Perspectives: Regret and Hope~ When to Hold On....When to Let Go

Perspectives: An Introduction

What we think and how we feel about things, is defined, not by the things themselves, but by our perspective of things. Everything that comes before us, is filtered through our perspective of things.

Regret~ A Fast Track to Disappointment & Despair

What if you had a second chance at life? What would you do differently? What mistakes would you be extremely careful to avoid? What opportunities would you be certain to grab, next time?

Please don't waste one precious moment of your time, thinking of answers to these hypothetical questions. I promise, it would be less painful to grab hold of a baseball bat and whack yourself hard at least four times. Once, for allowing yourself to have the fantasy of a second chance at life. Once, for clouding the gift of today by drudging up yesterday. Again, for erroneously thinking that your mistakes might not have been your finest education and finally, for entertaining the thought that the life you had was not exactly as it was meant to be. Worthwhile and complete.

To dip your cup into the well of regret and drink of its poisons is to set in motion, a slow and very painful demise. Demons drape themselves around your spirit and spread their toxins into your bloodstream, wreaking havoc upon your every thought and deed. Self-pity and remorse are more lethal than a dagger lunged through your heart.

Give yourself permission to refuse to walk this rocky path. It leads only to a dead end.... no room to turn way to escape. Please, do not take another step. Stop, look up and take my hand. We will walk another route, my friend, to brighter places that offer gifts of love and wisdom, where every human can see gratitude and peace more clearly.

List to Memorize
List to Memorize | Source

Let us analyze REGRET, one last time.

This is so difficult to explain....I feel something is missing......something vital. I look around me and I wonder why everyone looks so happy....why life just seems to fall into place for them.... What did they do, that I haven't done? Are they better or just luckier than I am? How is it that they could have made all the right choices......and I'm kicking myself and feeling stupid.....Could I be a loser? That's it, I'm a damned loser.

Good. This is perfect. We're off to a great start, because those self defeating, negative thoughts, are a typical example of what regret looks and sounds like. Pretty depressing, not to mention, a lesson in futility. I should know. Trust me. I do know.

We're not going to minimize this issue nor fluff it off as nonsense. An enemy with this sort of power and control over our psyche requires that we muster the courage to face it, stand up to it and fight. After all, happiness, peace of mind and our very life depends upon how we ultimately walk away from this encounter and move on. It is about moving on.

I know what you may be thinking at this point and I understand. You are regretting...You probably should not have married him/her. The fact is my dear, you did. It's not much of a stretch here to assume that at that time in your life, you were ready for a commitment and all the pieces seemed to fit. You'd met the person you fully intended to spend your life with.....and raise a family, own a quaint little house, all inclusive of a wonderfully happy atmosphere. I'd bet you even put up a white picket fence.

There were ups and downs but you never suspected a fall that would end your life as you knew it. But it came... that official-looking envelope arrived, .. containing your final divorce decree. Hold on, wait a moment. How did this happen?

Take a deep breath and open with courage. It's disguised as a packet made of paper.The reality is, it's a monster, come to slap you in the face, punch you in the solar-plexis, take your breath away and leave you weakened. The monster has many names, Doubt, Sadness, Anger, Remorse, but all nicknames aside, his birth name is, "Regret." You have little choice at this moment and time but to stand up to the torment.

It's all up to you, how far back you'd like to dig. I'm merely here to observe. Go for it. Give it all you got. I should mention though, I already know the litany of questions and the self doubt & hate you will pour on this pain. Today, it's about you....and the rest of your life.

What went so wrong? What happened to us? Why weren't we strong enough and smart enough to make it work? Was it me...or...? Were we really in love....or never meant to be? Did we bail out too soon?I didn't know this would hurt so badly.

It does hurt and I need to understand. What's the answer? What are the damned questions?

I should have known better. What was I thinking? I didn't listen to my intuition.... We did love each other. I know we did. Did we talk enough, laugh enough, spend enough time together? We drifted apart. I saw it coming and I just ignored it. How could I do that? I feel empty....lost... I'll never get through this.What do I do now?

No matter how this moment feels..."This too, shall pass."
No matter how this moment feels..."This too, shall pass."

This is not a means to an End.....but a way to begin anew.

Human nature, as it is, creates the rich soil, in which to harvest regret. All the emotions that overwhelm you, are a perfectly normal response to what seems to you, to be weaknesses within you, which allowed your flaws, to become full-blown failure.

Know this please. There is nothing wrong with you. Surely, nothing so wrong, it cannot be understood and repaired. You are not a hopeless, confused and broken human. You are amazing and have healing power. What you need, you already possess. You need only to believe.

