PSYCHOBABBLE

Self Worth in Pictures

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It's knowing there is someplace inside where you too can fly It's being excited and in awe that you are a small speck in the big scheme of thingsIt's knowing just how beautiful YOU are and not needing to compareSome night stay up all night, like the moon sometimes does for the sun (Rumi)It's going deep enough to find the way through
It's knowing there is someplace inside where you too can fly
It's knowing there is someplace inside where you too can fly
It's being excited and in awe that you are a small speck in the big scheme of things
It's being excited and in awe that you are a small speck in the big scheme of things
It's knowing just how beautiful YOU are and not needing to compare
It's knowing just how beautiful YOU are and not needing to compare
Some night stay up all night, like the moon sometimes does for the sun (Rumi)
Some night stay up all night, like the moon sometimes does for the sun (Rumi)
It's going deep enough to find the way through
It's going deep enough to find the way through

GIVE IT UP

Every time I hear someone talking about their self esteem or some one else’s self esteem, I just want to roll my eyes. Usually, it’s a "profound" and "insightful" statement like, he, she, or I have low self esteem. I just want to say, "What does that mean?" I have become so cynical about the phrase, I am also tempted to add, "Who cares?"

Self esteem, particularly low self esteem, has to rank as one of the top ten psychobabble phrases, right next to "I have a right to my feelings." Just for the record, there’s no such thing as a right to your feelings. You simply have feelings and they come and go and change very rapidly. It’s how you know you are alive. And, oddly enough, most of the time when people are proclaiming their right to a feeling, it’s not a feeling at all, but a very negative judgement. I FEEL (actually I judge) you’re a jerk. Guess what? You don’t have a right to judge anyone. You are certainly free to judge, but that’s about it.

Unfortunately, there’s no good information or clues in the phrase, low self esteem, as to what’s really going on. Usually what’s going on is my entire thought process about myself is totally negative, and I am totally unwilling to change the thought process. Yes, unwilling. I am unwilling to even try on for size a positive, or better, loving statement about myself. To lump all that into low self esteem is like saying my toilet is clogged and won’t flush.

"Have you tried a plunger?"

"Well, no, I just figured I needed a plumber."

" TRY A PLUNGER. Pour buckets of water into that sucker. ‘Just’ MAKE THE SH-T GO DOWN."

"Just make it go down?"

"Yes, use your power of intention, for crying out loud, to flush your toilet!"

Won’t Wayne Dyer be impressed?

When I hear people blaming their low self esteem, it says to me that they think they need someone or something outside themselves, perhaps a psychological plumber, to flush away the poopy feelings. Or a series of accomplishments, a streak of good luck, some success, when all one has to do really is line up with one’s innate worth or greatness which has nothing to do with accomplishments, successes, or failures.

To tell you that I have low self esteem is a tasteless and clueless explanation of the inexplicable, that as a perfect creature of the universe, I experience myself as poop or worthless.

So seriously, can we just give it up? This phrase. This nebulous no meaning phrase. Let’s just toss it. It has no value. It provides us with no information, no light for the end of the tunnel.

You might be wondering what got into me. Well, I sometimes get passionate like this. It’s great to write this way on hubpages. My Dad used to tell me that I was talking to hear myself talk. I wish I would have had enough presence of mind to respond with, "Of course, Dad. We all talk to hear ourselves talk, including you." But I wanted to save my teeth! No, my Dad wasn’t abusive. It was just standard procedure in those days to slap your kids when they got smart. Thank God, we’ve stopped that practice. And isn’t that a cool phrase? Presence of mind. Could actually re-spell that word--PRESENTS of mind. And what about the other phrase, "Don’t get smart with me." Isn’t that an interesting expression?

As I was saying, sometimes I get very passionate. Once, someone accused me of enjoying making people feel uncomfortable. I’m not sure that’s what it is. I am a teacher at heart, and I do enjoy saying whatever it takes to get people to THINK. And I want all of us to start thinking about this overused phrase, self esteem or low self esteem, or even high self esteem.

As alluded to already, self esteem , almost always points to one’s performance, one’s accomplishments or failures. For example, "I understand if you can just land a decent job, it will really help your self esteem....If she can just get rid of the acne, it will be a big boost to her self esteem....I know once he starts hitting the ball, his self esteem is going to soar....I know she can do better than C’s. I think it’s just a case of low self esteem.....I’ve always had low self esteem. I don’t think I’m attractive, in fact I think I’m fat and ugly...."

And when I say, but you’re not fat and ugly, you insist that you are. And when I confront you, all you can say, "I told you, I have low self esteem."

What I would like to invite people to consider that what is really lacking in the above statements is not self esteem, but self worth . And it’s beyond semantics. Self worth has to do with BEING CONSCIOUS of my innate value and worth as a human being. It’s not about my good or bad behavior nor my accomplishments or failures. It’s coming to grips with one of the greatest mysteries of all times. I am perfect, you are perfect, we are all perfect just the way we are.

