of puberty. My views about corporal punishment evolved considerably between the first and fourth son. I used some corporal punishment with the older boys because I had been disciplined in that way myself and thought it was a proper tool. I don't believe I ever laid a hand on my youngest son though. He is now 48.


I have an excellent relationship with all four sons today. The oldest is now 56 and today a grandfather. In their growing up years, I spent much of my time with them, hiking, camping, Boy Scouts, Little League, foreign exchange program, and many others. We also had long talks (two way conversations) where everyone participated. We tried to have dinner together every night where days event were discussed. I firmly believe that the greatest gift one can give their children is their time. This is what has worked best for me and what has affected my present relationship.

www.silvergenes.hubpages.com

Her answer:

I have learned to keep my own counsel unless asked for advice and believe me; this is easier said than done. There is a good reason the mother bird tosses the babies out of the nest when their wings are strong enough. The babies will discover they can fly on their own but they need to take the risk first and they need to do it on their own. What we would have done or would do in a certain situation is not necessarily the best course for our children. There are far too many variables in life for us to assume anything is constant. If we have raised them in their early years to think for themselves and problem-solve, they will do just fine. For many years, I have had to be a parent and not a friend. Now I can explore the friendship and that is the best reward I can imagine.

www.gerg.hubpages.com

His answer:

My children are now 14 and 16. My relationship changed most dramatically with my 16 year old daughter in the last year, and honestly, I was surprised to be surprised by that. I've found there are certainly few constants when it comes to the inputs of instruction that we make into their lives and the results that follow. It seems so unpredictable that when they do say or do something that we know originated from our lips, it catches us by surprise! I've tried hard to emphasize talking with them about the more resonant truths - a good heart, treating people kindly, watching out for the little guy - because those are the ones most likely to stick, and carry the greatest long-term value in their lives and mine. I feel the model that my own parents took as my brothers and I grew older - moving from the instructive parent to the thoughtful, non-judgmental adviser who provides perspective when asked, as being the most effective, appreciated version of adult parenting possible. The same I approach I intend to take.

www.nellieanna.hubpages.com

Her answer:

Mine were snatched away at crucial times of their lives, - 17 and 15. A tragic situation in which my influence in their lives had cost being almost obliterated myself in an effort to protect them from being totally deprived of whatever influence I was permitted. It happened anyway. They were snatched under duress; I barely survived.

Yes, relationships changed. I hoped that those 17 and 15 years left enough residue of my influence. Then, all I could do was demonstrate my strong life-spirit and vigorous legacy for an example. The outcome was opposite of all I’d done and would have continued doing as long as possible, even at the price extracted which could have finished me off 40 years ago.

I’ve had influence with my daughter and her progeny; none on my son. Few questions could accurately address this situation; few answers I can give fit the one being asked. ‘It’s just complicated”. My great granddaughter, now 16, texts me for advice and my eldest granddaughter, her mom, comes to me for solace. That’s something incredibly precious; it’s LIFE, regenerating and still vigorously in effect. I’m blessed, as are they.


www.kathleencochran.hubpages.com

My answer:

I’ve learned the hard way; my children don’t always want my version of the Cliff Notes on life. Any time I start a sentence with “Well, I think you should . . . “ I try to stop myself and consider whether or not they have asked for my advice. I try. I don’t always succeed.

It is hard not to try to give your adult children all the protection and benefit of your experience just as you did when they were growing up. Those parenting instincts do not fade over the years. It is difficult to accept that a sailboat is safe in a harbor, but that is not what sailboats are built for. The same thing goes for our children.

I’ve told all three of my children they now have my permission to look me in the eyes and say – respectfully – “Mom, you’re doing it again.” This is my signal to back off and let them find their own way.

It does not come naturally.

www.cjsledgehammer.hubpages.com

His answer:

I learned a long time ago that I can lead a horse to water, but I cannot make it drink. I routinely share my life experiences with my sons and tell them what I have learned. I shared with them my victories and my defeats and the decisions and circumstances that brought them about. I began this practice when they were quite young and tapered things back a bit as they approached adulthood.