When you come to the realization, that throughout it all, it was you, who made your choices, with good intention, for the reasons that were valid, at a specific time, in your will quiet the chaos and accept. You will send your ego off into hibernation and truly love yourself again, without question or doubt. You'll know that the only thing that is over, is one chapter of your book. The chapters to come will give you answers you can learn from and live with.... a desire to turn the pages with hope and assurance. You'll hear theses words with your heart and mind...

"There can be no regrets, for I am valuable and know my worth. Where ever I have tripped and fallen, I've stood back up and faced the world. I forgive myself and those who hurt me. There is no room in my life for regret. I will not give it breeding ground. I cannot let it win. What has happened is over. It is in the a prior chapter, where I must let it go....then, I will turn the page with hope. My book of life is so very precious and not to be destroyed, because of one unpleasant chapter."

Speaking of that next page....while I have your attention, Let me introduce you to a good friend of mine, whom I believe will become your good friend, as well. Her name is, "Hope."

The Sunrise brings the HOPE of a new and better day.
The Sunrise brings the HOPE of a new and better day.

Sunrise, the HOPE of a New & Better Day

Children hope, incessantly. I hope I get a brand new bike for my birthday.....I hope that Dad will take me to the beach today. I hope when I grow up, I can marry a Prince..............

Do you recall all the hoping you did when you were a child? I do. I remember how intensely I believed that all I had to do was hope....and it would happen. I would cross my fingers and close my eyes...and make a wish. I hope, I hope, I hope...oh please!

Adulthood brings reality along with it and oh, what rude awakenings. Hope is no longer a creates no magic. Hope, in it's maturity, becomes a noun. It is something that we learn to have and protect, nurture and strengthen.

At all times, we are given choices. We can choose to fall into the depths of sadness, guilt and fear, or we can hold onto the hope of happiness, freedom and courage. Blessings of hope are ours to accept, but once accepted, we have work to do.

Hanging on to the hope of a healthy and productive life, is only the first part. The rest of course, is in our self motivation and steadfast determination. That wonderful thing called, hope, is what keeps us focused and knowing that nothing is impossible, as long as we long as we are willing to hold on tight.

Perhaps all this work, seems much too overwhelming to consider, but think about this. In the days to come, you will need to heal. You cannot go forward, broken and battered. You'll need that friend to hang on to and help you move on. The one you can trust to bare your soul. It can only be Hope, for Hope's strength cannot weaken by itself.

I've kept you long enough.

I'd like to leave you with an Inspirational Prayer, I learned many years ago. It was given to me by my dear, departed Dad. He covered it in plastic so I would keep it with me, in my purse, at all times. He wanted me to know, that although he could not protect his little girl forever, he hoped this prayer would lift me up in times of deep sadness. It has and it does. I have hope in my heart, it will comfort you, as well. Let go of regret. Hold on to hope..

"May you know you are blessed with the power of Hope

May you live with wisdom to enlighten the world.

May you see your greatest of dreams come true.

Be powerful in boldness and courage,

Letting go of all fear and regret.

Always love with a loving and resilient heart.

May your smile be contagious and your happiness, outrageous,

And above all else, May your Hope shine brightly enough

To light up the World".............So Be It.

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Comments 104 comments

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 10 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Yes, Shan.....we do go on. We fall & break, get up & move forward. The alternative is unthinkable. You've learned the secret. Never forget it.

shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 10 months ago from Texas

Just reading more of your work tonight. I believe I already follow you, but if not, I surely will.

This piece of yours reminds me of the many times in the past I picked my self up after having to start over again from the ground up. It seemed like a perpetual pattern for so long until I almost gave up on hope. Thank God I did not.

peachpurple profile image

peachpurple 19 months ago from Home Sweet Home

when it is time to let go, you have to let it go in peace

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

manatita....I'm honored by your visit and pleased you enjoyed my hub. The prayer my Dad passed on to me has been well-received by our fellow-readers. This tells me that a very strong part of our nature is holding on to hope. This is a beautiful and comforting thing to know. Bless you and Peace...Paula

manatita44 profile image

manatita44 2 years ago from london

I like your friend Hope and your prayer also.

Solid and helpful article from you my Sister, Fpherj

Loving thoughts.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

By Golly!! I do believe you've figured it out quite well!! Your last comment is powerful......"that's the effect of enjoying today so much, that yesterday is fading...." BINGO!

LongTimeMother profile image

LongTimeMother 3 years ago from Australia

lol. Must be nearly time for a discussion about the definition of success. :) Yes, I'm lucky to have experienced success in a number of ways. Funny how I enjoy successfully living off the grid with my family more than I enjoyed my career ... or maybe that's the effect of enjoying today so much that yesterday is fading ...

