Perspectives: Knowing Your True Self – Happiness Is Mind Over Matter

Knowing your True Self

Mind versus Ego versus Self-Image versus True-Self ~
Mind versus Ego versus Self-Image versus True-Self ~ | Source

Introduction

The idea behind this series called Perspectives is explained in a hub published by MickeySr:

http://wgadesign.com/graphics/perspective.html
http://wgadesign.com/graphics/perspective.html

I feel honored to be part of a team highly accomplished writers at HubPages, sharing perspectives on important issues.

(Please feel free to share your perspective via a hub or a comment.)


Stuart Miles @ freedigitalphotos,net
Stuart Miles @ freedigitalphotos,net

True Self

 How-to-know-your-TRUE SELF-or-the-angels-and-devils-on-your-shoulder - a simplified concept
How-to-know-your-TRUE SELF-or-the-angels-and-devils-on-your-shoulder - a simplified concept

Knowing my True Self

I was in a state of extreme unhappiness when I asked myself for the first time “Who am I?”. Thereafter I realized that I tend to ask this question only while I was in a state of unhappiness.

Being sad, angry, disappointed, afraid and anxious are in my book the equivalent of being unhappy, and this I was for many decades before I finally found my True Self where I've jailed her in the corner of my soul at the age of twelve in order to become who/what others wanted me to be. So in my quest to find my True Self, I’ve came to the conclusion that knowing (and accepting) my True Self is the same as knowing what makes me happy.

Perspective on Happiness

By explaining my personal perspective on ‘happiness’, I answer a few questions asked by my fellow-writer bravewarrior. (My True Self will speak the truth and nothing but the truth.)

Question: Setting the world and your obligations aside, what makes YOU happy?

Answer: First of all I must say that I would be extremely unhappy if I had no responsibilities and no chores to take care of. The more responsibilities and chores on my agenda, the more strength and energy I manage to generate. Without responsibilities I would sink into the dark, depths of depression. Therefore I acquired the habit to create responsibilities and chores, keeping myself happy by being productive, constructive and creative. After all, doing this triggers the brain to release serotonin and all kinds of uplifting-endorphin that make us feel good, happy and contented.

Unfortunately with this habit I have dug myself another grave - 'Ignoring True Self'. So eventually I was once again compelled to find and acknowledged my True Vulnerable Self, called Me. (I can be anything from a mother to a mechanic, but Me is only Me.)

To answer the question 'what makes me happy' -

Being ME makes me happy. Doing whatever I am doing WITH the approval of my beloveds, makes me happy. When I don't have their approval, I find myself without any doubts in a state of unhappiness and revolt.

Could I be the only one with this particular perspective on the primary need of one's True Self?

To answer the question without thinking twice, I would say making music - alone or with others - makes me happy.


Question: When your 9-5 is over, the food is on the table, the kids are in bed, laundry is done, bills paid, animals fed, etc, etc., what do you do for yourself?

Answer: To be honest, everything I do, I do for myself. My doings may appear to be for others, however, while taking care of others, whether by providing what they need, or supporting, encouraging and entertaining them, simply loving them, I feel happy and worthy.

So what do I do for myself when I've done everything else?

I play the piano or write stories, articles or whatever I feel like writing. But closely examined this, too, could be categorized as ‘taking care of the needs of others’. I can only be happy, truly happy, when everybody in my realm is happy. If not, I would try to make them happy, even if my efforts mean staying out of their sight and wishing them the best.

This makes me realize that my True Self has a natural desire to serve others in some way or another. So serving others means making myself happy.

Knowing this also makes me happy AND willing to find more ways to serve others, though the minute I realize that I am taken for granted and treated like a slave, my Ego takes over and send me to the corner where I am supposed to consider myself.

photostock @ freedigitalphotos.net
photostock @ freedigitalphotos.net

Question: What do I want from Life?

Answer: All I want from Life is the opportunity to enjoy and appreciate it in all its facets. I have no outrageous wishes and desires. I am a Spartan by nature; though I do need (and have) more than just the bare necessities, like a nice, cozy home, a comfortable bed, a car, dishwasher, a TV, cell phone, sound equipment and most important, computers and Internet facilities. (Oh, my TV is out of order for weeks now, and my sound equipment is not the quality I would like it to be, but I am still happy!)

Struggling makes me unhappy; I need comfort, but not luxury. Instead of an expensive Mercedes, I am quite happy with an ordinary Ford. On the other hand, if I could afford a Mercedes, I would certainly have one.

The point is, my happiness does not really depend on materialistic stuff, though I find it easier to be happy while I have what I consider to be 'comfort'.

Question: How do you envision your life?

Answer: When I was a young girl, I’ve seen myself as a happily married woman, a loving mother of beautiful, healthy, intelligent and obedient children, successful in my career, living happily ever after in a comfortable home. Some of this became reality, while others remained envisioned, yet realized in a different scenario. Now, at 50+, I hope to see myself happily and gracefully age, all the way willing and able to grab opportunities to enjoy life.


digitalart @ freedigitalphotos.net
digitalart @ freedigitalphotos.net

Question: If you had no encumbrances, how would you live the one life you have on this Earth?

Answer: To be happy, I have to feel worthy and wanted. But to feel worthy and wanted I need others to want me, or, better stressed, to want me to satisfy some of their needs. How would I be able to prove that I am worthy to be wanted without encumbrances to conquer?

Of course, there are encumbrances and encumbrances. Irresponsible people tend to create their own burdens, such as debt, demanding relationships and unnecessary responsibilities. I was one of them and from time to time I am still one of them. It takes a lifetime to grow wise. However, developing one's talents and skills and achieving qualifications are also encumbrances. I see a life without encumbrances only in death.


photostock @ freedigitalphotos.net
photostock @ freedigitalphotos.net

Question: Setting aside all the identities that life thrusts upon us (parent, neighbor, employee, cook, maid, etc, etc) who are you?

Answer: I am only, but only, a being to be loved (sustained) by another being. I am in fact only half of a being that is part of a bigger being.

Everything I was, am and will ever be depended, depends and will depend on the presence or absence of a man in my life. Of course, I can be happy without a man in my life, but I will never lie to myself and deny the fact that my True Self is her happiest and most contented while she is firmly connected to her 'other half' - a man who happens to meet her expectations. My True Self also desire the results of such a connection (in order to become better, stronger, more, reproducing herself).

