Suddenly Alone

Lonely sea
Lonely sea | Source

The Day My World Changed Forever

Here I am, one of those baby boomers that the news keeps talking about, approaching retirement. Every time I hear that I stop and think, wow! How did I get this old so fast?

It seems like yesterday I was a young woman starting out making a life for myself. I graduated from high school and thereafter, business school. Once I finished business school, i got married. I was so happy to have become an adult, making my own path in life and my own decisions.

Our History

My hubby and I met in 1966 and married in 1968. We were blessed with a son and daughter. I was a stay at home mom, as my hubby didn't want me to work outside the home. Back then, a lot of women didn't have to. My hubby was a blue collar worker, a machinist, making pretty decent money for the time. One day he decided he was tired of it all, and wanted to see how the other side lived, so he pursued the white collar profession. He was very successful at it, and had just gotten hired as a manager in a large pharmaceutical firm. He couldn't have been happier.

The Day I'll Never Forget

One weekend, on a Sunday, he decided to go out fishing on his boat. I packed his lunch and sent him out for a day of fishing.

Around 4 pm, I received a phone call from a medical center, saying to me, please come to the hospital, there's been an accident. I froze, dropped the phone, and ran out of the house, hopped in my car and flew to the hospital. On the way there, mind racing, I suddenly knew,,,,,and started crying while driving like a maniac through the rain.

I arrived at the hospital and the nurse led me to where my hubby was, saying to me all the while, they worked on him a long time,,,,,in that instant my fears were realized. He was gone. They had to carry me out of there. The rest is a blur. I do not remember getting home. I knew phone calls had to be made. My hubby had just been in his new job only about three months, and I had to call them to say he wouldn't be in on Monday. They asked, is he sick? I had to say no, he lost his life in an accident. The silence on the other end was deafening. He was only three days shy of 37 yrs old. We had 20 yrs together, for which I was certainly grateful.

I had to tell my children, that was the hardest part of all. Some member of my extended family made all the calls to the rest of our family and friends His funeral was phenomenal. There was a constant flow of mourners. At each viewing it was pretty much standing room only. My husband was very much loved and painfully missed..

The Aftermath

So, here I was, 37 yrs old, two children aged 15 and 17 at the time, all alone. Somehow we got through it all, time began to pass. The pain lessened, but the impact lasts forever, along with the memories.

It is true, even after the death of a spouse, life does go on, the world doesn't stop just because your world has ended as you knew it. Since my husband's passing, I have had many lessons along the way, and have remained single. There did come a point when it hit me, oh no, do I have to learn how to date again? Do I even want to? The thought was so foreign, after all, I was used to running around the house with no makeup or not shaving if I didn't want to. and I thought, geeze, what's the dating scene all about at this age? Not only was it shocking to me, but it presented a new version of my world that not only I would have to get used to but so would my children and extended family.

So, I have reached a point in my life where I am perfectly content to stay single. I no longer feel the need to have a marriage or significant other. My life is filled with my work, my children, grandchildren, and very dear friends. When these folks aren't around, I have my two kitties keeping me company.

Carrying On

The memories are always there, and it is true that nobody ever dies. They do live in your heart forever. I have a plaque that hangs in my room that says 'God gave us memories so we can gather flowers in the winter'. I love it and it reminds me, yes, He certainly is right.

For those of you out there who have experienced this, I say to you, cherish what was, embrace what comes. You were blessed to have had that loved one in your life, for however long. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, so please, carpe diem! There are a lot of cliches out there that people say when you lose a loved one, and I won't bore you with them, but they are said because, as I have found, they are true and they do help.

So, tell your loved ones every day, in some fashion or other, not only how much you love them, but why. You never know when you will never again have that opportunity.  Little did I know that the day he walked out to go fishing, there went my life.

Alone on a Pier

photo by CathyK @ sxc.hu
photo by CathyK @ sxc.hu

Comments 145 comments

Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 8 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, my friend. I believe you have helped and will continue to help many people by speaking and writing your reflections and learnings.

I wish your "winter bouquet" to be always filled with love, comfort, and affirmation. :)


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Thanks, dearest friend. As you well know, you are an integral part of my bouquet :)

ly,

Patty


robie2 profile image

robie2 8 years ago from Central New Jersey

Thanks so much for sharing this very personal slice of life. My story is similar but different. I was not suddenly widowed, but suddenly divorced after a long marriage. It was a terrible shock at first and required a total re-allignment of "me" on every level. But now, like you I have a full and wonderful new life and really love "flying solo". I no longer have anyone else to blame when I lose my car keys:-)... which has taught me a lot about myself and the world and that has been a very good thing. I love the very intimate tone of your hubs and your courage in parting your personal curtains for us all.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Robie, thanks so much for your kind words. I'm sorry for your loss. The ones I find so defining in our lives are the ones that 'blindside' us. It stops us dead in our tracks, and causes us to sort of take an inventory of where our life is, and where we want it to go.

This hub started out with something a bit different, but as I wrote, this is the result.  I'm still trying to find a balance in the things I write about, but sometimes finding myself heading in one direction.  It is good to share, however, and if it helps just one person along the way, it was worth writing :)

Thanks again,

Patty


Zsuzsy Bee profile image

Zsuzsy Bee 8 years ago from Ontario/Canada

It never stops to amaze me of how different we all are, in different locations and different stages of life, and yet we're still all the same. We all hurt when we loose someone we love. We all feel the 'empty' crawl in....and we all need to fight our way out of the doldrums.

We need to form a club I think

Patty great HUB regards Zsuzsy


Lily Oceanna profile image

Lily Oceanna 8 years ago from NC

This made me cry. You seem to understand the way life works. God has given you a great gift to inspire others...which you certainly have done. I'm deeply sorry for your loss.


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 8 years ago from North America

I remember when skating Olympic Gold Medalist Katrina Gordeeva's husband and partner died suddenly on the ice,  leaving her after having helped train her from about 11 years old and marrying her as an adult and having a child with her. When she came back to the ice in a show with the other skaters, she ended the evening by the audience just what you have expressed about daily appreciation of those one loves.

I am glad to hear the story of how you have lived onward.  Be blessed and continue to love,

Patty


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Zsuzsy, I believe, whether we realize it or not, that we all are connected somehow, some more than others. I do like the idea of a club however,,,a club of loving, caring people. So, we are different, but not. It's like when people show prejudice, nothing irritates me more, because, as you and I see, we all experience the same feelings, emotions, thoughts. Some just choose to take the wrong approach, or, perhaps they never learned.

Lily, thanks so much for your lovely words. I didn't intend for this to make people cry, but it astounds me that I can elicit that kind of reaction. You sound so much like me, very sentimental in nature. I am flattered.

Patty, thanks for reminding me of that very sad incident. It too, broke my heart. Often, and I think it's just human nature, that belief that somehow we are immortal lives in all of us, so of course, we never expect to experience this kind of loss, because more commonly children lose their parents first. And, I think when it does happen, the law of survival kicks in, and we go on 'autopilot' for a period of time. It can be weeks, months or even years, but one day, we realize we've made it through.

