Once You Hit The Big 5-0 You Have Earned Those Jowls And Arm Flaps ~ Now Have Some Fun With Them

This is a jowl-y fella, and he doesn't seem to mind it one bit.
This is a jowl-y fella, and he doesn't seem to mind it one bit. | Source

An Exercise To Help Remove Jowls And Improve The Appearance Of A Double Chin

Jowls And Arm Flaps Are Nothing To Get Upset About

Most of us when we reach a certain age, OK, for most of us that is over age 50, we begin to notice the toll that a sneaky little thing called gravity is taking upon our bodies. Everything begins to head south as far as our skin goes, and we don't always think it's a pretty sight.

If you've ever noticed a person who has jowls, it looks as if they have slowly turned into a squirrel with extra pouches on the sides of their mouth to hold those extra nuts... or whatever it is that squirrels like to stash in those pouches.

On people, however, it is NOT usually considered to be a great look. I think the formation of jowls is one of the main complaints heard by plastic surgeons when patients come looking for a surgical answer to erase years from their face. They want them GONE... lifted up, "whatever it takes, Doc".

If you watch this video, it looks as if there is a way to help tighten those jowls through doing these facial exercises. Just try watching this thing, I dare ya... pretty soon you'll be making faces just like I was. No kidding! It can't be this easy to get rid of jowls, now can it?

Well, since that didn't work for me, I'm here to say that jowls aren't such a bad thing and that they have gotten a bad rap. I mean, now that we are in our 50's, I say we've earned those jowls. The same with laugh lines, expression lines and all the rest of those bothersome facial features that give men "character" and make women look like "hags". OK, so that's not totally fair, but it seems to be the perception of society.

If you're not sure whether or not you are getting jowls, I have a simple test for you to try. When you look in the mirror and form the word "OH"... you'll notice that the skin on the sides of your mouth is nice and tight, they way you think it should be. Change that OH to an ooooooooh (rhymes with ewwww), and you will see your mouth pucker up and ... uh oh.. can it be... ewwww, I think I'm developing the beginning of jowls.

Instead of panicking at this new development, I've decided to try a different approach. I'm going to have some FUN with my soon to be brand new jowls. I'm gonna use them, as soon as they finish appearing. When that Smart Aleck behind me says something I don't like, I'll just turn around real quick and BAM... smacked by a wayward jowl! These things are potential weapons, I tell ya!

Soon, I'll be able to hang my head out the car window just like Hooch the dog in the 1989 comedy movie "Turner And Hooch." Hooch is a French Mastiff, a dog breed well-known for their prominent jowls and drooling. Remember that movie with Tom Hanks?

I'll be able to let those jowls fly in the wind, feel that wind blowin' in my cheeks, puffing them up like sails on a sailboat. OK, so that's not such a pretty picture, but it would be fun to do that. I mean, dogs always look like they're having fun with their heads hangin' out of car windows.

Maybe I'll start a brand new trend, pierced jowls... again that's not a pretty picture. But I wonder if I could make a fortune by inventing and selling jowl rings? Can't be much worse than piercings on other unusual parts of the body, now can it?

Something Useful To Do With Arm Flaps?

Might as well get a tattoo to go with my new jowl piercings, right?
Might as well get a tattoo to go with my new jowl piercings, right? | Source

HEY~ I Think My Arm Muscles Turned "Upside Down!" That Must Be It!

Now if I move my gaze on downward, the direction that everything else on my body is slowly but surely beginning to move these days, I noticed something strangely new on my upper arms now. I used to have ... well kind of had... well, OK, not really... but I thought my arms used to be straight when I held them in a football goalpost position. Now when I look in the mirror... I see something strange hanging down. These things also "flap" when I move my arms. Could it be? Am I REALLY getting "Granny arms?"

Holy crap! I think I am! Look in the mirror and hold your arms in the position of football goalposts, see those "flaps" there? Yup, those are "granny arms" or "Hi Janes" or... I forget the other cute little names for them. Forgetfulness... another sign.... of something... I forget what. Sigh...

