Bipolar Disorder-How Moods Affect My Life
It's All How You Look At It
One day several weeks back, I was out of my comfort zone for a period of time. Or you could say the Merry-Go-Round was spinning out of control, and I got dizzy and fell off. Literally fell off. As this is what can happen when you are bipolar. Mood swings that come and go, and not always easily managed during the time of crisis.
Along with all the medication changes and side affects I have been going through it was almost killing me. I really did some half-witted things while in that manic/mixed rapid cycling catch me if you can bipolar episode. I didn't even get the chance to bungee jump. Unfortunately believe it or not bipolar disorder has it's drama. All joking aside you have heard the jokes I am sure. "Oh the weather is so bipolar," "my girlfriend is being bipolar," when someone is acting spoiled or snotty they get called bipolar. Or if the weather is acting up it is often called bipolar. Bipolar is far more serious than a few changes in the weather or your girlfriend having a temper tantrum.
If not treated it can be a serious mental illness to live with, and often deadly. Many people with bipolar disorder commit suicide because of the severe mood swings involved in the illness.
But It's Not All Bad
On this particularly bad day, I did however get a little BMXing in, and nearly depleted all sense of brain matter I had left. Evidently I have no experience riding a bike for sport. And from the mouth of my High School guy I am a girl. The boy needs a lesson in the equality of gender bias. The skateboard thing did not work out all that well either. So I have to give up things with wheels, or end up peeling myself off the side of a building.
A day at the beach demonstrated to me just how fast little kids can be, or how old I know I am not. One of the most infuriating things in this world is when a twelve year old boy says to an adult woman, " you can't catch me, ha ha". Well little boy I 'ain't' dead yet." With great determination, I set off on a mission, It took three undertakings, but boy number two got his well deserved comeuppance. Ha ha little nine year old nephew of mine.
Not Always A Great Day
I am a scant beat up and frazzled coming out of this mixed/manic episode. It was like a dark shadow devouring me and the only thing left is to watch the whole anarchy play out loudly in living color. I did things I wish I had not done. At the time I felt like nothing could touch me. I could do anything I wanted without provocation. Well HA! That bit me in the rear end. In a major rage I threw away even more things I own. Even sold some, so it was not a complete lost. Just the urge to purge myself is the only explanation available for such behavior. To cleanse the area I live and if I ever know the real reason I may fill you in.
I am asked why I did what I did. If I had an answer I sure as hell would furnish one. I needed the apartment to be clean, empty and unoccupied. I needed to feel uninhabited so to speak. With impulsive tendencies it is always draining for the person purging their objects/self. So I am on another new medication-Abilify, just taken off of Latuda which yanked me out of that rage I was seriously trying to resist. The rest we will see.
The Hidden Gems
I have learned that my nephews think they have one over and above their aunt crazybeanrider. While I can keep riding a bicycle, kicking a skateboard I am generously optimistic. As for pursuing a nine year old around at the beach, well the sand was delicious, and I am still glad I have my teeth, but the main thing I discovered is my ninja warrior is broken.
Having Bipolar disorder doesn't have to be a jail sentence. Yes there are times when the episodic drama is high, the sorrow is deep, but in those times there are moments of clarity, and life can be fun, and full by plentiful moments like this one sort of magical day. However you decide to treat your bipolar, you can enjoy your life by doing what you have to do. Medications, therapy or even ECT. Grab the good times and learn to live with the rest.
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