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Living Single

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Living Single

Single Female and Consequences

We live in a society that celebrates partnerships. A single person is often looked upon in pity. A single female who celebrates her choice of remaining single is looked at with doubt. I can only speak for females, since this is my gender. However, I have never heard negative comments regarding single bachelors. It seems to be accepted by our culture. It has taken me awhile to accept my own desire to live life as a single person. This is causing me to break new ground. There are not many women out there who are single by choice. Most of them are still looking for Mr. Right. My flirtation with the mystique of single living has been written about in my hub, http://reneeabbott.hubpages.com/hub/The-Mystique-of-Being-Single. This hub shows how I have arrived at a new frontier in my life.

As I have begun to dig deep into embracing my choice, I had to first wrestle with concepts that are widely distributed by society.

Concepts of being single

The Concepts of Being Single

The First Concept is You Will be Lonely:

Yes, there are moments that loneness enters the picture. This can occur for a few minutes or stay around for days on end. I lived a life as a married woman for twenty-nine years. It was difficult to go from that lifestyle to my current one. Because it was extremely difficult for me to adjust to widowhood, I did get myself involved again in several relationships. In looking back at this, I soon discovered that the key here though was remembering that there were moments and sometimes days that the feeling of loneness occurred while I was married or in those other relationships. Feeling lonely is not a by-product of living single. It occurs even when you are with others.

.There is a difference in being lonely and having occasional moment of missing a person. I have great memories, which are filed in a photo-book of my brain, along with memories of my childhood, college days and other events. In facing this fear that remaining single will lead me to feeling horrific amounts of loneness, I discovered that when I was feeling lonely it was because I have wrapped myself in boredom. Boredom is an area that can be changed. In my case using my creative mind would eliminate boredom. A significant partner does not do this.

The other part of lonely is sleeping alone. It is interesting how people cannot adjust to a person who enjoys having the bed to themselves. I am often asked, don’t you miss not sharing your bed with someone? There is an occasional night that this is miss, but not as a whole. There is a peace in going to bed when you are ready. The absence of snoring, or having the bedroom set up with this or not is refreshing. I enjoy sleeping with music all night, or falling to sleep with an audio book playing. This is my preference, and there is no need for compromise when you live alone.

Another concept about being single is you sit in front of the television eating microwaved dinners. You become a couch potato.

This concept does not fit in my life. Number one, I do not enjoy frozen bought dinners. I enjoy cooking, and will often freeze individual meals. I seldom watch television, because it doesn’t hold my attention. I enjoy a host of activities, which are done alone. You will seldom find me on the couch. Actually, I know of a lot of couples who spend their evenings watching television or fighting over the remote control. This would bore me considerably.

Then you have the concept, especially if you are single, that when you are going out, you are secretly looking for Mr. Right.

By all means the term hermit fits me well. Yes, I do go out with a group of friends a few times a month to eat, as well as other activities during the month, but I am happiest when alone at my condo. I go to places because I enjoy going there, not to meet someone. I cherish being single. This though does not seem to be a common denominator with other single females.

In sifting through these concepts, it occurred to me I do not know what it is like to be single as a permanent choice. There were no mentors that I knew personally who have chosen this. The women I knew who are single do so because they haven’t found Mr. Right yet. The key is they are hoping this status is temporary. How does a woman embrace living in this status forever? As I create my new identity for myself, all I could go by are those men that I have met, and who have stayed single by choice, without ever needing a live-in partner. As mentioned in my hub on the mystique of being single, they have always enticed me. They had a lifestyle that I deep down wanted, but it took me decades to admit this to myself, I am taking those parts of their life that I too wanted to experience into my daily life, which included creating my typical day.

Deciding to stay Single

Deciding to stay Single

This video is fun, though it does speak well on why some of us choose to remain single.

Great Reasons to stay Single

Great Reasons to stay Single

These reasons are fantastic. It does not mean we are uncaring people. We just know who we are and what we need to make our life wonderful.