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

LTM.......If someone has absolutely ZERO regrets in their life......we need to find out what planet they fell from!.....It's all in how we apply the "lessons learned," that makes all the difference! I'm sure you've been quite successful!

LongTimeMother profile image

LongTimeMother 3 years ago from Australia

I enjoyed this hub immensely and agree wholeheartedly in the context of moving on from a failed relationship. I do, however, have a few regrets in life. They don't consume me, but they're there. Part of the process of moving on was deciding never to repeat the same mistakes. That's where the hope comes in. :)

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Glad to see you, always! Jools, honestly, I know of no other way, than the way it is. Anything other than reality, just makes a terrible mess of our life...........Peace.

Jools99 profile image

Jools99 3 years ago from North-East UK

Read again and enjoyed even more - I love it that you tell it like it is Paula!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author




Thanks for stopping by to visit! Good to see you all! It is always so interesting to me to hear of all the different slants on a particular subject. Regrets are so troublesome and often, something we carry around for years....long after it makes any sense to do this. I think we might all agree, regret has much to do with how we deal with "guilt" and being hard on ourselves. If we're quick to forgive others, we should hopefully learn to do the same for ourselves, don't you agree??

Thanks again!

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lovedoctor926 3 years ago

A powerful message in this inspirational hub. I found this information useful. voted up.

Fullerman5000 profile image

Fullerman5000 3 years ago from Louisiana, USA

I ask myself those questions all the time. What would I change or go back and change? I think that life has a funny way of working itself out when you do tend to go off track. I do believe the Lord has plans for life and if one plan gets mislead there are other opportunities to follow and God never gives up on us. Great read.

DzyMsLizzy profile image

DzyMsLizzy 3 years ago from Oakley, CA

Weelllll...sometimes, 'regret' is also "fear." Fear of being found out; fear of looking like a fool; fear of imaginary stupid stuff that isn't going to, out of fear, you fail to act, and regret it for years....or forever... Usually, it's silly...Here is an illustration of just such a scenario:

My mother and I, on a trip to Canada, stayed at an old lodge near Lake Louise. Modern hotels/motels have the furniture pretty much nailed down, but in this old hostel, it was original, and free to move.

As we settled down in the twin beds, the nightstand between us blocked our view of each other as we chatted for a bit before going to sleep. We began to talk of re-arranging the furniture to suit ourselves, and how much fun it would be to be the proverbial fly on the wall when the maids came in after we'd checked out. We giggled ourselves silly until we feared disturbing the next-door guests.....

Ah, regret...we chickened out..."good little girls" that we were....

And, it was a topic of "regretful" conversation every so often until the day mom passed.....a missed opportunity for some harmless fun...really--what would they have done? Sent us a bill for furniture movers? LOL

However, that bit of fluffy silliness aside, you raised excellent points, and it is an issue I struggle with daily...things I wish I'd done differently. I only hope I make better choices on my next pass.

Voted up, interesting, useful.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

OH .do I ever agree with you, moonlake. Don't you just wish sometimes you could look at some whiners and say, "Get OVER it, already!!" ? LOL

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Hey Boomer....good to see you! I miss all my hub buddies so much.....getting through some things and have been away fro awhile. Plan to return in full swing as soon as possible......Thanks for the wonderful comment. You're always so nice! Peace.

moonlake profile image

moonlake 3 years ago from America

Your so right about regret. There are a few people I know that I wish they would stop regreting they're past and live just for what comes next. I love your Dad's pray. Voted up and more on your hub.

Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 3 years ago from South Carolina

What a powerful, well-written hub about the futility of regret and how hanging onto our regrets can drown us in sorrow and doubt.

I particularly loved the way you skillfully wove the power of hope into the text and the poem that your dear father passed onto you touched my heart.

Voted this up across the board except for funny, and shared.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author


OK, sounds fine to me. Many a life-changing conversation has occurred over coffee!! And, yes, it is fun.


I'll bet my last penny that you were one great Cheerleader in your day!!....Thanks for being so sweet. Glad you found my hub, useful....Peace.

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States

Absolutely awesome hub. It is so easy to fall into regret, negative thinking, and I love where you say there is nothing wrong with you. We do learn from our mistakes and all we really have is this day. Positive thought lead to positive results. You really did a wonderful job with this hub and there is much for all of us to grasp here. Up & awesome, useful!

ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 4 years ago

Paula , ha ha I just found out your first name ! I will accept one cupful of your wisdom , as if we were to be sitting and drinking coffee and talking of life and of tomorrows and tomorrows !.....Ed .... wouldn't that be Fuuuun!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Kelly.....Good to see you. Thanks for the welcome comment. Nice to meet you. Come visit anytime!....Peace.

kellyteam profile image

kellyteam 4 years ago from Michigan

This is a great seemingly poetic piece. Regret is a distraction that interferes with reaching your hopes and dreams. Let it goooooo! Beautiful, beautiful hub!!! Thanks for sharing.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Tammy &


This is great! Two lovely ladies who found my hub to be, "just what they needed".....Glad to be of service. This sort of thing has happened to me, too. Just when something is weighing on my mind, I stumble upon a wonderfully inspiring hub, by a fellow writer, that lifts me up and shooz my cares away......Just one more thing to add to the dozens of reasons that being a member of the huge the BEST!

Reaching that delicate place in life, where we clearly understand WHAT REALLY a long and often, tough journey....but OH, how worth it...right girls? Peace..&...Love

onegreenparachute profile image

onegreenparachute 4 years ago from Greenwood, B.C., Canada

I'm with Tammy - your inspirational hub is just what I needed today. Thank you for reminding me of what is important and for your beautiful prayer. I have copied it and will hang it right next to my computer screen. Amazing - just amazing!

tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

It sometimes surprises me how many times I come across a hub that has that gleeming message I so need to hear on that day. This is very wise and eloquent. People are often irritated by the fact that I can't abandon hope in something that I believe in. I don't really hold on to the past and regret. Sometimes I am too easy on myself I think. This is very inspiring and just what I needed to hear today. :)

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

brakel2......Your comment is sweet and generous. Thank you. I am pleased you were inspired by my words. I wish you a life of few and easily forgotten regrets...and a heart full of hope, always. Please do come back often.

brakel2 profile image

brakel2 4 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Thank you for writing such an enchanting piece. Your writing uses descriptive words and is filled with creativity and varied style. The words flow like a waterfall. You are right that we must live for today and rid ourselves of regrets from the past. I like the poem from your father and can visualize some of the pictures you paint in your writing. I am a visual person from being in a storytelling club where we had to use description and setting in our speeches. Take care, and I will visit other hubs.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

"Often," Melovy, beats the heck out of "never!" Good for you. Practice makes perfect! Good to hear from you.

Melovy profile image

Melovy 4 years ago from UK

You said it well. Regret serves no purpose, and the more we can let go of it the better. I manage often, but not always. Thanks for the reminder.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Querido medico mio...No hay de facil!....Como estas amigo mio?

OK...seriously, in English. Good to see you back from your Holiday or break.....where ever you were. We missed you. I'm pleased you like my take on regret and hope.......I was truly humbled, writing with the BEST of writers.....phew!! Good thing I don't panic under pressure!.....

btw...all I said above was, "My dear Doctor, you're welcome. It's easy! How are you, my friend?"

Didn't want you to think I was sending some covert message!!

Docmo profile image

Docmo 4 years ago from UK

Yo Daisy May- your wisdom and wordplay leave me speechless. Will you accept an apprentice, wise Jedi? I love your take on this subject, leading us through step by step from regret to hope. this is motivational and moving. Thank you!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Well my sweet Jools.....I'm happy to see you, no matter when you arrive. Thanks for the boost. Speaking of "a bit busy lately,".....I hear you. Me too. Just published a hub that took me 4 days to complete in segments! Damned real life just keeps getting in the way of our Hub life! DRAT!!

Jools99 profile image

Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

Paula, life has been a bit busy lately so I apologise for getting here a bit late. I'm so glad I finally arrived - as always you tell it like it really is, no BS, just some truths we can all get our heads around. Regret has been a destructive force in my life many times but I'm learning to turn the page with a bit more ease now. My hopes for the future are very different to what they once were (and regret has a lot to do with that -weird!) Loved your dad's poem, inspiring and yet wonderfully simple. Paula, you lit up my world with this article - I HOPE you do some more of these perspective pieces.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Nell....My Dad rocked......seriously.

Your comment about Nov. 18th is noteworthy, Nell.......not at all coincidental. Because that date, ultimately became one of "regret," of a sort......The powers within your space of the Universe.....made amends, for Nov. 18th. to become a new day of hope, for a better future. Believe this.

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

Hi Paula, your dad was a very wise man, wonderful prayer, and one we should all take notice of. its so true that when we are small we have hope and expect it to happen the way we want it, but as we get older hope is a forgotten word, regret always seems to get in the way, did you know I got married on the 18th november, and my divorce years later came through on the 18th november! how about that? lol!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

LOL, Til!...Must be the "curse" of our generation. In fact, I'm sure it is. I'm afraid we must accept our lot in life.....It's nice that we're so GOOD at it!

tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 4 years ago from New York

Not to worry Effer, I'm beginning to think I coined the phrase ;)

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Reminder.....I must have seen that movie a dozen times. Apparently, I liked the moral.....Thanks for your input. Peace.

