Steps to Recovery from a Nervous Breakdown

What Is a Nervous Breakdown?

A nervous breakdown is a term generally used to describe when someone's mental health deteriorates to a point where he or she can no longer function in daily life. "Nervous breakdown" is a non-medical, unofficial name for acute attacks of anxiety or depression, and does not refer to an official diagnosis by a doctor or psychiatrist. However, if you or someone you know is suffering from the mental, social, or emotional deterioration that is usually referred to by this term, it can be helpful, and sometimes necessary, to seek professional help.

Possible causes include, but are not limited to:

  • Death of a loved one
  • Illness of a loved one
  • Illness of self
  • Loss of job
  • Loss of friends
  • End of relationship
  • Divorce
  • Traumatic event
  • Sexual identity crisis
  • Gender identity crisis
  • Career crisis
  • Financial stress
  • Academic problems
  • Social problems
  • Relationship problems
  • Pregnancy
  • Abortion
  • Birth
  • Marriage

Whereas clinical depression and anxiety disorders can be triggered by life events, they often have causes linked to biological, genetic, neurological, or childhood causes, and extend beyond what is generally accepted as a "normal" time frame in reaction to the trigger. In contrast, a nervous breakdown may describe the sudden onset of a mental illness, or may simply be your body and mind's way of processing a life event. While inconvenient and upsetting, a nervous breakdown is not necessarily a reason to panic, and panic in addition to the stress of the breakdown itself does nothing to resolve the situation. A nervous breakdown is your mind and body's way of bringing your attention to the feelings you are ignoring, or incompletely processing.

Recovering from a Breakdown

Consequently, the key to preventing or getting through a nervous breakdown is actually the opposite of what you might expect. Attempting to "fight it off" can only serve to postpone and even exacerbate the breakdown. If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, instead of pushing past those feelings, look for places in your life that you can scale back some of your stress. As soon as you recognize a feeling of loss of control or helplessness, the human reaction is to try to take control of the situation. Realize that taking back power in cases of stress is actually to seek out rest and peace. By forcing yourself to continue beyond what you can mentally or physically take is only feeding into your panic, giving the anxiety more power, more control. By giving yourself grace and space to feel your feelings and to empower yourself by acting on them, you offset the reasons your mind and body have for bringing you to the point of nervous breakdown.

If you are already past the point of non-functioning, it is sometimes necessary to seek help, in the form of a support group, individual therapy, and/or consultation with a psychiatrist. "Getting help" can sometimes feel like a failure, but keep in mind that, in context, making that step is just another way of you being capable and taking care of yourself. If you suddenly found yourself hacking up a lung, you would make an appointment with a doctor, and follow his or her prescribed treatment plan until you were better. Similarly, seeing a therapist does not have to be a life sentence, but can be thought of in these instances as a treatment regimen, the same as taking antibiotics for pneumonia would be. When you have flushed out the initial cause of the infection, and have tools for future prevention, you no longer need to take the medication. However, if you did not see the doctor and continued to let the infection brew, you might need more serious intervention later, and end up with lasting damage. A nervous breakdown is not the end of the world, and does not need to lead to a lifetime of mental illness-as long as you take care of yourself responsibly if or when it does happen to you.

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Comments 74 comments

dawnk 2 years ago

Accepting life on life's terms.

What does that mean exactly?

Does that mean that we allow what is happening to happen?

Ultimately becoming a doormat to someone else's whims of us.

Or does that mean we choose to look at the value of the moment.

That this current circumstance is here for a reason, and instead of opposing it we embrace it.

Embrace pain, embrace hurt embrace shame and guilt really that is what is being asked of us to do at this time in our lives.

Lord why? We ask why?

Why not. Life is very simple in this way everything good doesn't stay good and everything bad doesn't stay bad. The only choices we have truly is how we react to each moment of our live, continuing to give thanks to the good times as well as the bad. Bad? Really give thanks to the bad.

Yes the bad.

Ask yourself this, if everything was good all of the time, you had no problems we as humans become content I. Thinking that this is it we made it. We don't have to push ourselves, we forget to give thanks to God because we have in our minds made it. Where is the challenge to become better than we are. Where is the challenge to understand that life is a process of many trials and test that we must pass in order to achieve our ultimate goal. Our legacy is not in just our successes it's i. Our charter, it's in the relationships we built with God and those that we encounter along the way.

There is value I. Pain. Pain forces us to grow past where we are currently at. Pain makes us face hard truths about who we are and ultimately who we serve.

We can not live life on are own will doing as we please hurting those we love and think there is no pay bay back for are actions or inactions.

We are to challenge are selves everyday to be are best selves.

Not just in our careers or are home life but e every factor of our lives.

