Psoriasis-The Heartbreak Disease
When I had first noticed that I had psoriasis, I was twenty-nine years old. I am now forty-five and still trying to cope with it. It progressively got worse overtime with each flare-up. It sometimes goes away for months but it always comes back. I really like Einstein’s definition of insanity which is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. This is how I felt when I participated in a study. 50% percent of the people got the real medicated cream and the other fifty percent got fake cream. Well, I realized after 2 days that I had the fake cream but continued putting it on for the study’s sake.
Weekly, I had blood work done and got very little pay for participating but I did it anyway. They also took pictures of me every time which was very humbling for me. Finally, I told the nurses or technicians that I know this is not the real cream and I want to drop out, I was just about crying when I told them and asked them if the doctor could please give me a prescription for the cream I had normally used which didn’t always work either, but I had need something. They were very nice and accommodating. Even though now I don’t use any cream just because I know will always return, plus I am very lazy when it comes to medicine.
Britney Has Psoriasis
I have a severe case of psoriasis, the areas of my body that are affected are on my forehead, scalp, back of my neck, ears, back, breasts, stomach, groin, legs, arms and a little bit on my hands. How do I cope? Good question, sometimes I really don’t know. I am already prone to depression so a bad flare-up usually throws me into a spiral of depression. I work as a lab technician/phlebotomist and I have wanted to quit my job numerous times because of my condition but somehow keep going to work Monday to Friday. Every day I work with the public, I see approximately between 40-100 patients, and draw their blood along with my other lab duties. I have had to cut bangs to hide the spots on my forehead. I wear long sleeves to cover my arms (either a long-sleeved shirt or arm warmer thingy’s I made). I wear a cover up make-up on my hands after I wash and sanitize them and sometimes gloves. I can’t wear my hair up in a ponytail or clip because of the ones on my neck so I keep my long hair down. My boss allows me to wear my hair down because she is aware of my condition.
Sometimes if someone sees the lesions on my hands, they will ask “what is that?” and so I explain what it is and reassure them that it is not contagious. Even the most educated people have a look on their face like they will catch some contagious disease from me. You see it is very hard for me to work with the public because of this disorder. My self-confidence is low and this can get make me feel very sad. I sometimes wish that I could go live with the lepers on an island because maybe it was easier. I am married and sometimes think that I don’t want to be married because of my body. Although, my husband is very good about it all, I still think rather low of myself. I feel unattractive most times. There are flakes of skin that need to be swept off the bed and off the floor. I sweep them with pure disgust and sigh with a depressing sigh.
This Was My Skin
- Don't Lose Hope
- It Could Be Worse
- Be Relaxed
Here are some poems that I wrote and want to share about living with Psoriasis.
Pretty Paper Skin
Flakes falling ever so lightly
People watching so politely
Cheeks blush slightly
When remembered nightly
How long can I survive?
Work and thrive?
Is there somewhere to dive?
To hide or revive?
Meant to be this way
Crumbling like clay
The ideas the mind will play
While still in the mode of decay
Like snowfall is a sin
My skin flakes have been
A comfortable sort of kin
My pretty paper skin
Go Away Thoughts of Dying
Some think of it as leprosy
Others just say, “Let me see”
With strange looks on their faces
Ideas, cures, their mouth races
I’m so tired of hearing them
Information; not even a gem
A sigh not of relief but of condemn
Not sure when the anger stemmed
Hurting, wishing and crying
Hoping, scratching and sighing
Fake concern; I’m not buying
Go away thoughts of dying
Mixed up Thoughts
Only some tissue
“The skin and paper” re-issue
Am I making you more depressed?
Or bringing up feelings once repressed?
Sorry I just wanted you to join
I didn’t mean to be so annoying
Call me crazy for mind letting
Instead of blood, I’m a setting
In a story of finding peace
And waiting for sorrow to cease
Shedding of Feelings and Skin
My skin sheds but my sadness does not
my heart hurts from gashes of ugliness
Discouraged from the help I sought
I hide the scars and bloodiness
Do I still want to be married?
Do I still want to work in the public eye?