At the end of the day, people will do what they are compelled to do in spite of your efforts. All one can do is be open and honest, and then graciously allow them to choose their own path. If you have been consistent and sincere, there is a fairly good chance your children will choose to follow in your footsteps or through your instruction - avoid the pitfalls. As the good Book states, “Train a child in the way he should go and when he is older he will not veer from the path.”

As my sons grow in age and maturity, I have loosened my grip accordingly and have encouraged them to make decisions based upon their education and training, such that, when they enter adulthood, they would feel more confident and independent. I still push and prod a little, when necessary, but the transition from childhood to adulthood has gone rather smoothly. I do not render unsolicited advice (as a rule) any longer, but am always willing and ready to field any questions my sons may have. They know they are always welcome at my fire, and so far, they continue to visit with me there.

www.phdast7.hubpages.com

Her answer:

I have been told, on more than one occasion, that I have a “dominant” personality. Our house was full of affection, laughter, encouragement, discipline, and love, but Dr. Spock would have been extremely disappointed, because I was not a “friend” to my children. I was an authority figure, often the disciplinarian. We did not operate like a democracy. As my three sons grew older that changed; they became more responsible and independent. I developed a more flexible and gentle personality. Being a friend replaced being a parent. We talk, we listen, we laugh, I recommend books, music, films. I almost never interject my opinion between husband and wife, father and child. If serious damage has occurred, or a significant problem is ignored, I speak to my sons privately. I will be direct, describe the problem, offer solutions. Afterward, I never remind them of my wise counsel; I will not pout, disapprove, or manipulate to achieve the outcome I believe best. After all, good friends don't do those things to each other. Friends are helpful, generous, kind, dependable, and hopeful, even when they strongly disagree with you. We have become very good friends.

www.kennethavery.hubpages.com

His answer:

I can tell my grandchildren that they need to focus on the positive side of life and seek what God has for them by way of plans for their lives and not follow the norm and settle into a faceless crowd that has no direction but only to survive.

www.sligobay.hubpages.com

His answer:

Absolute independence and total responsibility for their own successes and failures is what I give to my own children.

I only offer praise and never criticism. I’ve released them to their own lives with no interference with their choices.

They fly under the strength of their own wings.

They receive only information and love from me – never guidance, for it may misdirect them.

www.arb.hubpages.com

His answer:

By nature, we do indeed; long to escape the imposition of others upon our lives. We long to be the masters of our own destiny, to take charge of our lives and to incur the exhilaration of independence. Raising children is for most of us, a daily reminder that we shall never know as much as them and to our shame, that they have done so, in half the time allotted us. It has always proven difficult to give advice to those so endowed with so much knowledge. When parents speak advice a conduit opens between their children’s ears to facilitate the prompt excavation of useless information. Since they have employed such tactics, I’ve come to mind my own business and take delight in their inevitable fall. Whatever unsolicited advice I give, comes in the wake of clever questions meant to foster quite reconsideration, which I will then, pretend, is a great personal surprise. When it works I am delighted. When it doesn’t, I am still delighted. It serves them right.


Conclusion

As parents, even of adults, it is not easy to watch our children go through the process of learning to make their own choices - some good, some not so good - and live with the consequences. And it never seems to get any easier.

There is a great deal of wisdom in this hub. For those of you who are parents of adults, you may see yourself in some of these answers, or you may decide to take some of this wisdom and put it into practice with your own grown or growing children. For those of you who wish your own parents would follow some of this wisdom, please give them a little bit of a break. It doesn't get any easier being a parent just because your children become adults. In some respects, it is more challenging than ever.




Note on Hubbers in this collaborative effort:


The sixteen hubbers who participated in this unique series, The Journey: A Look at Aging, are all between the ages of 50 to 80. There were no set requirements in order to participate other than to speak from your own experience.


