Reasons Old Age Is Cool
Time Marches On
The passage of time can not be stopped. Everyone of us is getting older by the minute. Some are handling it much better the others. Personally, I'm beginning to see advantages to getting older.
I'm not ancient yet. but I am on the downhill slide of life. I've come to realize that it's not all that bad. Sure I'm a little sore here and there. I don't move as fast as I used to. However, old age has it's advantages. You just have to learn to use them in you favor.
Obviously, the older you become, the wiser you get. Well, most people anyway. There is always the exception to a rule. I'm always wishing I knew then what I know now.
Of course having this knowledge isn't a good thing if you can't pass it on. I do try, but a lot of today's youth just think they know it all. Come to think of it, I thought the same thing once. Since no one seems to value my knowledge, my goal is to live long enough to tell them, "I told you so!"
Old people get bathroom privileges. We get to go first due to our inability to hold it. We get to stay in a long time because our bowels are uncooperative. We can force a driver to pull over at anytime we see fit.We don't even have to flush because our memory is going.
Plus no one will ever walk in on you. No one wants to see a wrinkly old naked man. Not even his old wrinkly old wife.
We get discounts on a lot of things. A few restaurants have a special section on the menu just for us. We haven't felt that special since we were kids. Wish we could get a toy with our meal, like the kids.
The discounts aren't only in food. Hotels, airlines and a whole bunch of other things come at a discounted price. All you have to do is embrace your age and ask. So what if they proof you. Remember how cool it was to show your license the first time you legally went to a bar? Deja Vu man!
We are legal drug addicts. We can pop our pills in public. We can carry them in the open without fear of arrest. We can even shove them in the officer's face and sat' Ha Ha!". Of course that might be taking it to far, but we can do it.
The only problem we have is paying for them on a fixed income. Oh well, nothing in this world is perfect.
No Dress Code
We all know old people aren't fashion savvy. We can wear shorts, white socks and dress shoes, and get away with it. Polka dots and stripes go together when you reach a certain age. Been too embarrassed to wear a speedo at the beach? Guess what? You can now and no one will be shocked. Well shocked you did it. You will look shocking though .
The only thing you can't do is walk around naked. I guess that's why a lot of old people occupy the nudist colonies. Scarey stuff right there!
You can say anything you want. A lot af cruel things can be said and will be brushed aside. People simply won't argue with a grumpy old man. So go ahead, tell the X rated jokes. Tell everyone how you really feel. It's expected!
Another perk to getting old. You can hit on the young women. Warning, the 18 year old limit still applies! For some reason flirting with the younger women is considered cute. "If I was 20 years younger my dear," is a standard old man line.
Of course touching isn't wise. You have to remember that thier brothers or husbands are younger too. The can kick your butt without working up a sweat. Plus old people can still go to jail.
Speaking Of Jail
No one wants to ever go to prison. However, if you should to something stupid to get put there, the same rules apply. Old people are pretty much left alone in jail. Plus, if you should get a life sentence, it won't be long.
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