The Reminder profile image

The Reminder 4 years ago from Canada

Great hub. Sometimes hope is a good heard in Shawshank Redemption...hope is a good thing. maybe the best of good things. and no good thing ever dies

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author




You are all so sweet to visit and read my Perspectives hub. I enjoyed being their guest this month. I appreciate your generous and thoughtful comments. You make my work, worthwhile. You wonderful hubbers are what makes this site the best there is....Peace to you all. Have a lovely evening! Hugs from Paula

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

No...I did not "join" the group, Til....I merely accepted their kind invitation as a "guest," this month.....I'm actually involved in more than I can handle......Remember the expression, "I've bitten off more than I can chew?" I'm there.....LOL.

tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 4 years ago from New York

Okay, so while I'm out chasing rainbows you're writing in-depth, intelligent and moving hubs! You go girl. I hope that you continue cause this one is great.

Are you really sure there is nothing wrong with me ;) Well, that is a discussion for another place and time.

Congratulations my dear friend for joining this wonderful group writing on perspectives! Voted all the way across except funny. Well done.

Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Where's the "inspiring" button for me to click! That's what you are. How did you get so wise? Reading this does give hope! I love this and have to share it. Voted up and everything. You're the best, Effer!

joytruthlove profile image

joytruthlove 4 years ago

such wonderful affirmations :"There can be no regrets, for I am valuable and know my worth

Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

I agree with your point of view. Past is gone, we cannot forever live with regrets. We should hope better for the future.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

You've got the secret all figured out, I knew you would.....can't fool a good woman!......Bless you & Peace!

midget38 profile image

midget38 4 years ago from Singapore

We may not have control over our circumstances, but certainly over our thoughts and decisions. And we can use them wisely to move on. I love the metaphor here....regret is indeed poison in a cup. Negative thoughts are prison cages. In order to move on, we must decide to be happy....not look back on what we did wrong and beat ourselves up over it. What's done cannot be we can only, and must, let the positives guide us. Thanks for sharing this inspirational write, Paula, which I share.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Thank you, are a gentleman and a scholar, whose opinion means a great deal to me.

rajan jolly profile image

rajan jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

Excellently motivating! Just like night leads to light, the dawn of another day, likewise our failures are steps to success and greater achievements. We need to move on and with hope. Well said, Paula.

Voted up, useful, awesome.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Tim....Although I would never personally, "kick you in the pants," I see that it is appreciated that my hub did this for you. In this case, I am flattered and couldn't be happier.

This is why we write, yes, Tim? We hope to move, inspire and encourage.

BTW....I've never known anyone to refer to their mind as, "odd," when the truth is, they are simply brilliant...but modest!

Have a great week-end, laughing in your garage! I'm not terribly exclusive as to where I laugh.........LOL....

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Ruchira.....You are simply one of the sweetest ladies I know! Your family and friends must just adore you...and you deserve it! Thanks for your kind words....I always like hearing from make me smile.

tsmog profile image

tsmog 4 years ago from Escondido, CA

Hello Paula, may I address you as so? This was a kick in the . . . pants. Just what the doctor ordered too. Thank You. I am learning to keep comments short (except at home in the garage doing some laughing and bench racing - smile) I would like from the depths of my heart and the outer edges of this odd mind - bravo and I will heed the advice. Well needed this very morning, I bow to your grace


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

Such wise words, Paula. I am actually not surprised. You are a woman of class, my friend!

Embracing such fine adjectives in our lives...will be the first step to freedom of sorrow!

Beautifully put, indeed.

voted up as useful, aweseome, interesting and sharing it across

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Eddy.....Good to see you....and even nicer to read your heartfelt comment. I agree.

Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

Wonderful ;I vote up,across and share all around.

At the end of the day if we haven't got hope then we have nothing.

Have a wonderful weekend.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Honey...You are so damned sweet and special...I could adopt you and hug you to pieces and spoil you. Maybe in my next life, you will be my daughter! LOL

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Glimmer......I am there, with you! Everything surely DOES happen for a specific reason.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Rosemary...Thank you so much for your sweet comment....Yes, my Dad was very special.....Have a great night!

Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

Awesome hub. I think most of us will have regrets but we can't live in the past and can't change what was.

Your father's prayer is so meaningful and uplifting he must have been a special man.

Hope is a valuable necessity for us to take into the future.

HoneyBB profile image

HoneyBB 4 years ago from Illinois

Effer, What a wonderful message to share that so many of us need to hear and follow. Letting go doesn't have to be as hard as we make it. Hope is sometimes all we have to keep us going. Many of us need to learn how to use that hope to make our today's much brighter. Your Dad sounds like he was a wonderful person. I feel like I have met a part of him through you. You rock! Thanks for sharing. Voted way up and up and up and away!!!