Breaking Free of Concepts of being Single

Breaking through those bogus concepts

My typical day offers me the availability of creating to my hearts’ content. I do have a bit of structure. My home needs to be kept up, for living in sloppy quarters does not do my mind and emotions well. Though I am a retired profession psychic consultant, there are times that I do an occasional reading. I write blogs and put them on www.hubpages.com, so staying on top of this calls for structure. There are friends who I am involved with, and have obligations to them. However, my day is basically how I wish to call it. I stay up to the wee hours in the morning, and sleep very little. My days and nights are filled with activities that inspire me.

Besides my writing, I am educating myself more on Quantum Physics, and healing a physical aliment. I enjoy making collages, taking pictures and using Feng Shui. My blogging Hubs on Hub pages runs the gamut of romantic relationships, since I did have a successful one for 29 years, plus my 40+ years as a Professional reader. I also write on metaphysical subjects, so I do get my thirst of writing quenched daily.

There are activities with people who do not live near me, and they feed my philosophical needs. It would be nice to know other women who are pursuing this status as their lifestyle joyously, and I am sure I will. In the meantime, I am breaking new ground here for myself. By writing about it, maybe this will help those who are searching within themselves if remaining single might just be for them. I know it is for me. It might feel awkward, but it is so exciting. It is such a great way to live one’s life, and it does not mean you have to exclude a lover. It just means you are staying alone and living single by choice. I will continue to write on my adventure, the pluses and the downfalls. It is an adventure after all.

In the end I have busted through all these negative concepts of a single woman, and embrace my life. It has now become my sacred journey. My choices fit my eccentric self well. I am not hiding, or whining because I am alone. I love it. There are men in my life, who are great friends. Being single fits me like a glove. It provides what I have been seeking.

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Comments 9 comments

SidKemp profile image

SidKemp 3 years ago from Boca Raton, Florida (near Miami and Palm Beach)

I applaud and admire your choice, Renee. The hermetic life is understood by only a few people, whether single or married. You might look up Joan Halifax, a Roshi (Zen Master), who runs Upaya Zen Center in Santa Fe, NM. She made the choices to be single for life and celibate over 10 years ago. I remember her sharing the original choice, and much about her life is in public teaching, so you may find more recent material, as well.

On the creative side, you might check out Julia Cameron and The Artists Way. Ms. Cameron's work is not specifically oriented towards having no relationships, but does support it, and focuses on having no barriers in one's life to one's own flourishing in creativity.

The aloneness, or solitude, that is an essential part of the creative life and the spiritual life is rarely understood in our relationship-oriented society. But there are those of us who are living it.


Renee Abbott profile image

Renee Abbott 3 years ago from Arizona Author

Thanks Sid. I will look Roshi up, and I am familiar with Ms. Cameron's work. It is nice to have leads, and I thank you for this.


Renee Abbott profile image

Renee Abbott 3 years ago from Arizona Author

Sid, I did search on Joan Halifax. Thank you again, will be ordering a few of her books. She's seems to be a remarkable woman.


tuteramanda profile image

tuteramanda 3 years ago from beijing china

at least i read western society respect single women very much ,i am not sure whether is ture or not


Renee Abbott profile image

Renee Abbott 3 years ago from Arizona Author

Thanks Tuteramanda for replying. We do have more rights, yes, but respect I am not all that sure. There still some beliefs, especially being single that I have encountered in my life. I am not sure if it is because of my age, but my daughter has ran into this as well. Hard to say.


SidKemp profile image

SidKemp 3 years ago from Boca Raton, Florida (near Miami and Palm Beach)

Renee - I think you can listen to a lot of Joan's talks for free at www.upaya.org.


Renee Abbott profile image

Renee Abbott 3 years ago from Arizona Author

Great to know. Was going to look for her on You Tube, will look there too.


vibesites profile image

vibesites 3 years ago from United States

I am a single woman, living as a single woman, and although I'm getting old now I don't yet have the feel to need a partner. I love my life now as it is. I live in a country where being married or having a partner is prevalent, and being a single woman is either looked upon as you say with pity (or even contempt). But I just don't want to be dictated what society tells me. Thanks for your post, and relating your what your typical day goes like. :)


Renee Abbott profile image

Renee Abbott 3 years ago from Arizona Author

Vibesites, oh thank you for your comment. It is a great life living single, and am excited to meet another one who does enjoy it as well.

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