You can follow the links as the chapters in this series are being added day by day throughout the month of July. We will post one a day with the exception of Saturday and Sunday. We are looking forward to your comments. This endeavor was the first of its kind by a collaborative of hubbers. We hope it encourages more like it.


Join us at HubPages by going to http://hubpages.com/_2nckpc2qm2tl7/user/new/

In the immortal words of Crosby, Stills and Nash:

Revisit PREVIOUS Chapter

THE JOURNEY-CHAPTER 9 of16 asks:

“In life we meet various people. Some seem to have it all together, never sad, always happy. New things and challenges seem just another trophy. Ever feel, looking back, confused or missing a clue?"

+16 answers.


http://kennethavery2.hubpages.com/hub/The-Journey-Chapter-9



Coming NEXT on JULY 17th

Follow THE JOURNEY to CHAPTER 11 of 16. Asks:

“If you could write a script that described your life, what was its driving force or the principle which gave you direction. Is it what you want to be remembered for?“

+ 16 answers on JULY 17!


http://cjsledgehammer.hubpages.com/hub/The-Journey-Chapter-11



To start from the beginning of "The Journey"

A Table of Contents ----- Hub authors

The Journey - Chapter 1 - Nellieanna

The Journey - Chapter 2 - Curiad

The Journey - Chapter 3 - Vincent

The Journey - Chapter 4 - Jaye

The Journey - Chapter 5 - tillsontitan

The Journey - Chapter 6 - xstatic

The Journey - Chapter 7- tom cornett

The Journey - Chapter 8 - Silvergenes

The Journey - Chapter 9 - kenneth avery

The Journey - Chapter 10 - Kathleen Cochran

The Journey - Chapter 11 - CJ Sledgehammer

The Journey - Chapter 12 - phdast ( Theresa )

The Journey - Chapter 13 - gerg

The Journey - Chapter 14 - sligobay

The Journey - Chapter 15 - Jackwms

The Journey - Chapter 16 - arb

More by this Author


Comments may be directed to specific hubbers or to all. 43 comments

Kathleen Cochran profile image

Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia Author

To my fellow contributors: Here's Chapter 10 after the weekend break. Hope you enjoy the ride!


phdast7 profile image

phdast7 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

Kathleen - A great addition to our series. I love the first picture, actually, I love all the pictures from around the world. How generous of you to share pictures from all your travels, from your Personal Journey.

Our collective answers were very interesting, ranging from limited interaction (for the purpose of guidance) to none at all. Some answers were extremely serious, while others were rather lighthearted. Some of us live close to our children and are able to see them often. Some of us have severely limited access to our children.

I found it interesting and encouraging to read that even when the relationship with one's children is strained, it is still possible to have a wonderful relationship with the grandchildren or even the great grandchildren. New life, new hope, new relationships. What a blessing. :)


Kathleen Cochran profile image

Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia Author

Thanks for the first comments. The feature picture (as you probably guessed) is my daughter and her son walking on the beach where my Mother lives. It is one of my favorites and I thought it was a "telling" photo for this chapter.

Hope readers understand Crosby, Stills and Nash was the voice of my generation. Don't know how well known this song is today, but I've always loved it.


arb profile image

arb 4 years ago from oregon

Great job Kathleen! I love the opening picture. Precious! The pictorial, geographical dipiction of your journey was especially interesting, one of the advantages of military life. Your question spurred a host of interesting comments. I just returned from a 3 day camping trip with the family including my oldest; she is 42, her husband and my grandaughter. I noticed, perhaps because of your question, she asked a lot of questions regarding all kinds of things. Didn't ask for advice, just questions. Kinda like her dad I think. Love the song, love Crosby, Stills and Nash. I was thinking also of "Cats in the Cradle", it always left me with a sense of conviction. Anyway, a terrific hub, I knew it would be!