Thank you all for your lovely comments, glad you enjoyed my hub. Bless you all,

Patty


stephhicks68 profile image

stephhicks68 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

Oh my goodness! I cannot even imagine! Thank you for a wonderful hub and sharing your deep, personal experience. I am 39 and have 4 young kids. If I was to be left suddenly alone to raise them.... Oh dear. I just don't know. Bless you, and glad to hear that you have grandchildren and kitties in your life. :-) Steph


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Steph,

Yes, I agree. It is a totally foreign idea that something like this could ever happen to you. I remember thinking, this wasn't part of my life's plan. We were supposed to grow old together, and retire on an island somewhere. He would fish his days away and well, I'd just eat coconuts and get really fat LOL,,,but as you see, life can throw you a curve ball. In fact, even when it happened, it was so shocking that my brain just sorta shut down because I had to carry on for my children. It didn't allow me to feel the total impact immediately, so I was able, somehow, to function, more like a robot, I would guess, and get whatever had to be done, done. I also know, a tragedy like this can and does put some people over the edge, never to totally recover, and, I'm not saying I was some kind of superhero, I was just fortunate enough to somehow find the strength to get through it all.

thanks so much for writing,

Patty


Rarejewel 8 years ago

Thanks so much for this and for reaching out to me in my time of need.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

You are very welcome. God bless,,

Patty


NightShift 8 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

Thank you for the hub. It was so personal and I know it rings a bell on a lot of us. Some of us just don't have the courage to pour it through, like you did.

As of now, I like the idea of being incognito. But somehow, someday, the mask will just drop off.


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

In all our togetherness with our partners, some of us are able to maintain or find again, the center or core of our "self." You did that...and others can...and it is good to learn from those who have.

thanks for the sensitive "peek" into your life's window. Marisue


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Nightshift, thank you for your kind words. It's coming up on 22 yrs since my loss, and I don't know that I could have written about it before now, in this setting. You will know when it feels right, and the words will come. Being 'incognito' is fine, and if it helps, perhaps you can try writing it at home without publishing it. For me, it helps getting my thoughts down on paper, published or otherwise. That may be all you need to get your feelings out. We sometimes don't need an audience for out innermost thoughts..and trust me, the ones you've loved and lost will know how you feel whether you write about it or not :)

Thanks for commenting,,it is much appreciated.

Marisue,

I don't know that there is any 'teaching' I've done, all I've done is share my thoughts and experience with my loss. It isn't a 'lesson' per se,,,,but if I have helped someone relate to these feelings in ways they couldn't before, then I am grateful to have been the vehicle for that.

You're welcome for the 'peek' :)

Patty


In The Doghouse profile image

In The Doghouse 8 years ago from California

Trish1048,

Thank you for sharing that most intimate part of your life with us. I am sure you have heard every consoling remark there is known to man, but in an attempt at true sincerity, I can only say, "I am sorry." That was a hard pill to swallow, and it seems that you have been rewarded for your will to continue on in this life and not become bitter. My belief is that you will be eternally rewarded as well, for life does not end with this one, and there is one who is waiting on the other side of this veiled existence that will welcome you home with open arms. (actually I am sure more than one!) Thank you for your willingness to share this experience, for I have been lifted and I know it has lifted many others, whether they will comment on it or not. Each who have read the experience have been touched in a very profound way... of that I am sure.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

InTheDoghouse,

You're very welcome, and I'm glad this hub has given people even a miniscule bit of 'uplifting'. When I started this, as I mentioned earlier, it wasn't intended to be so personal, it's just the way it turned out. However, the majority of the human race has suffered a loss at some point or other, and once the words came, I just let it flow. And yes, there are many consoling things to be said, and you know what? Even if you've heard them a hundred times, they do help, and little by little the healing process begins. Even after almost 22 years, I'm still realizing how blessed I was to be surrounded by family and friends during that awful time.

Thanks so much for writing,

Patty


Nikster profile image

Nikster 8 years ago

Patty - thank you for directing me to your page. That is beautiful and oh so true. Thank you for sharing!

Nikster


dhoosier profile image

dhoosier 8 years ago from Shelton Washington

Patty, thanks for telling me of your hub. We all have hardships in life,I admit I cant imagine what it must be like to lose your spouse. I have been married 26 years now, My wife has had a kidney transplant and many other troubles,but she is still with me. I worry about her all the time, I have been with her since I was 20, God bless and once again I thank you.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Nicole, you are very welcome. I hope it helped!

dhoosier,, it is someplace not nice to be, but sadly, sooner or later we all have to go thru it, some sooner than others. Be grateful for the love you have, it will carry you forward even if the unthinkable happens. I met my hubby at 17, married at 20, and lost him 20 yrs later, so I was fortunate to even have had that much time with him. He gave me two beautiful children, who are my reason for being, along with the grandchildren.

You're welcome, thanks so much for reading my hub.

Patty


commentonthis7 profile image

commentonthis7 8 years ago

 Great hub with 3 children of my own i don't know what i would do God Bless


Bonnie Ramsey profile image

Bonnie Ramsey 8 years ago from United States

This is a heartbreaking yet inspiring hub. I agree that you never know how long you or your loved ones have here on this earth and it is so very important to make the best of any time God blesses you with thoses you love. I wish you all the best and pray that you will be blessed in a very special way.

Bonnie


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Commentonthis,

I know the idea of losing someone is unfathomable, as we all are guilty of thinking we are immortal. It's one thing to know someone is dying of an illness but to lose them to other external causes in the blink of an eye, well,,,what can I say, Just know, no matter what, you will get through it. Thanks for your comment.

Patty


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Bonnie,

I think it's human nature to sort of take things for granted.  'Oh, it's late, I'll call tomorrow', or 'we should get together this weekend, but wait, I have a hair appointment and cleaning to do',,,,,so many pieces of our lives taking up our time, that we forget there are much more important things to do, such as take a ride with the family for an ice cream, skip the nail appointment to meet a friend for dinner, put off cleaning out that closet so you can have an uninterrupted hour to talk to a friend.  The list goes on and on. 

Thank you for your kind wishes,

Patty

PS: I certainly was blessed when my best friend told me about hubpages, I am finding this extremely rewarding :)


rsrring 8 years ago from Michigan

Your personal story has seemed to touch many of us already. Thank you for sharing it. We can all learn a life lesson.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

rsrring,,,

Yes, I can see that it has, and I am really glad I decided to publish it. I wasn't sure what kind of reaction, if any, I would get. For some, this type of story is too painful to even read. The pain runs deep, that I can attest to. But, in time, one baby step at a time, we can get through it.

Thanks so much for your kind words,

Patty


flread45 profile image

flread45 8 years ago from Montana

Being married 44 years,I can imagine my spouse or me will be going through this one day.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hello firead,

Yes, sad to say, none of us get out alive. That's why it is so terribly important to cherish what you have, make each day a blessing, and just carry on.

Thanks so much for your comment,

Patty


jboland profile image

jboland 8 years ago from Chico, CA

That was a very poignant story. I'm sorry for your loss. You seem to have processed it well, and it's made you a stronger person. I was watching a video by Wayne Dyer a couple of days ago, your story reminded me of what he calls a "no-limit person" Thank you for the inspiration.


grill'n guy profile image

grill'n guy 8 years ago from San Diego

Your story was so inspirational I sent it on to a friend who lost her husband in 2004. Over the years, nine persons close to me have suddenly lost their spouse. In eight of these situations I have watched as the survivor grieved, rebuilt their life and grew stronger just as you did. I was amazed each time because the depth of their loss just seemed so incredible to me. This most recent woman was afraid to be alone and jumped into a terrible "transitional" relationship which ended about five monthes ago. We're just home from spending four days in Vegas with her and after we parted at the airport yesterday, both my wife and I observed that she is clearly more comfortable with herself and with being alone. I am sure she can gain additional strength from your Hub. Thanks for sharing.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

hi jboland,

Thanks for the kind words. I've never heard of Wayne Dyer, and I'd be curious to know just what a 'no-limit' person is.

