Reflections, digressions and poor digestion!

Source
Source

The first section of my novel

My reflection pulsated in the grimy mirror of the dirty toilets, my huge black eyes and glittering mouth blurred with the frosting of condensation.

I watched transfixed as I gurned, my jaw jutting defiantly whilst my eyes oozed with a languid liquid love only a person full to the gills with Ecstasy would understand. There was no other feeling like it in the world. There was no better place to be. Right here, right now...

Nothing else mattered, all the badness that oozed painfully from everyday life just floated away like a fluffy cloud in a cornflower blue sky.

Time stood stll, how long had I been here? Why had noone else come in?

I looked into the blurry mirror, had I asked those questions out loud or had she?

As I pondered these thoughts in my sguidgy warm brain, something happened, something that was to change my perception of life forever.

My reflection looked straight at me defiantly, right to my very core it seemed, then sneered with an evil leer, a nasty curl to her lip.

I looked again and I was back! Huge liquid eyes like a startled cow in an abattoir looking around myself wildly.

What the hell had just happened? Had anyone else seen this?

The voice seemed to emerge from the very depths of the ground...'You are going to wish that you'd never been born.'

Eyes bursting with fury, finger pointing accusingly... The intensity was terrifying....

I ran stumbling out of the toilets, into the throbbing mass of warm, moist bodies and the hypnotic throbbing bass of the music....

© Tara Carbery.

More by this Author


Comments 24 comments

diogenes 4 years ago

After being the biggest fuck-up, piss artist, coke hoover, pussy hound and general no-hoper for 30 years I found life to be just possible without any substances not classified as food, and non-alcoholic liquid in my system. That mirror do tell lies!

Bob


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Tara....How horrifying......my heart was pounding in fear and in pity. What a lonely and frightening world. Your description so real and dark, from the depths of your soul. You've told this while holding on to your sanity by a thread.........Voted.....outstanding......UP!!


Ghaelach 4 years ago

Morning Tara.

Great hub.

You could say I might have been one of those young men drivelling at the corner of his mouth with bleary eyes thinking about what he was going to do with you when he got you outside.

But those thoughts died as he slowly slides off his chair and ends up in a heap on the floor.

Ah! those where the days.

Take care.

LOL Ghaelach


Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Hi Bob, you and me both but not the 'pussy hound' bit! I thought it was a good starting point for my story as it really seems my life got progressively worse from that memorable point. Thanks for reading. Great to hear from you.


Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Effer, it was a terrifying experience and when I look back at where it all started to go wrong, I always recall that night. Thanks for the positive vote. Take care.


Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Good morning Grelach, mmmm, not quite sure how to respond to that one. I'm lost for words for once! I certainly had some messy, hedonistic times in my youth, some of it was great fun some not so much! Thanks for reading and commenting.


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Terrifyingly too real. This really hits home. Wouldn't ever want to find myself in such a situation. Too much of the hard stuff. lol


Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Hi Gypsy, yes! Far too much of the hard stuff! Nice to hear from you.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 4 years ago from Central Florida

I hope you have a different person looking you in the mirror today, Tara! I've been there, too. Thank God I grew up or I probably wouldn't be alive to leave this comment!


Redberry Sky profile image

Redberry Sky 4 years ago

I've been extremely lucky in some ways, I managed to avoid the worst when I was going through my young bacchanalia years. I've lost good friends to drugs though - heart attacks from whizz, suicide from pot psychosis, and some kind of permanent schizophrenia from E. You write so beautifully about such life-tearing experiences, Tara, I love reading your Hubs, even though they bring back bittersweet memories of friends I've lost. Onward and upward! You have a rare writing talent. Warm thoughts as always, Red x


Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Brave, yes, I'm definitely a different person today. Weirdly though, I don't regret most of my past as it made me who I am. I do regret some, notably, losing my job and not being able to ever Teach again. I need to move on but I don't think I'll ever get over it!


Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Hi red, thanks so much for your flattering comments. You've made me well chuffed! I'm convinced that I've been left a bit paranoid after all the E's I used to gobble. I was a real drug demon and never wanted the party to end. Like brave said, I'm lucky to be here! Take care Hun. X


leni sands profile image

leni sands 4 years ago from UK

Great start to you autobiographical novel, Tara, looking forward to reading more. Voted up.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Tara,

I think we all have that defining moment when we see how terribly wrong everything went after that moment.....I am so happy that you are with us now and on a good path.

I'm always here

bill


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 4 years ago from Central Florida

Our pasts make us who we are today, Peanut. Life is a series of stepping stones. Each step serves a purpose. As long as we learn and don't regret, we grow.


Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Thanks Leni. x


Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Hi Bill, I was deliberating for ages where the starting point of my novel should be, this seemed to be the right one. Thanks for all your support and friendship, it means a lot.


Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Brave, You are so right. I'm trying to view each stage of my life as a learning curve and not to wish it had never happened. Thanks so much for commenting again. Take care, Tara.


ImKarn23 profile image

ImKarn23 4 years ago

Life can be such a bad trip sometimes, dear! I'm so sorry about these dark days and can only suspect it gets worse before it gets better!

voting up and sharing out..

very engrossing..


Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Thanks Im, yes, it certainly gets worse but at least i'm here to tell the tale!


leni sands profile image

leni sands 4 years ago from UK

Voted up Interesting, Awesome and shared this one as well with fellow hubbers also pinned it! Pininterest!!


LeahMia8911 profile image

LeahMia8911 4 years ago

Absolutely engrossing! Couldn't stop reading! Very well written voted up!


Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

LeahMia8911. Thank you. I have written the second part and it should be on here tonight. Glad you enjoyed it.


Peanutritious profile image

Peanutritious 4 years ago from Cheshire, UK Author

Hi Leni, thanks for giving it a read and sharing:)

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working