Talk About Death

We all would like to think we are going to live forever. Well, odds are against it.

I write this hub in the hopes you will never have to face what I have through the death of a loved one. It is a taboo subject in many households and when death happens, the family has more problems with finances, estates, and bills.

Jonda and I never discussed it, even knowing we would both die one of these days. Because of her health, life insurance was impossible to get. I guess we just figured we would die together and we wouldn't have the worries. Here I now sit contemplating bankruptcy.

These are just a few suggestions for you and your loved ones to discuss. Don't let death destroy a whole family. I doubt the person who passed on would want it that way.

Insurance

Insurance is a necessary evil. If you can, get life insurance on all family members, or at least burial insurance.

The cost of funerals and caskets and such is high. You don't want to pay for years to bury a loved one. Even the cost of cremation isn't cheap.

It's a difficult conversation, but talk about insurance. It just makes good sense.

Living Will

So you owe some major bills and you die. No will, so these places can go after property and possessions. That wouldn't help your family one bit.

Do yourself a favor; no matter how much or little you have make out a living will. Your family will appreciate it.

The link can lead you through the whole process.

What After

What specifics do you want from your spouse/loved one if you die? The other way around?

Communicate, talk to your partner. It's hard but worthwhile.

I wish I knew how my wife felt about how I am doing now. I wish I knew if dating was ok after she was gone.

There is so much I wish we would have discussed, but we didn't. Talk about these things and in the long run you will be happy you did.

Always Time For Affection

When I was 18 I wish I knew just how short life really is.

Jonda would have had roses weekly, I love you's daily and hugs every chance I could get.

There is always time for love and affection;kisses and hugs. You are fooling yourself if you think there isn't.

Take all of this from a guy who didn't follow these simple rules, I really wish I did.

Talk about death, life depends on it!

┬ę G.L. Boudonck´╗┐

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Comments 12 comments

Kristeen profile image

Kristeen 5 years ago from Michigan

Good advice Froggy213. My husband also doesn't have life insurance due to his health issues. It worries me sometimes, but there is nothing I can do about it. God will take care of me of that I am sure. "Saying" those words and "living" those words are two different things though. I hope I never have to face it, but I more than likely will.

As far as bankruptcy is concerned. Don't be afraid of it. It can be a blessing in the long run. Take it from someone who knows. If its the only choice you have, it will help you to start over.

Blessings to you.


mesaverdeboers - Patti 5 years ago

This is great advice, and not just for spouses. My mother passed away after less than two months of illness. She did have a will, and I was the Executrix of her estate (big title - no pay!) The problem was she HAD PLANNED how she wanted to handle her 'final preparations', then at the last minute decided that wasn't how she wanted it handled, but would not discuss what she DID want. I have discussed with my children on several occasions things like when to turn off the machines (if I don't know who or where I am, and can't enjoy living, LET ME GO - Jesus is waiting for me and I will see you later!!), how I want my body handled, and how to find all the various information they might need to get my things in order (does no good to have life insurance if those left behind don't know how to file the claim!). So talk to your kids about this, and for those fortunate enough to still have their parents here, talk to them, too!!


Donna Suthard 5 years ago

Froggy, your hub touched my heart. I am so sorry about the loss of your wife..I know she would want you to go on with your life. Your wife would want you to have love in your life again..you deserve it..God wants you to be happy..ask Him what He wants you do as far as your finances go. Sometimes in life, a bankruptcy is what you have to do. I may have to do the same thing, when we get older, everything changes..Your wife still hears you, when you think of her..she would not want you to suffer, any remorse..She understands and she loves you...even from the other side..She will come to you in dreams, to comfort you..be gentle with yourself


Glenn Stok profile image

Glenn Stok 5 years ago from Long Island, NY

Froggy, These things are never easy to discuss, but hopefully your Hub will show people that they need to try to put some effort into discussing it. I experienced it with my Aunt, who passed away last year and I also wrote some Hubs about it. But I am sure nothing compares to the loss of a wife since she is also a companion. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your wife, Jonda. Continue writing about your feelings. It may help in some way during your time of mourning.


Scribenet profile image

Scribenet 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Froggy, this is so true...I have been there. Reality is often overlooked and my own experience mirrors this! That may be part of being human!

Yet, I emphatically say that there is light at the end of the tunnel though the road seems long from where you stand presently.

It takes time and effort emotionally and financial problems are difficult to deal with. Having faith certainly helps as does an attitude of awareness and enterprise and sheer stamina. There are solutions... you have to pick ones that work for you (only you can tell in your heart)!

Above all be kind to yourself. I do think from what I have read, you did affirm your love to your wife many times over.

Acceptance of that is good for you. Know that you did your best and that is all we can ever do! Peace and good wishes that you will find your way out of your own personal "dark forest" for we all will travel through "alone" for one reason or another.

The best advice I can give is to "think through" decisions carefully until you become your normal self again, since these are life altering times in one's path of life. Choose your steps wisely and learn to be happy again! It is the best way to honor your past! Hugs! :)


Froggy213 profile image

Froggy213 5 years ago from On A Mountain In Puerto Rico Author

All I can say friends is thank you. Now I have to go wipe these tears off my face.

thanks


moonvine profile image

moonvine 5 years ago from South Carolina

You are so right about preparations. There is a little kit called Before I Go, You Should Know. I am not sure where this is purchased, but most funeral homes now supply that. Everybody needs one of those in their freezer!

And yes, by all means, date and live life. Life is for the living. Treasure your happy memories and move on! Life is too short to sit around grieving. Grieve as you must, then move on ! and Laugh as much as you possibly can!


billeroy 5 years ago

I wanted just to say try not to get ripped off at the funeral home. There are other venues to purchase coffins and the like and greatly reduced prices.


Froggy213 profile image

Froggy213 5 years ago from On A Mountain In Puerto Rico Author

Thanks Billeroy, wish I would have considered that


ruffridyer 5 years ago from Dayton, ohio

I feel for you. My wife passed away 3 yrs ago, she was only 51. the baby in her family. My life has been going down hill every since. If it wasn't for my kids and grandkids, plus my faith in God I would have given up long ago. God Bless you.


Froggy213 profile image

Froggy213 5 years ago from On A Mountain In Puerto Rico Author

ruffridyer--thank you very much. To know that someone other than myself is feeling a similar pain hurts, but helps. Ty my friend


Seeker7 profile image

Seeker7 5 years ago from Fife, Scotland

Hi Froggy213, wonderful hub as well as great information. My Dad lost Mum a few years ago and the pain and deep loss he went through was terrible for him. And we not only lost a Mum but also had to watch the pain that Dad went through as well. I'm sure this Hub will help so many others out there. Many thanks for sharing.

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