I'm glad I was able to inspire,,,

Patty


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

hi grill'n guy,

Wow, I'm flattered!

9 people, that's a lot to have personal knowledge of. And it's all so very sad, but I'm certainly glad to hear that they were able to persevere and carry on. We need to give more credit to the human spirit. It truly is amazing, and sometimes even a miracle, that people can and do survive tragic things.

Please, let me know if my writing was any help to your friend. Thanks so much for writing,

Patty


blush48 profile image

blush48 8 years ago from Virginia

Your story and mine are so closely the same. I was married in '67, had 2 kids, stayed home to raise them, yada, yada, yada. When I was 36 and my kids were 15 and 13, my husband said "bye bye!" He not only dropped out of my life, but also my kids' lives. I don't mean to trivialize it, but this experience was sooo close to a death. All of a sudden, I was on my own, raising two kids and running them to all their activities by myself.

Like you, I didn't see dating as an option. And I've accepted living on my own and alone. Maybe it has something to do with the times we grew up in - - - I don't know. Maybe it's because at this point in my life - - I'M NOT SHARING MY CLOSET!!! I need all the space for MY clothes!

Thanks, Trish. I look forward to reading more of your writing.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Blush48,,,,

Wow, you're not kidding! The only difference is, you can see your hubby if you so choose, (but from the sound of your comments, I doubt you'd want to lol),,,,but I can no longer see mine. And so life goes,,

Seriously, I'm sorry you had to go through that, but see? you came out the other side a stronger person. I had a similar experience many years after my hubby was gone, long story, perhaps another hub, or not, but I met a guy online, talked to him for 2 yrs before meeting, met finally, fell 'in love', he moved in for 2 years.

Came home one day from work to find him gone, bag and baggage, no note, nothing. Seems we all share the same kinds of problems, issues, but hopefully, we also learn along the way.

Glad you could relate to my writing, and thanks for stopping by!

Patty


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

Maybe "no-limit" means they just keep on keepin' on. mmhm?

Marisue


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

I really don't know, but that sounds good lol,,,

Patty


desert blondie profile image

desert blondie 8 years ago from Palm trees, swimming pools, lots of sand, lots of sunscreen

My father, at age 40, married his second wife who was 24. Despite that age difference they were so great together! He died of a fast acting, rare, cancer when she was 39 years old! Those of us that loved him and loved her, didn't even know how "to be" in a world where she was a widow at 39, or that he was gone from us so quickly at 54. BUT, she just married again at 61! After more than 20 years single! How odd life can be! So tragic, so normal, so lovely. Best to you!


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi,

Losing a loved one is always sad, sometimes tragic. My guess would be that we all pray to go in our sleep when our time comes, but unfortunately life, or death, isn't like that. There's comfort sometimes in knowing your life as you know it is drawing to an end. It gives you and your loved ones time to process what's to come, yet for others, a swift end can also be a blessing, because in the case of disease, there's little time to suffer. However, it can shock your whole system, in the case of accidental death. So unprepared for, so unexpected. Everyone handles dying differently, some go on to be stronger, others never stop grieving.

The mysteries of life, and death,,as you said, both tragic and normal.

Thanks for stopping by and sharing your comments,

Patty


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

Patty, you are one "Bounce Back!" woman.  I admire your inner strength...I just now read your comment on the person you met that just up and left...he had hidden issues -- you couldn't have known.  Sometimes people are very good at hiding from others and even themselves.  But, I'm sure that was painful for you...he lost a lot when he walked...=)  and you still have you..so you are the winner!! 

BTW, I love the cat pic. I am an animal lover and 2 of the ones I especially love are cats, dogs, and birds (0 that makes 3 ...let's see 1 and 1 and 1 yep 3 LOL) I will have to tell you a bird or two story...see my next HUB coming up about JACK SPRAT (our bird) =)


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Marisue,

Thanks for your kind comments. This cat is my 'middle child', she's about 5 yrs old, and she is curled up in the bathroom sink. My daughter (who happens to live with me) has a sun conure, cute little parrot, who LOVES to NOT stay in her cage. I was hesitant about having a bird because of my 3 cats. Turns out they all get along, the cats could care less lol,,,,

If I can ever get a shot of my 3 cats together, (fat chance) I'll put that one up.

Thanks again for writing,

Patty


RUTHIE17 8 years ago

Trish--just found your Hub.  I send you my sympathies for a loss that never completely goes away, just lessens.  I think you didn't really become strong because of what you had to go through--that just brought it to the forefront.  I would bet that you've always had the strength of will and character inside you to see you through your troubles and all you had to do in the end was make a deceision to be the strong person you secretly knew yourself to be in your heart for your kids and yourself.  Women are so much stronger and more resilent than they give themselves credit for.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Ruthie,

You're right. As the years go on, I find myself telling my daughter the same thing. My granddaughter had to have surgery last year, and my daughter got through it a lot better than she thought she would. I told her then, exactly what you said, that we are stronger than we realize. This is not to say we aren't a wreck when we are going throuh it lol, but we certainly come out the other side a more confident person.

Thanks so much for stopping by and your kind comments,

Patty


solarshingles profile image

solarshingles 8 years ago from london

Patty, thank you very much! That was so touching...it is so easy to see, how very similar are our life stories. You are quite a hero, that you have shared you intimate moments with us, here. Thanks!


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Solarshingles,

I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm a hero lol,,but thank you. I'm sure many people have had similar experiences, probably some worse than mine.

Thank you for your kind comments,

Patty


patty56 8 years ago

Oh,wow.Sad. My sissy lost her hubby years ago to cancer. He was 50. She was 48. You are lucky you have your kids, she never did, but she has her puppies.

One day, when we all go home to meet our maker, we'll be together again.

And I do believe that you are entwined, your souls, forever when married, and again, one day you will be together forever in heaven.

God Bless

Patty


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Patty,

I'm sorry to hear of your sister's loss. And you're right. There's a bond between a husband and wife that can never be broken, even after death. I sometimes wonder if mine was taken quickly because maybe I couldn't have handled a long, lingering death. My parents both died of cancer, and although they suffered, I got through it simply because that's the way life is 'supposed' to happen, the parents are supposed to go first, so you kind of expect it. Not that it was any less painful.

Thanks for your kind words,

Patty


funnebone profile image

funnebone 8 years ago from Philadelphia Pa

Oh you aren't alone...I am here with you...


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi funnebone,

Thanks for the support and stopping by.

Patty


Veronica profile image

Veronica 8 years ago from NY

This is a beautiful article. thank you so ver much for sharing it.

My husband has been in several very bad accidents at work. A couple years ago he had to be air lifted my medivac and helicoptered to an emergency room, after having fallen into a foundation during a pour. He broke his shoulder, lost consciouness, and the concrete kept pouring and covered him. I'm happy to let you know he's fine. But that night on that frantic drive to the hospital without knowing any facts of his condition, like you had that feeling of just knowing, I just knew he was ok. I can't explain it. I just knew he was still here. It's kind of an amazing thing. I was still wildly upset, but I knew, I just knew, he wasn't gone. It's weird to tell you this, but it was both one of the worst, and one of the best feelings I have ever had.

