Okay 2010 – Bring It!

 

It would seem as though the years that begin with great fanfare never cease to disappoint me so I’ve sort of taken a bit of a cynical approach to the start of each year. I try to have as little merriment as possible because as I said, the bigger deal I seem to make about it the less it seems to live up to my expectations. In truth I’m dying to open my eyes the first of every year hearing the Optimistic Voices from the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy first sees the Emerald City, “You’re out of the woods, you’re out of the dark, you’re out of the night. Step into the sun, step into the light. Keep straight ahead for the most glorious place on the face of the earth or the sun. Hold onto your breath, hold onto your heart, hold onto your hope, march up to the gate and bid it open…” Okay 2010 – Bring it! – Don’t Get Me Started!

While I will do my level best to take in less sodium, visit the gym more often, communicate with those I’ve not spoken to in a year or so I refuse to make these official resolutions. I sort of think that making resolutions is a way for a huge letdown too. If you make them official “resolutions” then you have to actually act upon them and then feel defeated when you don’t stick to them. I am instead this year just being the fairy that so many have called me over the years and I’m making New Year’s “wishes” – things I’d like to come true but that I’m only partly responsible for but also need some fairy dust and someone with the right wand to make come true (boys, minds out of gutter about wands waving to make dreams come true).

What I’ve found even more interesting though is what other people are doing to start off the New Year. I innocently asked the woman behind the counter at Starbucks what she did for New Year’s Eve and she proceeded to tell me that she and her mother had gone to their church’s sweat lodge for New Years Eve. I tried desperately not to allow my tell-tale eyebrow to raise or my head to tilt or my lips to purse. I think I smiled too much but she was too dehydrated from the sweat lodge to notice. Another person unsolicited told me that they drank so much they threw up almost all of the first day of the New Year, after all they stated, “January 1st is the country’s official hangover day.” I don’t understand this. I understand a buzz for New Year’s Eve but getting so drunk you wake up in your own vomit while it does seem as though you may begin to hear voices I doubt it will be the high pitched “Optimistic” ones I wrote about earlier. What it really all comes down to is that the world is too dehydrated on January 1st to know what they want. Whether you spent it at a sweat lodge or drunk off your ass, the best thing we can all do for one another is to drink at least two 8oz glasses of water on New Year’s day before we go around posting our resolutions on Facebook or talking to anyone. Just a thought.

Lest you think I’m the cynical bitchy queen that only exists on television and 1970’s movies and that modern day gays are ashamed of, I can assure you that I’m going to do my level best to greet this year with as much optimism as possible. The year is still half full at this point however I also realize that as I said to a friend recently, I have four minutes of patience left for the rest of my lifetime and the clock it is a-ticking. So don’t let me bum you out. Don’t let me stop you from filling my gym for the next month and getting in my way with that zeal that can only die off by the time American Idol begins in earnest in February and your fat ass once more fills the indentation on your sofa you worked on for years to create. Go ahead and stop to smell the roses just know that with the chemicals they use to grow them these days it could cause you to have a monster allergy attack the likes you’ve never seen while a prick from one of the thorns could turn you into Peter Parker or some other normal person made superhero from radiation. But by all means, let’s all put on our hamster suits and get on that big wheel, running as fast as we can, at least we’ll get the exercise, right? Okay 2010 – Bring it! – Don’t Get Me Started!

Read More Scott @ www.somelikeitscott.com

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