Suicide is not Painless

 

There are many people out there who do not like to talk about depression and suicide because it is a very difficult subject to think about and most people do not think about it until something happens. Either a friend or a family member tries to commit suicide or attempts it and maybe even succeeds. At any rate it forces one to think about suicide and people wonder what could have brought someone so low in their life that they didn’t want to live anymore. Well I am sure there are lots of reasons. Loneliness, depression, whatever the reason it has to be the saddest thing that anyone can do to themselves and to those around them.

Suicide doesn’t just affect the person that is killing themselves, it actually affects more people than the suicidal person realizes. They do not realize that their family, friends and even people they work with really care if they live or die. People that kill themselves do not think that there is anything left for them or they feel like they are failures in their life. Some think that they cannot live without someone in their life, such as a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, or best friend . They also don’t realize that others are not responsible for their happiness and only they can do that for themselves.

In most cases such as in mine. People are manic depressive, I think they call it bi-polar now but whatever they call it, what it is, is a chemical imbalance in your brain that does not balance out your emotions and hormones. So if you are not on medications, you have your up days and your down days and that is the reason that they act the way they do. They are not crazy people they just need a little help now and then.

 

I tried to commit suicide a couple times in my life for two different reasons.

The first time was very stupid. I was a teenager and of course had just come to realize my emotions during these years were more overwhelming than the average teen. Everything was all or nothing for me. My boyfriend broke up with me and it set me off on a depression so low that I couldn’t find a way out. I felt like I was in a black hole and could not get out. My family didn’t understand me, so it was difficult to even try to talk to anyone. I took about 30 sleeping pills and my sister found me and they took me to the hospital It was a humiliating thing, my nurse was the mother of the boy that broke up with me and she knew me well and looked at me like, “this better not have anything to do with my son”, she was not supportive at all, to say the least. I survived that day, but I didn’t realize that my manic depressive tendencies were constantly going to get in the way of my mental state in my immediate future.

If you have read my other hub about battered woman Advice for the Battered Woman, then you will know that this was another stage in my life that was very difficult to get through as well. I tried to commit suicide because of the abuse by my husband and over a stupid financial mess, I wasn’t thinking of my children or anybody but myself, of getting myself out of a situation that I didn’t know how to get out of.

I remember being at the hospital and a couple of attendants saying that they were going to pump my stomach, (this time I took about 30 xanax’s and 20 painkillers) and that after they got through with me I would never want to do that again. Well they were right, not because of the process that was the most horrid thing I ever experienced but because after hitting rock bottom like that, I got myself up and out. I survived those days. When I look back on it I wonder how I survived those days but now I see things much more clear. I love to be alive, although I still find life to be hard at times. Life is not easy for anyone and we all make the best of what we have and try to live life to its fullest. At least that is what I try to do now. And I also have very supportive children and siblings that understand more of what I went through.

The important thing is if anyone knows someone that shows signs of depression, then don’t be afraid to go up to them and start up a conversation, ask them if they need someone to talk to. Invite them out for coffee or a movie or something. Get them to talking, once someone gets to trusting someone they will open up believe me, depressed people really need others to talk to. If you have a number to a hotline then by all means give it to them and let them know that they are not alone.

It amazes me that when someone commits suicide people that they know say, I had no idea that he or she was planning this, for the most part I think people ignore signs from family and friends because some do not want to be bothered with it or do not want to get involved but they don’t realize that just a small helping hand can mean the world to the depressed person and could really make a difference. I do not live in a vacuum and nobody does, so we shouldn’t act like we do. Take a look around you, be aware of how your family and friends act and try to be there for them even if you offer them the smallest of gestures.

I didn’t know until later in life that my mother tried to commit suicide when she was pregnant with a sibling. Half of her family that I never got to know committed suicide and my father suffered from manic depression as well. Is it a wonder that I am the way I am? I thought that I was strange and weird and crazy for the longest time and people treated me as such. But it did make me wiser, I see the signs from others and I try to make a difference when I see someone who needs my help. I plead for you to do the same.

© 2010 ladyjane1

More by this Author


Comments 34 comments

Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

Great hub. I'm always ready to leave this world but I want to see how it ends. This plain holds a lot of pain. Thanks for a truly great hub!


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

ladyjane1 - you picked the perfect nunber for your avatar. LadyJane, you are 1 - 1 in a million. A woman smart enough to realize you are in control of your own life, your own destiny.