I'm glad you have your family and kitties and friends around you. You certainly aren't alone.

Namaste,

Veronica


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Wow! how very lucky you both were! Isn't that amazing, how when something bad happens, you 'know' what the outcome is? In both our cases, we were right.

Has he ever considered another line of work? I think I would be looking if I were in his shoes. My son works for a concrete company, and I never stop to think just how dangerous that line of work can be. He isn't hands on much anymore because they made him a manager now, but every once in a while he has to go out and get the job done.

Thanks for reading my hub and your kind words,

Patty


evemurphy profile image

evemurphy 8 years ago from Ottawa

Thanks for such a wonderfully touching and sensitively written page.

I wish you all the happiness and peace that you can have in your 'vocation' of singleness.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Eve,

Thank you so much for your kind words,,,I had a different idea when I started writing this, but this is how it came out, and I'm glad it did. It seems to be my best hub so far, as it seems to have 'touched' a lot of people.

Thanks for stopping by,

Patty


acemary 8 years ago from Mass

Hi Trish,

I am so very happy and proud of you for seing life the way you do, you are totally right. Its great to cherish the love that you had,at least you had it and it was great and powerfull and meaningful, look at all those around that marry in love and end up being hurt or cheated on. What you had was a wunderful thing, specially the part where you didnt have to shave! Hehe! Hubby is alive and well in your heart and you can see him every day in the eyes and smiles of your children!


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

hi acemary,

Thank you so much. I realize I was very fortunate to have had him in my life. My only wish is of course is that he was here to see his granddaughter. She is a total joy and he would have loved her to pieces. But, I'm sure he knows and is watching :)

Thanks so much for stopping by,

Trish


lancedimetri profile image

lancedimetri 8 years ago from Philippines

trish, it is on loosing we gain...gaining stregth, the courage to continue to live for the the ones who just left us. Seeing us weak may only make them worry in the other end. And as always, when anyone goes, someone replaces...


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi lancedimetri,

It is not only living on for the ones who left, but to also be here for the others left behind. While it is true that someone physically replaces the one lost, in presence only, the one lost is never truly lost as long as they live in your heart. Everyone is unique, so in that sense, a person can never be replaced. Though everyone has thoughts, feelings and emotions that are similar, there will never be another like you or I, each with our own reality, perceptions and uniqueness

Also, when we are fortunate to have known love, shared love, that too is never lost forever. We have our memories that let us know, yes, we are worthy of love. Just because a relationship doesn't work out and it seems like the end of the world, it truly isn't. It is just part of living, growing and learning. Some handle loss better than others, but you can get through it.

Thanks so much for reading this hub and commenting,

Trish


William F. Torpey profile image

William F. Torpey 8 years ago from South Valley Stream, N.Y.

Trish, your well-written story offers inspiration to me and to all others who have lost a spouse. Personally, I don't think I could write so openly about my experience, but a friend of mine, Linda Palucci, kept a diary and has written an ebook about the loss of her husband and its aftermath, which I have written a hub about. I have linked to your hub from the one I published here called "Surviving the Death of a Spouse." Like you, Linda has opened her heart for all to see.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi William,

I don't know what inspired me to write the story, no doubt just a memory that got stirred up.  After writing it I questioned whether it was suitable for hubpages.  I conferred with my best friend and she said if you feel you want to, go ahead.  I'm very glad I did, as you can see from all the comments, it's touched a lot of people.  I believe sharing ones thoughts about something somewhat personal can help many people who share the same experience.  Let's face it, after all, we all will experience loss of one kind or another throughout our lifetimes.  If telling my story helps but one person, it was worth publishing.

I am very flattered you linked my story to your story about your friend, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting, and I hope you draw strength from these personal stories.


William F. Torpey profile image

William F. Torpey 8 years ago from South Valley Stream, N.Y.

Thank you, Trish. It's my pleasure.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

You are very very welcome, William :)


Yvonne McDonough profile image

Yvonne McDonough 8 years ago from ENGLAND

your hub caught my eye because my husband died of cancer 3rd june 4 months ago almost so it was nice to read this , because i related so much to what you thought


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Yvonne,

I'm very sorry for your loss.  I hope this hub in some way helps you to cope.  All I can say is a very tired old sentence, and that is, it really does get better eventually.  In addition to my hubby, I've lost the majority of my aunts and uncles along with my mom and dad, so I know the road you're currently traveling.

My prayers go out to you.  Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting, and welcome to hubpages :)


Dorsi profile image

Dorsi 8 years ago from The San Francisco Bay Area

Your beautiful story brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful spirit you have. When my parents died a few years ago I experienced true grief - something foreign to me then. I can only imagine what that would be like to be your spouse.

Thanks for sharing.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Dorsi,

My heart goes out to you. I also lost my parents many years ago, so pretty much all I have left are an aunt, my brother and a zillion cousins (aside from my kids).

The first loss through death I experienced was at age 17, when I lost my grandmother. My grandfather died five years later. Needless to say, I miss them all. I hope you're well on your way to acceptance, if you're not there already. And to repeat myself, those we lose really never die as long as they live in our hearts.

You're welcome, and thanks so much for commenting.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Hi Trish you sound like you have got your life together pretty well after your sad loss. I think having grandkids is about the best cure for old age and duldrums ever invented.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Ag,

Somehow, Ag, it eventually comes together.  Certainly not in the way you had hoped, but to some form of acceptance.  Sadly, many people never learn to accept it.  Thankfully, I have.  I may hate it, but the passing of a loved one is ultimately out of our earthly control.

I'm glad you stopped by, thanks so much :)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

Dammit, it's very hard to maintain my façade of dispassion in the face of an experience like this, particularly written so honestly and well. Sheesh, Trish, what a beautiful, sad, sad story. I don't suppose it's too late to say I'm sorry you had to suffer such a brutal loss. You made me want to hug my wife right now. And you made me want to give you one too.


Lgali profile image

Lgali 8 years ago

no body is alone you have god and friends with you all the time


Benson Yeung profile image

Benson Yeung 8 years ago from Hong Kong

thanks for sharing. I still hate sad stories but adore brave souls surviving them.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Awww Shades, thank you from the bottom of my heart.  It's never too late for saying you're sorry :)

As I look back, I know I was in total shock.  It's hard to remember how I got through it, other than auto-pilot.  That, plus the support of my children, family and friends.  The memories are fragmented.  I remember some things but not all of it.  For instance, i do remember driving to the hospital, already knowing in my heart of hearts that he was gone.  When I got there, a nurse came to me, and simply said, they worked on him a long time.  I knew for certain in that  instant he was truly gone, just like I thought.  I didn't want to leave.  I thought if I held on to him the nightmare I was experiencing would be just that, some kind of cruel joke.  I believe my family took care of the phone calls, but I do remember having to call his job to say he wouldn't be in.  The woman said oh, is he sick?  I said, no, he's never coming back, he died in an accident yesterday.  The silence on the other end of the phone was deafening.

At the funeral there was standing room only.  He had just started a new management job only three months earlier.  He had finally hit his stride :(  Prior to that he was with another company for over ten years.  Everyone came, from both jobs.  He had a very large family as well.

