SOLITUDE: Alone Time for Yourself

Solitude

Let’s talk about solitude or alone time, the lack of which blocks our peace of mind and creativity in our over connected world. I’m talking about being alone because you choose to be, not about alienation, loneliness or feeling alone

Solitude is a wonderfully descriptive word, which evokes feeling of bliss, of time sliding by, waves of contentment washing over your being.

We admire the strength of independence, yet that enviable state of individuality cannot exist with alone time.

Solitude is the time alone needed to think, regroup, marshal our thoughts and rethink plans that are out of shape. Alone time finds solutions to our problems that could not be reached when the hurly burly noise and demands of everyday life interrupts our train of thought. We need alone time to rid the mind of excess.

How many times does the old saying, “Sleep on it”, work for you? I know it works a treat in my life, as the quiet time sifts through the problems and uncovers the solution.

So let’s unshackle any words of despair and emptiness that may surround the meaning of the word solitude and see it rather with new fresh eyes.

Welcome your solitude; cherish the quiet, the time to be alone with your thoughts, the time to dream, to drift away to calmer shores.

How much is too much Alone Time - How Stuff Works

The new ‘Socialism’


Do we allow ourselves to become incapable of living in the moment and instead use technological time-outs like the smart phone or computer? We need alone time, it is a necessary tonic in today's digital world.

We are constantly bombarded with electronic information; as we tap the keyboard, move from messages to the chat room to email to the rapid fire of the game screen. The cost being that our minds and bodies are so accessible; we become little soldiers, regulated by technology and its prevalence. We forget how to fully enjoy a connection and live in the moment.

We fear isolation in our over-connected world, yet solitude allows us to connect to others in a far richer way. We are connected in every way, wherever we are, up a mountain, in a forest we are always in touch. Yet, profoundly we are terminally out of touch. The need for constructive aloneness has gotten lost and in the process so have we.

Managing Stress

Stress and worry take huge chunks out of our lives both from a health perspective and the down time worrying about how to sort out that problem, handle that person, fit everything around that appointment and questions on managing our finances and meeting commitment?

Under stress you’re not breathing properly for a start; we tend to take short breaths from the top of our lungs, not a full breath that moves the diaphragm. We consciously have to think about calming down, taking deep breaths and focusing on what we are doing. Bring our thoughts back into line so we can react correctly to the problem and not just a gut reaction or over-reaction.

Often, when presented with a problem and asked for an opinion, sometimes it is difficult to give the correct advice off the top of your head. It may be better to say let me think about it, close you door if you can and just let yourself drift off. The solution inevitably comes to you, and quiet time was the source of your answer.

Solitude is required for the unconscious to process and unravel problems, to unearth original answers and emerge with new discoveries.

Finding Solitude

Being alone regulates and adjusts our lives, it teaches us fortitude, restores energy, it provides for our happiness and our will to be an individual. We need the time to engage with others, but alone time is an emotional breather, which enriches that time.

Watch people standing on the pavement or in a parking lot – loud talking, laughing, and music blaring. Then someone’s foot starts tapping to the rhythm and soon his body is moving in synchrony to the sounds, before long he is in his own world. A trance that is both engaged and disengaged from social connection as he regulates his alone time and attachment.

We have to experience alone time to realise we are capable of being alone, of being happy and confident in our own abilities. We don’t always need silence, we can be with someone or in a crowded room and just drift off into our inner to enjoy some alone time.

I relish the early morning, when I’m on my own, the house is still, the world is hushed and I am at peace with it. I watch the orange glow of sunrise, hear the birds begin to call each other and listen to the muffled sounds as the world awakens. This is the best time, one that fills me up, relaxes and readies me for whatever the day brings.

Sunset creates the same feelings as I watch and listen as the world around me begins to shut down, the distant murmur of traffic fades, the birds’ excited chatter quietens, the sounds of the neighbours’ lives calm down and the whisper quiet of the evening descends.

This time is not always available, as it is busy time, with my husband returning from work, my son coming in from his job or university. They talk about their day, we make supper, and then begin to withdraw from the turmoil of the day.

Quiet time comes much later, when everything is said and done, tomorrows’ preparations finished, and we lie in our beds awaiting sleep, natures’ way of ensuring solitude in the stillness of the night.

Alone Time with God - Our Daily Bread

Romantic Relationships


Romantic love and the strain on couples to be all things to each other is no less than the strain on people in all areas of society.