Question: What do you like and enjoy? What makes you, the real you, happy?"

Answer:

My True Self love to love and love to be loved.

But what is Love?

  • Agápe - a general affection or deeper sense of "true love" - the feeling of being contented or holding one in high regard. (My True Self wants to agapé every living being, therefore crimes of all sorts, including war, saddens her to the depths of despair.)
  • Éros - passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. (My True Self wants to eros her 'other half' - a specific man meeting her expectations.)
  • Philia – friendship, includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. (My True Self wants to philia her relatives, friends and acquaintances. She finds it impossible to philia her enemies - those who hate her and/or her fellowman - so she is trying her best to stay far away from them, hoping and praying that they will become worthy of her philia.)
  • Storge – affection, like that felt by parents for offspring and human’s love for pets. (My True Self storge her offspring and also pets, though at present her grandchildren are her only 'pets'. Maybe one day, when she is once again ready to cope with the emotional pain instigated by sick, dying and deceased pets, she might get herself a cat and a dog, and maybe a parrot too.)

Happiness - What exactly is my perspective on happiness?

Happiness is relative. A person born and raised in a jungle feels uncomfortable and vulnerable on open flats; a person born and raised on a farm, even only for the first seven years of his life, may find the pulsing liveliness of cities exciting, but in the core of his soul his True Self will yearn, and more gnawing as time goes by, for the peace, quietness and openness of the country. A person who grew up in an environment where love was scarce, may for the rest of his life not need as much love as a person who grew up in an environment where love was abundant.

After I've quested ‘happiness’ for a long time, trying all the gimmicks of so-called successful people, I finally realized that happiness was a state of mind.


Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot @ freedigitalphotos.net
Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot @ freedigitalphotos.net

Humans are Discoverers, born to be Pioneers

Humans are not born with the urge or tendency to learn from others. We see the tendency to discover and do everything all by ourselves clearly in the toddler when he utters his famous shout. “No, don't help me! I can! I can do it myself!

We want to, we have to, learn by trial and error. We have to experience, either physically or in our imagination, unhappiness in order to seek happiness, poverty in order to seek wealth, humiliation in order to seek status. The more we experience the ‘bad’, the more we tend to quest the ‘good’... even in the wrong places and even while our perception of 'good' is totally disfigured.

Later, sometimes too late, curiosity and also the urge to survive in the most comfortable circumstances obtainable forces us to consider the knowledge and experience others had obtained in their lives.

We all know how difficult it is to change our perception of a matter in accordance with someone else’s perceptions and perspectives, so many people never learn what they are supposed to learn. They never find true happiness; they never meet their True Self.

Many people DIE as an Ego who had tried their entire live to protect and promote their True Self.

Only some people find the happiness they quested by meeting their True Self and realizing the enough their True Self actually needs in order to be happy.

imagerymajestic @ freedigitalphotos.net
imagerymajestic @ freedigitalphotos.net

Happiness is a condition

Happiness is a condition we want to be in before we even know what it is all about. Babies and toddlers cry cordially when they find themselves in an unpleasant condition in any circumstances. I have seen children (and adults) living in precarious circumstances, yet they were radiant with happiness, and I know many people living in comfort and luxury, yet they are unhappy unto death.

Our circumstances do not determine our happiness; happiness is a condition, a state we are in at a particular time.

But this, too, is not the ultimate truth. We are so often in a condition of pain and discomfort, even in perfect circumstances. So finally we can but only be happy when we USE our mind and put it over ALL matters.

Happiness prevails with Mind over Matter.


Happiness is Mind over Matter

Of course matters will affect us. A wet nappy is a matter affecting a baby seriously. A broken leg is a matter with a grievous effect on a child’s condition. Unemployment and Poverty are matters affecting adults to the point of total despair.

We humans are the most privileged beings on Earth, having a mind and not only instinct like animals. We can use our mind to change or accept a matter. It only takes one decision and thereafter persisting action.

Conclusion

Referring to the characters in our psychological system - Mind, Ego, Self-Image and True-Self -

In order for True-Self to be happy as s/he is supposed to be, True-Self should be IN CHARGE and not a stranger living somewhere in our inside.

More by this Author


Comments 84 comments

Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK

Its good to know what makes you happy Martie. You are a delightful, joyful soul who spreads happiness with your smile and thoughts: unravelling the secrets of your inner landscape is a worthwhile trip for us... a thoughtful, readable, enjoyable trip. Thank you. voted up/awesome and everything!


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Very interesting approach that you took, Martie! This is a great series with some fantastic writers, and it only makes sense that you are included. I love reading further insights into who you are; thank you for sharing this with all of us.


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

Happiness is mind over matter! Amen to that! Your quotes hit home for me and I'm sure many others. You rock SAA! :)


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 4 years ago from Central Florida

Wow, Martie, you'v blown me away with your perspective on happiness! My favorite line is "true self should be in charge and not a stranger living somewhere in our inside".

How true! Living somewhere inside only leads to regret and resentment. Negative states of mind are not, nor can they ever be the path to happiness!

Well done! All the toil and emails over the past month have paid off!


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up and awesome. Terrific hub Martie. I have to say for myself my inner peace and happiness is provided by my faith in the Lord. The rest of my happiness stems from the joy I get from my friends and family. My friends right now all are scattered everywhere including you and each day is like a visit with all of you when I open my email, HP and FB. So when my PC recently went down it was like a door shutting on my world and that's not a good feeling. I'm now using Martin's laptop old, used and comfortable for him but not for me but at least I can communicate. Everyone of you has done a great job and looking forward to reading more. Passing this on.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton

Happiness rubs off.. and I feel it right to the bone.. I like the laughter of children that makes me happy.. and also the sparkle in the old folks' eyes.. :)


Mr B 4 years ago

Thank you for a excellent insight into your soul. Believe me my dear Martie when I tel you that You are NEEDED and PERFECT in my life. Excellent peace of writing. And just the way you are makes me HAPPY.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Oh my beautiful Sista,

While I had the privilege of a sneak read ( don't tell Mickey), the quotes and the pictures you have added just make me love you all the more.

You have taken this topic and given your heart. But, my dear, you would not be HAPPY any other way.