We were meant to be successful in every area seeking Gods wisdom in all we do. Being grateful for every moment that we have breath.

And sometimes pain makes you understand there is no shame in letting go of that person place or thing that may be holding you back from being your best you.

You have to face life head in with courage, with the full knowledge that this to shall pass. I have been there.

it hurts but look at it as an opportunity to cleanse your soul.

Gwarxtheiv 2 years ago

My mom just recently went threw a breakdown.......She can't think clearly or remember something's.......She isn't functioning normal anymore.....I went to visit her today and it was depressing like someone took over her body......She wasn't the mom I know......She was going threw a lot of stress from work and loss of loved ones. I have never seen anything like this.......She is in the hospital on the first floor getting help......I just fill like she isn't going to snap out of it and that she gave up.....has anyone been like this or knew someone that this has happened too ?....Thanks

Friend 3 years ago

Hi unwanted, i have been there. My body physically hurted so much that my whole body twisted. I had been living in pain since I was 2 ( had a near death accident). I never realized it until one nigth I stopped fighting what ever I was fighting, it just happened. After that I felt so happy so full of life that I had to contain myself, all my aches went away. I realized everything was going to be great because of that moment gave me hope i could still feel happiness. From that day I only srtive to feel that way one day at a time, and it has worked remarkably. Everything WILL PASS ! I was on the brink and things worked out. EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE !

friend 3 years ago

hey unwanted, I dont want you to die. I do care even if you dont believe me. Would you like to be a friend? :)

unwanted 3 years ago

im at the point of killing myself. everything is wrong and everything hurts. nothing to live for and no one would care if i died. agonising pain everyday i breathe.

mouse 3 years ago

Has anyone experienced one nervous breakdown coming back on them where they could not think

Daisy 4 years ago

I'm 14 and I just broke down. I have a college trip tomorrow what I'm dreading but I don't want to stay at home because of my step-loser of a father would be drunk by 11am and very violent I frequently make myself throw up and starve myself and my parents are hard drug abusers I need help but if I talked to anyone then they'll know and I'll probably end up in social services cause my mum just stands there and does nothing to make the step-loser stop and get his life back! I don't have normal teenager life!

25 years old 4 years ago

Im going through a "breakdown" I'm an army wife and a mother of two. I didn't know what was happening to me until a few days ago. Kinda caught me by surprise. I mean I knew I was falling apart but didn't expect this..... My husband is deployed and has been since July 2011... He's coming home soon. Im super excited but it means I have to deal with his mother who hates me. She's hated me for six years. Ive never done anything to make her hate me- she says she hates that I exist.... It freaks me out having to be in the same room as her. She's never nice and is always bring me down... I miss who I use to be- Happy- and hope I can find my way back because right now I don't know who I am and don't recognize the person I see in the mirror... I don't even know why I'm commenting

Dopaminenc 4 years ago

I have a long story but what's the point in reading another 1 of those. sure you can write a book about my life I might even sell a few copies, essentially it's just not as black and white as most of these stories. I will say I noticed things starting about the time of my mother's departure. during your life you hear stories of greed and family chaos when a will is to be read, why you listen to your sister say how can people be like that over someone they love. she is also the very first person to argue everything.

getting back on topic my panic attacks are no longer around just the feeling of how much longer can I take it and what what happens when is finally blows. this is the most work I've done in a while and now exhausted and in pain I will take my antidepressant then go back to sleep.

just a note on a few things I've read here. as much as a lot of you would like not to believe it, because of inexperience, panic and anxiety can seem like the" end ,heart attack, stroke, fainting"but if you understand that it's temporary, as impossible as that may seem believe in the power of the terrifying as these things are once you own them give up the fight they start to stop almost immediately. own it

give it a try

what do you have to lose, I promise you will not remain that way forever. when dealing with matters of the brainthe snowball effect can be the worst thing,!! if you take anything away from this posting remember to try not to snowball or self diagnose and you're halfway there! good luck in peace.

Bob 4 years ago

Hi Maddie,

Just a quick question. In your experience what is a typical timeframe for an individual to fully recover from a 'nervous breakdown'?

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Maddie Ruud 4 years ago from Oakland, CA Author

Hi Chan,

I think you misread that sentence. I said that seeking help can FEEL like a failure, but that it is not. It's actually a huge accomplishment!

Chan 4 years ago

Thank you for reminding me that seeking help is a 'failure' . I know you didn't mean it like that but to someone that is going through a lot of emotional and physical stress mentioning that did not make me feel any better. I didn't think that going to therapy was a failure and addressing it like that did not help me at all. The rest of it was very informative and helpful though.

Maddie Ruud profile image

Maddie Ruud 4 years ago from Oakland, CA Author

Hi Louise,

Thanks for sharing your story. I suggest you try looking up your university's health resources. I'm sure they have a counselor or therapist for you to talk to.

