We were so happy and so excited until that sad day...
I found out I was pregnant at the end of September. My husband and I weren't really trying to start a family, but we were happy to welcome a child into this world. I immediately started looking up healthy foods to encourage the fetus to grow healthy and strong. I also stopped taking medications (except for my thyroid medications) until I went to the Obstetrician. I was careful with everything I did. I tried not to overdo the exercise and took naps as needed.
I saw the Obstetrician for the first time on October 12th. I was scared but at the same time excited. My husband was holding my hand as he was looking at the ultrasound. I could tell he was as excited as I was.
The nurse told us that she couldn't see the fetus's heart beat yet and the size of the fetus was very small for me. At that time, according to my period, I should have been exactly 8 weeks. I saw the midwife who explained that my actual date of conception could have been about 10 days to 2 weeks after the last period. She told me that she wanted me to be on bed rest (as I had some light spotting) and not take any long trips. She wanted me to have some blood work done that day and then come back a couple of days later for more blood work to see if my pregnancy hormones were rising or not.
I went and had the blood work done a couple of days later. I then inquired about my previous lab work. At that time, they only had one lab result back and were waiting for the others. So the nurse told me to come back for my October 19th appointment and all of the lab results would be explained then.
When I came back for my October 19th appointment, the nurse did the ultrasound again. She took about 10 minutes looking for a heartbeat in the fetus but could not find one. She also compared the size of the fetus from the previous week to this size and confirmed that there had been no growth. She told us she was very sorry, but she could not see any kind of growth or a heartbeat. It didn't hit me then that I might have to have the pregnancy terminated. The nurse took us into an examining room so that we could wait for the doctor to come in and talk with us.
We waited for what seemed like 2 hours, but in reality, it was only about 45 minutes. The doctor was on call that day and she was running back and forth from the hospital and the office. When she came in she asked me how I was feeling. I told her that I was alright, feeling a bit nauseous and tired, but that was to be expected. She then dropped the bombshell on us. The baby was not growing at all from the previous week, the lab results showed that the pregnancy hormones had not increased significantly and that more than likely the fetus had died since there was no heartbeat at this stage. She said that it would be better for me to have the pregnancy terminated as it didn't seem like the fetus was going to be expelled by itself. She mentioned that she would like to do genetic testing on the fetus to see what was wrong and why it didn't grow. She also mentioned that since I have hypothyroidism, my thyroid hormones may not have been at the optimal levels for the baby to grow at the time of conception.
Both of us were devastated. I cried and cried. My husband has a hard time crying but I think I cried more than enough for the both of us. I know that decision was probably for the best, but it still hurts. I had the procedure done the day after the doctor's appointment. Since then, I have been physically alright, but emotionally hurt and feel like I am grieving for the loss of a loved one. I have been to a counselor because I was crying every night for that whole week. It helped, but I think I still need to heal.
I saw the doctor on October 26th. She asked me how I was doing. I told her I was physically alright but still emotionally a mess. She understood. She didn't have the results from the genetic testing back at that point but mentioned she would call me when she had something. She told me she wanted to do some more lab work once the pregnancy hormones go down in about 4 weeks to see if there are other problems. She told me to take rest this week and eat properly so that my body can heal both physically and emotionally.
I am still sad. If any of you have gone through something like this, how did you cope and what advice can you give me? Anything to help me heal is greatly appreciated. I need to move on but it feels like I am still stuck in a rut.
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