Love this and you even more...Voted UP and UABI. Hugs, Maria


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

Hello Martie - Thank you so much for sharing yourself here in this wonderful insight as to what makes you happy. In reading today, I feel as though many of us are kindred spirits here, as I have written on the agape love and living as though this is our last day here on this planet. I can see you as a very generous person giving of yourself to others, as that does bring one such joy to give of yourself to others. You are beautiful inside and out, and we are all blessed to know you here on HP, with your beautifully written words. In His Love, Faith Reaper


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Perspectives

I have just read four distinguished authors write and present their views on happiness. A realization occurred to me and even though I have pressing pending projects patiently paused. I wished to congratulate each and every one of these authors for plying their trade as writer’s and their intellect to address an unanswerable philosophic question.

While it is universally known that “One pill makes you larger And one pill makes you small And the ones that mother gives you Don’t do anything at all”, it is less well known that there is some individual choice to be made along the way.

There is an array of emotional ‘cards’ to be dealt. Each of us is dealt a hand. In some games of chance you can toss a couple of cards back on the table and ask that your hand be filled again, hopefully for the better. What is he talking about now? I hear you saying? No one holds all the cards. Some get a good hand, first time around; some go bust right from their beginning. The first ‘hand’ of emotional cards is dealt to us by adults. No free choice here. That arrives later.

It is the waiting, reading, listening, learning that may payoff later in life. Once you become aware that you can toss a couple of those cards back onto the table.

You each in your own way have set the standard for excellent writing so very high.

Some people are happy helping others, even on the days that it is not fun.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Docmo, thank you so much for being the first in here with such a touching comment. I must admit that I had my doubts and fears, exposing my True Self like this. Not that I am not always my True Self, but it is one thing making an assumption of another person based on his behavior and another thing reading a confession/affidavit of them. I enjoyed your contribution tremendously because I surely share the happiness you find in writing. Just to make it easier for readers, I post this link to your hub also here ~

http://hubpages.com/education/Perspectives-Knowing...


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

billybuc, I always appreciate your comments, and especially this one, as I know you, too, had searched deep for your True Self. Today you can help others to find theirs via your writings. Take care and enjoy the rest of your weekend.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi, Sunshine! You are an epitome of happiness knowing her True Self by heart. So also in here I dare you to make a contribution to this topic in your unique way. And oh boy, I know exactly what to expect. I always enjoy your humor and refined fighting spirit. You are the best rocker of Orlando :)


SommerDalton profile image

SommerDalton 4 years ago

Very detailed and great perspective! Voted up, interesting, and useful!!!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

bravewarrior, you've hit the nail on its head with those questions of yours. I enjoyed answering them, although, as I've said to docmo, all the way fearing the stones and tomatoes that might hit me in here.

I've hidden my True Self for many decades; I was honestly only what others wanted me to be - of course, highly efficiently performing my duties while ignoring my True Self. I thought she was pathetic, wanting love, recognition, and all those intensive care we bestow on babies. I pretended to be strong and unbreakable until the day Death grinned at me. To make a long story short, I have survived - I conquered my ego, I've befriended my Self-Image and I no longer allow my mind to play parts with me.

I enjoyed your hub and recommend it as an enjoyable read with this link ~ http://hubpages.com/religion-philosophy/Perspectiv...


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Gypsy Rose, my sweet rock-a-roll queen! My comprehension of God is quite different now as it was for a very long time while I was a devoted Christian wholeheartedly active in church where people are so busy playing 'children of God' that they seldom if ever get the time to love themselves and others. They, too, apparently need to face Death in order to realize that God is nobody's fool. We have only 70 years - if we are lucky - to be LOVE's (and remember, God is love) representative on this planet. Like Paul we should challenged each other: "Show me your faith (love) with words and I'll show you mine with my deeds."

Yes, we are like family in here, open for anyone who would like to become part of us and also open for anyone who needs to leave us for whatever reason. I am so glad you and I are relatives in CyberSpace, Rasma. I love seeing you, I love reading you, and I LOVE those pictures you share in FB.

You will get used to Martin's laptop, but I do hope you get your own soon.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 4 years ago from Central Florida

Martie, I know you as you are now and I love you to death! You are awesome, helpful, supportive, funny as hell and always at the ready for your friends. Never lose site of yourself and always take the time to be with and for yourself. It has and will continue to pay off!

Thank you for sharing my link. See what I mean? You're awesome!! Oh, have I told you lately how beautiful and awesome you are?? tee hee.

Look in the mirror, my friend and see what I see!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Frank, good to see you in my corner! I agree all the way with you and look forward to read your latest hub :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Mr. B! This is why I love writing so much - a can lay out my soul, inspect it, disinfect all wounds and restore what's to be restored. We are having so much fun we don't really get time for serious talks, do we? Thank you for admitting in words that you need me. I thought you did; your behavior betrayed you. Lol! Always looking forward to see you! You are truly all that I could wish for. Perfect for me!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

marcoujor, my beloved sista, I enjoyed your hub tremendously and related from beginning to end. Though I don't have a dog I have 4 grandchildren delighting me endlessly. Fortunately they demand less attention than real pets - their demands are met by their parents and all they need from me is love. I can be as tired as the proverbial dog, just one look at them - and even at pictures of them - and I can move mountains again all the way smiling.

Thank you for checking my grammar. As you can see I've added a few paragraphs and they might ooze with errors. Probably not, because you would have drawn my attention to them.

So true, Mar, whatever I do, I give it my all.... my heart and soul. Can't even imagine doing anything half-heartedly. Love you lots, and here is a link to your hub for readers to follow with ease..... http://hubpages.com/health/Perspectives-by-marcouj...


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Faith Reaper, you are always so kind and beautiful. I love your heart. To be honest, I am very cautious of people calling themselves Christians and 'Children of God', because they've shocked and disappointed me too many times in my life. In you, however, I do see what I need to see in order to trust you. Really, I've learned in my life quite a few awful lessons and I am not afraid to say that the most ignorant, hateful and disgusting people I've met call themselves Christians. I look forward to a visit in your corner. Thank you so much for your support. You are restoring my trust in Christians.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Mckbirds, thank you so much for your BEAUTIFUL comment. I love the poker-metaphor. So true! Jim Reeves' song with the same theme made a deep impression on me when I was a teenager. The words had never left me. Since I've lost a game or three, I play my hands very carefully. It seems to me that I am now - 50+ - at last, catching up on my losses. Because I've learned how to toss cards back onto the table. (In the past, I've kept them, hoping that they'll be the best on show.)