I always knew there was a soft side to you.  I'm sorry if this made you sad, but I'm very glad you hugged your wife :)

Writing this piece was worth it :)

Thanks again, so very much. 


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

hi Lgali,

That's very true. However, when you experience something like this, you do feel totally alone. You question, why me? why him? why now? You get so caught up in the grief that although there are people around, they are only in your peripheral vision. The sense of loss affects your entire being. It's impossible to focus on anyone around you when your life as you knew it is gone. But yes, the hugs, the tears, the words of sympathy do surround you, and you are somewhat aware that you're not physically alone. That's the hardest part, once it's all over, and everyone goes back to their lives, and you have to spend your first night without your life's partner. That, for me, was alone.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting, I appreciate it.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Benson,

Thanks for saying that.  I feel the same way.  Although for me, this was a tragedy, I do realize that other people suffer far worse things, yet survive.  I guess it is the basic human spirit and the will to go on.  Although I have experienced losing my mom, dad, and hubby, and other relatives, to me, the loss of a child I cannot comprehend.  I truly don't know how one survives that, because it's not supposed to happen.  As a rule, the parents die first.  But that is far from the truth.  To me, that would be even more unbearable and devastating than losing elderly relatives or friends.

Like you, I do so admire people who can, through the grace of God, get through it.

Thanks for reading and commenting, I appreciate it.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

This a tremendously well-written work, and I was gripped from beginning to end. I had no idea of your hardship, Trish, and you have reached deeply and richly delivered your story. I was truly touched. It must have been difficult to put your feelings on paper.

A most excellent memoir! Thank you so much for sharing. It was very special.


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 8 years ago from Washington, USA

Trish- It truly is a sad but brave journey in life. I agree when most of the times when someone dies we tend to say good things about them. When my grandpa died I told my grandma what I really felt about my grandpa. If we can say all those wonderful things to them when they are alive then it would mean so much more to them and to us. True happiness really lies in having wonderful relationships be it family or friends. Iam glad you have that and your wonderful memories with your husband to hold on to. I admire your courage. Great hub.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Trish, I stand in awe of your courage, strength and grace. You've made the best of a your life and now have shared the experience with others. Thank you! I think I needed to read this today. MM


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Chris,

I've always enjoyed writing.  Getting thoughts down on paper, the physical act of writing, the feel of the paper and pen, somehow it comforts me.  I've written letters that I shared with some loved ones, and I'm asked, hey, can you write a letter for me?  you know how to say what I'm thinking lol.  A week after my hubby died I wrote a letter about all the days that had just gone by, folded it up and stuck it in my purse.  I was going to a therapist for a short time, and I showed him the letter.  He had tears running down his face and all he could say was, how profound.  So, writing for me is a good thing.  It un-jumbles the thoughts swirling around in my head.  You may find this hard to believe, but I tend to be quiet.  It is with very few people that I can talk to like this in person.  The written word is is one of my favorite forms of expression.

I'm grateful that my words can reach out to people.  You are such a thoughtful, caring man.  It shows in everything you write.  You also have the gift of humor.  I can't tell you how many times you've made me smile, and for that I'm very grateful.

Thank you Chris, as always, your words mean a lot to me.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi countrywomen,

You're absolutely right.  The time to say the things we need or want to say are while the people are living.  Although we feel they can still hear us once they're gone, who really knows that?  It's so much more appropriate to let them hear it, then, they can take those words with them :)

Thank you so much for your kind words.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Aww, thank you so much MM.  It's been a very long road, certainly not one of my choosing.  Sometimes I try and think of what it is actually that kept me sane.  The answer, of course, is having my children to raise.  If I hadn't had children, I wonder where I'd be or if I would have made it at all.

A couple of people have shared with me that after reading a hub of mine that they felt they were led here.  My guess is probably so, and for reasons known only to them.  I find it interesting, because it's happened to me as well.

Thank you so much for reading and commenting.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

I am not at all surprised by your tendancy to be quiet. I don't know why I have that feeling. A modesty, or humility perhaps? Being so unselfish is part too, like you don't want it all to be about you because of your interest in other people. Not wanting the limelight, or something. Anyway, beautiful and touching still.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

I am one who was led here -- and I know it's karmic! Forgot to mention in my earlier comment: Roy Orbison song is the perfect auditory punctuation to your beautiful words!


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Chris,

Once, back when I was in my late 20s, my sister-in-law took me aside and said Patty, you know, people think you're conceited.  I said what?  Why in the world would they think that, and more importantly, who said it?  She said, I can't tell you.  To this day, I have no idea who thought that.  But anyway, I mulled those words over, and realized it's not that I'm conceited, I am far from it.  It was because I am quiet.  When I was at parties, it wasn't me who would initiate a conversation.  My guess is I felt that I had nothing to say that would interest anyone.  (who would have thought?)  However, if someone engaged me in a conversation, then I was fine.  So, shyness?  feeling less than?  I'm not quite sure.  The jury is still out on that one :)


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi MM,

Maybe it's the aura I'm emitting? LOL,,,whatever it was, I'm glad you found it.  I loved Roy Orbison.  I also love a song by Michael McDonald and Patti LaBelle called On My Own.  A very sad, touching song, only the couple in that one weren't married.  But still, if you take out two words, the song fit my situation.  Then, I was playing one of my CDs, and In Dreams came on, and I said, that's it!  Perfect.  As you might guess, I tend to be a romantic.

Thanks again for stopping by, I really appreciate it :)


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 8 years ago from Washington, USA

Trish - Even Iam romantic. How can someone not be romantic beats me....hehe. We all crave for that one love that would give us lasting memories. I actually cry during touchy scenes which my brother tends to make fun of me.


sunforged profile image

sunforged 8 years ago from Sunforged.com

I felt that your writing was powerful. I will leave it at that.

For whatever reason your video link no longer works here is a replacement of the same song:

http://nz.youtube.com/watch?v=zbxsmcT7GOk


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi countrywomen,

I'm not quite sure how one gets to be romantic.  Is it something that is taught?  Is it from reading books, watching love stories?  Is it just part of the female nature?  However it happens, I'm definitely it.  I also believe more women than men tend to be romantic, but I can very well be wrong.

In any case, my daughter is the same way.  We cry over sad stories, we sigh when we see a good love story.  When we buy cards, our goal is to pick out the most touching one we can find.  If it brings a tear to the eye in the first two sentences, we know we did good :)  My kids laugh when they see my romantic, emotional side.  For me, both warm words and gestures make me feel loved.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting :)


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Sunforged,

Thanks for the heads up on the link.  I fixed it.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 8 years ago from Virginia

Trish, I'm so happy you posted this. I don't know how you managed to re-live this in order to write about it, but you did it very, very well.

I think one of the things you said that I identify with so strongly is that period after a loved one has passed on when life goes on. It's a very raw time, and for me, after the deaths of loved ones, I find myself looking around at life as if things just aren't real and wondering how it is that life seems to be going on with everyone when it seems to have stopped for me. But you're right, with time, you learn to move forward with life and go on living.

You're a brave, wonderful soul. :)


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 8 years ago from Washington, USA

Trish- Regarding how we become romantic I was wondering when I was 16/17 I used to read a lot of "mills and boon"novels. Then when I turned 18 started reading Ayn rand and so on. Btw I can so relate to buying greeting cards which bring tears as I tend to do exactly that. My bro always likes some humour without touchy emotions while buying greeting cards. I guess we woman are wired differently...hehe


Eddie Perkins 8 years ago

Trish,

I’m afraid that men can be wired for the emotional too as we age because this brought tears to my eyes.

