One Penis Ago......."A Wife's Lament"

"HOW MUCH SEX IS NORMAL"?

CANDLELIGHT AND ROMANCE

Setting the Night on Fire
Setting the Night on Fire

"FROM SEX TO ZERO"

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I SEEM TO BE ON A ROLL LATELY WITH TALES ABOUT THE PENIS! I THINK IT MUST BE A KIND OF "FREUDIAN" CATHARCTIC THING FOR ME WHICH YOU WILL BETTER UNDERSTAND AFTER YOU READ THIS "CAUTIONARY", BUT TRUE TALE.

MOLLY, MY BEST FRIEND SINCE GRADE SCHOOL CALLED ME HYSTERICALLY CRYING. MOLLY AND HER HUSBAND NICK HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR TWENTY SOME YEARS. IN FACT, I AM THE ONE WHO INTRODUCED THEM. I HAD DATED NICK FIRST BUT HE HAD THE MOST ANNOYING HABIT OF CONSTANTLY INTERRUPTING ME. ME....THE NON-STOP TALKER....HE NEVER LET ME GET A WORD IN EDGEWISE! SO, EVEN THOUGH NICK WAS ONE HECK OF A KISSER AND A GORGEOUS FOOTBALL PLAYER, I HAD TO LET HIM GO. AND SINCE MY BEST FRIEND MOLLY WAS A REALLY GOOD LISTENER, I JUST KNEW SHE AND NICK WOULD BE PERFECT TOGETHER, SO I INTRODUCED THEM ONE NIGHT AFTER A FOOTBALL GAME AND THE REST IS HISTORY. THEY HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR TWENTY PLUS YEARS AND IN MY MIND, THEIR PICTURE WOULD BE IN WEBSTER'S IF ONE WERE TO LOOK UP THE WORD "MARRIAGE"!

SO, WHEN MOLLY CALLED ME CRYING AND TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS THINKING OF LEAVING NICK. I WAS SHOCKED. MOLLY IS A SOFT-SPOKEN, EASY GOING, BEAUTIFUL WOMAN AND FOR HER TO BE UPSET AND READY TO LEAVE NICK, I KNEW SOMETHING SERIOUS MUST BE UP. I KNEW THEY HAD HAD THEIR UPS AND DOWNS OVER THE YEARS BUT WHO HASN'T? THEY SEEMED TO EFFORTLESSLY WEATHER THE STORMS OF LIFE AND, EVEN AFTER NICK WAS DIAGNOSED WITH TYPE I DIABETES AND THEIR LIFESTYLE CHANGED DRAMATICALLY, THEY SEEMED LIKE THE SAME OLD MOLLY AND NICK.

HOWEVER, THERE WAS MUCH THAT I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND A LOT I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND MOLLY!! FOR ONE THING, MY DEAR, QUIET FRIEND MOLLY, ADMITTED TO ME THAT, (ARE YOU READY FOR THIS), SHE WAS A SEX ADDICT. THAT ADMISSION, FROM MY VERY PRIVATE FRIEND MOLLY, COULD NOT HAVE COME EASILY; EVEN TO ME, HER CLOSEST AND DEAREST FRIEND. NO WONDER, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, THEY WERE SO HAPPY! SHE PROCEEDED TO TELL ME, BETWEEN SOBBING FITS, THAT SEX HAD BEEN, FOR THEM, THE GLUE THAT HELD THEIR MARRIAGE TOGETHER. CERTAINLY IT WAS FAMILY AS WELL. THEY HAD TWO WONDERFUL SONS, NOW IN COLLEGE, WHO WERE THEIR WHOLE WORLD. BUT SHE ADMITTED THAT WHILE MOST MOTHERS EXPERIENCED THE "EMPTY NEST" SYNDROME WHEN THEIR KIDS LEFT FOR COLLEGE, SHE HAD SECRETLY BEEN THRILLED! SHE AND NICK COULD NOW HAVE ALL THE SEX THEY WANTED, JUST LIKE IN THE OLD DAYS. BUT HER PLANS IN THAT AREA HAD FALLEN APART.