And a woman brave enough to share your story about recovering from depression. God bless you and keep you strong.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Mickey Dee yes your plan is a lot nicer and Im right there with you. Thanks for reading.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

drj you are too sweet. I appreciate you taking the time to read my hub and ironically there have been two celebreties who have committed suicide since I wrote the hub, its very sad that there is no one for these people. God bless you as well.


Sa Toya profile image

Sa Toya 6 years ago from England

wow I had no idea. Thank you for sharing! I admire your courage and your ability to channel your life's experiences to help others.

I have a friend who's tried to kill himself quite a few times. I try whenever he's around to talk with him and make sure he knows he has support to get through all the hurt he's feeling. I think I'll get him to read this.

I contemplated it once...seriously. I was bullied in my early teens for two years and it took me to a place I never want to go again!

Great hub...rating you UP!


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thanx Sa Toya you are always fab. Thanks for reading.


Sage Williams profile image

Sage Williams 6 years ago

ladyjane1- You are so right on all that you have written. Thanks so much for having the courage to write about your personal experiences regarding suicide attempts.

I like you have been on the same side of the fence. Athough, I am not manic depressive, I have suffered with major depression and other related diagnoses.

I understand it first hand and share many of the same views on suicide that you have addressed in your hub. You are so correct in saying that suicide is one of those topics that so many people would rather not talk about, nor understand.

I struggled with suicide for three quarters of my life and have made two attempts in the past. Today, I am no longer there and am free from any suicidal thoughts or depression. It was a lot of hard work to get where I am today and never dreamed it was possible.

Thanks so much for having the courage to share your personal story and for writing such a powerful and very informative hub that will help raise awareness and understanding to this very important topic.

Hugs to you,

Sage


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Sage thank you so much for reading my hub. I appreciate your honesty in your experiences as well. It is brave to talk about things that hurt us deep inside, I know it is hard to do, especially when you don't want people to think that you are damaged goods, which is what I always thought. Blessings to you and thanks again.


nadp profile image

nadp 6 years ago from WEST PALM BEACH, FLORIDA

Hello ladyjane. Thanks for this hub. It's good to know that you weren't successful when you did try to commit suicide and that now you understand more and are able to live your life and enjoy it. I teach high school math. I had a student a few years ago who was brilliant - actually a genius. But she was very awkward and didn't fit in with the other kids. She and I bonded over mathematics, and I guess also an affection for each other. She left school after her junior year for a full scholarship at CalTech - she hadn't even graduated yet! But she had a hard time adjusting. She kept in touch with me. Now it is two years later, and two tries to make it in college, but she couldn't handle it all and talked about suicide, joined online groups about suicide, posted things about "good" ways to commit suicide. She's been home now and has been opening up to me about being depressed and that it's easier to die than solve her problems. But she says she is going to a hospital - this weekend. Thank you for reminding me how important it is to let her know that I care about her and am here for her.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

napd thank you for reading my hub. I do not beleive in coincidences and I believe that things happen for a reason and people are sent our way to help us along or to help others. Thats what it is all about afterall to help each other along through life, but sometimes people have a hard time lettng others help them. I hope you succeed in helping your friend. I had a childhood best friend when I was a kid and we lost touch but I found out years later that she had committed suicide because of losing her children. I wished I would have been able to help her somehow. And also so many celebrities commttting suicide. Just today I heard that Marie Osmond's son committed suicide. Just goes to show that money and fame doesn't amount to anything if you are unhappy. My heart goes out to Marie because I know she has been through a lot in her life as well. Sorry for rambling and Im glad you enjoyed my hub.


nadp profile image

nadp 6 years ago from WEST PALM BEACH, FLORIDA

No, ladyjane rambling is good! I've known of a few people whose children have committed suicide. I don't know if there is anything more tragic.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

thanks nadp and I went ahead and fanned you and left a comment.