I used to be concerned about how Barbie would get along without me because she had such a low self esteem when we married. Now I don’t know how I could go on another day if God took her home first.

I am proud of the way you’ve moved on but haven’t forgotten your past.

Blessings. ~ eddie


bladeguy profile image

bladeguy 8 years ago

Very touching. And inspirational. Thank you!


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

That's exactly it, Pam.  Life does stand still for a time, for you alone.  I look around and think, nothing has changed for others, they have their lives to go about.  But not so for the ones who loved my husband.  Their lives go on also, but with a profound sense of loss of what my husband meant to them.  This really wasn't as difficult to write as i thought it might be.

Brave, I think so.  Wonderful, that's up for debate lol

BTW, did you get my email about the disappearing comment/reply?

Thanks so much for your kind words.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

hi countrywomen,

I still am not sure what made me a romantic.  When I started reading books, my favorite was the Nancy Drew Mystery series.  Then I do remember reading magazines called True Confessions.  After that, I just read a variety of things.  Today I love anything to do with true crime, hauntings and the like.  Once in a while I like fictional, generational novels. 

Anyway, I believe the card thing started with my mom.  As a youngster one of my favorite things to do was make my mom cards, and I think on every one of them I drew purple lilacs.  My mom always bought cards that spoke to the heart, so maybe that's my answer.

Thanks so much for commenting, nice to see you again.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi Eddie,

How very sweet of you to share that men can be emotional as well.  Not a lot of men would admit to that.  A lot of the reason for that is because typically, men are taught not to cry, as it was supposedly a sign of weakness.  Hogwash, I say.  Men and women alike are simply human with the full range of human emotions.  To stifle one of those is wrong, in my opinion.

Eddie, God forbid she goes first, as incomprehensible as it seems, you will carry on, and she will live on inside you.  That's why every day is to be cherished.  In my older years I'm learning every day how to pick my battles.  I ask myself, how important is it in the scheme of things, then go from there.  It helps.

I can never forget my past, because that's what made me who I am today.  I was blessed with a brother, loving parents, then my own family.  My childhood and high school years I wouldn't trade for all the tea in China.  I was also lucky to have found a good man to make a life with.  Many others are not so lucky.  Of course, I went through some troubling times throughout my life, but carried on.  There really is no choice, as the alternative is dying, and I don't want that until it's time.

Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving your kind comments.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Hi bladeguy,

Thank you so much,  My story has done what I had hoped, to inspire people to carry on despite life's blows.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 8 years ago from Virginia

Yes I did get it Trish, thank you for being thoughtful enough to go to the trouble. :)


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

No problem Pam. You're welcome. :)


ajcor profile image

ajcor 8 years ago from NSW. Australia

Trish - your words are so beautiful and brave - you are one strong loving lady - I am sorry for your loss and while nothing in this whole world can make up for that,  and in spite your personal sorrows, you have shown yourself to be a trooper and a blessing to all who find and read your words. 


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Oh, wow ajcor!  What a beautiful thing to say.  Thank you very much for such a kind sentiment.  I've done the best I can with what life has handed me so far.  If that makes me a trooper, then I guess I am one :)

I know one thing, hubpages is one of the nicest things I've involved myself in in a long time.  It has helped me a lot to be able to share with the world at large things I've gone through and I can only hope that someone has benefited from anything I've written.  I find this to be a very fun, creative outlet for not only the serious side of life, but the fun side as well.  There is so much knowledge here for the taking.  I especially love that you can come here and find something to relate to, something to laugh at, and ways to increase your menu at home if that's what you're into.

Thanks again for your lovely comment :)


ajcor profile image

ajcor 8 years ago from NSW. Australia

my pleasure entirely trish1048 - I too love hubpages - it is so much fun I think I am in danger of becoming addicted to all the wonderful interchange of ideas, the wit, words and the fun.!!! cheers


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago Author

Thanks!  I became addicted right after I published my first hub.  It just amazed me that something I could write could be out here.  I find myself still in awe about a lot of things.

I happen to be an avid reader, however, this has taken over and become my newest addiction.  The only time I find to read now is during my lunch hour.  It's funny, when I look back and think how much I wanted no part of a computer, hah! 

Have a lovely evening!  Thanks for stopping by :)


RGraf profile image

RGraf 7 years ago from Wisconsin

My heart goes out to you but admire you for continuing on. I worry about my husband when he goes out on the lakes alone. I don't like that because accidents happen.

thank you for sharing your heart.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago Author

hi RGraf,

Oddly enough, I didn't worry when my hubby went fishing.  The times I worried was when I happened to be with him.  Once we got caught in a fog so thick you could cut it with a knife.  Another time, we were out with our friends on a lovely day, when all of a sudden the sky turned black and a storm hit, and we were rescued by military personnel.  Yes, accidents happen and life goes on.  I was so young, and my guess is that if this had occurred when he and I were in our 70s or 80s, I might have passed on right behind him.

Thanks for your kind comments.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia

Trish, when this popped back up in hubtivity, I came in for a second read, and it grabbed my heart with as much intensity as the first time. I may come back for a 3rd or 4th reading because I take away something different each time I read it.

It must have been especially difficult to deal with your husband's death while your kids were still teenagers. :( If I try to put my feet in your shoes at that very moment, I don't have a clue how I'd deal with it. You're a very strong person, and I want to thank you again for sharing this.

Hey, do you want to be called Trish or Patty?


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago Author

Hi Pam,

Thank you, I'm flattered you read this again :)

So much of that time is a blur these days.  Time seems to take all the rough edges away, and pretty much what's left is irreplaceable memories, sadness about what could have been, but always, an enduring love that will never end.

Well, my coworkers call me Trish, and growing up I was called Patty.  I like both since my mom called me Trish, or Tricia, and I was called Patty all through school.  When we did our introductions when I was hired in my current job, I chose Trish simply to separate myself from another coworker named Pat.  I had aunts that called me Patricia which they pronounced Pa-treesh-a lol, and my late hubby took to calling me Patsy.  So,,,,whatever you're comfortable with will be fine :)

Thanks for the second visit and your comments.


Benjimester profile image

Benjimester 7 years ago from San Diego, California

Man, reading your story was really tough. What happened to you shouldn't have to happen to anyone. You mentioned that you had lost your husband at 36 in a comment you wrote to me before. But I didn't know until now what had happened. Thank you for the great advice at the end. I love the quote "God gave us memories so we can gather flowers in the winter." I'm going to remember that one. You are a great person. Thank you for the stories and encouragement you share.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago Author

Yes, I love that quote.  After reading your hubs, I've come to appreciate poetry, which I hope will become a love for poetry.  I've always loved quotes.  There is another one, among many, that I love, and it's 'Three things in life shouldn't be broken, toys, hearts and promises'.

This experience was a rough one to go through, to say the least.  Once I started writing it, I felt I had to go on and publish it.  I'm glad I did.

Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting.