If that feels too weird, do you have a close friend you could set up a weekly chat with, just to check in and stay accountable?

Louise 4 years ago

Hello all,

I just want to say how comforting it is to read that I'm not alone. After a few extremely tough years, I've finally faced up to the fact that I am depressed and I believe I have suffered a breakdown.

Life hasn't been the easiest, after seeing my dad hit my mum during their divorce at the age of 12, I struggled throughout secondary school and turned to the church at the age of 16 to escape my home life and the stress from my parents divorce.

I fell in love at the age of 18 with a guy I assumed I would marry, his feelings changed after a year and a half, and I made some bad decisions after our break up and lost not only my partner but my best friends and my church family as I broke away because I found the break up too difficult.

I went through a period of spending my weekends drunk and in the week on autopilot at work.

Then at the age of 21, I met a guy I fell in love with instantly and we spent every minute together.

I went to university away and although it was tough our relationship was fine. Then I got mugged outside my home at university. I stopped sleeping, stopped eating, and I worried constantly about getting attacked again and didn't want to go out of the house. My family told me to come home as they knew I was unwell. I moved in with my partner who I lived with for 6 months and then we broke up, as he stopped showing me any affection. In that time, I lost my boyfriend, my house, the degree I started I now didn't have. The financial implications of the previous year were and still are a stress. I was charged for a whole year's accommodation, even though I was there for a term. So the year had left me £3,000 in debt, not to mention my student loan which is around another £6,000.

I started a new job, got lots of new friends and applied for university in the September of 2011.

I started university in September, and moved into a new house, and in November met a guy who is incredible and we're so happy together.

The only problem is, when he's not around, I'm so unmotivated towards my course, I know I'm passionate about teaching, but I can't get excited like I used to.

I can't sleep at night, I feel like I'm failing everything, and I'm being crippled by monthly payments because of last year.

I really do think the constant stress has built up. I'm worried that I feel so happy with my partner, that I'll make him everything.

It's just hard, I feel like I'm in a rut I can't get out of.

Henry 4 years ago

I suffered a sever one about 10 years ago and it still haunts me. I didn't seek medical help, or from friends. I remember everything in great detail. Even the voices and the hallucinations. Its seems that I have learned to function with it better than most. Being normal has become sort of a game for me. There is no denying that I still slip from time to time... I still hear faint voices and my emotions seem to want to burst out of me every so often. This is one of my worse days to say the least. I see no light at the end,, just a constant struggle. In hindsight, your advice would have saved me years of inner battles. I only hope that my words can help add to your truth. Even on my best days I know that I'm too far gone for conventional treatments to work (or maybe its just stubbornness) but at least my pain can serve as a warning for someone that should heed your advice.

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Maddie Ruud 4 years ago from Oakland, CA Author

A big thank you to everyone brave enough to share their struggles here.

Bruce, as you say, writing is a great outlet, and a lifesaver to many. I know it's helped me through some of my toughest times.

Bruce 4 years ago

I had a nervous breakdown in 2007 that evolved into a full blown Bipolar Episode. My life has changed and now I'm on Social Security. My wife left me, I lost everything, and I'm still in court trying to get some form of custody as my Bipolar is being used against me. I continue to try to get up, I take medications and I had my dog registered as an Emotional Support Animal. I have started to write down the situation leading up to that initial nervous breakdown that went Bipolar. This wriiting as a means venting has helped. Unfortunately I will never fully recover and return back to the work force. My mind isn't the same. This short comment has taken me 2 hours to write; as I had to revise constantly...

Darlene 4 years ago

So much information and I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart.

Thanksgiving my brother yelled obscentities to me and demanded me to leave his house 5 minutes after I had arrived. the next day I checked myseld into the hospital.

Ihave problemks with self esteem now that I have never had, memory loss, confidence,not being able to sleep and I sm still working, all by the Grace of God. Don't give up and keep praying. We serve a God that is more then able to get us through this. Many blessings.

Jeremy 4 years ago

I just wanted to thank you. I came to the realization that I was not merely "headed" for a breakdown but have been in the midst of one for days (possibly a few weeks even), and trying to "shake it off" and "power through", which is my usual response to stress, depression, anxiety, and crises in general, was not working, which has been making things worse.

I've been staying with my family for Thanksgiving, and that's been helping a bit, and now I think I may need to stay through New Year's...the thought of going back to my apartment and my total stranger room-mates (not their fault, of course) is too much for me right now. I was only planning to go back to "prove something".

Your article was the most helpful I've seen so far, because it gave me permission to stop posturing and start "treating myself" in a way that made sense.