Kathleen Cochran profile image

Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia Author

arb: You are too generous. This was a great opportunity for a "young writer"! All 16 of us would say this entire journey was worth the effort if it was the catalyst for your conversation with your daughter. "Cats in the Cradle" would be a great choice for this hub too. A good warning to parents of all ages.


JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 4 years ago from Deep South, USA

Kathleen...The opening picture in your chapter beautifully illustrates the parent-child relationship. I also enjoyed all the photos you shared from your world travels.

While the answers to your question provide valuable insight into how the parent-child relationship evolves when children become adults, truer words were never spoken than your reflection in the conclusion:

"It doesn't get any easier being a parent just because your children become adults. In some respects, it is more challenging than ever."

Chapter 10 carries the baton ahead in our "Look at Aging."

Jaye


xstatic profile image

xstatic 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

A really wondrful presentation of our answers to your provocative question. We always wonder if we did well by our children in our example or in our advice. The answer comes in watching them mature into adult human beings, gaining their own wisdom along the way.

The photos are a Journey themselves Kathleen. Well done!


Kathleen Cochran profile image

Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia Author

JayeWisdom: Thanks for the encouragement. I'm sure every parent would share this quote.

xstatic: Your comments should be added to your answer. I'm glad you enjoyed the photos. So many good ideas have already been used in the preceding chapters. Thought it was best to just make mine my own.


Jackwms profile image

Jackwms 4 years ago

A wonderful hub. Your question brought out some very insightful responses. Oh yes, I quite enjoyed the photos and have been to a few of these places myself. Today, at 76, I enjoy a loving relationship with my four sons, their families, ten grandchildren, and now a great grandson.

What works best? It's the same today as when my sons were young. Give them your time and your love. The rest will fall into place.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 4 years ago from TEXAS

Kathleen, the moment I clicked on your Chapter 10 -- so long awaited over the weekend -- I was immediately enchanted with the opening picture. It is perfect for your hub! I really enjoyed the others of your "Journey" all over the world, as well. How could you NOT have included them? They are such a rich part of who you are!

Your opening & closing remarks are outstanding and fit the theme of your question to a "T". I found great wisdom, humor, honesty and all-round-good-vibes in the answers to your question about what works best in passing along one's life lessons to one's emerging adult children - and on through their own process of living, which will include aging and their own children along the line. Even when one is unable to exert direct influence on one's children, one's INFLUENCE still persists.

In my recent meeting with my sister's family (sadly, at her funeral) - her senior aged son and daughter and her 3 lovely granddaughters - it was inspiring to observe her influence on them all, though she was always a bit of a free spirit and puzzled them at times. Her example, her essential goodness and dedication to them and to her work as a teacher obviously imprinted their beings in a special way, along with her husband's much less dramatic example. Each generation uses the gifts of its predecessors to bring forward the human race.

It's a great hub! Thank you for this excellent contribution!!


phdast7 profile image

phdast7 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

Kathleen ~~ arb is right. Our generation, 55 to 65, maybe 50 to 70, seems to have great affection for and memories of Crosby, Stills, and Nash. Funny that he mentioned Cats in the Cradle...I loved that song even though it almost made me cry every time I heard it.

I have no idea why this just popped into my head, but are you familiar with the song that Johnny Cash wrote shortly after June died? Amazing song and of course I can't think of the name right now. "Hurt" I think it is called Hurt.

I like quite a few of his songs, but I never bought his records or anything. This song is different and deeper --- written by a time and life-worn old man, who had dearly loved his wife for many decades and now was mourning her loss. I guess the song does fit in with our theme of aging and the Journeys we are each making.