No accomplishment or success can change your intrinsic divine value. No amount of earning power will add one smidgen to your self worth. My weight, waste size, figure has nothing to do with my self worth. Successes and failures are all OUTSIDE my self.

And absolutely not, there is nothing wrong with accomplishments and successes, and there’s nothing wrong with failures either. In fact, baseball requires that you fail seventy percent of the time in order to have that prized batting average of three hundred. My grades, the kind of car I drive, none of that will add to my self worth. Accomplishments and successes may leave me feeling really wonderful. Awesome! But that wonderful feeling that comes with success is fleeting, and I am soon looking that existential question in the eye: "Is this it? Is this all there is?" At the end of the day, my wonderful feelings of accomplishment and success can disappear in a heart beat, but what I can always rely upon is my self worth. It is always there.

When I can finally let go of esteem and get connected to my self worth, when I finally really get it, that I am worthy not because of my accomplishments, nor am I worthless because of my failures, but I am worthy because I am a human being, a creature of God, a small but unique and important speck in the vast universe, when I finally get it, I can begin to experience the most wonderful experience of all, perhaps even beyond orgasm! SELF ACCEPTANCE.

What exactly is self acceptance? It’s not complicated, really. It is what is says it is. I ACCEPT MYSELF which includes all the varied parts of myself. I accept myself whether or not my best foot is forward or secretly hiding gum, dog poop, and whatever else my best foot may have stepped in or on that day.

Self acceptance is very much like the movie Sibyl. By the end of the movie, Sibyl had learned to accept or integrate "personalities" that had been split off from her normal consciousness. In Sibyl’s case, the dissociative process, the creation of multiple personalities, served as a way to survive severe abuse. The integration of her multiple personalities was a form of self acceptance.

Likewise, we have multiple parts of ourselves, many of which we do not like or reject or we imagine that others do not like or reject. On any given day, we may try desperately to put our best foot forward in an attempt to push to the background, out of sight, those parts of ourselves that are not our best or to our liking.. But then sometimes, we just don’t have the energy to put our best foot forward, so we are just ourselves, and ironically, often people will tell us they like us best that way! And yes, sometimes, some of us or many of us, have very annoying parts of ourselves, and when our best foot forward is not out there running interference, people may not like us.

But the bottom line is this. When I keep disliking who I think I am, I become disconnected and split up into many parts, most of which I judge to be bad, evil, unattractive, unlovable, and unworthy. I am far from self acceptance at that point. The term we have come to use to describe this place is low self esteem, and we think we can move out of this place by accomplishments and successes. But it doesn’t work because it is not about esteem. It is about worth. It is about self acceptance.

How do I get to a place of self acceptance or how do I practice self acceptance? Well, I can offer you some suggestions, but ultimately, you need to develop your own personal plan. I can tell you for sure how you will know that you are self accepting.

When you are self accepting, you suddenly have the energy to be the person you are, and you suddenly have the energy to go after your dreams, and you suddenly have the energy to step up to the plate one hundred per cent of the time, knowing full well, that you will, seventy percent of the time, look smack in the face at what most people call failure. But it’s no longer failure to you. Those strike outs, ground outs, fly outs, and throw outs, are all part of the perfection of who you are.

If you don’t know baseball, you might not know what the heck I’m talking about, so check out the blog, BASEBALL GETS IT.

The simplest way to practice self acceptance is to stand in front of a mirror when you get up in the morning and when you go to bed at night, and it’s even better if you stand naked. Check yourself out completely and say outloud, "I love you, just the way you are." YES!

Check out the link for the Poem, I Love Myself Just The Way I am

http://www.spiritualguidancetarot.com/sanctuary/ilovemyself.html

And check out the video. The poem is put to music.

Perhaps the biggest clue to our country being totally disconnected from our self worth is our continued willingness to be offended by people who do not get us and our way of life. When you have self worth, you, like the rest of the universe, suffer the pain of rejection, but you don't go to war over it. Not only do we go to war, but we sacrifice our children to the gods. We do not value their lives. They are expendable. We feel so empty on the inside, we are so disconnected from the mystery of who we are, that we need to go outside and attack and kill other people. Well, no, we are not attacking them. We are sending our children to attack them. And we don't even get it when it doesn't work. We have no humility and no shame. We have no self worth, no self acceptance. We just keep fighting.

I never know quite what to make of videos demonstrating a Tai Chi master projecting his or her energy. But as one person in the video points out, we never really experience first hand or consciously the energy of the sun holding the earth in its orbit. Yet we all believe it as fact. So check out the video below.

Chi and chi energy makes sense to me. I've experienced "my" energy dramaticallly impacting people around me. So it makes sense to me that the energy inside all of us, the energy connected to our self worth, the energy that flows out of our alignment with our source, as undetectable as it might be, is nevertheless very powerful. Perhaps if we began to practice self worth as individuals and as a country, no one would be able to attack us. We'd be like an entire nation of Tai Chi Masters. Hey, nothing else has worked! And it costs NOTHING.. Well, okay, so it does cost humility. Yea, definitely. A small price for peace.