After the first phase of ecstatic togetherness, partners feel the need to find themselves. This is rarely understood as part of the process of carrying love past the initial over-involved stage. Having fun alone is not being unfaithful, it is an ordinary experience, and should be treated as such. The restlessness born from too little alone time becomes apparent, arguments ensue, and the anger may be the need for alone time asserting itself.

Alone times allow us to reflect and sort things out, not necessarily as a way to escape the bond although, through contemplation, we often forge stronger commitments.

We need to unshackle alone time from friendships and relationships, is should be part of the norm as it's necessary to mental health. The relief provided by reverie, contemplation and private time is inestimable.

Dan Gibson's Solitude and Natural Beauty

What Alone time offers


We know the most creative, innovative people are those who treasure their solitude and disconnect in order to navigate successfully through life.

The sudden insights, bubbles of imagination, growth in self-awareness, curiosity, and passion all evolve in solitude.

Aloneness is the protector of the human spirit, the sustenance in our health and the shine in our lives.

More by this Author


15 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

This was written about me, wasn't it? If I don't have my alone time I am worthless to everyone. It is crucial that I be allowed to go off by myself to regroup and contemplate. I'm with you all the way, Shelley.


CyberShelley profile image

CyberShelley 2 years ago Author

billybuc. LOL, yes I can imagine you needing your time, creatively it is like eating and breathing, essential. It certainly helps me to maintain my equilibrium and to relax. Thank you for stopping by!


manatita44 profile image

manatita44 2 years ago from london

Beautifully written, and covering a very powerful subject: Solitude. Thomas Merton was a contemplative monk. He enjoyed this a great deal.

You show the gifts of a great writer like some of us here on Hub Pages. I like the philosophy of your last sentence.

"Aloneness is the protector of the human spirit, the sustenance in our health and the shine in our lives." Much peace.


CyberShelley profile image

CyberShelley 2 years ago Author

manatita44, Thank you so much for visiting and for you uplifting comments, I really do appreciate it such a wonderful start to my day. I hope you day brings you joy.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 2 years ago from Wales

I agree 100% with bill's comment; I also need time alone and thank you for sharing this wonderful hub.

Eddy.


DDE profile image

DDE 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Great alone time one has to make the most alone time I like your ways.


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

I value my alone time as well, perhaps even more as I age.


CyberShelley profile image

CyberShelley 2 years ago Author

Eiddwen, Thank you for dropping in Eddy, and I'm so glad to see your name again!

DDE, Hi Devika, thank you for your comments as always.

FlourishAnyway, Thank you for stopping. I agree, I also value my alone time more the older I get.


travmaj profile image

travmaj 2 years ago from australia

I'm very fond of my 'alone' time - I see it as a time for regeneration - Solitude is important and necessary for all of us although sometimes we don't realise the value.. Very much enjoyed this article and I agree wholeheartedly.

Thank you for reminding us...


CyberShelley profile image

CyberShelley 2 years ago Author

travmaj, Thank you for reading my article. Our alone time is very precious and I thank you for reinforcing my article.


Anita Saran profile image

Anita Saran 2 years ago from Bangalore, India

I'm quite the hermit myself. Solitude is beautiful and I've known it a long time. Lovely, informative hub.


Kimberleyclarke profile image

Kimberleyclarke 2 years ago from England

Hello there CyberShelley! Just to say, I am an (adult!) only child, and I adore alone time. I need at least a day a week to spend entirely alone, or else I get extremely tired. My self imposed time in solitude helps me to charge my batteries, to get resilient and ready for the rest of my life. I never really thought about it too deeply, but since reading this, I know I'm on to a good thing. Cheers!


CyberShelley profile image

CyberShelley 2 years ago Author

Kimberleyclarke, You are definitely on to a good thing - it's precious time that perhaps only children understand better than other with three or four siblings. (Though I'd say they would really need alone time LOL)


wendyzijdel profile image

wendyzijdel 2 years ago from Lusaka, Zambia

Dear Shelley, thank you! I think solitude is a must for everyone, to connect to yourself, away from what other influences do to you. We get shuffled around so much by what other people and society projects what we should do, but which might not be what I as an individual actually need. Having discovered the replenishing atmosphere of solitude I go there so often, to be with myself, but also to process and go through my emotions, instead of muffling them away. Thank you for placing solitude as a healthy place to be in.


CyberShelley profile image

CyberShelley 2 years ago Author

wendyzijdel, Thank you for visiting Wendy and welcome to HubPages. Love your comment and 'muffling emotions away' - brilliant expression.

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