There were times I regretted helping others, because I got more kicks than halfpence. Some people simply always bite the hand that feeds them. But then I realized that my happiness did not depend on their reactions, but only on my own actions.

Thanks again, Mike, for your most pleasant and profound comment. It is an excellent contribution to the topic!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

SommerDalton, thank you so much for leaving an inspiring comment :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

bravewarrior, in my eyes you are more awesome than I. You've made me roll on the floor laughing with your email messages in the group. I think you are funny, courageous, and very able to fight your battles with or without support. I look forward to read your take on Vanity :))


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Oh Sista,

You are one in a skillion and I could not ask for a more supportive and loyal friend. Thank you for your extremely kind remarks and the link to my hub.

Your added paragraphs are as beautiful as you. As you know, I have little to critique and feel as though I am merely gilding the lily.

Hugs and plenty of stuff, Maria


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Gilding the lily..... what a thought-provoking picture! Maria, you are such a pillar of strength, and I repeat myself in here - a vibrant rainbow beaming happiness and energy in the most pleasant way.


MickeySr profile image

MickeySr 4 years ago from Hershey, Pa.

"Happiness is relative"

Happiness is dependent on what happens and how we receive and react to things that happen - joy comes from within, it's how we determine within ourselves, according to our own beliefs and disposition, to receive and react to things that happen. To me, if I stub my toe on a rock and I get mad at the rock, then that rock has defeated me . . . I didn't want to be upset, I didn't want to be mad at that rock, so if I get upset and mad, then I lose - that rock has not only bruised my toe, it's stolen my 'happiness' because a bad thing 'happened'. But if I'm already filled with joy before I bump my toe into that rock and not dependent on if good or bad things happen to inform how I feel, then though my toe may be bruised my joy/happiness is untouched.

And this approach to life can save so many ruined marriages - don't see the other as an enemy and get mad at each other and fight, see the problem as the enemy then don't get mad together at the dent in the car, the overdue bill, the burnt meal, etc . . .

(it's taking me awhile to get to each 'Perspectives:' as I can, but so far I am so delighted with what I find when I do get to one)


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

Absolutely wonderful hub Martie, happiness is definitely something we all try to get or be, there is a gaping hole in my happiness, long story, but I have had to learn to live without a great part of life with a partner, I used to be so glad to be part of a couple but now I have got used to being on my own, so that's the part that is missing, its so complicated, as I said, long story! lol! the one thing I have learned is to be me as a whole person, and not part of a couple, no choice, but at least I know me now, voted up! nell


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Mickey, I am so thrilled to know you are delighted. I must admit that I've chewed a few bones, fearing that my contribution might disappoint you. I mean, what am I supposed to know down here at the bottom of the world valuable enough to share with you smart-ass Americans? (LOL!)

I agreed all the way with your perspective, and also with your comment. Being able to play the ball and not the man, to address the problem (the pain in the toes) and not the innocent creator of the problem (the rock that is but only a rock) is obviously beyond the ability of most people on this planet, if we consider statistics of divorce and war of all sorts. Because most people are only EGOS - heartless robots protecting their True Self. (And they don't even know it!)

Somehow a quote came to mind while I read your comment: "Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

2:30am down here and I am CRAWLING to bed. Will spend the rest of the week on reading and commenting....

Thanks again, Mickey, for getting the brilliant idea of sharing perspectives AND for inviting me to participate. I really enjoyed this and still enjoying it. Let's hope to read some more spontaneous contributions :)


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

For me Martie you hit the nail on the head. For me to be truly happy I need those I care for and around me to be happy too.

I so enjoyed reading this wonderful insight to your innerself

You are one wise and beautiful lady... inside and out.

Hugs


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Martie.....Praise to Eckhart Tolle! I love this man's fabulous writings....have read his books and grown so, from his wisdom. But right now, My dear Miss Martie, I am loving you and all your fascinating thought on "Happiness." This is positively brilliant......and I did not miss that little "love note," to you, slid in there by Mr. B....who sounds very much like a HAPPY guy to me! Whoa, yea, baby.....I see HUGE mountains of happiness all around you!!! and I am happy FOR you!!......Love The Effer....UP+++


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

Happiness comes when we are willing to accept it, not until then. Happiness is mind over matter and a whole lot of forgetting the past. Just remember each and every day is a new beginning. We can begin to believe anew or revert back to memories of yore. I think we have reached a new plateau my friend..And it is a long time coming..Cheers


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

I think I have always known your kind true self, Martie, and admire you for it. Not in the same way as Mr. B., of course, but admiration nevertheless. This is a provocative exploration of happiness and rates a Brava and an Up!


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

Thank you so much dear Martie for your refreshingly honest comment here! I hear you, precious heart, as I, too, have been harmed many times by those calling themselves "Christians." If we do not love, we do not know God. Period. That is how you will know, by their heart. From out of the mouth, the heart speaks. Is their mouth speaking love, kindness, gentleness, self-control, and is faithfulness, patience and goodness evident in their walk? If there is no fruit, then there is no Spirit of God. Not a single one of us on this planet is perfect, not one. In His Love Always, Faith Reaper


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

MickeySR, I woke up with your hub in my mind - you've given me a new perceptive on hippies, in particular on their intentional AND unintentional motives. I believe in the South-African-philosophy called 'Ubuntu' - "I am what I am because of who we all are."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ubuntu_(philosophy)

The hippie-generation was the PRODUCT of the previous generation(s) - in the perfect environment (America at that time) teenagers simply germinated into hippies expressing philosophies that were certainly also in the mind of their enlightened ancestors, but suppressed because of authoritative intimidation.

I forgot to post a link to your insightful perspective on this topic, so here it is ~~~~~ (I am also pasting this comment in there) ~~~

http://hubpages.com/education/The-Emperors-Old-Clo...