Kathleen Cochran profile image

Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia Author

Having this very family to dinner tonight. Must cook. But thanks for the comments and I will spend time on them after dessert!


sligobay profile image

sligobay 4 years ago from east of the equator

I love your photos of your personal Journey, Kathleen. The discussions of our progeny and their exploits is relatively benevolent. The sweet sixteen have been collectively blessed not to have their children and grandchildren stricken by childhood illness and untimely death. That may have occurred but was not the focus of this question. The dismissive attitude of children toward parental advice seems common to our own generation and succeeding generations. My parents were so stupid when I was a teenager. When I reached my mid-twenties, I was amazed at how much they had learned during the ensuing years. LOL. Great chapter for our journey.


CJ Sledgehammer 4 years ago

Dear Kathleen:

I looks like you've been everywhere and have done everything and have the shirt to prove it. :0) It seems that you have compiled a life-time of memories already and you still have a long ways to go.

Beautiful pictures, by the way. I have only been to one of two places that you have visited, and I consider myself fortunate to have done so.

I felt you asked a very pertinent question and a very important question. I am sorry my father did not contemplate such things before he had his brood of vipers. Be that as it may, it just so happened that I learned from many of his mistakes and chose not to repeat them.

Thank you for adding another wonderful link to our chain. We are blessed by your efforts.

Best wishes, behave, and be well - C.J. Sledgehammer


Kathleen Cochran profile image

Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia Author

Sligoby: Thank you for your insights and generous praise. The beauty of this collaboration is how we have collectively challenged each other to do more than we thought we could. I think every one has risen to the challenge.

Nellianna: "Even when one is unable to exert direct influence on one's children, one's INFLUENCE still persists." Very wise and from what you have shared, learned through great challenges, which makes it all the more valuable.

"Give them your time and your love. The rest will fall into place." JackWms - from your mouth to God's ears.


Kathleen Cochran profile image

Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia Author

Sledgehammer: I take blessings where I can get them. Thank you.

phdast7: Well the spaghetti and salad turned out OK I guess. They ate every last bite. I hope you think of that song by Cash. Not a big fan of his myself, but I know what you mean about a song speaking to you from an unexpected source.

We talked about viewings and I don't want to break any rules, but since 6 am this chapter has been viewed 121 times. Wish more non-collaborators would leave their comments!


phdast7 profile image

phdast7 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

The Cash song is Hurt. I know, it is frustrating when there are so many views and relatively few comments, but hey may build. I noticed after about two days Nellieanna and Jaye started getting more outsider comments. Part of it will depend on whether we each share them consistently with our followers.


Gerg profile image

Gerg 4 years ago from California

Kathleen - this was an eloquent question and answer segment of our collaboration. You pulled together quite an interesting assortment of wise and thoughtful responses. Wonderful job!

G


phdast7 profile image

phdast7 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

Kathleen - As of 12:23 am Tuesday (morning) Chapter 10 was sitting on the fifth page of the Hottest List, which is great. It will probably bump up and own like all of them do. :) I hope you are asleep now, because I know how early you get up. :)


arb profile image

arb 4 years ago from oregon

Kathleen, I wrote a hub called "The letter". It has been viewed over 800 times, 13 total comments in almost 2 years, but it still scores 89 today. It gets referred around a lot because on any given day it will get 7-8-9 reads after 2 years. A lot of comments are reciprocal in nature, we all get them. Personally I prefer the comment that comes out of no where and it speaks to you and you know they got it. 121 reads in a day is pretty darn good!


sligobay profile image

sligobay 4 years ago from east of the equator

People read faster than they write. I can read more hubs if I don't take the time to comment. Many people are self-conscious of their writing skills and don't feel that they can correctly express their thoughts. Thankfully, the sweet sixteen are fully engaged in the project and we feel it important to support each other with our comments.