Benjimester profile image

Benjimester 7 years ago from San Diego, California

Yeah that's an awesome quote too. It's perfectly true. It's really cool that you feel comfortable sharing things that are so close to your heart. Thanks for the encouragement with the poetry. I thought long and hard before posting one of my poems. I had self-doubt big time.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago Author

When HubPages was introduced to me, I thought, gee, doesn't sound like something I'd be interested in, but I'll check it out.  Then I had to think long and hard about what I wanted to write about.  Since I am not a true 'techie', nor am I much interested in religion or politics, I decided well, ok, I can write about life experiences that I'm sure every one of us can relate to in one way or the other.  My opinion about politics has changed due to the last election.  I have a bit more interest in it, but not enough that I can speak intelligently about it, and the same with religion.

Therefore, all my writing comes straight from the heart.  It's what I know best :)


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

Your story was very moving,it touched me heart.Life goes so quickly,it makes you realise you have to live each day all you can,the best you can,before it slips away


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago Author

Yes, life goes quickly, and it seems the older you get the faster it goes.  I'm glad you appreciated my story.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting.


Teresa McGurk profile image

Teresa McGurk 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

Wow, Trish. Thank you for writing this hub. We take our family for granted, and losing a spouse is crippling. I am glad you were able to live your life, though, even though your husband is gone. Many people just freeze, and don't know how to survive. Good for you.


LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

you poor love - how shockingly young he was.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago Author

hi Teresa,

Yes, it's true we tend to take things for granted.  I've heard, as I'm sure you have, always say I love you every day, never go to bed angry, etc.  It's true we should do that, because you just never know.  It doesn't always happen to 'someone else', it can happen to you.

Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago Author

Hi Londongirl,

Yes, way too young.  I guess many of us just go through life thinking ok, we'll grow old together.  that's certainly what I thought.  Unfortunately, I was thrown a curve ball, so not everyone is that lucky to grow into the golden years with a life partner.  All you can do is persevere and go on.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting.


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas

Wow, Trish, what a very moving hub. Thank you for sharing. I know it must have been tough for you.

I have a cousin who lost her husband just a few years ago while she was in her mid 30s. He owned his own contruction business and his workers found him in the office dead from a heart attack. She was left with a 9 yr old son from a previous marriage. But, this boy really only knew of his step-father. This boy stood up and gave a speech at his step-father's funeral that didn't leave a dry eye in the room. I've never seen such bravery in a young man before. It nice to know my cousin is in good hands with her son. He'll make sure his mom is ok.


jjrubio 7 years ago

I am so very truly sorry for your horrible loss. I too have experienced the tragedy of losing my fiance in 2002. We hadn't spent the many years together you obviously had with your hubby. But I was with him 2 years. I wrote a hub about it. "Cold Case"...

Anyways- when I read that part in your hub "They had to carry me out of there. The rest is a blur. I do not remember getting home."- I totally know what you mean. When I found out my landlady had called my mom's cell phone. I was at the hospital visiting my dad who was then dying of cancer. When my mom told me what happenned I remember screaming the most blood curdling scream you hear in movies and dropping to the floor. My uncles had to literally drag me outside to get air. It seems like after that everything is foggy to me. I don't remember getting home either. Isn't that weird how our brain goes into shock when we experience such traumatic experiences? I again am so sorry. You must miss him dearly. HUGS!!!


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

Thanks so much for sharing that heart touching story, I can see by the article that he was your one and only , he was your heart and soul and that is the best gift of all. I still miss the man that I called Dad as it was 3 years March 14,2006 I felt his last breathe on my check and it was a rough weekend. I cherish every moment that I possibly can with everyone that is near and dear to me as you are correct , tomorrow is not promised, what a profound article to write and I am certain that he would be proud of you, if you was here now. :)


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago Author

Hi KCC,

Life is full of twisty, windy roads.  I'm sorry to hear about your cousin, and you're right, sounds like she has a fine young man in her life.  I know if I were there listening to him speak, I'd be bawling like a baby.  That took great strength of character for him to do that.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting.


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trish1048 7 years ago Author

JJ,

I am truly sorry that happened to you, because, yes, I do know exactly how it feels.  Our bodies are amazing things.  They immediately go into self-preservation mode, whether it be for an illness, or something as horrific as losing a loved one.  Even more painful when you're dealing with more than one loved one's loss at a time.  I lost my mom almost a year to the day later, so I know where you've been. 

HUGS back to you, and thanks so much for sharing your experience.  


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trish1048 7 years ago Author

Hi AEvans,

Yes, he was my first and true love.  I recall there were some folks who thought it wouldn't last because they felt we were too young.  We married when I was 20 and he was 19.  We had dated two years previously.  Certainly, we had our rough patches, but we were of the generation that was taught 'you made your bed, lie in it'.  We did.

I'm very sorry for your loss.  I was at work when I got the call about my Dad.  I lost both my parents to cancer, as opposed to it being a sudden death, so that was the only saving grace, knowing it was going to happen in the near future.

Thanks for sharing your experience.


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 7 years ago from India

I'm being drawn to more and more of your hubs and I realise...apart from the fact that you are actually Patty...what it is that makes people turn to you for advice. :)


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trish1048 7 years ago Author

Hi Feline,

You've just taken my breath away.  What a lovely thing to say :)

Yes, I am Patty to some, Trish to others, just depends who it is.  My family calls me Patty as does my best friend.  My mom used to call me Trish or Tricia, so I opted to use that when I got my job 17 yrs ago, so the folks at work know me as Trish.  My late hubby took great pleasure in calling me Patsy, because he knew it bugged me LOL.  I did finally get used to that.  Then, there were my aunts and uncles and grandparents who called me by my given name, Patricia.  Guess I could say, take your pick :)

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my hubs and your more than kind comments.


RooBee profile image

RooBee 7 years ago from Here

Thank you so much for sharing. I know, like me, a lot of people have found comfort from reading this honest and touching hub. Thank you for helping others to find perspective.

Without going into a huge amount of detail, you still managed to bring me right into those awful moments with you through your writing.

I lost a love at a young age and as terribly and deeply as I still feel the pain of his loss, we did not have the years that you and yours did nor did we have children. I can't imagine what it must have been like (and what it must be like) for you.

My heart goes out to you and I'm so sorry that you had to endure such a great tragedy. Sounds like you are a thoughtful and strong person - your children and grandchildren are fortunate!

Also, I love the song you included. A favorite, and so perfect.

Glad I found you and your hubs! :)


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago Author

Aww, hi RooBee,

What a lovely comment.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  I know what you mean that even so many years later the pain is still there, along with the always asking and wondering why.  Why that person?  Why so young?  The amount of years really doesn't matter when the person lost was deeply loved.  The pain is the same.  Granted, I may have more memories perhaps, but the sadness that dwells inside is still with me.  As you well know, we all must go on and that part of the heart that hurts so badly is kept in its own space.  Otherwise, we wouldn't be able to function.

I do hope that in some small way that anyone who has read my story found a little comfort, even if only for a few fleeting minutes.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful, warm comments.  I'm glad you enjoyed my writing.


muley84 profile image

muley84 7 years ago from Miami,FL

A great piece of writing. It sounds like it was cathartic for you, and hopefully for others who have had your experience. You are an incredibly strong woman, and I am sure he is on the other side watching you with pride. Look for him in your dreams.