You made me see that the challenge is not how to push through the stressful situation and rinse and repeat as necessary (till I expire, surely), but how to minimize stress so that this has less chance of happening again. I will do that.

Our purpose in life can't be the fulfillment of arbitrary duties...we are here to live...not to simply "make it through". Hard to focus on right now, but it's a small comfort regardless. In this state it seems any comfort is welcome.

Again. Thank you.

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carolyn a. ridge 4 years ago

So, you had a nervous breakdown -- SO WHAT? ~ So, you had a terrible marriage -- SO WHAT? ~ So, you have a son or daughter on drugs, or in jail -- SO WHAT? How does any of this prevent you from being you ? Each new day is a new chance !!!

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carolyn a. ridge 4 years ago

When you are trying to share your innermost thouthts, with family members, be prepard for anything! They don't necessarily mean any harm; it's just that you did not turn out to be the person that they had envisioned,and you don't have the characteristics that they had chosen for you! Man-up, and be the best person you can.

stubborn mule 4 years ago

totally having one right now, and told the wrong people about my mental breakdown. My mom is extremely hurt by this? She feels like the "worst mom ever" and now she wants to kill herself over this. I also told another person who will not stop calling me! I didn't say I was suicidal, just that I was having a nervous break down. I definitely wouldn't dream of telling my dad, he would be a wreck. Now what!? I suppose you are right, and I should seek a therapist. Thanks for this

mark 4 years ago

i had a what you call a small or mini nervous breakdown back in July .I had short term memory loss and even now i still have it which effects my private ife and ability to carry out my job to the fullest .my memory is better but even now not back to normal

Anonymous 5 years ago

Why is it that people don't get it? You try to explain to them what you are feeling. You are told you need to pray, have more faith, cast it over to God. What if you have done all this and you still know in your heart you are not the same person. I have always considered myself to be a fairly intelligent woman until this happened. I tried telling a friend that my mind would go blank. I just couldn't connect somethings. I was always sharp and pretty much could figure out things. Then there was memory lost, confusion, and just feeling weird. Tired and just feeling burned out. I still pushed and until I just about shut down. Why, because I have children, told to pray and have faith, told that I make mountains out of mole hills. I need to learn to fight the devil. So, I keep trying and believing. You know that you are not the same,but all these people must be right. So, you start beating up on yourself because you are not strong enough to overcome this. You don't have enough faith. You play church. You're not faithful enough. Basically you are a failure. You failed miserably. You know inside that you have tried and you do pray and you do not play church but there is something that is not connecting. You feel differently. You try to get it back together. You are praying and crying out to God. You search for answers and realize that you have had a mental breakdown. But, you admitting this only suggest that you are weak and should have been able to fight the devil. I am at that point now where I feel numb in some areas, very emotional in others, yet I do believe that God is a healing God, but right now this is where I am. Does that make me a failure or ineffective believer of God. If so, it makes me wonder who's view is it. I don't feel God sees me that way. Man want you to do and keep doing,not caring what your mental or emotional status is. After all you brought it on yourself with your poor choices and bad decisions. Well, all of that generates from some lack of. Thank God he knows and he cares for us all. If there is anyone out there who is told that their breakdown is their fault. Please don't believe it. It will only make you fault yourself and think of yourself as a failure. God is a healer and he sees everything. It is hard to wait, but GOD will see you through. Please get help. Don't let anyone tell you that you should not seek counsel. Pray and ask God to allow you to connect with a counselor who cares about you as a person and the state of your mental, emotional, and physical health. We are not dangerous people, we are brave to go through this and courageous to talk about it. Blessings to everyone. I am proud that I shared and pray that someone needed to read this.

Chris 5 years ago

Hi, if holly hobby is still about would appreciate them getting in touch with me, unless anyone else can give me some guidance, would like to talk about my experience, chris

carolyn a. ridge 5 years ago

This is still a great hub. That's what the world needs now: education !!!

Justin 5 years ago

Thanks for the post. It gives me hope to know I am not alone and there is the possibility of recovering from this mental torture. I had a nervous breakdown my summer after high school, resulting from years of marijuana abuse, low self esteem, and unfortunate childhood events. I began to feel as if I had destroyed myself and undermined my development and ability to live a happy life. I felt isolated from everyone, friends, family, and my girlfriend, and I was overwhelmed with anxiety and negative emotions which made it difficult for me to function. No memory, lack of focus, horrible verbal fluency... you name it. In working through this extremely difficult phase in my life, I'm learning to stop regretting the past, and to live more in the moment. That seems to help tremendously. Breath deep, tell yourself everything will work out, and never give up.