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Dianna.....Your wonderful comment has made me smile. Words from such a talented and wise fellow-writer, are a special boost.

You returned a beautiful thought to me...."moments when the curtain prevents you from seeing beyond."......Powerful! Thank you and Peace, my friend.

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Beckie....I am always pleased to know that someone came away from anything I may have written, that gave them peace, hope or simply, a positive vibe to carry with them for awhile.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me.

Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

Awesome hub. I think everyone has regrets, me included, but I would not change a thing because when I chose to do things I did, it seemed to be the right decision at the time. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 4 years ago

That wonderful thing called, hope, is what keeps us focused and knowing that nothing is impossible, as long as we long as we are willing to hold on tight.

When all else has been done, just stand and hope will prevail. I love your post and it has encouaged me today. What a wonderful prayer your dad gave you to hold in your heart for the moments when the curtain prevents you from seeing beyond. Hold on to hope. Blessings, sweet lady.

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lovedoctor926 4 years ago

Lol. I wish we could change our names here. I'm bored of lovedoctor already.

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shiningirisheyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

Words cannot express how beneficial I found this hub. I often remind myself of my Dad's advise when I started down the road of regret. He always stated how it can not be done over so there is no point in regretting it. However, learning from it and moving forward means it was not for naught. I also believe you chose a solid example with regards to the divorce package. See it for what it is and don't provide it the power to grow into something bigger.

Great article. Voting up and sharing

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

lovedoctor......Hi! Glad you could stop by and chat. With a name like lovedoctor...sounds like you have the cure-all!!

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Alastar, Your comment has boosted my pride and confidence. You have a wonderful way with words...but I'm sure you hear that all the time. So glad when you stop by.

As with anything in life, Alastar, if we learn something, gain strength and resolve and are better able to be beneficial to ourselves and can be considered, worthwhile....

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lovedoctor926 4 years ago

A powerful message. well-written hub. These quotes are very true.

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Alastar Packer 4 years ago from North Carolina

I liked your metaphor on regret being a chapter one must put behind them and not dwell on to their own detriment. As a matter of fact i liked all your metaphors and keen wisdom here Paula. And the changing meaning of hope, very sage. You combine so many good qualities with that effervescent spirit of yours. Hold on tight and dream the impossible is right. No regrets, Coyote.

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

"Sweet, beloved and intelligent...." I see you must have known my Dad.

Those words merely scratch the surface, Doc. Truth is, he was beyond description.....and my sister and I were damned lucky.

Not to dismiss Mom....not at all. They were the ODD couple....or better said, the opposite of most couples, of their era. Dad was compassionate, artistic and a peace-lover...Mom was the active, vocal, upstart, who called a spade..a spade. She was also the disciplinarian. Yikes.

I am very pleased that you found my hub ....all the nice things you said!

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drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Your sweet Dad, Paula, was not only beloved but especially intelligent to leave you that wonderful prayer extolling the power of Hope. Thank you for this remarkable piece of writing - profound and powerful but at the same time very easy to understand.

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Jillian..Hi!...glad you came to visit. It's a wonderful thing to know all of the fabulous personalities here in HubVille.....So many very different individuals, from everywhere. Different backgrounds, ideas, beliefs and yet so much the same in character and constitution.....I can only realize it's "the Writer," in us....What else?

The Serenity Prayer is a powerful 3-sentence affirmation....and it makes so damned much sense!......I like to keep it simple....Thanks, Jillian. Sending you positive energy and healing.

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

pop.....Heh!....there was a time when I rocked I just do a quasi-roll. It works as well, just takes more time!..........LOL

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Jillian Barclay 4 years ago from California, USA

Dear Paula,

I, too, like some others, read this twice, because the sentiments expressed were not only poignant, but powerful. Learning to let go of regret is probably the one and only key to inner peace. We are all human, so we all have struggles, and if we are honest, we all experience failure of one type or another. You are right. We can choose to beat ourselves up, or we can get up and continue to live, love and learn, laugh and hope.

Your father gave you a beautiful prayer, one that he most certainly knew would carry you through life. What a wonderful gift!

My mother did much the same- Her choice for me was 'The Serenity Prayer':

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

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breakfastpop 4 years ago

Dear fp,

Personally, I think you rock.

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Thanks so much, pop, for the very complimentary comment. There have been some massive struggles in my life....and in all honesty, forgiving myself, was the hardest damned thing I've ever faced. I'm very hard on myself and I don't "forgive" easily, in dealing with my stubborn self, was one HELL of a trip.

The only other thing I'm sure of, is that if I had not ultimately been fairly and I would have never met. Amen....

So glad you stopped by. I don't have an Inn, but I do always have a pot of coffee!

