Ten Tips for Staying Sober

Strategies to Stop Yourself from Drinking Too Much

Here are ten tricks to stop you from enjoying that first drink and definitely prevent you from taking the second.

  1. Have the IRS schedule a review of your tax return the next day.  That should keep you awake and aware -- all night.
  2. Get someone you hate to spit in your drink.  And if they hate you as much, they'll gladly do it.
  3. Schedule a date with the hot-looking sure thing.  So don't forget the thorough shower, mouthwash, and breath mints.  You want to keep it a sure thing, don't you?
  4. Have your secretary arrange a meeting with your boss first thing in the morning about a raise.  That should keep you paranoid and prevent you from drinking too much.
  5. Leave your money and credit cards at home.  Nobody likes a chisler so they won't buy you a drink.
  6. Have your jaws wired.  You'll have to filter your drink through your teeth the whole night long.
  7. Drink a bottle of ipecac.  You'll be too busy vomiting to keep down anything.
  8. Insult a bunch of bikers and get beat up.  You'll forget all about getting a drink.
  9. Take drugs. You won't need the drink.
  10. Arrange to have your controlling Ex from hell meet you at the bar.  By the time your Ex is through with you, you'll wish you've never heard of drinking.

Always stay sober.

Photo Attribution: Creative Commons
Photo Attribution: Creative Commons

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