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Nell, I can so relate to your comment. I had a gaping hole in my happiness until quite recently. But I've always managed to fill it with lots and lots of exiting responsibilities. I've worked myself ever so happily 4 times into the depths of Burnout (a horrible condition) - (1981, 1990, 2000, 2009) - Beginning 2010 I decided halfheartedly to give men a go again - and what a shock I had when I found myself all of a sudden in the claws of a mental case/con artist/pretending to be a gospel preacher. He was still thinking he was the man in my life, intimidating and victimizing me, when he sobered up with suitcase and all on the airport, not ready, but compelled to return to where he came from. Let God bless his sorry ass! I was angry for an entire year, when I got that message (accidentally) on Valentine's Day from David the Welshman. I skeptically allowed him to come down for a visit, ready to be convinced for once and for all that all men are pigs. But, remember, he surprised me and restored my trust. My holiday with him is filed in my folder for best memories. Sadly he could not stay in SA due to our pathetic public health services versus unaffordable private services, and aside from this, I do believe he would wilted not being in personal touch with his children. So another year later I decided... but this is a long story still to be hubbed.....

Fact is, with Mr. B now in my life I KNOW whether us women want to admit or deny it, we are born to be loved and cherished by a particular man. Nothing can substitute him and sadly he is not to be found round every other corner. Only the most lucky women manage to stumble upon their PERFECT match. But by hook or by crook we women WILL survive without our match. We CAN be whole with an enormous emptiness inside us. I am so lucky to have met Mr. B. He is so everything I could wish for. But I enjoy his company wholeheartedly on a daily basis, as I am beyond the stage of building dreams. Since I found my True Self - let me rephrase - since I, Me and Myself finally bonded in 2000 to live happily forever after, I just don't live in my past and also not in my future. Today is my Life and I enjoy it as hard as I can.

So Nell, don't let your True Self rust in her comfort zone. Give her a change to find what she needs. I have the perfect plan - will send you the link.


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

My dear Rosemary, I do believe we are each other's mirrors. You can only see yourself in me. Maybe all of yourself, or parts of yourself, or nothing of yourself. So your lovely compliment to me is in fact also a compliment to yourself. You are indeed wise and beautiful and more beautiful, because you are not as bold as I. Sometimes I do hate my own boldness. It reminds me of masochism - I am constantly inviting bullies to attack me. Take care, my dear Rosemary. (I wonder how you really are. What about a short message, just to sooth my concern for you?)


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

fpherj, you adorable you! Eckhart Tolle stretched my frame of mind by miles with his 'Power of Now'. Before I read his book I've made the decision to never dwell in my past or future again, but making a decision and performing it in practice are two different things. I struggled. Talk about the power of Now, the power of yesteryears is stronger. So his book came like a manual and it enabled me to beat the power of the past with the power of Now. And I did not even read the entire book. Lol! (Sowwy, Eckart Tolle, but you know a word to the wise is enough.)

Oh, that little note of Mr. B pulled a tear. One of these days I am going to eat him up. He is simply deliciously perfect. BTW, he is also Aries. I see all of myself in him. And honestly, I have not yet seen any flies on him. (And you know flies cannot resist any sh@t.)

I love you bunches, Paula!


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

always my twin, I so agree with your comment. When I arrived in HubPages middle 2010, I was at the foot of this umpteenth mountain on my path of life. You saw me climb. You saw me fall over the edge of that abyss - when I published that novelist 'Until Death Do Us Part' - Well, its title then was 'The Day Jo Mutilated My Children". You were part of the rescue team that got me up and going again. Today, Ruby, you and I are on top of the mountain. Two 2-legged eagles. We will never again catch flies. I don't see another mountain ahead of me/us. But one never knows what mountain of a rocket may fall out of space. However, we are eagles, we'll simply fly over it. I know we will. Cheers and lots of hugs to you!


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

drbj, you are such a delight in my life! If you dress up like Andrej I may fall for you. Oops, I forgot, I am as straight as a dart. Thanks for the brava. I hope you are having a lovely Sunday up there in your woods :)) (You have no idea how adorable you are for me!)


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 4 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

Your presentation is excellent and very interesting. Perspective is foundational to achieve happiness and contentment. I am so happy you have that along with love and peace.


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

My dear Faith Reaper, deep inside me is a pot filled with bitter memories created by Christians. If I open it, it WILL erupt all over my face. Fortunately, yes fortunately, I was also disappointed by people calling themselves agnostics and atheists, so today I know that people are people and in their quest for peace and happiness they join groups. And they don't have much of a choice.

Unfortunately down here, especially in small towns, you're either in the church and in business, or out fighting your own battles. Fact is, you THINK you're save among Christians, you BELIEVE God is your personal genie ready to answer all your prayers (on his own time), until you find yourself all of a sudden in a proverbial hell. One get a total new perspective on God and Christians while you are in hell. In 3 days, 3 months, 3 years, 3 decades (time is relative), while one is in hell like Jesus was before he ascended to heaven, one can learn many truths not yet discovered. I can still enjoy reading the Bible, but I've lost my ability to enjoy listening to the perspectives of people - nevermind their faith - on the Bible and on God. In the time of Moses God was known as 'He is what He is'. His name was not to be uttered. I think something went wrong the day they've started to call him God.

I was a most dedicated Christian for 35 years, a catechist for 15 years... believe me, I've studied the Bible in all its widths and depths.... just to eventually realized that we humans are so busy searching for the answers of the questions produced by our mortal little brains, that we seldom if ever take the time to appreciate and enjoy the fantastic opportunity we have to live for a couple of years as humans in this awesome universe. So I've stopped sticking my nose in God's business. Indeed, no one of us is perfect. And yet, we are born with the desire to be....

I hope you are enjoying your Sunday, Faith Reaper. Thank you for showing me your love. As I've said, I can clearly see and feel it.


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Hyphenbird, good to see you. Your comments always count. Take care!


Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 4 years ago from USA or America

Very nicely written Martie. Definitely a vote up. :)


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tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

You are such a good role model for other women with your raw honesty and strength. Being a mother is my source of happiness, but it can be a struggle when others in your circle try to convince you that you should instead focus on making money, money, money. I am not a career oriented person, I don't think I was put on this planet to earn with gobs of money and die. It can be really difficult when your idea of happiness conflicts with other people's ideas of happiness. This is an excellent, comprehensive, and inspiring hub.