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THE DIABETES, SHE PROCEEDED TO TELL ME, HAD CHANGED EVERYTHING FOR THEM. WHILE THEY USED TO MAKE LOVE ALMOST EVERY DAY, WHEN THE BOYS WEREN'T AROUND, NOW, AS EMPTY NESTERS, AND FREE TO DO IT WHENEVER AND WHEREVER THEY WANTED TO, THEY NEVER MADE LOVE AT ALL!

"NEVER"? I ASKED....."OR, NEVER FOR A SEX ADDICT? WHICH, IN SEX ADDICT LINGO, COULD MEAN ONLY ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK"? WHICH, IN MY OPINION, WOULD BE NORMAL OR BETTER THAN NORMAL FOR MANY OF US....AFTERALL, SEX ADDICTS MOST LIKELY HIGHLY EXAGGERATE STUFF LIKE THIS, RIGHT?

MOLLY SAID, "WE HAVEN'T MADE LOVE SINCE NICK TOOK "THE SHOT" AND THAT WAS TWO YEARS AGO"! I COULDN'T BELIEVE MY EARS. MY HUSBAND AND I DON'T EXACTLY BURN UP THE SHEETS BUT EVEN WE MAKE AN ATTEMPT EVERY FEW WEEKS OR SO. "MOLLY" I SAID, "YOU HAVE GOT TO START FROM THE BEGINNING, YOU'VE KNOWN ME SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME SO, YOU KNOW I NEED DETAILS!!....LOTS OF DETAILS"!

AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS ARTICLE I WARNED THAT THIS WAS A CAUTIONARY TALE. SO, HERE IT COMES.

MOLLY PROCEEDED TO TELL ME THEIR FIRST YEARS TOGETHER WERE MAGIC! THEY MADE LOVE EVERYWHERE! IN THEIR OLD CHEVY VAN, IN THE WOODS, IN FRONT OF THE FIREPLACE ON THE FLOOR, IN THE MOUNTAINS, IN THEIR OLD TENT, IN FANCY HOTELS AND EVEN IN AN ALLEY! SHE TOLD ME THAT ONE TIME THEY WERE SO INTO THEIR LOVEMAKING THAT THEY DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THAT THE CANDLE ON THE NIGHT STAND HAD SET ONE OF THEIR PILLOWS ON FIRE!!

THIS LIFESTYLE WENT ON EVEN AFTER THE BOYS WERE BORN. THEY HAD SEX AT LEAST ONCE A DAY AND SOMETIMES MORE. MOLLY SAID THAT UNTIL A CO-WORKER, IN THEIR ALL FEMALE OFFICE, DECIDED TO TAKE A POLL TO SEE HOW MANY TIMES A WEEK THEY EACH MADE LOVE TO THEIR HUSBAND'S, SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS NORMAL. HOWEVER, AFTER HEARING THAT THE OTHER WOMEN AND THEIR HUSBANDS ONLY MADE LOVE ONCE OR MAYBE TWICE A WEEK, SHE FELT LIKE SOMETHING OF A FREAK. IT WAS HER FIRST CLUE THAT SHE MIGHT BE A SEX ADDICT. AFTERALL, SHE WAS THE ONE WHO USUALLY INITIATED THE SEX. SHE TOLD ME THAT NICK, MOST OF THE TIME, WAS TIRED AND SHE HAD TO CONTINUALLY THINK OF WAYS TO AROUSE HIM.

MOLLY SAID THE DECLINE WASN'T EVEN GRADUAL SO SHE HAD NO WAY TO PREPARE GOING FROM "SEX TO ZERO" WITHIN A FEW SHORT WEEKS. AFTER HE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH THE DIABETES, HE BECAME DEPRESSED AND WHETHER IT WAS DEPRESSION OR THE DIABETES, OR BOTH, HIS ABILITY TO HAVE AN ERECTION VANISHED.

WHEN THINGS STARTED TO GO "DOWN HILL" LITERALLY, MOLLY SAID THEY TRIED EVERYTHING THEY TELL YOU TO TRY. THEY STARTED WITH VIAGRA. IT WORKED MAYBE ONCE OR TWICE. THEN THEY TRIED "THE WEEKEND DRUG" CYALLIS. "NOPE...DOES NOT WORK FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND OR AT ALL", MOLLY SAID!