Kathleen Cochran profile image

Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia Author

I've wondered every day what the readership has been. We're in this project for the long haul. I know everyone just hopes for this collaboration to stand the test of time.

phdast7-thanks for trying to keep up with my sleep schedule this week. It's ironic I'm on grandbabies' time right now. Don't mean to just be interested in my chapter. I've been curious about the views on all the chapters. The beauty of this collaboration is that every chapter reflects all our work. On to the next!

arb: I also love when someone "resurrects" one of my early hubs. It's interesting to me when someone jumps in somewhere in the middle of my volume of hubs. Usually happens when a faithful follower shares an oldie but a goodie! God bless thos followers!

sligobay: The comments from the other 16 are weighted because of their involvement in each chapter. I think I've gleaned as much from our comments as our answers. I'm just as curious as everybody else to learn the impact this first-ever collaboration is impacting the HP community at large.

What I'm really impressed by is the encouragement we are receiving from those whose chapters have already been posted. Very telling.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 4 years ago from New York

I had family visiting for the weekend (they didn't leave until yesterday) so I'm a johnny-come-lately to leave my comment.

Since many of us have children this was a hub we all enjoyed answering but more importantly I think we all enjoyed reading it! Such great advice...we could almost stretch this one into a guide book for parents. How fortunate we all are that arb gathered us together.

As others have said, your opening photo is beautiful and perfect for this hub. It stirs emotions and gets you thinking before you even start reading.

Voted up, useful, and interesting as I believe every chapter has been and will be!


Kathleen Cochran profile image

Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia Author

Sligobay: You're right that no one commented on the loss of a child. I have two close friends who have lost sons in their early 20s, one to a heart condition and one to a carjacking/murder. Both were horrible in their own ways. I'm sure we would all say a collective "God Forbid." In neither of these cases did ignoring parental advice play a part. But I have several friends with living children who have put their parents through hell on earth by ignoring their parents and any reasonable advice in their lives. Doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason to why some young people go in this direction when they have certainly been raised better. That would be another good question on our journey.


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teaches12345 4 years ago

I do agree with your thoughts about role modeling for adult children. It is a great way to show them how to live right and most likely the only way. Your photos are so inviting and seems that you have been blessed with seeing some of the most beautiful part of our world. Thanks for sharing from your heart and life.


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Curiad 4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

Beautiful Kathleen, A great continuation to our Journey!


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Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia Author

Thanks Curiad!


Vincent Moore 4 years ago

This wonderful enlightening hub has shown me the bond, closeness and love of keeping a family united in LOVE. I was granted a window in time with 3 of my 4 children. I am thankful for the love of ONE for without him in my life, it probably would have ended. There is no greater LOVE than the love given and shown by a family who sticks together through thick and thin and is relentless in importance of the FAMILY UNIT. If I was granted ONE wish it would be that I rediscover the love of my 3 children before my passing. I enjoyed everybody's answer to your excellent question and it left me much to ponder. Job well done Kathleen, you stimulated all my senses.


Kathleen Cochran profile image

Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia Author

There is no greater LOVE than the love given and shown by a family who sticks together through thick and thin and is relentless in importance of the FAMILY UNIT.

My window in time with a family unit for me was abbreviated. Then we started over with a new Dad, who knew how to be one. I've been blessed with a family unit with my husband and children, but my daughter's was destroyed for her and her children. It is a precious thing, I only wish I could guarantee for my children. They know what a good one is. I don't know if that makes it better or worse when they don't get to have a good one themselves, at least not on their first try.


SilverGenes 4 years ago

Kathleen, there is so much to reflect upon here. I love the way you have created your hub to celebrate the continuation of life and family, and your personal travels along the way. As young parents, we bring our own upbringing with us as we look at the years that seem to stretch ahead infinitely. In my case, I brought the advice and experience of a large extended family with me and that took some sorting out! I like to think that if we haven't driven our children to therapy at some point, we haven't done our job LOL. But in hindsight, how quickly those years pass! No matter what our experiences have been, for many of us the result has been great joy in our children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. That is a real blessing!


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Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia Author

Yes, it is a blessing. All three of my grown children have faced pretty staggering challenges in their adult lives. It makes me more and more grateful that they had happy, out of the ordinary childhoods. I believe it makes them strong enough to face what comes along in their own lives.

