Pain Physical and Emotional

I recently experienced an illness that caused me to feel a lot of physical pain. I don’t get ill very often and during the agony(in my view it was at the time) of it I did not know what to do with myself. I couldn’t function normally or in fact do anything at all. So I thought I’d try to get a positive from it so sat down and started writing while I was feeling it. Below is what I wrote.

Pain is an experience we feel physically or mentally. If we feel it physically it absorbs every part of us, we can think of nothing else. We can’t operate properly; we can’t think straight or do simple tasks that we usually don’t even need to think about doing, we normally just do them. It’s only when physical pain creeps up on us that we are given a sharp reminder of how pain feels. We forget. When we experience it again it comes flooding back how it affects us, how it feels, how it takes us over. What we remember is every pain we’ve ever experienced in our lives while going through this old or new pain. We believe we won’t forget, convinced that there’s no way we could forget while we go through it. Yet we do.

Is this important? Yes I believe it is important to remember pain. To remember is to give us greater empathy with others who experience it at a different time to us. We may still feel empathy and sympathy for the afflicted but not with the same intensity. There are people everywhere who live their entire lives in physical pain, knowing nothing else but that during their lifetime. Can you imagine a life like that? I don’t want to.

We may not be able to heal their afflictions or stop their pain but we can support them and remember. So keep your pain close to you, don’t forget because you may just come across someone sometime soon who crosses your path who is just that person you can be there for. People are quiet often and don’t complain, yet they are still going through it.

Emotional pain is an experience we feel with the same intensity as physical pain. It consumes us and eats away at the core of us, physical pain we forget, emotional we don’t, and we bear the scars. Forever if we let them. The same as in physical pain but to a lesser physical degree clearly, we just can’t function properly. Yet it’s more of a constant distraction than a disablement from functioning.

We never forget the emotional pain we have suffered, we carry it with us. Good or bad every experience is a lesson so rightly so we take it with us. We learn and grow from every experience. The only problem with emotional pain is it has a habit of continuing the pain a lot longer than a physical pain. It affects us, in every way, how we view the world, how we interact, how it affects future relationships, how long we carry the heavy hurt like a ton weight. You get where I’m coming from.

So what should we do with this emotional pain? Should we carry it with us if we had a choice? Yes and no in my opinion. Yes for the same reasons as for physical pain and for our own learning. No for the reason of the weight it carries and interferes with future relationships which we should go into fresh and new, not laden with presumptions and suspicions based on past problems.

So the answer? I don’t have one, if I did I wouldn’t be here, I’d be sat up there on a throne lol! There are a few things I’ve come to understand and master though. With emotional pain I think the answer lies in forgiveness only. If we can forgive then there is no wound any more, it’s gone. The easiest part of forgiveness is to forgive others; the hard part is to give ourselves the same honour.

To forgive is to give yourself freedom absolutely! When you forgive it’s not just for the person themselves, it’s as much for you too. It’s an unburdening of loathing that is carried within you, the person it’s projected onto feels nothing, that’s only felt by you, me. So who is it damaging too? If the afflicted rightfully feel those feelings towards the perpetrator who would it be, the afflicted or the perpetrator? The afflicted clearly. They have already suffered enough.

To forgive someone you need to sometimes have an open mind. To put yourself into who was deemed before as an enemy’s shoes; is a hard task to accomplish, without judgement. That is what it’s taken for me, putting myself in their shoes and taking a few steps. Without judgement, taking myself out of the equation. Our enemies are loved and are good people to the people they love, they are just like us. So I used to imagine a person I needed to forgive that way, with their families and friends. They weren’t horrible, just as nice as the next person. Of course they were because they are! We just didn’t get on!

Once you can see this and feel it then forgiveness is easy. I’m still working on the forgiving ourselves part.......although having an understanding that we are only human and fallible is a good start..........as well as looking at our own ‘mistakes’ with a new perspective. I don’t like to think of the things we regret as mistakes personally, I prefer to see them as lessons.

Thoughts anyone?

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Comments 7 comments

lisadpreston profile image

lisadpreston 6 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

Interesting perspective on pain. You already know that I agree with you on the forgiveness part. It really is harder for us to forgive ourselves than others. Thanks Dawn.


Dawn71 profile image

Dawn71 6 years ago from UK Author

I was really in touch with my pain when I wrote it...it was quite a challenge, not because of content, anything was a challenge! lol! First time in a long time I've felt pain that is constant so got me thinking (as well as moaning!)