Coolmon2009 profile image

Coolmon2009 6 years ago from Texas, USA

@LadyJane1 - Thank you for having the courage to talk about this subject; as the hubber "Nadp" said "no ladyjane rambling is good!" is so true. Your ramblings can make the difference between life and death to a person reading this article, looking for a reason to continue living - Thanks for sharing


david 6 years ago

Great information and great hub.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thank you david thanks for reading and visiting.


karent profile image

karent 6 years ago

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I've been through much of the same and often find that suicide is the first thing that pops into my head when I am overly stressed or emotional. I am so much healthier today than I ever was and my bipolar is more or less under control, but I still jump to thoughts of suicide when things go wrong. I know that I will always be fighting this battle. It runs in my family as well and I worry about my sisters who have chosen not to seek treatment. The most important message you shared is about who else gets hurt. So many people end their lives to end their own pain or the pain they think they are causing their family and friends. They don't think about the pain of finding a loved one dead or people trying to go on without you. Their pain is worse and goes on and on. Now that I know that, it makes it easier for me to make the right choices when depression gets the best of me.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Karent thanks for your comments and for reading my hub. I am glad that you are able to somehow deal with your suicidal tendancies. I know it is a hard thing to cope with. I think of all the time that I wouldn't have had to share with my kids now that they are grown up. How could I have missed that? I didn't want to but felt it was the only way out. I am still coping with this everyday but have many more good days than bad that is for sure. Thanks for sharing with me today.


Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela

ladyjane1...

When a fellow human is in need of true help, the most important thing is to offer that help, no matter how small. Having these kind of depressive problems does not make a person less human or weird. Better than being judgmental, a helping hand or just an ear to listen to makes quite a difference!

Thanks for sharing your personal things so openly and confidently!

warmest regards and blessings,

Al


lyricsingray 6 years ago

Thank you for sharing your experiences and no doubt you will help someone from your kindness and compassion. I suppose we are all different and yes we should not fear but help when we see someone showing signs of depression. So many are frightened of mental illness,I too know very well, 17 shock treatments, 3 years in psych wards and when I committed suicide the last time i succeeded and somehow, no medical explanation, was revived. I found the experience not painful but relieving and calming at the time. I suppose I was ready. Who nows but I am tired of trying and failing with the repercussions physically and emotionally that accompany this. I have never found suicide a selfish act as most will say. Rather a cry for help to live but incapable to find a way. Now I'm babbling. Again thank you for your courage, honesty and good heart. you are no doubt one of the good ones

cheers girl xo


Gigi2 profile image

Gigi2 6 years ago from UK

Thank you so much for your bravery in speaking out. I am SO glad I joined HP and have been fortunate to 'meet people like you. I have tried twice to end my life. I no longer have such feelings, although as I do suffer from depression I sometimes get scared I could get that low again. Writing certainly helps. Thanks again and take good care.


uliveulearn profile image

uliveulearn 6 years ago from Canada

I am glad you are in a much better place with life these days and aware of simple blessings. We go through so many difficult stages and life is ever-changing. It is hard for someone who is depressed to believe that there are better days ahead. As a teenager I came upon my mother attempting suicide. It is a horrible vision that I still carry with me. I mostly remember her years later courageously fighting for life then bravely and peacefully succumbing to it in the end. I am grateful she was able to rise above the depression and leave me with memories of the truly strong and remarkable woman she was. This is what you are doing for your children.

My daughter has been through a lot recently (inability to have children, a separation and the death of her father). She is now struggling with depression and receiving counselling. Thank you for reminding me to impress upon her at every opportunity how important she is.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Mystique thank you for reading my hub and your encouraging words they mean a lot to me.

@lyricsingray thanks so much for sharing yout experiences with me as well I know it is difficult to talk about things like this and having read your hubs I know you have been through a lot but you are strong, stay strong. Thank you.

@Gigi2 thanks for calling me brave and somedays I do feel like that. I too am glad I found a forum such as hp, and I am glad you are here as well. Blessings.

@uliveulearn thanks for your words of encouragement. Im sorry for what you went through with your mother but Im sure that it made you a stronger person for your daughter. I wish you both luck and blessings.