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trish1048 7 years ago Author

hi muley,

Yes, this was cathartic.  I thought long and hard about putting this out here, and decided, why not?  I'd love to think he is watching over me, but I don't know.  I have often wished I would see him in a dream or an apparition or something, but not once has that occurred.  Oh, I stand corrected, there were one or two times where he was briefly in a dream, but as dreams go, the memory goes with them.  I couldn't begin to tell you what the dream was about.  On occasion, I do find myself asking, are you here?  can you let me know you are?  but I get no response.

So perhaps one day, it will happen.  The one thing I do believe is, is that he knows he is in my heart.

Thanks for your kind words, and I'll keep an eye out for my dream.


seamist profile image

seamist 7 years ago from Northern Minnesota

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry for your loss. Somtimes I wonder if the sudden loss is harder to bear than a loss we know is coming. In 2003, my dad had a fatal heart attack at the end of the dock. Unfortunately, no one was with him when he passed. We found him face down in the lake, but it was already too late. That one moment changed our family's lives and hearts forever. Again, I am sorry for your loss.


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trish1048 7 years ago Author

hi seamist,

You're welcome, and thank you.

I believe it is harder, simply because it's such a major shock to our system.  Totally unforeseen.  You get blind-sided.  You experience disbelief, denial, and hope against hope that what you've just learned is a lie or a nightmare.  All loss is painful, but for me, it was a bit easier to bear when my parents passed, because they each died of cancer.  So, I knew it was coming, just didn't know when.  It's good only in the sense that you have that time, whatever amount of time it is, to let the reality sink in.  When someone passes from illness, it sort of buffers you, whereas, a sudden, unexpected death gives you no such luxury.

All loss is life changing, and all we can do is carry on and just realize we were blessed to have had our loved ones for as long as we did.  Cherish the memories, think of them often, because they will always live in your heart.

I too, am sorry for your loss.  I can honestly say I know exactly how you feel and what you're going through.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting.


Sailaway profile image

Sailaway 7 years ago from Australia

I randomly selected this hub to read, the attraction being someone so different from myself. What I found was a fellow writer, writing from the heart, about what matters. Clearly you have allowed the wide world of hubbers into your innermost thoughts. Thankfully, you appear to have adjusted and become a fine person in your own right.

I was touched...

The avoid the storm/dance in the rain is an old favorite of mine.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago Author

hi Sailaway, What a beautiful comment, thank you. When my best friend mentioned HP to me, she said she thought I might like it. I was skeptical. After all, I don't consider myself to be a writer, and I said as much to her. I asked, what would I possibly write about? When she told me it could be about anything, that's when I decided to check it out. I'm glad I did. I do know I could always write a good letter, so that's how I decided on my approach. It's fairly easy for me to write about my life experiences. I do have a few that I keep in my mind which I have yet to write about. Maybe one day I will.

Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting, and welcome to HubPages :)


carolegalassi profile image

carolegalassi 7 years ago from California

A very touching read, thanks for your insight on this. Often we go through life taking things for granted, knowing that death will certainly take every one of us one day but never expecting it will be sooner rather than later.

Best to you and your children.


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trish1048 7 years ago Author

hi carole, Yes, you're right. Sometimes I think we were born with rose colored glasses, along with holding on to a childhood notion that we are invincible. However, that kind of thinking allows us to enjoy the day, otherwise, it would be a sad life if we thought differently.

Conversely, there are many people, myself included, who forget to enjoy and appreciate every moment and every person we know. It's very easy to allow the stresses of everyday living to cloud our minds and cast a gray shadow over everything. So, while it is not a good idea to always wear rose-colored glasses, as long as we realize there are realities that go along with that, we just do the best we can.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting, and welcome to HubPages.


Steve Rensch profile image

Steve Rensch 7 years ago

Thank you for directing me to this hub. No one who breathes could fail to be touched.

You have a gift. You bring something people need. There are two kinds of ego. The kind we all know when someone pretends to be better than they are. The other kind is when someone fails to claim the place that God has prepared them for. I hope you're not guilty of the latter.

It is not by coincidence that so many people have been drawn to you.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago Author

Hi Steve,

I am glad to have been directed to HP.  It has given me a vehicle to share my thoughts, instead of burying them in a dusty old journal.  I've always enjoyed writing, and this experience has been very rewarding for me.  By no means am I an expert on any one thing.  All I'm doing is living my life, learning lessons along the way, and now sharing them with the world at large.  Humanity needs a voice, and if in some small way, my ramblings have helped just one person, then I'm blessed.

No, I'm not guilty of the latter :)  Thank you so much for your kind words.  I'm glad you stopped in and commented.


Hmrjmr1 profile image

Hmrjmr1 7 years ago from Georgia, USA

Trish - As a widower and surviving Father I echo the praise and condolences so well expressed above. Glad I found your Hubs!


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago Author

Hi Hmrjmr,

You surely know where I've been, and I now know where you've been. The good news is that the love we've known lives on, in ourselves and our children.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting.


MagicStarER profile image

MagicStarER 6 years ago from Western Kentucky

I am so sorry you lost your loved one, and you are right, it never does "go away". And I certainly do agree with you about being perfectly content being alone and single. Me, too! :) I have 2 kitties, too!


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trish1048 6 years ago Author

Hi MagicStarER!

Very nice to meet you. Thanks so much for coming by and commenting.

Kitties are the greatest, aren't they? :)


IzzyM profile image

IzzyM 6 years ago from UK

This is an incredibly beautiful and well-written hub and thank you so much for sharing. I too am sorry for the loss of your loved one. Everyone who has experienced loss will be touched by the truth in those words you write, but not many would have been able to articulate in such a clear and succinct manner.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 6 years ago Author

Hi Izzy,

First, thank you for my wonderful fan mail.

It was my hope that by writing this, that it could help someone, even if it's just one person.

It was quite a journey to say the least. While I will always mourn the loss, I wouldn't trade one single second of my past life.

Glad you stopped by, and thanks for the compliment as well.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Well I am obviously a little late to the party with this hub but it is still a beautiful reminder to cherish the moments we had. It is true that time heals but it never erases...thank you for sharing your feelings and your experience so that others may find strength in this hub.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 4 years ago Author

Hi Billy,

It's never too late. It is my intention, and my hope, that what I have to say can help someone, even in a small way. It is my opinion that folks like you and I enjoy helping others, even if only to give someone else a different perspective on their situation.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read about my experience.


muley84 profile image

muley84 2 years ago from Miami,FL

Hi Trish, I was reading one of my old posts and read your comment, it made me think of you. I hope you are well. Much love to you.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 2 years ago Author

Hi Muley!

It's wonderful to hear from you. As you can tell, I've been away from here for a couple of years. I had a case of writers' block at that time, and didn't allow myself to recover. I do however, sign in now and then just to see what's going on. I am horrified at my score, but it's certainly no surprise given that I haven't written or published anything in a long time.

I'm still doing the same ole, same ole. Working, sleeping and working. Our puter at home died after 8 years, but that will be remedied soon. Maybe I'll get back to writing soon.

I hope you're doing ok. Is it cold where you are? My job closed today due to the winter storm, and I'm hoping it will stay closed tomorrow. I am so done with winter! We've had over 40 inches so far this season, and it's still not over.

I'm glad I checked in today. It was great to hear from you. Much love back at you :)

Keep in touch.


muley84 profile image

muley84 2 years ago from Miami,FL

It's been nice and warm here in Miami. Sorry it's been such a rough one for you.

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