Stillborn: My Little Angel Appeared in my Dream

One life touches my life, and that is my baby. Being a childless mother is the saddest part of me. Several months gone by but the pain in my heart keeps coming back.

It was on October 2010 when I lost my baby girl "Gwyn Earnestine" at 34 weeks of my pregnancy. Her umbilical cord wrap around her left wrist which caused her death. My hubby and I were very happy knowing that I was pregnant. We’re both excited considering it was my first pregnancy. Everything went so well. It was an easy pregnancy I can say, because my little girl inside my tummy never let me experienced nausea and vomiting as other woman usually feels. I stayed healthy all throughout my pregnancy until one day when I woke up early in the morning at around 3am for a routine call of nature; I felt something wrong at that moment. I saw lumps of blood came out, so I rushed to go to the hospital. My world was so devastated when the doctor told me that my baby girl has no signs of heartbeat. They rushed me to the ultrasound room and there he confirmed that my baby is dead. I cried and screamed while the doctor asking me some questions. I just gone for a checkup a day before and all results are fine, so I keep questioning myself, why. After few hours my stillborn was born. I cried and hoping that a miracle would happen. I want to die with my baby at that very moment. I prayed to take my life instead. My OB sedates me more doses right after delivery for I felt too much pain and my blood is not stopping, and when I woke up after few hours, my baby is no longer there. My little angel was brought directly by my family to home and buried the following day. I stayed in the hospital for few days. I haven’t had a chance to see and hold my baby for the first and last time. I only had pictures of her which I treasure for the rest of my life.

To cope with the loss of my baby is very difficult. I went through the grieving process and learned to accept everything. I went back to work to continue with my life, but I know that it will never be the same again. Three months later, my little angel appeared in my dream. I saw a dead body of a little girl surrounded with many people, it’s like they are rejoicing. They put some oil in her entire body and later she woke up. She was brought back to life. She was then walking…holding my late mother’s hand…crying…looking at me at a distance…trying to reach her hand to me. I was just standing still, watching her crying but I cannot go near towards her. And so I said to her “Baby, you just stay there”…and she keeps crying. Suddenly, I woke up from sleep and tears poured down from my eyes. I felt how sorry she was that she had to leave me early. It’s always heartbreaking for me every time I remember this dream. I just told myself that we have an angel in heaven who will always be ours.

See Also:

"How to Cope with Baby Loss"

"My Little Angel's Poem: Mama, Papa, Please don't Cry"

More by this Author


Comments 9 comments

Dovay Lee profile image

Dovay Lee 5 years ago from China

It is indeed sad that lost the child.


desertlab profile image

desertlab 5 years ago Author

Hi Dovay Lee, Yes it is. am still trying to cope.


Aamna Aamad profile image

Aamna Aamad 5 years ago from Pakistan

desertlab...i dont have words to express my grieves...i know how being childless is...i m married for four years but don't have a child yet...longing to have this gift.. every month me and my hubby expect and look forward for a miracle...when my dates are over due, i start praying but then its nothing...and we end up in tears....but then have hope.

dear me no doubt its a great loss but atleast you have had it once and will positively have another...dear the sooner u cope the better, though word can't help and for sure there is no compansation for the loss.


desertlab profile image

desertlab 5 years ago Author

Aamna, thanks for the kind words...I understand how you feel. God may test our patience, but He hears our heart's desire. Each one of us has its own trials and difficulties to undergo through...we just have to hang on and believe...it's difficult to recover for the loss I had, but I know time can heal...don't lose hope dear.


moneycop profile image

moneycop 5 years ago from JABALPUR

So cute..i love this story, even i had a dream would tell u.


bell du jour profile image

bell du jour 5 years ago from Ireland

Desertlab what a sad story, and so wonderfully told. My heart is with you.

Bell du jour


reikieffect profile image

reikieffect 4 years ago

Desertlab I'm sorry for your loss. God sent you a message that your baby is ok and she will be waiting for you. Remember that love doesn't know barriers; I loved your hub!


Tams R profile image

Tams R 4 years ago from Missouri

I appreciate your ability to tell your story. It is much sooner in the process than I was able to share my own. I too have seen my Brandon in dreams and only once was I able to touch him.

I guess it is a way our minds deal with the loss, but I always took it as a sign that I would see him again someday and that he is safe where he is.

I wish you well!


Fawntia profile image

Fawntia 20 months ago from San Francisco

I know that I am late in saying this, but I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing. I hope that you have healed since you wrote this Hub (as much as it is possible to heal from such a thing).

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