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lambservant 5 years ago from Pacific Northwest

Great hub Maddie. Nervous breakdown is still used today and it's rather a nebulous term. Glad you explained it for people. I have serious mental health issues although I am in a good place of recovery right now. Your information will be very helpful to people and I agree with everything you said. I write on mental health issues quite a bit too. Blessings

carolyn a. ridge 5 years ago

Having a mental breakdown does not make you a bad person. It doesn't make you a criminal, or someone dangerous. Most harmful acts are created by people who are totally sane. Having a breakdown means that you have reached your limit. You brain is so overwhelmed, that it cannot presently accept any more assignments. With this being said, the brain-shutdown, may cause you to make unjust decisions or choices, but never harmful. The breakdown is the sign to let you know that you need to slow down, for a while. You need professional help. If placing children somewhere else, causes you less stress, then that's a great idea. It gives you time to de-stress. It means that this individual is intelligent enough to know that the children should not be in her care -- at this time.

carolyn a. ridge 5 years ago

I have commented before, but this is still a great hub. Having a nervous breakdown is not like having the plague. But often times, we treat it this way. We don't want the rest of the world to know, when actually, that's part of the best medicine for it: tell someone and seek help. Great hub!

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Maddie Ruud 5 years ago from Oakland, CA Author

Hi Sarah,

Usually, someone suffering from a nervous breakdown is not inherently dangerous. I don't know the details of the situation, but it's very possible that the person you mention signed over custody of her children simply because she is not able to adequately care for them while she goes through this.

Sarah 5 years ago

I'm not sure i am understand these lol it could be because i'm just so worried and want to find info that i'm not reading it correctly. My question Is..Can someone who has a history of the mental breakdowns Harm children? I know of someone who has a history of mental breakdown and signed over their children to their fathers. I just want to make sure this person Is safe to be around my child????? e mail me if possible It's my cousins e-mail at leslien33 at gee mail i hope u/who ever responds understand that thank you I hope you all have a nice day!!

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carolyn a. ridge 5 years ago

This is great! Not only do you know your material, but those who are commenting, as well. And so do I. I love this: "by giving yourself grace and space ...". Yes, I too, suffer from mental disorders, and no everyday is not the same as yesterday (or tomorrow). It's down to one day at a time; sometimes, one hour at a time. Very well written. Thanks for sharing.

Dapper 5 years ago

Two months and counting into my breakdown... But hey, at least I have my short-term memory back, it was pretty much non-existant a month ago.

Opadopal 5 years ago

Very helpful!!!

lee anderson 5 years ago

its good to know theres others out there who understand .my family just think av been a loon .

A Joyful Recovery 5 years ago

An excellent article! It helped change my views of seeking support from a negative to a positive. Thanks.

honest 5 years ago

Wounded - people like you are so pathetic. Oh poor me my other half had an affair. And you dare to mention PTSD !!! PTSD (real) is when people have been raped, attacked, fought in wars and see death. How dare you use that term just because you couldn't satisfy your man

Mark 5 years ago


It all started in December after having a full panic attack on work. Since then the physical anxiety turned into mental anguish in the form of pure o! Ive become agoraphobic as I'm scared to leave the house as I have constant thought about hurting people which make me severely anxious to go on top of my already severely anxious mind! 1 month ago me and my girlfriend got engaged, she was my true love and the girl keeping me alive and now she has left me and I'm heartbroken, not eating and generally not functioning! When I go to a shop Its as if im dreaming and having intrusive thoughts!

So I have severe anxiety, completely heartbroken, too lll to work and need to find a place to live as I dont really have family and on currently on sisters floor but she wants me out asap! I also went through a divorce last year and last week my grandad died! But most of all I have severe anxiety, pure o, depersonalisation and heartbroken! Please help me! X

breakdownexperience 5 years ago

I did have what I guess is a nervous breakdown experience a few years ago after a major breakup.

AS I was sitting inside a cinema to watch a movie, I would have visual flashes and could not watch through the movie, could not sleep, would wake up in the middle of the night etc.

I am still working through it ( spent a month at a psych ward, talked to psychiatrists etc) and still haven't found an answer to the debilitating effects of lethargy, just not wanting to try anything anymore......

CLEANING WOMAN 5 years ago


CLEANIGN WOMAN 5 years ago


Jeromeo profile image

Jeromeo 5 years ago from Little Rock

@ X,

If your wife is bringing her lover into your home and there has been no divorce decree that alone should show be be an unfit parent. Evidently she has an attorney advising her. File suit against the attorney for Alienation of afections.

I under stand your situation but you are playing the victim here ans allowing your self to be abused by the system, you are going to have to forget you love her and think on survival.

You need to bone up on Pro Se, legal manuvers quick. Once you stand up for yourself and quit feeling sorry about the situation you will start to feel better.

Not your fault your X is not the person you thought she was.