MOLLY SAYS THEY EVEN TRIED THE RUBBER "THINGIE" THAT MEN CAN TIE AT THE BASE OF THEIR PENIS TO ASSIST THE BLOOD IN STAYING WHERE IT IS SUPPOSE TO. NOPE, THAT DIDN'T WORK EITHER.

NICK KNEW HOW MUCH SHE MISSED THE SEX, HE DID TOO AND HE WANTED TO SURPRISE HER WHEN THEY WENT TO VEGAS FOR MOLLY'S BIRTHDAY. SO, HE WENT TO HIS DOCTOR WITH THEIR STORY OF WOE AND HIS DOCTOR PRESCRIBED ONE OF THE LAST THINGS A MAN CAN DO, BEFORE THE PENILE IMPLANT, WHICH MEANS THAT EVERYTHING ELSE HAS FAILED AND YOU ARE DESPERATE!

"BEWARE OF THE PENILE SHOT"

IT'S CALLED EDEX. THIS IS WHERE THE CAUTION COMES IN. (CAN YOU SEE THE RED CAUTION LIGHT BLINKING? I HOPE SO!) LATER ON, AFTER IT WAS OVER, MOLLY SAID SHE AND NICK READ THE "FINE PRINT" WHICH CLEARLY STATES, "IN ORDER TO KNOW THE OPTIMUM DOSAGE FOR EACH PATIENT, THIS MEDICATION SHOULD BE ADMINISTERED THE FIRST TIME AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE WHERE THE PATIENT CAN BE MONITORED SINCE EACH PATIENT IS DIFFERENT AND THIS POWERFUL DRUG'S DOSAGE CAN VARY GREATLY FROM INDIVIDUAL TO INDIVIDUAL." THAT DID NOT HAPPEN. NICK WAS SHOWN HOW TO USE IT, WHERE TO SHOOT IT AND SENT ON HIS MERRY WAY. HE WAS ALSO TOLD TO TAKE THE SMALLEST DOSAGE ON THE SYRINGE TO START WITH AND MOVE UP FROM THERE DEPENDING ON THE REACTION. REMEMBER, THIS IS THE WONDER DRUG, THAT LAST GREAT HOPE, WHICH IS TAKEN BY INJECTION WITH A HUGE, PAINFUL LOOKING SYRINGE IN THE SIDE OF THE PENIS. THIS IS THE DRUG THAT YOU HEAR DISCLAIMERS ON TELEVISION FOR THAT SAY "IF YOU EXPERIENCE AN ERECTION LASTING LONGER THAN FOUR HOURS, SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION IMMEDIATELY!"

MOLLY SAID SHE AND NICK HAD A WONDERFUL TIME IN VEGAS. THEY SAW A GREAT SHOW AND THEN HAD A GREAT DINNER. AND THEN THE WORST POSSIBLE THING HAPPENED. NICK TOOK THE SHOT AND EXPERIENCED A FIVE HOUR, EXTREMELY PAINFUL ERECTION WHICH, SHE SAID, BASICALLY "BROKE" HIS PENIS". WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE? IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND YOU ARE OUT OF TOWN? HINDSIGHT IS TWENTY-TWENTY! YES, MOLLY SAYS, "THEY SHOULD HAVE GONE FOR HELP. BUT, NO UNFORTUNATELY... THEY DID NOT. NICK WAS IN A LOT OF PAIN AND COULD NOT SLEEP. SO, AFTER TRYING ICE, SOAKING IN A WARM BATH AND THEN LOTS OF ASPIRIN, HE JUST LITERALLY PACED THE FLOOR. MOLLY SAID SHE CRIED AND PRAYED A LOT. FINALLY, ALMOST FIVE HOURS LATER HE STARTED TO GET SOME RELEIF. THANK GOD!

MOLLY SAID IT WAS SEVERAL WEEKS UNTIL THEY EVEN WANTED TO TRY AGAIN AND THAT IS WHEN THEY DISCOVERED, NICK'S PENIS WAS BROKEN. IT LITERALLY LOOKED LIKE A BENT INDEX FINGER.