I keep pressing with feelings buried
I keep saying I will still try
Prayer is my only comfort
Writing is my friend
for junk and hurt
Waiting for a miraculous mend
Some Simple Advice
If you are reading this, I assume that you already suffer with the same condition and if you are like me, you are already tired of hearing of all the home remedies or diets that people tell you. Like “Did you try lotion?” “Oh gee, thanks I haven’t thought of that.” LOL. (As if plain, old lotions work). I suppose they mean well.
I have also had phototherapy and yes, it did work wonderfully in the beginning then it didn’t. I have one of the worst cases. Someone even told me it was a curse that someone put on me. It is a good thing that I am not into witchcraft or believe this.
My simple advice that I offer is not filled with cures and diet or home remedies, or all the facts from medical information that you already have read. You can find that with a simple Google search. My advice is dealing more with the emotional affects of this ungodly, ruthless disease.
1) Get angry and let it all come out. Not on your family or friends but rather in the form of a sport such as martial arts or boxing. Even just a weekly trip to a batting cage can be beneficial. I learned a long time ago and I may have read it somewhere that anger turned inwards turns into depression. I honestly believe that this can come out in the way of skin disorders, not to mention other health problems. I yell, scream and cry when I need to and this is a good healthy relief. Either way you need to have an outlet.
2) Try writing. Write down all the hate that is in your heart and the things that really piss you off. Just swear, rant, and rave all on paper. Then rip it up or burn it. I know this sounds crazy but it works.
3) Look good. This will make you feel better and make up for the less confident area. Manicures, pedicures, make up, a new hairstyle and some nice new clothes really help a lot.
Men can treat themselves as well to shaving and a nice hairstyle. Whiten your teeth. Great hygiene can go a long way.
4) Prayer or meditation. I have faith so I often pray and meditate. I ask God for the strength to deal with it and of course ask for healing. I am still waiting on answers but have been greatly blessed with the strength and peace to go on. Prayer helps or stops me from the wallowing of self-pity I often do.
That is some of my simple advice and although it is basic I hope you found it helpful.
It is now the end of October and I have been just about totally psoriasis free for nearly 5 months. What did I do different? This is what people who have clearings ask themselves. They think it might their diet or vitamins etc. Well, there are a number of things that I did and that I am still in the process of trying. I realize that psoriasis comes and goes in cycles. I am not totally aware of how the cycles work or what really triggers them, but my guess is an underlying stress. Most times it really is stress and this has also been stated also by some medical professionals. For me I know this seems to be true.
Kim Kardashian Has Psoriasis
Try to De-Stress Your Life
I tried really hard to de-stress my life as much as possible. My stress list was long. They are not in any order of severity. I had guilt from a divorce, although I am now remarried, this guilt and unresolved issues had affected me. I had the feeling of like a bad parent and just a bad person in general and it was eating away at me. Guilt is really bad for you. So please talk to someone or get some help if you have this. I had worried a lot about my children and their problems. They are grown, but this is what mothers do and they had many problems, big ones.
I also had some marriage problems and resentment toward my current spouse. I had issues at work, not with co-workers but just the heavy, busy work load. Stress, stress, stress, and these are only some of the things that I can think of, that were really stressing me out. I am sure you have a list as well and I encourage to you write it out. Lastly, of course the psoriasis itself was stressing me out, my self-confidence, depression, feelings of unattractiveness all of which I mentioned earlier.
So knowing that stress is huge trigger for psoriasis, what can we do to overcome it? Well here are some things that I did and had success with:
This is a website address for something I came across that was extremely interesting to me http://www.mindsync.com/lam/root.htm. It is about spiritually rooted diseases. For psoriasis it said that -Fear and anxiety coupled with self-hatred and rejection. There is an autoimmune component to it. The bible says there is no fear in love. If you hate yourself, fear comes. They struggle with their own identify and the body responds. I found this sort of interesting.
As of today my skin is beautifully clear. I had to go on sick leave and have several and on-going treatments of UVB narrowband phototherapy. When my sick leave time was over I decided not to go back to work so I gave my notice. I am presently unemployed but relaxed and will look for work in a couple of weeks. I will try to find something that doesn't require working with the public. Writing at home full-time would suit me fine but i don't know if the financial part would happen fast enough. We will see what good things will be happening.