Thanks for your comments and your encouragement.


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Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia Author

Thank you, The Journey Collaborative! You pushed me past the 10,000 views mark - finally! Whoo Hoo!


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 4 years ago from Ohio

Great Hub Kathleen. You brought out the passionate parent in all of us with your question. A treasure of wisdom is accumulating in these 16.hubs. I loved your pictures and you added one of my favorite songs. Thanks. :o)


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snakeslane 4 years ago from Canada

Thank you for your contribution to The Journey Kathleen. Your travel photos are absolutely stunning! And the layout looks great with the long column of them alonside the column of text. I've enjoyed reading your (and all) responses to these tough questions on aging. Regards, snakeslane


sligobay profile image

sligobay 4 years ago from east of the equator

Just back for another read and look at your beautiful photographs. Great job Kathleen. It stands the test of time.


Kathleen Cochran profile image

Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia Author

snakeslane: There must be a story behind your name! Would love to hear it. Thanks for your comments and welcome to my hubs. Glad you've enjoyed The Journey. It's been quite a ride I won't soon forget. Great writers in this group and it's an honor to be among them. Thanks for the encouragement!

Sligobay: I want to go back and spend more time with this work. There is so much in all this. I think you are right about the body of work standing the test of time. The Journey will have quite a shelf life!


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Kathleen ,

Your question has brought out much wisdom, insight and even humor (arb, I absolutely loved your answer!) in the FABULOUS 16, as I am now calling y'all!

I thought the pictures representing the tapestry of your life mirrored the universality of response we might get, if the same question was asked of

other wise people in each of those places?

Phdast, I love that Johnny Cash song, Hurt... One of his most profound.

Looking forward to the next leg of this Journey. Voted UP and UFABI.


Kathleen Cochran profile image

Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia Author

marcoujor: Welcome to this journey and I hope you'll take a look at the body of work each of these writers has created on their own profile pages. Enjoy the rest and thanks for the comments. I believe this collaboration is going to have an historic shelflife in the annals of HubPages. Thanks for the encouragement.


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Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia Author

Fellow collaborators: This hub has received the most views for me in July outdistancing my other hubs by more than 100 views. Thanks for the opportunity and the experience.


phdast7 profile image

phdast7 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

Interesting Kathleen - The Journey, chapter 12 received the third highest number of page views in July. My number 1 hub for page views over the past five months has always been the same hub, one about the American GI's and the concentration camps.

What has changed is that my general hub score bounces between 85 and 90, only rarely hitting 94/95 right after I publish a popular hub. ( I don't spend any time in the forums or on questions/answers and that impacts my score, which I understand and am fine with.)

What I have noticed this past 4/5 weeks is that my score has risen and stayed between 92 and 96 for the duration. Interesting, but I am not sure if it actually means anything. :) Anyone else? Observations?


Kathleen Cochran profile image

Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia Author

Mine's usually in the low 90x and has gotten to 96 in July. I'm sure it's increased traffic because I actually wrote fewer hubs and answers and comments in July because of the Journey.


Pavlo Badovskyy profile image

Pavlo Badovskyy 4 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Hi, I have an elder son and he is 21. In this case with this child (already grown up) the best way was to give him independency. We always told him that he is free in his decisions and never pushed him in this or that direction. We do not want him to say later on that WE made some decisions instead of him. Instead we say whatever you choose and decide to do is your decision. If you asked us we would say this and that..... but if you make it your own way- then it was the best possible solution at this moment of your life. MAy be later you say it was a wrong way to go. But it will be later and you have an other knowlage and life experience. Now, at this very moment do what you have to.


Kathleen Cochran profile image

Kathleen Cochran 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia Author

Sounds like very wise advice for any grown child. Hope you have enjoyed "The Journey." This was a fabulous experience for me as a writer to be part of this amazing group of people who worked on this series.

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