Thanks hon


Briton profile image

Briton 6 years ago

Interesting train of thought, I have physical pain at the moment through injury, awaiting to go in for surgery to correct the damage, and though it is debilitating at times, its possible to shrug it off and get through each day a bit at a time, keep working, dont give in, it may be physical, but its bearable,

However your writing has possibly allowed me to put down here for the first ever time in words a deep pain that I find so very much harder to shrug off, and no drugs can heal.

I lost a friend earlier this year and it was not just his death so much as the simple fact I had not kept in touch, in some ways deliberately so, he was the finest of friends, always there watching my back, always available for some crazy scheme or other, always just - there!

I would have gladly died for him and I know he would for me, I would walk into any battle, share a fox hole, or confront any situation with him alongside me in unfailing comradeship, we were two rogues together, and now he is no more.

I have not even said this to my wife or his, or any other person, the hurt that burns so deep is that I moved away from him and worked elsewhere, Miriam his wife told me that he missed me and saw me not at all anymore, and that dug deep and hurt hard.

But it was at his funeral, which was far eastern asiatic ritualised that really stabbed to the core of me, the lack of respect, the non care, the sheer indignity of it.

I cry inside and it tears at me now, I cant forgive them for that, and that pain will not release, I dont know how to forgive, not that.

Maybe writing this at last may in some way help, I do not know, I find it hard to open my mind and accept that those people at that interment were in any way forgivable.

Peter and I were not in any way physically attracted to each other, gay is not in this, we were both ex forces guys who did not make friends easily, you got into the habit of not doing that, dont care, dont get too close, you never knew how long someone would last.

But we were both street wise loveable rogues (my view) who felt easy in each others company.

Now he is no more,and the pain sits deep, and forgiveness for me will not come, and I can not forgive what I saw at his funeral.


Dawn71 profile image

Dawn71 6 years ago from UK Author

Briton, thanks for sharing how you are feeling about your friend. Sorry for your loss. Losing someone when you haven't spoken for a time is incredibly hard. You express your feelings well and I can see for you forgiveness is not in you right now.

It was not a long time ago that you lost him and time does heal. I lost a friend in a similar way but that's another story but I do understand your feelings. You may always have regret and feel anger about his funeral but it will change. Over time other emotions will come too.

I'd be happy to talk to you about this more, privately. I respect you may not feel comfortable with that though so I'll leave it up to you to contact me if you ever want to talk to someone about it. x


Briton profile image

Briton 6 years ago

Thank you for that response, it means more than you can possibly ever know, your hub caused me to pause and start to release the beast, I can not speak to others in person of this, its not our way! its not how you think as military trained personnel, keep it close, shelve it, store it, hide it and keep it back, then when its just about unbearable, at the right time, release the beast but only when its really and unequivocably needed, but it wont come, its hard, you know, - daily living, smile, tell joke, be personable for a time, be just what others expect.

This is not about wanting harm to others, its about freeing me from me, in battle or as an underdog its easier to free the beast, but from myself to myself, how?


Dawn71 profile image

Dawn71 6 years ago from UK Author

If I can help in any way I'd be more than happy to. I understand how you mean about not being able to share with others, not the military way. Having to carry it with you behind a smile is very tough and you should let it out for your own sake. Grief needs to be released, it can cause mental and physical problems if we don't let it out.

You are carrying a heavy weight with you and it's a lot of emotional pain to deal with. Little by little is the best way, don't focus on everything at once hon. It's too much, focus on one thing/aspect at a time.

It will take time and you won't ever forget these feelings but hopefully you will find a place within you which gives you more peace than you feel now. So you can continue to live your life without being racked with all this emotional pain.

I am happy for you to message me privately if you'd like and I'll be here to support you. I'd like to help you with this but don't want to go into details publicly on here. You can send a message to me which I'll get in my email, think theres a contact Dawn71 link you should see.


CandyJ 4 years ago

I had a accident about 15years ago and it caused very back back pain and spasms. One day while injured I needed to get to physical therapy and did not have anyone to drive. Getting into my car was very painful and slow. That was only the beginning. The appointment was a normal 20 min drive. After driving about one block I realized this was going to be a very painful drive. Everytime I hit a bump in the road or had to hit the brakes pain shot from my back into my head. I had to drive extremely slow along the side of the road while others passed and beeped flipped me off for slowing them down. I felt terrible. This trip actually took and hour to get to therapy. I didn't realize at the time this a lesson in life. I started to be extremely patient when driving and now i don't yell at others driving slow. I have come to see there are reasons for everything happening in our life and this was a lesson in patience and judgement. We never know what someone else may be going through and why they may be acting a certain way. Thank you for letting me share.

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