They're not so cute any more when they begin to show up on you! Those are supposed to be on someone MUCH older aren't they?? So, how else do you know you're getting granny arm flaps? What are some of the other little sneaky telltale signs?

When you're flying on a plane and the pilot talks about "flaps" being ready for landing and you take it personally... you realize that you just might have arm flaps!

When the little kid nudges his Mom and blurts out "LOOK Mommy, that lady over there must be an angel, she has wings, but now they're kinda turned upside down!" .... you might have arm flaps.

Just look at it this way, if you are at a show and you don't feel like clapping, just move your arms up and down a little and everyone around you will think you're clapping... then you'll know for sure that you have grown yourself a pair of arm flaps!

See? These things really can be useful for something and aren't really anything to worry about. At least my delusional self is trying to convince myself of that. Now, if I am at the airport hoping to board a plane and they try to charge me for "extra bags" because of these new jowls or arm flaps... then I will be worried! I mean, after all, I didn't ask for these things, they just happened.

I'll politely look at the 20-something little cutie-pie with her skin still in all the right places behind that luggage counter and tell her "just wait, sweetie pie, your turns a' comin!" OK, I probably won't do that, but I'll be thinking it if she does try to charge me for those "extra bags!"

I mean, after all, those extra luggage fees can really add up. Maybe a little plastic surgery would be cheaper? Nah, I think I'll just accept that these new things give me "character."

And oh, what a CHARACTER I plan to be... one day... someday... when I get old.... stay tuned!

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Comments 26 comments

Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

LOL Kathy, this is a really funny and creative read here! Yes, I say let's all just grow old gracefully and with our hearts loving as a child, then we are sure to feel a young as ever!

Rally love the cartoon images and that useless (in your words) video! LOL

Yes, the Big 5-0, been there done that.

Voted up ++ and sharing and linking

God bless. In His Love, Faith Reaper


KathyH profile image

KathyH 3 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Thanks so much, Faith! I'm so glad to find someone who understands! :) You're right, it is so much better to just stay graceful and have young hearts. Thanks so much for commenting, I always appreciate it! :)


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 3 years ago from the South

Oh, Kathy, you had me laughing so hard! Thanks, I needed that! I am desperately trying to "grow old gracefully" and do a pretty good job most days, but then there's those moments when I look in the mirror and think...what happened to my face?! Great hub!


Bonsie007 profile image

Bonsie007 3 years ago

Yep, I've definitely got the granny arms! And yes, they do flap in the wind. I know because I've tried. It really works! Just consider one of our many granny feats! Love your hub!


KathyH profile image

KathyH 3 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

You're welcome, catgypsy! I've done the same thing! That mirror used to be more of a friend than it is these days! Thanks for visiting. :)


KathyH profile image

KathyH 3 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Thanks so much, Bonsie007! I like that, granny feats! :) That's a good way to describe it. Thanks so much for commenting, I appreciate that! Glad you enjoyed this! :)


shiningirisheyes profile image

shiningirisheyes 3 years ago from Upstate, New York

Kathy - There are no words to accurately describe how hard I laughed while reading this! You, my friend have a great sense of humor. I so enjoy your wit, hilarious sarcasm and humor in the face of an ever aging body!

I often tell my little nieces and nephews that they aren't jowls, I am studying for my roll as a marionette! I do, however, love my laugh lines!

Voting up and sharing


KathyH profile image

KathyH 3 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Thanks so much, Beckie! :) I always appreciate you visiting and especially sharing! Thanks so much! :)


Kathryn Stratford profile image

Kathryn Stratford 3 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

That made me laugh! I love it when people have fun with life.


KathyH profile image

KathyH 3 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Thanks so much, Kathryn! So glad you got some laughs from this! Thanks so much for your great comment! : )


hawaiianodysseus profile image

hawaiianodysseus 3 years ago from Southeast Washington state

Haha! Oh, Kathy, what a unique and amusing spin on the extra things we "sixties children" are accumulating. Seems to me the term Baby Boomers takes on new meaning with our new perks. I enjoy your hubs so much because you don't mind poking fun at what we're "evolving" into! Voted up and across, sharing, and socially media-rized!