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Thank you, Cagsil! Your vote is much appreciated :)


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Dear Tammy, as I have stressed, "Being ME makes me happy. Doing whatever I am doing WITH the approval of my beloveds, makes me happy. When I don't have their approval, I find myself without any doubts in a state of unhappiness and revolt."

I was married for 20 years to a man who disdained all my doings. He could not handle any of my achievements. He wanted me to be only 'his wife', meaning a woman with just enough brains to perform chores in the kitchen and bedroom. So I know how it feels living with people disdaining your true self. I hope with all my heart you manage to convince them that you are not what they want you to be. Lots of hugs especially for you :))


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SilentReed 4 years ago from Philippines

Most of us would agree that the definition of happiness is to be in a state of well-being where we experience emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. It is the crest of the wave's rise and ebb as we go through each experience that life throw at us. We have to accept that happiness is an emotion that is transitory, sharing moments with unhappiness, it is a part of our psyche. The yin and yang of our thoughts and feelings. One may disassociate one from the other by constructive means but only temporarily. So is happiness an illusion if it is not permanent? Should we be like the stoic who is seemingly indifferent to emotions, pain or pleasure? To be like the surface of a tranquil lake that spiritual and philosophical mentors strive for would be boring, It would take the fun out of life.:) Btw, this is a great hub, Martie.


Sueswan 4 years ago

Hi Martie,

I really enjoyed reading your perspectives on your true self. I agree that happiness is a choice we make as the conditions to be happy will not always be there.

Voted up and away


ImKarn23 profile image

ImKarn23 4 years ago

Excellent questions with smart, insightful answers. It's so true that perspective is everything! I remember being on a bus tour in France on a gloomy rainy day - and as the guide was pointing out sights we could barely see and people were grumbling. i'll never forget her cheery, thickly accented voice telling us to look harder.. deeper - all we need is a new perspective! I thought this was brilliant even then!

Your perspective is equally so, me thinks!


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thebluestar 4 years ago from Northern Ireland

Martie, what a wonderful hub you have written, every word true and full of wisdom. I am fast gaining a reputation of the "downtrodden, moaning minny of Hub land." Why? Simple, I don't know what self happiness or self worth truly are. I try to look for it every day, and just when I think I have found it, it recoils with such speed that I imagine I was only dreaming.

Having admitting that, I am not unhappy. I receive all the nourishment and comfort in life through the others that I am able to comfort and love. Those are many, and from very different circumstances, so does this mean I am happy?

You are so true when you refer to our state of mind being the true gatherer and understanding of happiness. Maybe I just walk past and have closed eyes.?

Thank you once more for sharing your womanly wisdom, that never fails to comfort me. Your friendship has bought me such joy and relief from pain, and I will always value you as a true friend. Nette xx


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tillsontitan 4 years ago from New York

Though it may look like I'm copying bravewarrior I have to agree, "True-Self should be IN CHARGE and not a stranger living somewhere in our inside." has to be one of the best lines you've written here! So many times we forget we have to be happy before we can make others happy.

You have explained and epitomized the Greek saying, "Know thyself."

Thank you for being part of this 'series' that we can all enjoy and learn from.

Voted up, useful, awesome, and interesting.


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

SilentReed, thank you for the GREAT comment. I've lived for so many years with a nagging sadness/unhappiness/sorrow in my heart, and yet, on the surface I was happy. Mind over matter. I would laugh and chat and said I was happy and fine when asked, and I did not lie. Yet, people who knew me well said I was lying, they could see sorrow in my eyes. Those days my eyes were almost black with suppressed unhappiness. And yes, they were right - when my day was done and I finally came to myself, realizing that it was now only I, me and myself ready for sleep or playing the piano or write, I sunk into cold, painful depression. So eventually I was compelled to change my circumstances. But then, in my new circumstances, I tended to live in my past, mourning the 'what-could-have-been'. I experience true happiness since I've learned how to apply the Power of Now. But more true, no, more pleasant and satisfying, because it was no longer mind over unfortunate matter, but mind over fortunate matter. Did I make sense?


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kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Dear Martie, I find this topic/hub extremely difficult to make a comment on.

I probably have to say that you are who you are (no matter how TRUE or UNTRUE) because you simply cannot be anybody else.

The idea of happiness does not appeal to me anymore the way it used to.

We can learn nothing by being happy, it is our misfortunes that have a potential to be our greatest teachers.

However, to say that to discover our true master, our true self...

we have a master at all times, the only problem is unawareness, there are LAWS governing our behaviour and it is only a matter of learning...

You see? I have already drowned.

Swimming back to the surface of things -

I would say that I notice a bit of inconsistency between your desire to help others and you admitting that most people don't even want to be helped - they want to discover and do things on their own as much as they can.

All the fun is in doing, not in being helped.

But I understand your "drive" - it is an official term - a drive for affiliation.

My drive is the same, not achievement, but affiliation. I need to be appreciated, loved, respected... blah...

The only thing is (my perspective - "Who asked you?" a little voice in my head interrupts...) -

I am no longer too concerned about my true self (I know I am always true, there is no FALSE SELF) and I am no longer concerned about happiness.

And that was the result of SOUL SEARCHING and WRITING I have done last year.

My perspective (again "Who asked you?")

we live to discover, even TRUE SELF is a fluid state of mind, everything is a state of mind

and

THINGS ONLY EXIST IN PERCEPTION.

I am sorry about not agreeing about the CONTROL.

You must surrender to discover.

In order to control one has to follow rules and rules are limiting.

There is no discovery if you already KNOW.

I think we are on the same path and I am quite ready to let all my "knowledge" to be questioned, released, turned upside down...

I am nothing, I know nothing and I enjoy the process more than the result.

There is no certainty in discovery,

no certainty in love,

no perfection in anything...

Do I make any sense?


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Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

Oh, precious one Martie, I am so very sorry. I, too, was hurt by ALL.

Lots of HUGS and LOVE going your way dear one. Faith Reaper

I just arrived home from work.


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Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

Well Martie this hub I can relate to 100%; a wonderful read each quote spot on.

You are an amazing writer and i know without a doubt that many will benefit from this one my friend.

I have to save this one and here's to so many more for us both to share on here.

I tick all boxes for this one (Except needless to say funny)

Have a wonderful day.

Eddy.