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breakfastpop 4 years ago

You have written a brilliant, and I mean that, formula for forgiving oneself and moving on to a better life. This smart piece should be required reading for everyone. I can't vote this up enough times. It's beautiful, useful, interesting and awesome.

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Mickey Sr....Well, I'll be darned.....The quote you say is your favorite part of my hub......IS A QUOTE I INCLUDED, FROM MARTIE'S PERSPECTIVES HUB, BECAUSE I BELIEVED IT WAS THE "INTRO," FIRST PASSED ON BY YOU.....AS THE SUMMARY TO THIS SERIES.

Isn't this a stitch.....I wish I could claim "your favorite part," but as you can see......I cannot. Sometimes, I just trip right over my own feet, Mickey.......does this make me an unintentional thief??!!

Won't be the first time. Welcome to my world.

Do I have a say in joining your harem? I mean, what NUMBER would I be?.......I TOLD you, I do not share well....LOL

Hold that thought, Mickey, Oh wondrous and fearless leader.....I don't know that I'm the right replacement for Docmo......In fact, I'm sure I'm not. I'm afraid that's a bit like trading your Hummer in, for a Smart car...........

I will email you my thoughts......Thank you, kind Sir, for the invitation to join in your Perspectives Series. I am grateful to have done this.

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Randi.....Funny, how so often, thoughts that enter our minds, can meet up with a like mind-set, from someone else, seemingly, out of the blue.....When this happens to me, as it surely continues to remind me of the common threads that run throughout our lives, as we share this planet. gentle and kind to yourself, Randi....."mistakes," and the possible aftermath of regret, are merely reminders of our humanness and that the struggle for a pure heart, binds us together.....

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MickeySr 4 years ago from Hershey, Pa.

"The fact is . . ."

Here is where are two 'Perspectives:' meet - this was the central point of my own rambling on and on (and on) about 'regret & hope' . . . 'the fact is . . .'. The trouble isn't that we have regrets about how things have been or that we have hopes about how things will be - the trouble is when we permit regrets or hopes to poison or blind us to 'the fact is . . .'. I'm not sure which delights me more - when we each have genuinely different perspectives, or when we each express a similar perspective differently.

. . . however, I must say, I think my very favorite part of your hub was ~

"What we think and how we feel about things, is defined, not by the things themselves, but by our perspective of things. Everything that comes before us, is filtered through our perspective of things"

I know you're not a fan of the restrictions of a schedule, deadline, and format (and I know you can't stand Maria any more than the rest of us) but I'm going to kick Docmo out of the group and put you in permanently . . . then my harem will be complete. Thank you so much for adding so great a treat, yourself, to our little band this month.

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btrbell 4 years ago from Mesa, AZ

All so very true! Thank you! I was just thinking along the lines of regret earlier today, so I can't tell you how much I appreciated the first paragraph. Where's that baseball bat!? Thank you for this! Up+

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Thank you so much, Sis, you are a special Lady and a friend. I believe in "keeping it simple." and also "balance." No one's life is ever all-perfect...nor can it be all-tragic......If one thinks that way, I suggest they're leaning way too far to one side....and we all know what happens then, don't we? Doesn't everybody know about gravity?? LOL

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

SFAM...Thank you..and of course, I "understand." We speak the same damned unusual language.....and Rosetta Stone doesn't sell the CD'S!!!!

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Angela Blair 4 years ago from Central Texas

This exceptional work brings to mind the old thing about "man can live (however long) without food and (however long) without water BUT he/she can't live three seconds without hope! You've said it all my dear and I'm sure there's not one of us that hasn't been there, is there now or will be there -- and may we all take your words to heart. Best/Sis

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Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

AMEN my Effer. I could go on, but you've said it all. Everything that I feel, think and believe. I'm moving on now and I have no regrets that I've left anything unsaid. I hope you'll understand that :))

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Wayne.....I fired my political adviser when I found Mr., you want to cause me to fire my Spiritual Adviser too! It's a done deal......When I got to the end of your wonderfully inspiring comment, I shouted "Amen!"...and scared the Hell out of

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Jaye....We don't make mistakes in a vacuum....and certainly not in a comfortable bubble.....

You may have looked back and wondered if you could have done something differently.......but, what kept you looking back for so long, was that you forgot to take that scenario to it's conclusion.......Whatever that "something different," may have been......there are no guarantees it may have better, are there? In fact, it could have been worse.

So, thank yourself for knowing when to cut your losses....and move on!

You did what was best for Jaye.....and she's the one you must live with forever.

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Thank you, Mr.Bill......A loss here, a loss there.....what's a little trouble, when we can arrive where we are today? it was rough.....but always walking smooth terrain, builds no strength and endurance. A mountain or 2 is a little tough, when we keep on falling backwards....but once we get the hang of climbing up that bitch....Look out! Peace. my pal.