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Daniela Daljac 5 years ago from AUSTRALIA

Very useful hub!

Terra 5 years ago

Thanks. Just had one a moment ago. I'm just really stressed about school and family...this helps though. Thanks, Maddie.

TopUniverse 6 years ago

Excellent hub. It bring out various causes and ways to overcome Nervous Breakdown. It helps me lot.

anna 6 years ago

Dear X

Hang in there. Eventually this will be past and things will get better if you keep the right attitude about it. Yep, some things in life are a struggle, but it helps me to know that these are the things that are refining me to become a better, stronger person. Also knowing you are not alone in the unfair situations. So many innocent people are wrongly accused hard done by every day. For me I try to remember there is a God, and knowing how He deals with such situations and how He advises me to behave in order to get through the struggles successfully really helps me to push through with hope and to see on the grand scale of things, the problem isn't so big. I don'r know your perspectives and I understand faith isn't for everyone, but I can only help by passing on what works for me. At least view this as an opportunity to remove yourself from people who are not acting towards you with love. As they leave your life, in time you can hopefully be surrounded with far better choices. And don't worry about your kids. Just keep loving them, take the high road, i.e not getting 'dirty' with the ex. Revenge just gets people nowhere fast but instead act with love towards enemies, then leave them in the hands of divine justice. Either way it'll leave you feeling better about yourself and dignified. The love you have for your kids will speak volumes and they will remember your actions whether better or worse, so let them remember great things so they cant find fault when they are older. The truth will speak loudly and clearly for itself and if your remain pure in your heart you'll be in a great and faultless place. The Gospel of John from the the Bible helps me. Full of practical advice as to how to get through life's difficulties successfully. And also books by Joyce Meyer. The bad times will eventually pass. All the best :-)

6 years ago

We met in a youth refuge when we were just teenagers. After being together for ten years through thick and thin, ugly and good times, two beautiful children, Living in our first home, I found an email that exposed my wife was having an affair with a married man with two children who also happened to be her client. By the way in a business i worked so hard to help her build. What upset me the most was the lack of emotion she showed me and my family after being caught. Worst of all while this was taking place Her mother knew about it and was helping her babysit while she went out with this man.

The day i confronted her with the email she was more angry about me finding the email than she was of the breakdown of our marriage. She's an accountant by profession and when i threatened to report the matter to her membership board she quickly went to the police and told them that i was a threat to her and took out a restraining order which forbade me from contacting anyone that she comes in contact with. As result of the order i was unable to return to my home, after two weeks of what i could describe as only hell i decided to return back to work. My colleagues were very supportive of me at first but shortly after my work performance began to decline when i found out what her mother was doing to my children. when i tried to put a stop to it she decided to withhold my children from me for month at a time. I tried different avenues of accessing my children but she completely would not budge. she comes to my workplace and talk to me about money and the best interest of the children but the second she leaves she's a completely different person. She lies to me all the time and treat me like a fool and worst of all i believe her. It took almost two months before i could see my kids again when she decided to bring them around to my mothers house she also decided to bring her new partner along. I have no idea who this man is except I'm assuming He's the one she's been having an affair with. we've only being separated for 3 month and she's already bringing a strange man in to my home, around my children and now to my mother's place. I feel hopeless helpless and defeated to do anything about this because i know it will only make things worst, it is also the biggest disgrace to myself and my family for me to do nothing. Shortly after wards my workplace decided to send me on unpaid leave pending if i could return... on top of that i have two court matters to attend to with in a difference of a week, my grandmother had a stroke, my uncle had just being diagnosed with schizophrenia, and God only knows what comes next I have been put on antidepressant as result of what happened.

In short

I have no Family, No home, No Job, No car, being treated for depression and anxiety, and i have to continue to pay child support and lawyers fee and my x is now trying to humiliate me. If there is anybody out there that could help me with what i can do where to go from here i would very much appreciate it because I'm in the dark, deep end of the ocean with emotional turmoil.

graham barnes 6 years ago

I am having one atm, Loss of 2 loved ones, career crisis, loss of friends, loss of job I had been looking for for ages, my parents are very stressful people and my dad has parkinsons but i like being around others so had to come back to live with them after my grandparents died and I lost my business too so have no drive to even try anymore at the point of been trying all my life and im not getting anywhere so thinking why bother.