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Sueswan, it is quite difficult to be happy when one finds himself in negative conditions and circumstances. I guess in situations like this we reveal our true positive or negative attitude towards life and our negative or positive thought patterns. I know a few hubbers who are experiencing severe pain and discomfort every day of their lives, yet their writings ooze positive energy and inner joy. I admire them with all my heart. Thank you for your relevant comment :)


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

ImKarn, I also want to add that it is our responsibility to broaden our perspectives. Whether we know it or not, our perspectives do affect everybody in our personal and social zones. You are so right, I actually beg - maybe trying to force - readers to look harder and deeper, and especially into their own souls. Good to see you in my corner!


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Thebluestar, my dear Annette, our expectations also tend to determine our level of happiness. We do give with the hope to receive what we need. We are instinctively traders of needs. It took me ages to practice my mother's advice - "Don't expect anything and you will never be disappointed; just be grateful for what you receive."

But then, Life could also be seen as a business. We buy (obtain) knowledge/wisdom/love/tolerance/insight/experience/etc. to sell in order to show a profit (happiness/joy/peace). We have to choose our market carefully, we cannot afford throwing our 'bread to the swines'. Well, maybe those having tons of bread can afford doing this.

It is difficult to be grateful when Life gives you only lemons while your friends are apparently receiving sweet grapes. Looking back, I realize that I did need those bitter lemons in order to appreciate sweet grapes coming my way today. They also gave me the opportunity to master the art of making lemonade.

Annette you are so very able to love and comfort others; you ought to be so happy for having that beautiful trait. Identifying and acknowledging our good traits and talents enable us to use them wisely. Follow your heart, try to please it, but LISTEN to your gut feeling. Nobody but oneself can protect his own sensitive and vulnerable soul.

Take care, my sweet Irish friend :)


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Mary of Tillson, I must emphasize your comment: "We have to be happy before we can make others happy." We can indeed function like robots, taking care of others, satisfying their basic need for food, water, attention and comfort, provoking contentment - an emotion we can experience even in a state of unhappiness. (Accepting what we cannot change.) By merely being polite, responsible, empathetic, etc, we can arouse contentment in others (and in ourselves). While I see happiness as a need of the soul, to be aroused by happiness. Or what am I talking? Thank you for your thought-provoking comment :)


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Dear Svetlana, I can see Life as a round substance, like Earth, and humans orbiting it while they are also orbiting their own self. Life changes constantly. What seems to be the truth today could be proved as fraud tomorrow. (Is this a quote of Seneca or who?) Point is, what we see today is not necessarily the same as the next time we see it. Many of the perceptives I had in the past have changed. It was true and clear when I had it, but today I see them as parts of a larger picture. As long as you stay open-minded and willing to broaden your own perceptives, you are okay. The pain in the neck is those who are 50+ still clinging to the perceptives they had at 17. Thank you for your very thought-provoking comment.


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Faith Reaper, lots of hugs to you. I think we are on the same page. Just fyi, I will never try to change someone's else perceptive of God. Because that is a most precious and important perceptive one need in order to experience joy and happiness. Even atheists need a perceptive on God in order to find true happiness in themselves. Take care, my dear Faith Reaper :)


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Eiddwen, always so good to see you. You are one of those oozing happiness in spite of extreme sorrow in your heart. You are such a beautiful role model.

I should have added this to my reply to Kallini - We can indeed not 'teach' happiness to others, but we can be an example. We tend to follow examples (role models) instead of practicing what have been taught to us even by Life itself.

Only my best wishes to you and your beloveds :)


Vincent Moore 4 years ago

My brilliant, expressive little sista. Oh how you touch so many nerves in my heart and soul with your Perspectives. I look forward to reading the other brilliant writers who circled the wagon and joined your campfire to share with all of us their Perspectives on life. I want to say that your quotes from other brilliant minds stuck with me and I remember a few of them, one in particular is how I presently sum up my existence.

Buddha "If man can control his mind, he can find the way to enlightenment." This is something I have strived for all my life and I truly feel one does not find it unless you first KNOW THYSELF. I've struggled most of my life in the dark, I've achieved, I've found rewards, success, happiness, sorrow and pain. If this is all part of discovering oneself then the process is truly agonizing for many.

It's only been the past five years now that I've come to terms with my existence and the direction I am going in. My mindset is to live at peace with what I AM, what I have, how I share it and love my surroundings, no matter what state or condition they may be in.

I am happy to KNOW MYSELF finally, it took many years of walking in the wilderness and never seeing the forest for the trees and the light that opens up beyond that forest. I am content my sista, it may not always appear so in my writings, but truly what is contentment? It's all that you so penned with great vigor. You my friend have found the meaning of contentment. It took you as well many painful years to come to terms, but sista you've arrived and we thank our gods for your appearance.

Our forefathers and sisters saw hope for earth and sprinkled just a little of their superior DNA into man/woman existing at the time on this planet, giving them a taste of the great knowledge which lays behind the curtain. We humans have been selected by a greater power than ourselves to learn what it truly means to achieve a beautiful mind. There is so much more beyond the fold in the curtain and it may be alien to us now but it won't be in our future journeys.

So thank you for passing on this great message of HOPE,LOVE,TRUTHS and INSPIRATIONS to all of us loyal followers. I send you ACCOLADES and BRAVO for this enlightenment and will share and PIN it to my board amongst other great scribes. Hugs


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

My oh my Martie,

This was so deep and very insightful. I want to reread and savor some of those heartfelt lines. I could relate to much of what you were saying...Our minds are so complex and trick us many times, changing like the wind, and I do believe the Ego plays a little game with us then sits back and laughs as it says..see..you are not all that after all..I struggle with many emotions always running around in my head..sometimes it is like musical chairs and when that last chair is pulled out I feel as if I am standing there going uh...now where do I sit...BUT...I am learning about emotions too..don't trust them all the time...stop and breath, don't think too hard or it will make me sick..keep moving, giving, loving, and most of all take our eyes off self as self only wants what it wants and it never satisfies..Strive for peace within...

I loved this so much and will be reading the others..I will share this on face book..so much value in this hub..