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 6 years ago from Arizona

ladyjane1, I don't have any wise words on this subject as I have known and been involved with people who went past a cry for help and blew there brains out all over the kitchen. If you hear I committed suicide call the law 'cuz I've been murdered. I believe in this one liner that I heard somewhere, "you can make me mad enough to kill you but you can't make me mad enough to kill me" Other than that I got nothing. I hope Jesus blesses your path and anyone elses path that they seek him out in hours so dark that this would ever seem to be an option.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Hello 50 Caliber its always nice to see you. I am glad that you have a healthy and happy view of life because it isn't normal to have these feelings of suicide and people need to know this, they also need to know that it isn't their fault. I believe that there is a chemical imbalance somewhere that makes people do this and that is why therapy and medication is very important especially the more at risk a person is. I appreciate your comments and blessings. Thanks for always reading.


hypnodude profile image

hypnodude 6 years ago from Italy

As you said sometimes killing ourselves seems the only way out. It happens when everything goes wrong and all the world seems to hate you. Not an easy subject yet something I can understand pretty well. The fact is that when the light is off and darkness is all around we think that everything has disappeared because we don't see nothing while in reality all the beautiful things of the world are still there. sometimes the light comes back, sometimes it doesn't, or it's too late.

Great, wonderful hub, rated and stumbled. Well done lady. :)


shannon Gilmour 6 years ago

Hello, thank you so much for your HUGE heart! Sharing yourself with the world, the highs, the lows may not be easy, but through the passages of your life, other people are encouraged.

I know you know that your tragedies have not defined you, and in fact they are stepping stones in life to get you to where you are going. Everyone is worthy of the happiness that life brings, and no one has the right to make you own their mistakes. Lovely article, and I liked the perspective, it wasn't 'clinical' or 'generic' your words I know impact those around you positively.

Stay strong, and continue to be a light that shines in the darkness.

-Shannon


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

hypnodude nice to see you I appreciate your comments as always and fortunately there is much light in my life that wasn't there before. I thank God that I am in a much better place now. Thanks for your nice words.


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Shannon it is very nice to have you visit, I appreciate your encouraging words as well as your comments. Life is definitaly worth living and what happened to me was just to get me where I am today. I know that now. Thanks again.


MFB III profile image

MFB III 6 years ago from United States

Imagine if you fail, to end your life completely, it happens far too often as the poem below states. Would it not be better to perscribe yourself a few more days, a week a month to try living like your dying, instead of just living to die.... I have seen friends who killed themselves over some petty matter that corrected itself just a few weeks later, but far too late for them.

A Comma, In A Fractured Fairy Tale.

©-MFB III

She lies in a coma,

that has gone on

for six long years,

after she was visited

by a wicked which.

"Which" drugs she

could take to end her life,

"which" dress she would wear,

which room would hold her remains,

and then in twenty minutes time

it all became whatever.

They found her

amidst a scattering

of various bits of red,

that looked much like a

poison apples remains.

Regurgitated Darvon,

and some other

sleep inducing aid,

leaving her as

a wo-mannequin,

a frozen statue to sorrow.

All attempts to revive her

fell short of anything

but this long sleep.

Many prints were

taken with her,

but not the prince

who held the

promise of awakening.

Simply MRI's

of her brain

which sits dormant in

the great cathedral

of her cranium.

Her prognosis is

perpetual care,

in a most humble castle

known as the

Sunnyside nursing home.

Perhaps somewhere

down the road,

that leads her to oblivion,

will come a white knight

whose initials are M.D.

slipping through the I.V.'s

that surround her,

to offer a treatment

kinder then her life

has ever known,

and granting her

the kiss of life.

But for now

her waxen face

still holds the sleeping

beauty of youth,

the rosy blush on her cheeks,

colors her family with hope,

as she slumbers on

far from the place

known as "Once Upon A Time,"

and even further from

"Happily Ever After."


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

MFB thanks for reading and you are correct it is a good thing that I didn't succeed but that is the way the brain works when it has a chemical imbalance. Everything doesn't make sense and you feel desperation beyond comprehension so the only solution for some is suicide. Suicidal people need lots of care and I am glad everyday that I didn't succeed. Thanks again.


SherwinJTB profile image

SherwinJTB 6 years ago from Melbourne, Australia

I find it a good practice to keep asking questions. Sometimes we're a little late, but we keep asking because we want answers. People should not be silenced because they want to talk about death. Everyone goes through life and death. Should we be treated poorly because we want to help others understand?

http://life.sherwinjtb.com/suicide-prevention-in-y...


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

Sherwin you are quite correct and we should try to be aware of people who are showing signs especially if they are talking about it. Thanks for your feedback and for reading.


secretmemoir profile image

secretmemoir 6 years ago from Australia

thanks for sharing your insights about your painful experiences. Will link to my hub about depression


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas Author

secretmemoir thanks for reading and I appreciate the link. Cheers.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working