wounded 6 years ago

Last year my husband had an affair. After the affair a group of people who were in the same club with my husband and I and were enemies of my husband began to drop hints to me in a not so nice way. They would not come out and tell me, but would just try to creat suspicion. I would ask my husband and he would deny, deny, deny....The other woman then made a point of trying to become my best friend. She also convincingly denied the allegations. The other 21 people in the club who were susposed to be my friend also lied to me and covered for my husband. For a solid year, I would hear little bits of this trash, question my husband and the "friend" and they would convince me that it was all lies. I would believe them and think it was all over...then the enemies of my husband would strike again with a little more information. I would defend my husband and this other woman over and over. It was like being stabbed, healing, being stabbed over and over again. Finally I found out that the other woman (who had suddenly done everything she could to be my best friend) was the one spreading the little pieces of gossip so that it would get back to me. She was trying to destroy my marriage and had gone to great lengths to do so. I confronted my husband who again denied and had the woman kicked out of the club. She then began emailing me details of the affair. My husband then confessed the details of what had taken place. I understood then the situation and why what had happened took place. I had full details from both sides. Although, my husband made a terrible mistake having a very brief interlude with this slut, I did realize that she had presued him and had taken advantage of a situation when he was unsuspecting and intoxicated. He had ended it very quickly and had spent unbelievable time and effort to keep me from finding out. The slut black mailed him with the threat of telling me, the whole story all the while she was giving out information so it would get back to me. I had a nervous breakdown. I lost 35 lbs in 3 months without trying. I couldn't get all of this out of my mind. I felt like I was shaking inside and alternating between extreme anger and tears. I couldn't function without antidepressents. I have always been so strong and I am ashamed that I went over the deep edge. I did not miss any work as I immediately started taking antidepressents that keep me physically going. I went to counseling and was diagnosed with post traumatic stress syndrome. I underwent a procedure that moves the traumatic event to more distant memory temporarialy. This allowed me to deal with the event a little at a time. The counselor did not feel like the PTSD was due to the affair directly, instead it was thought to be secondary to having 21 different people who I cared about (6 of which were people who I was the closest too) betray me all at once. It was like I had lost everyone who I loved at the same time. The year of it being over and then not over repeatedly had left me looking over my shoulder waiting to get stabbed again...I am better, but not quite back to my old strong self. I have never had mental illness and have always been very strong. I have always been good to everyone and way to trusting and nice. Now my husband and I are doing great in the marriage. He had stayed by my side and is truly remorseful. We are closer than ever and I chose to forgive him. We love each other. I will not let some skank destroy our marriage. I am no longer trusting of others, but I do trust my husband. I am healing. Occassionaly something will happen and it will sort of set me back unexpectedly. I guess this is part of the PTSD. I am stronger, but I know that I will never be the same. I just wonder if I will ever get over the PTSD or will it be with me forever? It is so much better, but it is still there....I have cut as much stress out of my life as possible and I am still in counseling. Not sure why I am writing this? I do know that I will never forget the extreme pain of all of this and I hope that If I ever come upon someone who goes through something like this that I can be more understanding and supportive than people have been to me.

mogul 6 years ago

i am having tough time to get our over all this

lila 6 years ago

i'm not sure why i'm writing this except to be able to express myself with others who might understand. I used to have bad "episodes", but learned to take better care of myself and for years have been better. Lately though "it's" been coming back. I've been feeling so emotionally overwhelmed, and even my deep spirituality has felt distant.... it;s what I usually count on and what has always helped me. Latley though, I feel like I can't take any negativity... and I've been "breaking down"... freaking out... crying and horrible self talk. At times like this I feel so alone... but I know it's all in my mind. Today is a little better and I will go to work to try to snap myself out of it... it's sad that there is such a taboo against, what I see, as natures call to healing and rest. Thanks for the article and everyone's posts. I haven't heard anyone acting like I do when I feel most extreme, but maybe that's just because people don't want to talk about it. Wishing everyone peace.

starski 7 years ago


Helen 7 years ago

From one who is recovering, I've learened, rest is the key, avoid stress, take as much time as you need, do things you enjoy, good exercise, mental rest also this can be in terms of avoiding stresfull tasks, meditation, listening to easy relaxing music,never mind what others think.

Gerry 7 years ago

Mine started when I was unable to sleep for more than two weeks because of a sudden health problem. Now, that problem had been addressed, but the stress of what I have gone through remains. It's clear to me just what is bugging me now. Thanks for the info.

Drew Breezzy profile image

Drew Breezzy 7 years ago from somewhere in my mind

I think using friends as a support group helps. But essentially one has to overcome their issues alone. Doing stuff you enjoy is a good way to push through.

Also leaving a situation that is causing the unhappiness is a good solution.

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metaphysician 7 years ago

I am definitely agree with you when you said, "Attempting to "fight it off" can only serve to postpone and even exacerbate the breakdown." . This is the trap that most people fall into and man, I was guilty about this too. The more we fight it, the more we become what we already are during that time.

It's the energy that we channel at that time that make it even worst.

Seeking from doctor is a good decision but totally depending on the medification is a surest sign to kill the body.

