Our Loss

Three months ago, one week before thanksgiving, my eighteen years old nephew died suddenly in his sleep from a heart attack. No one saw it coming. Today, a beautiful young woman, nineteen years old and a school mate of my son, committed suicide. My son is reeling. Here we had two people, one wanted to live but was denied life and one had that gift of life but chose to give it up.

My son doesn't understand. He was devastated when his cousin died. He could not understand how or even why. Today when he found out his friend had died, had committed suicide. What the...? He called me from school and broke down on the phone.

He came home this evening. I think he needed touch homebase.

When my nephew died, I asked the question. Why? Why would God allow this kid with so much promise, so much to live for, to leave this earth so prematurely. Today, I found myself asking, what could have been so unbearable to cause such a beautiful young soul to take her own life. I don't have the answer for either of those questions. I didn't know how to answer my son. I don't have any answers for myself.

It's heart breaking when I think about the unimaginable grief that family will have to endure. I know that death is a part of life, but when it comes, it stings. My son learned that. For the first time, came face to face with the finality of death.

I hadn't realize, how new life and all the hardships that comes with it, still is to my children, even at age eighteen. Yea, they know some things, but most of their experiences have been controlled by the cocoon we built around them as parents. They pretend to be strong and smart and with it, but there's so much they haven't experienced. So much we wish we could shield them from.

He's eighteen, he's in college, but when I spoke to him today. I heard a little boy again with so much pain in his voice, looking to me his mom to explain it away and to make him feel better.

Some things we just have to go through to get through. Just wanted to write a little about how I'm feeling.

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