I LOVE MYSELF JUST THE WAY I AM

THE TAI CHI MASTER

Comments 13 comments

BennyTheWriter profile image

BennyTheWriter 6 years ago from Northeastern U.S.A.

Excellent, brilliant hub. Honestly, I never thought of the term "self-esteem" as psychobabble, but you make a good point about self-worth being something much more substantial. I think we do get too caught up in external validation, allowing our opinions of ourselves to fluctuate wildly out of control. But when we turn off all the "noise" of the world (admittedly, a very hard thing to do) and understand our place in the universe, we're much closer to the self-acceptance you speak of.


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

HELLO Benny. Thanks for the comment and I am so glad you enjoyed the hub. For me, this hub is a good example of the "stuff"' you talk about in terms of perfectionism because a part of me was very critical about this hub. It was just too intense, etc., and I finally gave it up!! and let it go and have enjoyed rereading it!! Thanks for the comments.


Terri Huerta 6 years ago

Whew......I was concerned that you were going to be naked singing I love myself ...not that it would not have been....ok.....i just thought you might want to practice a different line next time 'the bears are coming down out of the mountain!'Thank you for the fun article..love you Vern just the way you are!


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Hi Terri, thanks for the funny image of myself singing! I actually have a different recorded version of the song than is posted here. I just don't know where it is, but maybe Ill find it and play it for you next time. It's a great recording and the man who is singing it on the tape I have, somehwere in that mess, has passed on from aids. But like the singer above, the song did change my life as well and I played it at many a workshop. Thanks again for stopping by and leaving a comment. Glad you enjoyed the article. I'm sure after your experience in Arizona, you liked the part about the plunger and flushing the toilet by lining up with God's power! God said, "Let ir all flush away, and the toilet flushed!" I actually had an experience like that and I'll share it with you next time I see you.


palmerlarryray profile image

palmerlarryray 6 years ago from Macon, Missouri

Great job as always Vern. I think a lot of the things we say everyday have crept into the language and hurt us a lot more than we actually realize. Thanks for pointing out one of the big ones. People don't always realize the power of our own thoughts, be it positive or negative. If one can control their own thoughts, it can lead to some amazing things and some very big changes in life.


justom profile image

justom 6 years ago from 41042

Great hub and too funny. Esteem is just bullcrap made up by folks who have too much of it. Psychobabble is the perfect description. Thanks for stirring things up on hub pages, they could use more of it! Peace!! Tom


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Hey, justom. Thanks for the read. I love your comment. And even those who seem to thrive on low self esteem seem to prize having lower self esteem than anyone else. There's plenty to be stirred up by all of us to make it a better world and a better place to live rather than die.


Sandiesue 6 years ago

Maybe it is just easier for some to say low self-esteem instead of how they really feel. This then enables a person to say they aren't quite right with themselves and then secretly go off to see their therapist. Isn't that a good thing? Or isn't there a place in the world for psychobable? Helps against nosey people.


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Hi Sandiesue. Hey, I am for whatever works against nosey people. Maybe if I "run" into someone nosey, I might even say, hey, you're being too nosey for me. Can't you tell I have low self esteem? Maybe when one of those religious groups comes knocking on the door, I'll say, we all belong to the low self esteem church in this house, thanks anyway. I guess Psychobabble has its place. Certainly won't push for legislation to ban it or for policemen when they stop someone to ask them to prove whether or not they ever use psychobabble.

I guess you have a point. I know there are plenty of times when I can't find the words and a trite overused word or phrase works as good as any at a moment like that and it may get someone off my back who is asking too many questions! Anywho, I'm just being silly at this moment. Thanks for reading and commenting.


Sandiesue 6 years ago

You aren't being silly, you are being the funny wonderful writer that you are. I hope that answer was just a sample of a blog you are going to write on nosy people. I thought it was great.


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Well,thanks for the idea. Let's see, nosey people, trying to sniff their way into everyone else's business and don't nosey people think they Nose it all? Well, there's a start. Some people are accused of running off at the mouth all time, so do nosey people run of at the nose even when they don't have a cold. Now we know what those allergies are that some folks seem to have all the time. I wonder if it's possible to learn to blow off nosey people or just wipe them--out of yourlife! Oh my, it's only noon time. It's gotta be five o'clock somehwere. Well, what you don't nose won't hurt ya, as they say. Thanks again for reading and commenting and stirring up my next blog. Well, maybe more accurately sniffing out my next blog or smelling out my next blog or breathing in my next blog through my nostrils! Okay, I'll stop.

Vern


Anne Lee 6 years ago

Hello Vern.. Great blog!


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 6 years ago from Yucaipa, California Author

Hello Anne! Thanks so much for stopping by and reading and commenting. Stop by again!

Vern

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