Texas Toilet Terror
My first encounter with the Kung Fu Toilet Terror was in restroom. When the Ninja Toilet warrior is in the house, the room is anything but restful. Since he refuses to touch anything in the bathroom, he delivers a karate kick to the chrome handle of urinal. A little disconcerting the first time you see it. Kind of like someone getting a phone call in the bathroom on their cell phone and then answering it. Gawd.
One day while I was standing on a glass enclosed walkway that extends between two sky scrapers, I happened to be looking out over the street at the passersby when I noticed the Kung Toilet Terror entering one of the sky scrapers. At that distance, how was I sure it was him? Easy. He did not touch the revolving door with his hands. That would have been unsanitary. He pushed it around with his feet. Imagine going through life terrified of he hideous crap people leave all over door knobs and keyboards. Imagine the upbringing you had to have to be so messed up over the perils of daily living.
It reminds me of the time a number of us from the office had to come in on a weekend and review business proposals. One guy brought in his little girl. She was well mannered and a great deal less annoying than one or two of the review participants. Nevertheless at one point her father bought her an ice cream cone. Like most youngsters she quite enjoyed it. Until she was finished and she noticed the ice cream stain on her dress. She was fussing with it and trying to clean it when her dad came up, wet a napkin, gave the stain a few vigorous swipes and announced it clean. She looked down an announced “No it is isn’t!” She took the napkin and rubbed the stain almost hard enough to wear a hole in it. I never did see her stop rubbing at that stain. Can you imagine how horrible that little girl’s mother must be? Probably hates kids and the messes they make. And has made her little daughter think that she is hated when she makes a mess. Gawd.
There’s clean and then there obsessive compulsive. How many times a day do you wash your hands? I recall two characters in movies one who played Howard Hughes and another character played by Jack Nicholson who rubbed their hands raw with soap and hot water.
Do you obsess about germs? We need the right amount and the right kinds of germs if for no other reason than to build up our immune systems. Still, it doesn’t do to go without washing in the cold and flu season.
Remember that disgusting advice we were given by government to sneeze on our sleeves?
Well, I do think that one of the better ways to avoid contagion is to have touchless restrooms. All flushers and faucets need to be automatic. Even the door should be automatic. No touching in the toilet!