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Martie, ...My astro-sister.....You 'wasted" no time, my love. You lived and learned...and you have the ultimate blessings in your became the wonderful, confident, brilliant woman you are, due to those "hard times." I HOPE you believe this with all your heart.

Oh..and Pssst......There is very little to learn from the "easy" parts of life, except that happiness feels good.....and we like it that way. Peace

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

mckbird......Absolutely we must maintain the foundation! Wise advice. Thank you.

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Hey is my pleasure to have been your guest. I surely couldn't ask to be included, with more wonderful people and fabulous writers. I'm honored....Peace

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Maria.....Being in your head feels comfy and if I promise to be real quiet...Shhhh.....can I just stay for a while? Thanks Maria....All that love, right back at ya, gf!

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Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas

You writing caused me to dwell on a mental exercise I do occasionally. I have several routes for getting to the office from originate from one particular intersection of two roads. Sometimes I go straight ahead and sometimes I turn right but I eventually arrive at the same destination. There are times that I find myself wondering as if drive straight ahead on a particular day as to how the day might have changed or the future for that matter if I had turned right instead of going straight. Life and its outcome hinge on a combination of so many factors coming together and our reaction to the many things thrust upon ripples in the pond water from a rock thrown into the water. It is difficult to say that one turn will make a significant difference...but it is easy to wonder if it would. Your points as to the child and their hopes are good ones. It emphasizes that we cannot give up on either hope or faith in our lives if we are to ever have a sense of fulfillment and contentment. As we age, there is a much greater opportunity for despair to enter our lives. Hope and faith are much harder to come by because what we hope for is far more complicated that a new, shiny, red bicycle. Still...we must hope for the best and do what we can to see it through; take each day one at a time, be thankful for it, make the most of it, and look forward to yet another tomorrow and all the possibilities. We only have one life and we only get to live it one way...the way we did it the first time! Excellent article...nice work, Paula. ~WB

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JayeWisdom 4 years ago from Deep South, USA

Paula....You are a very wise woman and a very talented one. I read this all the way through, then went back to the beginning and read it again to soak up all the words into my brain. So much wisdom is distilled in your prose, which, while profound, is also poetic.

I love the prayer of hope your loving dad gave you.

I must confess that I allowed myself "pity parties" at various tough times in my life, but I managed to keep most of them brief. Then, after watching a friend ruin her life by refusing to let go of a hurt, obsessing about it to the detriment of all else, I determined to let my past be just that--PAST.

Instead of looking back and wishing I'd done something different, I accepted my mistakes, bad judgment, lousy luck and "whatever" that happened--with my help or without it--along the way to where I was. I made up my mind to focus on the present and future. As you wrote--I turned the page. That decision was incredibly powerful and liberating.

Voted Up++++ and sharing.


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billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Paula, an exceptional collection of statements and thoughts. I lost hope once, and it almost killed me. It will never happen again my friend, nor will I ever spend another minute regretting the past. You said it all so much better than I can, so I'll shut up now. :)

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MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa

So true - those things we regret were actually exactly what we wanted to do/have at the time. So kick thy own ass, and as you've suggested, with a baseball bat... Lol! I have wasted so many years of my life doing exactly this. Never again. But you know, Paula, some people have to learn the hard way.

Excellent perspective on regrets and hope by my dearest fellow-Arian, Paula aka fpherj.... :)

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mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Each of our lives is a set of building blocks. We are the architects. Sometimes you have to go back and reinforce the foundation and then as you say it is best to keep moving forward.

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bravewarrior 4 years ago from Central Florida

Paula, what an awesome job you did on the perspective of regret and hope! Regret will kill your spirit, while hope is the driving force.

I love your dad's prayer. From what I have learned about you, you are living proof that the prayer indeed has power. You certainly light up my part of the world!

Thank you so much for joining us this month. You fell into Mickey's trap and lived! Tee hee!

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marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

OK, I have sufficiently collected myself...

Miss Paula...will you please:

#1...get the hell outta my head?

#2...never ever worry if you can keep up with us 'us really smart Perspectives"?

As ONJ would say...'I honestly love you' ...oh, and this too. M

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fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Kelly......I'm not at all surprised that a woman of your smarts and experience, has had this figured out, long ago!.......Sometimes, it's a b**ch

getting there......but, Hey, look....we're Here and goin strong!! Thank you so much Kelly......

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RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Paula you are not only a genius but also a supreme being.

I know what you mean and I have had hopes that were fulfilled and hopes that were never realized but if I look back I can tell you nothing ever just jumped into my lap. My own action or inaction had lots to do with filling my hope cup up!

Great hub!

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