KathyH profile image

KathyH 3 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Wow, Hawaiian, I don't think I've ever had anything I've written media-rized before! I feel honored! :) Thanks so much. I always appreciate you stopping by and your terrific sense of humor! :)


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York

...And I'd like to thank HawaiiO for sharing so I could get to read this great hub! You've nailed it Kathy, I know, I'm 65....it was very polite of you not to mention the other body part(s) effected by gravity..at least we have something to hold them up with.

Voted up, very funny and interesting.


KathyH profile image

KathyH 3 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Glad you enjoyed this, tillsontitan! :) Thanks so much for reading, and thanks to HawaiiO for sharing!


Joanne M Olivieri 3 years ago

Wave your arms and they'll think you are clapping - hysterical yet so true. I can unfortunately relate to all of this. I always tell everyone I don't need a face lift but a full body lift. The only positive I've seen in hitting the half century mark is that you can speak your mind and be completely blunt and everyone thinks your wise :)


sweethearts2 profile image

sweethearts2 3 years ago from Northwest Indiana

Your hub gave me something to smile about when I look in the mirror and recall your advise and how it relates to me and my well earned wings. Voted up and funny


KathyH profile image

KathyH 3 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

That's so true, Joanne! LOL! I love being able to speak my mind now... now if I can just get someone besides the CATS to listen! :) So funny, thanks so much for reading and commenting!


KathyH profile image

KathyH 3 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

We really have earned those wings, sweethearts2! ;) Thanks so much for your comment and for the great votes as well!


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 3 years ago from Orlando, FL

I love that scene in Turner and Hooch! That's a great movie. But, I have to tell you as I was reading your hub age 50 is much too young for the gravity attack. I think that might qualify for age 80 and over. OK, maybe 75. Johnny Depp and I will be the Big 5-0 in June...enough said! :))


KathyH profile image

KathyH 3 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

I wish 50 was too young for it, but it happens slowly... when you are least expecting it... so slowly you hardly notice until you put your arms up and move them and you SEE it in the mirror for yourself! Thanks for the giggles, sunshine! :) You're a VERY young almost 50 for sure! ;) You and Johnny... arrrrggghhhh! Ah, the pirate's life is for me! ;)


wayne barrett profile image

wayne barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

Very funny! I think Facebook really opened my eyes as to how much we change over the years. I found countless people that I had not seen in thirty years our more, and when looking at some of their current pictures, I could not recognize them. I look at some of my old pictures (cave drawings) and I don't even recognize myself.


KathyH profile image

KathyH 3 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Oh c'mon, Wayne, cave drawings, really? Back when mine were taken they were still just etchings! Ha!! Thanks for the laugh! :)

I found someone on Facebook after over 30 years of not seeing him and he is GRAY now and looked totally different than the way I remembered, so I know exactly where you're coming from! Thanks so much for reading and for your great comment! :)


NatNatNC profile image

NatNatNC 3 years ago from North Carolina

So funny Kathy, I'm almost 40 and keep finding these random hairs in places they don't belong and I said to myself the other day, I had tweezers just to pluck my eyebrows and now I'm using it pull out grey hair. But HEY, age like fine wine!!


KathyH profile image

KathyH 3 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

I had that same problem, NatNatNC... I told our boys by the time they graduated from College I would have a full granny beard... they were not amused! (Wink!) Thanks so much for your great comment! :) I appreciate that!


Jenn 2 years ago

Wrong answer. I've never been overweight and now I have those wrinkled flaps under my arm. People think I look like I'm 29, but they never see my arms or belly, both of which clearly look like I'm old. I'm 46.

I'm about to start dating for the first time in 20 years. When/If we marry, I do NOT want to look like an old woman when I get undressed. There MUST be an answer besides 'accept it.'


KathyH profile image

KathyH 2 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

I'm not sure, but there may actually be things that can be done to improve the look of these, either medically (surgery most likely) or to tone this part of the arms with exercise. :) I would ask a physician to find out. Best of luck to you!

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