6 Memes to Help You Understand and Cope with the Narcissist In Your Life
One internet meme says, "Narcissism is the only disease who everyone else suffers and the sick one gets left alone."
Most experts agree narcissism is created from a traumatic event or events during the early years of life (whether it's the first two or three years or more, is highly debated) and full-blown narcissism (not to be mistaken for borderline personality which presents with narcissistic traits) is considered incurable. As a matter of fact, many therapists will not treat someone they believe to have Narcissistic Personality Disorder as they find it results in nothing much more than a challenge of the manipulation skills of the narcissist.
However, we all have a narcissist in our life we love and cutting contact isn't always the best or even a feasible option (especially if it a family member suffering). So what is one to do?
Understand; if you understand the narcissistic mind, suddenly their games are less frustrating, their insults are not hurtful, and their behavior becomes comical rather than terrifying.
Take away the narcissist's power now!
And FYI, this applies to the borderline personality with narcissistic traits as well.
1. Arguing with a Narcissist is Like Getting Arrested. Everything You Say Can and Will Be Used Against You.
While the typical narcissist can never remember the hurtful things they have said to you but they can remember every single thing you've ever said to them. Perfectly.
Any time it fuels their agenda (usually during a disagreement where they are seen in an unfavorable position), the narcissist will recounted their skewed version of what you have said or done in the past and how said action hurt them.
What you need to understand is the narcissist is deflecting from their behavior by mentioning yours. It won't matter if those words you said were in response to something the narcissist said or done, s/he will only focus on themselves; their thoughts, feelings. Before you know it, you're apologizing and the narcissist skips away once again not having to accept responsibility for the hurt they've caused.
2. Narcissist do what they want, when they want, and how they want...
...any minor adjustments they may make on behalf of others will feel to them like very selfless acts that deserve praise. A survivor is wise to remember that the narcissist's highest agenda is their own comfort and happiness..."
it's all about their ego. Every action, every word is calculated; not necessarily consciously but never without thought to how they may benefit.
Everything they do and perceive as having done for you, they will remember and they will remind you of it any time you do not agree with them or do as they ask. It will not matter if it happened years ago or yesterday or whether said deed was beneficial to them as well or not.
What you should understand is if you are in contact with a narcissist, never accept nor ask for favors or assistance of any sort from him/her because it will be used to guilt or shame you in the future.
3. Philosophy of Narcissism 101
The narcissist loves to make a covert confession by gossiping or telling someone about their flaws which are usually flaws they have themselves - thus, the confession.
When your narcissist tells you that you are bitter, angry, stupid, clumsy, a liar, a cheat, troublemaker, manipulative, or any sort any insult, you must understand and remember the narcissist is projecting all of their flaws on to you so they can maintain the perfect imagine they have of themselves.
4. Stop! You cannot effectively communicate with a person who uses emotional reasoning, projection, and blame to disengage...
...When you engage in this level of distress, you will lose control and react emotionally thereby giving the high conflict person the weapon he or she needs to hurt you. By disengaging you will stay in control of your emotions and the high conflict person will lose control."
Narcissism feeds on frustration, confusion, and anger. I once heard (or possibly read) someone describe arguing with a narcissists is like being running on a treadmill; when you stop, you're exhausted and still at Point A.
Truer words have never been spoken (or possibly written).
What you must understand is it is pointless to argue with a narcissist. Nothing will be fixed, nothing will change. When you stop pointlessly bickering with them, they're not being fed and the narcissist begins to lash out crazily to get the reaction they need from you. Do not feed the narcissist!
5. Narcissists Will Declare You Crazy
Narcissists are never wrong and to try to tell them otherwise must mean you are mentally ill. Some of the favorite lines of this trait include, "You need to get help!"; "Did you take your meds?"; and/or "There is something wrong with you not me."
What you should understand is the only thing wrong with you at the moment is you're allowing your narcissist to project their problem onto you. Don't bother telling them you know what they are doing, just walk away. It's the only choice. If you remain in contact with your narcissist, at least condition them that uttering such nonsense results in your departure.
6. Just Get Over It
Your feelings and opinions matter not to the narcissist and you shouldn't waste your time trying to express such. The narcissist does not feel empathy and therefore cannot relate grasp someone may not be feeling exactly like them at the moment or about a particular situation.
What you should understand is the narcissist does not care because they cannot care. They do not know how.
Watch This Quick Tips Video
The NPDrecovery channel on YouTube offers a fantastic series of animated lessons on narcissism. The following video is one of my favorite videos as the speaker provides solid, non-confrontational tips on how to cope with the narcissist in your life.
Who Is The Primary Narcissist In Your Life?See results without voting
© 2016 Kim Bryan
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