The narcissist personality and your sanity.

Narcissism

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Thoughts on narcissism

We all have moments of narcissism, I don't think it's entirely possible to always avoid the "ego driven" self, it's part of our humanity.

However, when you are dealing with a narcissistic personality disorder, you need to defend yourself, protect your heart, and avoid losing your temper, or worse, going insane! A narcissist can make you feel emotionally bankrupt.

How does someone get this way? Some claim it is the result of indiscriminate parental praise, or of parental rejection or coldness, or a combination of both, so they grow up over compensating as adults. If you have any curiosity about what a true narcissist is, take a look at a child. They define it perfectly. And I don't mean in a negative way, they are simply "me" focused, and the world revolves around them. Until they grow up, they only know how to take. Take resources, time, money, emotion etc...the unfortunate part of this, is that some children never "grow up".

You can still love a narcissist and their good qualities from a distance, while keeping yourself safe from emotional sickness.

Thought diagram of a narcissist

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Traits of a narcissist

Narcissists typically display most, sometimes all, of the following traits:

  • Exaggerating and bragging about achievements
  • Pretending to be more important than they actually are
  • Claiming expertise at many things
  • Promiscuous, charismatic, dramatic, charming, aggressive, assertive, extroverted
  • Admiration is their "drug of choice"
  • Lack of respect for boundaries
  • Obvious and chronic self-focus
  • Problems sustaining and maintaining relationships, but they are typically not bothered by this
  • Control freaks
  • Problems determining self from others, lack of boundaries
  • Lack of empathy or difficulty with it entirely
  • Lack of conscience
  • Unable to view the world outside of their own perspective
  • Flattering people who affirm and admire them
  • Detesting those that don't affirm or admire them
  • Hypersensitivity to insults and constructive criticism
  • More prone to display emotions of shame, rather than guilt
  • Contemptuous, egotistic, high-and-mighty, stuck up body language
  • Using other people for personal gain without care of consequences
  • Denial of gratitude and remorse

Who is vulnerable to a narcissist?

HSPs-Highly sensitive people and co-dependents.

What is the relationship like?

At first a relationship with a narcissist is fun, exciting, charming, and seductive. But usually by the 3rd or 4th month (if they bother to keep you around that long), you'll notice all those shiny qualities start wearing off, and their true personality begins to show. They become controlling, manipulative, and demanding.

On the inside, a narcissist is very insecure, and rather pathetic. Narcissists are professional Band-aids makers. They seek out your weaknesses (abandonment issues, self-image issues, etc.) and will change themselves into your personal savior. Whatever voids you have, they will fill. This all sounds fantastic but it is short-lived. Once you are "addicted" to them, they will tear off the Band-aid and leave you bleeding.

Breaking contact with a narcissist will feel like a roller coaster ride. Until they realize you cannot be dominated, controlled, or manipulated they will come back. Be prepared for niceness, phony apologies, promises of change, too downright verbal abuse, aggression and possible violence or destruction. Once they realize you are no longer controllable they will leave with little to no remorse, guilt or sadness.

Do you know a narcissist

Have you ever been involved with a narcissist?

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They're really NOT your friends

The first thing to keep in mind, it that a narcissist is not your friend. They will never be your friend. They over promise, promote, extort and use, and when you've served your purpose, they dump you. This could be anyone from a friend, co-worker, family member, or lover/companion. Never trick yourself into believing a narcissist cares about you. They want you to feel special so that when they need you, you'll respond accordingly, and fulfill their demands, while quickening their ego. Remember, feeding off of your emotions is their drug.

Shut them down

  1. Avoid narcissists when possible, don't even bother with them. Don't get mixed into their lives. One place they are easily spotted is at a bar!
  2. If you must deal with one, try to remind yourself of their positive traits. Although they have their faults, they can be very charming and charismatic. In order to gain the recognition they crave, they may be willing to make sacrifices to acquire what they want from others. Focusing on the positive aspects of their personality can make dealing with them easier.
  3. Never criticize a narcissist. Doing so could throw them into a rage. If you must criticize, present it as mild constructive praise.
  4. Do not have any inflated emotional expectations. By this I mean, do not go seeking compassion, or sympathy from them. They are not capable of giving it and it will most likely leave you feeling hurt, used and angry.
  5. Emotional distance is key and necessary to self preservation. If the relationship is of the romantic nature, the best and only solution is cease all contact, do not respond to them in any way, NO engagement what-so-ever.

© 2013 Rebecca

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Comments 12 comments

MysticMoonlight 3 years ago

Oh dear, seems the world is full of them! LOL Great article and information here.


DDE profile image

DDE 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Staying sane when dealing with a narcissist personality these kind of people can make one feel stressed out or feel unwanted in their group well suggested ways to deal with a narcissist.


Bishop55 profile image

Bishop55 3 years ago from USA Author

As always, thanks for your comments ladies! :)


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 3 years ago

I don't know any narcissists but it seems that they are people to avoid, according to your advice. It is such a pity they cannot see other's point of view.


Efficient Admin profile image

Efficient Admin 3 years ago from Charlotte, NC

Do you think it would be useful to tell a narcissist that "I don't like you and don't want any contact with you so stop your inappropriate abusive stalker harrassment?" I am having trouble like this now and trying to get this person completely out of my life. Unfortunately it's a toxic messy family member.


Bishop55 profile image

Bishop55 3 years ago from USA Author

No Efficient...it would be better for you to distance yourself. If you tell them what you've said, you'll see the narcissist rage. It's not pretty. Better to avoid if you cannot critique them in a way that comes off as a compliment. I know its frustrating, but save yourself the headache.


Efficient Admin profile image

Efficient Admin 3 years ago from Charlotte, NC

I am distanced and was going to put it in writing that the abusive stalking needs to stop and I am also saying to this person do not respond to me. I am letting them know that it will be public written notice that he better start leaving me alone. I have to do something to get the stalking and harassment to cease permanently. Otherwise this antagonistic behavior will continue. I am sorry to be a pest.


Bishop55 profile image

Bishop55 3 years ago from USA Author

You're not a pest! I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Is this a family member? Do you have anything recorded that you could take to your county? Possibly get a restraining order? It's just that usually responding to these types of people just makes them keep at it, they feed off of it.


angel115707 profile image

angel115707 2 years ago from Galveston, TX

by far the best hub I have read in a while! my X and an X co-worker are so this... it is painful, but yes, loving them at a distance is all that I can do, they are destructive and will never come to terms with it! Thank God you spoke out on it to give us wee folks a voice...a must share!


ologsinquito profile image

ologsinquito 2 years ago from USA

This is excellent and brilliant. I especially like the part about being a Band-aid maker. During the courting or honeymoon phase, they will try to provide everything you need. Because they read people so well, they know just what to do.


Bishop55 profile image

Bishop55 2 years ago from USA Author

Then you Ologsinquito for taking the time to read this and give me your feedback! I really appreciate it!


ologsinquito profile image

ologsinquito 2 years ago from USA

Thank you for reading and commenting as well.

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