Love ya,

Sunnie


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

My dear Vincent Moore, you are so right. It took me many painful years to come to terms with all that I’ve lost – or rather never have had. I know those dark caves where you find the material for your melancholic poems so well. I have used all my material and I’ve closed the entry with pleasant memories of amends I have allowed myself to make. But I guess I can open the cave anytime if I wish to see the skeletons. To be honest, I honestly prefer not to see them. I hate the emotions they arouse in me. My mind is truly now far over those unfortunate matters. Somehow I know that you, too, will soon reach the stage where you will no longer have the faintest desire to dwell in those caves. You’ve published two anthologies – call them monuments and be proud of them. How many people have turned their misfortunes into art? You should be extremely proud of yourself. You’ve made yourself a role model for many. Thank you so much for your solid support, Vincent. It is good to know that I can always rely on you. Hugs going your way, as always.


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Sunnie Day – We are what we think and that is no lie. If we want to be unhappy we – all of us - WILL find a hundred reasons to be, and if we WANT to be happy, we will also find a hundred reasons to be. So why not ignore the first and focus on the latter? When I ‘feel’ unhappy – due to the chemicals release by my brain because I’ve read/saw/heard/remember something negative, I simply force my eyes/ears/hands/thoughts to sense beauty that can trigger my brain to release those chemicals that make us 'feel' happy. (Just looking at my grandchildren – even at their pictures – makes me happy.) I’ve learned how to use my body and brain – I am, after all, not my body or brain and not even all of my thoughts. Our mind plays parts with us. It, in cooperation with our Ego, can convince us to literally kill ourselves. They say the Law is a donkey and so is our Mind. So we CAN put it over matters. Thank you so much, Sunnie, for your insightful comment. I appreciate your friendship with all of my heart.


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Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

Martie, what a great hub - I loved your perspective on happiness - I was, until recently, unhappy with one part of my life and that was having a detrimental effect on other parts. I am now very happy again and lots of what you wrote resonated with me - especially the parts about my mind having power over me. I have changed, I am rediscovering myself and I have found the real me again beneath all of the crap piled upon the old one :o)... 'Ah there you are!'


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Jools! Sadly we have to puddle through a lot of crap before we finally reach the phase where we are able to be our true self without fearing rejection, poverty, and so on. We cannot be happy while we are still trying to be the image we (our mind) have created for our self - Happiness is contagious and so is unhappiness. So we have to part from whatever/whomever prevent us from being happy, if not kindly then rudely. Life is too short for us to dwell in crap. Thank you for your lovely comment. May you never be unhappy again :)


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AliciaC 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

This is a fascinating hub, Martie, and is very thought-provoking! I'm going to have to read it again several times and think about everything that you've written. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and insights in such an interesting article.


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Alicia, so good to know that you find my perspective on happiness fascinating and thought-provoking. I honestly feel honored. Thank you so much for your lovely opinion. Take care!


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teaches12345 4 years ago

Your words here are insightful and ring of truth. I agree that knowing ourselves is to be happy. Enjoyed the read here today. Voted up.


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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi teaches, I am so happy to know that you enjoyed the read. Thank you for telling me and also for voting up :)


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midget38 3 years ago from Singapore

I agree that happiness is our choice. We can choose to be happy in spite of bad circumstances or let them overtake us. Thanks for sharing this great write, Martie.


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MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

midget ~ we are certainly on the same page about happiness, and also about so many other things. I can decide any moment to be unhappy, and I will find all the reasons I need to be miserable for the rest of the year. I chose to be happy. I don't even allow my children to make me unhappy.... There was a time I thought I have no choice but to accept everything coming my way. In the meantime I have learned the difference between true challenges to be met and doll shit to be ignored.... Thank you, midget!


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vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn.

We all deserve to be happy and if we follow the advice on this hub, we will be donning smiley faces. No more doom and gloom. Enough of that going on in the media.

Just to make sure your large host of fans haven't forgot your words of wisdom, I'm running over to FB right this minute and posting! Awesome, Martie!!!


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MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi my dear vocalcoach, thank you for your most appreciated visit and for sharing this hub on FB. As I've already comment over there, keeping mind over matter is NOT always as easy as it sounds. Fortunately every cloud has a silver lining and tomorrow is another day. Take care my dear friend :)


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Pamela99 3 years ago from United States

Martie, This is a fabulous hub. I love the way you describe the things that make you happy and the way you talked about love. I always remember that Abraham Lincoln said something like - Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. I think you really showed us we have choices and that makes us all so special. Awesome!!!


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MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Pamela, good to see you in my corner. I know what it's like to be unhappy, and I've learned the hard way that I have a choice. Allowing others, and even one's own pain, fears and memories to steal one's inner joy, is a choice. But touch wood, I know that there are certain events in life that are almost impossible to fight....


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Pamela99 3 years ago from United States

That is so tue. I never said it was easy and I have beeb on both sides of the fence also. There was a time when I thought there was no way out, no answers to the tought problems, but eventually it did get better. I work harder today to choose happiness and I sure appreciate it. I really love your writing. It is so honest and I always relate. Hugs.


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MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

Oh, Pamela, I appreciate this comment of yours so much, because it is such a proof that people are people, experiencing the same things sooner or later during their lives. Lots of hugs to you :)


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mary615 3 years ago from Florida

I think we ourselves choose whether to be happy or not. I have had many circumstances in my life (haven't we all) that almost made me just quit life, but I choose not to do that.

Poor me! I am tempted to wallow in self pity because I am losing my house to foreclosure (wrote a Hub about that), but instead I am looking forward to new experiences that will come into my life because of the forced changes.

Wonderful Hub here. Thanks. Voted UP and shared.


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pinto2011 3 years ago from New Delhi, India

Hi Martie! You are right when you mean to say that happiness and tranquility stays within oneself and if we stop pelting stone in our calm mind then obviously we will enjoy the absolute serenity and peace of a saint.


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MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa Author

@ Hi, mary615! I’ve read those hubs of yours. You have reached the end of a chapter of your life. Just know that you will find a different kind of joy and happiness in the next chapter and you WILL look back and realize that you have said goodbye at just the right time. Saying ‘goodbye’ is always hard, but after goodbye comes the excitement of saying ‘hallo’. Don’t miss the opportunity to be excited and eager to write the next chapter of your autobiography :) You are in my thoughts :)

@ pinto2011 – “stop pelting stone in our calm mind” – Beautiful stressed! Happiness is an attitude – easy to change with a little bit of will-power. Thanks for your beautiful comment, pinto :)

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