Thanks for all the info.

ricci 7 years ago

had one recently, well been happening for a while, i just started feeling uptight and not able to control my thoughts, currently seeing someone about it but i find myself making excuses and lying to cover things up that were avoidable in the first place, i have lots of friends but pushed them all away, thinking this is a never ending cycle

Smart Dad profile image

Smart Dad 7 years ago from Northampton

Life is a great tool for lessons and a sharp weapon we all get cuts from.

I word of help I recognise in the text is worry about only what we can effect not which affects us... I learnt that just from worrying about customer service for 20 odd years...

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splum 7 years ago from USA

People getting faster and faster pace of life, work pressure, stress, family problems, the relationship between superiors and subordinates, the relationship between family members, friends, relations, these relations are complicated to deal with really bad nervous breakdown! Optimistic about life, all things have a normal, good thing happen! I am a teacher, students naughty, disobedient, and sometimes because some things out, not really deal with each disorder. Sometimes I feel tired !

Jennifer 7 years ago

After experiencing several life changing events within about a weeks time, my brother is finally having his own nervous breakdown. This has really helped me figure out what should be done to help him. Thank you.

SevDiggity profile image

SevDiggity 7 years ago from Hartville, Ohio

Maddie, thank you so much for sharing this valuable information. One of my best friends, age 23, passed away this past wednesday morning, and another friend of mine who was close to them has experienced this type of breakdown several times. I have been doing much better myself having researched things and using my writing as a therapy. Do you have any suggestions as to how I may help out my friend without coming across as interfering too much? I want to be there to help, but I don't want to get in the way of that space needed for her to get through this naturally.

Thanks again for sharing! :)

havingonenow 7 years ago

i guess i have to find professional help huh? today i started to feel so depressed and i dont know i cant sleep or eat im panicking every freakin moment so thanks for that it really helped and im informed thank you

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betherickson 8 years ago from Minnesota

Nice of you to put up a hub like this. For sure a lot will be aware after reading this article.

Holly Hobbie profile image

Holly Hobbie 8 years ago from Rural Eastern Kentucky

Wonderfully written Hub. I have experienced hospitalization due to a major depressive episode, had to quit my job of $65K per year, now on disability retirement at the rip old age of 40. You described it very well. Part of my life purpose now is to help others that may be struggling with the same or similar issues, illness. I am here to help if anyone would like to talk to me about what they are going through.

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DJ Funktual 8 years ago from One Nation Under a Groove

Wow Maddie You area terrific Hubber. this is so good. I just wanted to come by and support your hubs too and I find you have 600 fans and are incredible at this. You write about SO MANY subjects too. Wow. Blown away.

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maham 8 years ago

Nice hub thanks for nice tips

artistguy123 profile image

artistguy123 8 years ago from Pune, Maharashtra, India

Hey Friend , Very well written Hub. I come from India and I know about meditation. It really helps people to overcome depression.Everything starts from expectation...I am not saying you shouldn't have expectation but we should be ready to accept things in life as they come. For the same one can attain mental peace by reading spritual books and also doing meditation everyday.My best wishes to you friend for writing a very nice article.

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Tania101 8 years ago from Canada

Excellent Hub Maddie.Will certainly help a lot of people.

Rapidwriter profile image

Rapidwriter 8 years ago from UK

You've pinpointed it, Maddie.  Attempting to gain control over something you can't combat only makes the problem worse and the sense of disempowerment more acute.  Much better to look for alternatives and focus on reducing stress.  But then letting go is so incredibly hard.  A very humane hub.  It already seems to be helping a lot of people.

About-The-Home profile image

About-The-Home 8 years ago

I may be heading for one, will be my 19th !!!

Sorry I couldn't resist.

(Rolling Stones)

Good hub with some helpful resources.

Will definitely be heading over to self affirmations, and procrastination when I get some spare minutes.

thegrams911 profile image

thegrams911 8 years ago from PA

Wonderful! I have been working thru a a breakdown, & this is the best discription I've found. Thanks!

livelonger profile image

livelonger 8 years ago from San Francisco

Excellent - thanks Maddie. I had, frankly, heard of Mariah Carey having one and didn't really understand what it meant. Excellent explanation.

djtphn1 profile image

djtphn1 8 years ago from Riverside County, California

Maddie, very well written. This actually happened after I had a miscarriage a while back. I becamse so depressed that I could not work. Medication can sometimes be very helpful when things just get you so down like that, and you are right, it does not mean forever. this is a very well written, easy to understand hub. I have not heard the term nervous breakdown for awhile, and just thought I was depressed, but often wondered, hey, maybe I am having a "nervous breakdown"! tHanks for clairfying it, and I am feeling much better now.

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