MOLLY SAID, "I'M SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF AND I FEEL SO SELFISH BECAUSE SOMETIMES I DAYDREAM ABOUT LEAVING NICK OR AT LEAST, HAVING AN AFFAIR". SHE CONTINUED, "I MISS US SO MUCH....IT'S NOT JUST THE SEX....IT'S EVERYTHING! I MISS THE INTIMACY. BEFORE, WE USE TO SPOON TOGETHER IN BED BUT NOW WE JUST HUDDLE ON OUR SEPARATE SIDES WITH THIS HUGE CHASM BETWEEN US.

MOLLY'S RANT CONTINUED, BETWEEN SOBS, AND I JUST LISTENED. SHE CONTINUED, "I NEVER KNEW HOW A LOSS OF INTIMACY COULD AFFECT A MARRIAGE BUT IT DOES! IT AFFECTS EVERYTHING. WE DON'T LAUGH TOGETHER ANYMORE AND THE PROBLEMS WE HAVE SEEM SO MUCH LARGER NOW. WE USE TO CREATE ELECTRICITY AND AN EXPECTANCY OF EXCITEMENT WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER. I THINK WE'VE TOTALLY LOST THE MAGIC THAT MADE US "US" ! I FEEL LIKE NICK'S ROOMMATE NOW OR HIS BEST FRIEND. EVERYTHING BUT A WIFE! WE DON'T EVEN KISS LIKE LOVER'S ANYMORE. HE KISSES ME LIKE HE KISSES HIS AUNT KATE! AND, THERE ARE NO MORE LONG EMBRACES OR FONDLING. WE ARE BOTH TOO AFRAID THAT IT MIGHT LEAD TO ANOTHER DISAPPOINTMENT AND WE'VE ALREADY BEEN THERE, DONE THAT".....ONE PENIS AGO.

WELL, THE GOOD NEWS IS, MY BEST FRIEND MOLLY AND NICK ARE GOING TO COUNSELING AND MOLLY TELLS ME THAT AT LEAST THEIR COMMUNICATION SKILLS ARE IMPROVING. HE IS LEARNING TO UNDERSTAND HER FRUSTRATIONS AND HER NEEDS AND SHE IS LEARNING WHAT A MAN FEELS WHEN HE LOSES PART OF WHAT MAKES HIM MALE! THEY ARE BOTH TRYING VERY HARD TO SAVE THEIR MARRIAGE.

OH, AND MY FRIEND MOLLY TELLS ME SHE FOUND THIS GREAT VIBRATOR....AND IT'S SHAPED LIKE.....WELL, YOU KNOW.

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Comments 7 comments

cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Oh no, she could have just had an affair on the side


Tracker Frost profile image

Tracker Frost 7 years ago from Wyoming

Quite a tale. Hard to read when it's in all caps though.


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

I am forewarned! Thanks, cool hub! :D


R. Blue profile image

R. Blue 7 years ago from Right here

Maybe he should learn to "Thank" his wife properly.....sorry that probably made no sense ....what I'm saying is that there are more than one way to bring a woman to climax.....and they're all fun. If he really cared he'd find creative ways.


LyrialZander profile image

LyrialZander 7 years ago

Those poor friends of yours!

This was a great hub, but also a sad reminder of the state of the world right now. It seems that everyone thinks that prescription drugs are the answer to every problem. It's to the point where almost everyone is medicated for something... Don't these doctors (and patients) ever stop to really examine the possible side effects and really weigh them out?

No, that doesn't seem to be the case anymore.

This kind of thing could have happened to anyone, not just a sex addict, or a sex addict's significant other. It could happen to you if you were depressed, nauseous, overweight, balding, sexually active, old enough to be sexually active, tired, or if your legs fall asleep a lot... the list is endless.

Be aware of everything that you put into your body, EVERYTHING.

Ever notice how many chemicals are in your food?

Don't blindly follow the advice of anyone without using some common sense, be it a doctor, politician, or a tv commercial.


Lisa Hess 6 years ago

Might I suggest mutual m a s t - - bation?


aurea 5 years ago

Wanting daily sex with your husband is not sex addiction. It is attraction! Sex addiction ruins the addict's life. Your friend would have had sex with anyone she could anytime if she were a real addict.

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